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Posts by psh1107
Joined: Dec 11, 2010
Last Post: Dec 30, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 6  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 9
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psh1107   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / computer system + New York travel + Jang Yoengsil - NYU [3]

Please tell us what led you to select both your anticipated academic area(s) of study and the NYU school / college / program or the Abu Dhabi campus. What interests you most about your intended discipline? Mention any extracurricular or non-school-related activities or experiences that demonstrate your interest.

To me, computer system is another universe that contains endless possibilities. As lives on earth starts with microorganisms, infinitesimal bits aggregate into various forms. I appreciate the measureless freedom in the world of CS. Such idea of small details building up something greater fascinates me because I believe that every individual can change the world. Pursuing an education in economics and computer science will lead me to share my knowledge with the society and make a difference.

NYU is 'In and of the City' and 'In and of the World.' What does the concept of a global network university mean to you? How do you think studying in New York City, Abu Dhabi, or one of NYU's global sites would change you as a person and equip you to build cross-cultural relationships at NYU and beyond?

I traveled alone to New York City for the first time in 2008. As I stepped out of the Immigration Museum, I thought about how the city never judged thousands of immigrants but accepted them for who they are. Today's NYC would not exist without their dedications. I have no doubt that the diverse student body and unique culture experiences of NYU will encourage me to find a unity within differences. As the lights of the city inspired people, I will inspire others by sharing such legacy.

If you had the opportunity to bring any person -- past or present, fictional or nonfictional -- to a place that is special to you (your hometown or country, a favorite location, etc), who would you bring and why? Tell us what you would share with that person.

I would like to bring Jang Yoengsil, who was a well-known Korean scientist during the Joseon dynasty, to Thomas Edison's lab in Menlo Park. During that time period of Korea, scientists had been treated with contempt. Having only minor flaw in his experiment, Yoengsil was sentenced in jail for lifetime. Thomas Edison was able to achieve great deeds and fill his lab with great inventions. I want Yoengsil to live up to his dream in where the society appreciates his talents.
psh1107   
Dec 27, 2010
Undergraduate / Naruto, an awesome genin ninja, favorite character - Stanford Roomate [4]

I like how you described naruto and the nine-tailed fox.
on the third paragraph, there shouldn't be a coma between I and swear.
You forgot the I between roommate and expect on the last paragraph.
Maybe try to get further on why naruto would be your dream roommate.
You're getting there!
psh1107   
Dec 26, 2010
Undergraduate / "a promising engineering aspirant" - Why did you choose Carnegie Mellon? [3]

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

As a promising engineering aspirant, I choose both the Carnegie Mellon Institute of technology and the school of computer science. Through upcoming education in Carnegie Mellon University, I will grow stronger and more sophisticated as a human being. I want to study in Carnegie Mellon Institute of Technology and School of Computer Science because Carnegie Mellon University has taught students with the finest mindset and remained one of the best engineering schools throughout the world. Also, I believe that learning science related subjects is a stepping stone for any learning.

When I was a young boy, I was full of curiosity that I had boundless inquisitiveness on everything that caught my attention; I had to scrutinize everything thoroughly and figure out how things work. For example, one day, my dad brought a box of Swiss army knives and showed them to me. I was fascinated by versatile functions of these knives; to me, these knives seemed like a universe that contains everything. I sneaked out to my dad's office to give these knives closer look. I observed knives all night long and finally figured all functions of them. Although I ended up with many cuts on my both hands, I was satisfied with sense of achievement. As my personality shows, I am passionate and eager to learn new things. To me, studying science is like figuring out small details and purpose of swill army knives.

Another thing that attracted me to Carnegie Mellon University is its diverse student body. Being an international student, I have learned to adapt myself to different culture and appreciate differences. By adapting myself to diversity in Carnegie Mellon University, I hope to prove the idea of unity in diversity. I am willing to accept different values of people and learn to understand different ethnicity. Through my education in Carnegie Mellon University, I will strive to find harmony within multicultural environment to make Carnegie Mellon University in and out of the world.

Finally, I am aware of the fact that Carnegie Mellon University expects a lot from its students. It takes blood and tears endeavor to graduate from Carnegie Mellon University. An iron has to go through the time and effort consuming process of quenching and tempering. After enduring all these sufferings, an iron finally becomes refined. Like an iron, I will grow stronger and more refined by going through obstacles. I am not afraid of change, and I would like to be part of making a difference in my life and world.

With these reasons and a fervent hope in my mind, I am convinced that Carnegie Mellon University is my number one university choice.
psh1107   
Dec 26, 2010
Undergraduate / "Make-up" Stanford Letter to Roommate [3]

Overall, its pretty good, but maybe you should get some help on punctuation and grammar.

But although I'm good-natured I do have a bold streak.
Don't start a sentence with but
psh1107   
Dec 11, 2010
Undergraduate / A Somali refugee who inspired me; volunteering (Common app essay) [3]

Hello everyone!

This is the rough draft of my essay.

can anyone please give me advice on grammar and the structure of this essay? Thanks you so much

Essay prompt: Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrate your character or helped to shape it.

Of all the experiences that I have gone through in high school, volunteering at ESL class and meeting Mamo from Somalia influenced me the most. Before I met Mamo I was unmotivated and lacked confidence in myself. I was selfish and did not believe that I have the ability to engage myself in the society to make a difference. I did not engage myself in school because I didn't understand the importance of learning. I had everything that I needed in my life, and I took it for granted. I did not bother to pay attention to others' lives. In fact, I was afraid of accepting changes and exploring the world that is beyond my comfort zone. However, Mamo and his life story not only inspired me to appreciate everything that I have in my life, but also to realize that one person is capable of making a difference in the world.

Volunteering was not relevant to my interests in the past. I had to complete certain amount of community service hours in order to graduate. I applied to volunteer as a teacher assistant at ESL class in Boise State University which was specifically set up for refugee students. When I could spend my afternoon playing video games, the idea of dedicating my time for some students that I have never met before was not so pleasant, but I thought 'Why not try, I have gone through the lingual and cultural barriers that these students are facing when I moved to US from Korea. We have that in common. I can do this. Most of the students barely spoke English and some of them did not even know how to hold pencils properly. Among those students, Mamo became the most affiliated with me. Mamo was the most hard working and motivated student. He was always cheerful and was eager to learn; he was always positive. I remember him saying "Thank you teacher" every time I helped him; in fact, it sounded rather "Tank you" than "Thank you." Indeed, Mamo's English was very poor, but strangely it was never a problem for us to communicate. His cheerful and positive attitude made me smile every time and I could not wait for another class to assist. I helped him from learning alphabets, writing his own name with correct spelling to reading children's novel together. Clearly, he was improving and he was not the only one leaning in that place. I realized that he was giving me lessons that took me seventeen years to accept. I was making a difference in Mamo's life as he was to mine.

In Somalia, Mamo and his family lived everyday life under the fear of violence and oppression from the civil war. Some of his family members died and were wounded from bombing. Life was an endless chain of misfortune. He was fortunate enough to escape Somalia and move to US as a refugee. He pulled his pants up to his knees, trying to show me something. His legs took me off guard; they were uncoordinated and abnormally slender that they looked almost as thick as my forearms. He starred his legs for a while. At that moment I was at loo for words. But then, he looked up and smiled, saying that these wounds remind him how lucky he is now to live safely and peacefully. He also expressed expectation for the education he would be receiving in America. I still remember the moment Mamo said about his dream. Mamo, though too old and faced with many adversities, never gave up his dream of getting a degree in international relationship and contributing to world peace. After listening to his stories, I was stunned and felt ashamed of myself, and I realized how foolish I was; Believing that I can't change anything, I had been complaining about my situation, which was nothing compared to Mamo's.

Stars shine even more brightly in the darkness. Mamo lost everything but held his hopes high and never gave up reaching out for something better. I was selfish and did not believe in myself; now I know how worthy it is to share what I have with another and how it can influence me to mature as a person. Volunteering at ESL class for refugee students and meeting Mamo inspired me to perceive the world beyond my comfort zone. I want to continue challenging myself with higher education. As Mamo changed me, I want to be someone else's Mamo and share my knowledge with the community. I know that I am capable of making a difference in the world and I am not afraid to challenge myself to do so.
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