Scholarship / "I work well with others" Florida Southern Scholarship (Change * hard work taught me) [8]

Essay:

As the daughter of migrant farm workers, I lived in four states and numerous houses by the time I was five. It was then my family settled in rustic Sumter County, Florida, where we have worked picking oranges, squash, eggplant and peanuts. My dad left when I was nine and I haven't seen him since. Change and hard work have taught me perseverance and adaptively but most importantly what is permanent, family and hope. Growing up I was aware of my mother's struggle to sustain our home and I realized education is imperative to economic wellbeing. Despite having little of monetary value, Mom went to great lengths to provide encouragement and aspiration for a better future.

When I entered kindergarten I rarely spoke because I was embarrassed of my pronunciation. Nonetheless, I practiced speaking to my stuffed animals at home. A portion of the school day I spent in English for Speaker of other Languages or ESOL classes. There I was taught in Spanish the language I was accustomed to and I felt at ease. My grades were decent but I strove to improve, leaving class for ESOL put me at a disadvantage over my classmates. My mother took my brother and me to the library, helped with projects and communicated with teachers through letters. Studying harder and spending extra time reviewing my work didn't stop me from holding high scholarly expectations for myself. It paid off because by the next year I could weave back and forth from one language to another. The comfort of ESOL would soon become history. In the second grade I tested high enough to remain in the regular classroom and out of ESOL.

The successful experience of having left my comfort zone in order to advance intellectually did not change my life; rather it was the confidence that hard work and desire to succeed could help me succeed. Robert Frost wrote, "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference". For me that small achievement has snowballed into my diverging road that has changed my life. I have obtained the formula for success and refuse to hold myself back but rather push to accomplish my goals and make my family proud.

Confidence aides me to challenge myself academically and physically with honors, AP classes and even taking NJROTC my ninth and tenth grade year. Despite not have experience singing or friends auditioning for the musical presentation of Grease I did and got the part of a main character with a solo. I polished my leadership skills as the president of the Library's Teen Advisory Group. At first, I was reluctant to advocate for the group; whereas, now I enjoy negotiating on behalf of my collaborators. At home I learned that poverty is relative so no matter how little you have someone else has less. I also believe everyone can give something: time, money, or knowledge for example. For me it is a privilege and pleasure to volunteer in the community. There was a time I was ashamed of being different; now contrariwise, I realize that through diversity we can learn more because of different viewpoints.

I plan to obtain my bachelor's degree in Political Science, go on to law school and use my natural tenacity to become an attorney specializing in Special Education. My inspiration is my learning disabled brother, Alex. Last year he graduated from high school because of his extra hard work and determination and also my mother's advocacy on his behalf. It is my desire to help others and volunteer for the Community Legal Services of Mid Florida. At the same time I will remain active in the community by working on advisory groups and boards and eventually running for political office.

I feel as if I am a perfect candidate for your living community because of my personal characteristics and motivation towards school. I tend to be accommodating and cooperative making myself easy to get along with. To graduate from Florida State is my aim thus I am serious about school work. Becoming a Seminole, I have come a long way from the shy little girl I was when I started school but I will use the same formula to succeed. If selected for the Florida Southern Scholarship I will be grateful and you will not be disappointed.

Undergraduate / FSU CARE Summer Bridge Program (as foreign as French) [2]

Feel free to critic my essay. Please and Thank You.

Topic:The CARE Summer Bridge Program is an alternative admission program for first-generation college students, and students who are disadvantaged by economic, cultural or educational circumstances. This high school to college bridge program is designed to help ease students' adjustment to college life and build a foundation for academic success. Write an essay indicating why you would like to participate in the CARE summer Bridge Program.

My Essay:
As a young girl the thought of attending college was as foreign to me as French. In the seventh grade, I entered Educational Talent Search; although none in my family attended college, the staff opened my eyes to the possibility of attend college. The reason I desire to participate in the CARE Summer Bridge Program is to better prepare myself academically, physically, and emotionally for success at Florida State University. It is currently the only way I can attend, as I did not meet the ACT score requirements by a point in the English sub test. I am retaking the ACT's. To attend and graduate from FSU is my dream; the Summer Bridge Program can provide me the opportunity to set a strong foundation for my studies there.

Academically, it takes more for me to fully grasp new concepts. My 3.63 grade point average does not reflect the effort I invest in my work. English is my second language and often I do not test well because of it. I have to study harder and spend extra time reviewing my work; none-the-less, this does not stop me from holding high scholarly expectations for myself. I was in English for Speaker of Other Language classes, until the second grade, when after much studying I proudly tested out of them. It was my desire to remain in the classroom and learn what my peers were learning. By doing so, I had to work harder but it was worth it. Hard work has been taught to me by my mom, who raised my brother and me alone and taught us the value of an education. The SBP Academic Support Services will give me much needed assistance in test-taking skills.

Physically, it will be difficult to move away from my family and small town because of my bonds with them. The opportunity to live in campus housing with other SBP participants will make the transition easier. The Campus Survival Skills will likewise be a tremendous help in overcoming challenges. Most of all the peer mentoring provided by SBP as well as being with other students who come from similar backgrounds will assist me in feeling at home on campus.

Leaving to college is going to be different and emotionally I need to be prepared by the intimidating unknown. Having never been away from home and my familiar small town, it will take some adjusting to college life. I am excited about starting FSU the Advocacy and Support Services provided by the C.A.R.E. staff will help me get acquainted with personal and accustomed to the school. There was a time that the notion that i would attend college was foreign to me as French; however, with hard work it has become obtainable. As far as French goes I am now trilingual, taking two years of French in high school and practice it all the time.

Scholarship / "Multilingual, learning disabled brother" - How I overcame difficulties in my life. [2]

In my life I have learned to overcome difficulties. These difficulties have helped me develop the strength, skills, and character needed to succeed.

To begin with academically, it takes more for me to fully grasp new concepts. I have to study harder and spend extra time reviewing my work; none-the-less, this does not stop me from holding high scholarly expectations for myself. I was in English for Speaker of Other Language classes, until the second grade, when after much studying I proudly tested out of them. It was my desire to remain in the classroom and learn what my peers were learning. By doing so I had to study harder but it was worth it. The value of hard work has been taught to me from my mom, who raised my brother and me alone, and taught us the value of education.

Being multilingual is the skill I am proud of; it has enabled me to help others. The languages I speak, read and write are English, Spanish, and French. With my ability to speak Spanish I have assisted teachers by translating for students who do not speak English. Likewise, in the community I have interpreted as well as translated for Spanish speaking people. I decided to study another language, French, as to assist more people. It is a wonderful feeling to use my talent in order to help others.

My learning disabled brother, Alex, who graduated this June, taught me perseverance. Alex is severely dyslexic; however, my mother never gave up on him. She knew that he was smart and told him to always striving for the best. Seeing Alex strive so relentless at school yet none-the-less, make just passing grades was reason enough for me to push myself. In my family we have learned delayed gratification, passing up a little now to obtain a greater reward in the future. He has been and children like him will always be my motivation to become a teacher who not only cares but who will make a difference in there lives.

Undergraduate / "Trying to turn my dream of attending FSU into a reality" FSU application essay [2]

Could you please help me out with criticing my essay?

Getting into Florida State University has always been my dream. When I started to write this essay, it seemed as if I was in over my head; whereas, now it is apparent that "Vires, Artes, Mores" are part of my life. I have developed strength, skills, and character though my personal life experience, and I know that I would uphold the values of being a Florida State Seminole.

To begin, academically, I diligently apply myself to grasp fully new concepts. I study hard and spend extra time reviewing my work so that nothing holds me back from my high scholarly expectations for myself. The value of hard work has been taught to me by my mom, who reared my brother and me alone. My learning disabled brother, who graduated this past June, taught me perseverance. In my family, we have learned delayed gratification, passing up a little now to obtain a greater reward in the future.

Being multilingual is the skill I am most proud of because my fluent Spanish has enabled me to help others. The languages I speak, read, and write fluently are English and Spanish, which I have been taught from birth. With my ability to speak Spanish, I have assisted teachers by translating for students who do not speak English. Likewise, in my community I have interpreted as well as translated for Spanish-speaking people. In high school, I decided to study another language, French, which has been easier for me to acquire with my bilingual ability. I now am able to assist more people. It is a wonderful feeling to use my talent in order to help others.

One of the ways I have demonstrated Mores, or character, is in the tenth grade. All the NJROTC cadets were planning to attend a Military Ball. The girls were going to have new dresses, and their hair and nails done at a salon. My mom could only afford the thirty dollars for my ticket. I tried on my Quinceanera dress, and after alterations, it looked perfect. My mom's best friend, a hairdresser, agreed to style my hair in exchange for sweeping and mopping her floor. Everything was working out fabulously except for my nails. It was brought to my attention, that there was going to be work picking peanuts the morning of the dance. That day I worked harder than ever. We were being paid by the bucket, and the other workers were fast. It would take seven buckets at three dollar a piece to be able to earn enough money to have my nails done. At two o'clock, we had finished the field, and I had 6 1/2 buckets, not quite enough. Two comrades gave me enough peanuts to complete my seventh bucket. That evening was a fairytale come true. I felt like Cinderella, dancing all night, not showing that I was the least bit tired. Who needs a Fairy God Mother to make your dreams come true, when you have Vires, Artes, and Mores?