Undergraduate / "The Chinless Wonder" - MIT Challenge Essay [4]

I will edit your essay if you edit mine. Please help as it is due tomorrow. Feel free to tear it apart.

It took me six months to grow facial hair. That was my obscure solution to my obscure problem. At six feet tall and 180 pounds, I am not exactly what you would call "overweight". Yet, due to some cruel twist of fate, I have a disproportionate amount of neck fat. This was first brought to my attention at the beginning of junior year, when a friend inquired, "Where is your chin?" Soon, word spread and I became "The Chinless Wonder" or simply "Chinless". People who I have never met before would comment on my lack of chin. It got to a point where I would scour through hundreds of pictures, looking for the ones that my chin made its cameo appearance.

While growing facial hair was a temporary fix, the ultimate solution came during senior class officer election speeches. At that moment, I was punched in the face with a realization: how ridiculous it was to be insecure about my chin. Who cares? So I modified my speech. "Ultimately, all of these candidates are weighed down by something that I will not be." I left a dramatic pause, and suddenly everyone was silent, waiting to hear what came next. "They all have chins." The stunned silence of the audience was quickly replaced with an uproar of laughter. At that moment, I learned to embrace my insecurity instead of hiding from it, which was more rewarding than winning the election. Plus, after that day everyone stopped calling me "The Chinless Wonder".

Undergraduate / "The oath I live by" - Common App Short Answer [2]

Please feel free to tear it up.

"On my honor, I will do my best to do my duty, to God and my country, and to obey the scout law, to help other people at all times, and to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight." This is the code that I live by: the scout oath. Every time I recite the scout oath, my thoughts rush to Philmont Scout Ranch, where I shared the best experience of my life with six complete strangers. Images of grease fires and serrated knives remind me of lessons learned, while the views from the peaks of mountains and giant tree towers bring to mind the memories shared with my best friends. Even the code symbolizes how the morals and leadership skills I have developed have helped the transformation from a boy into a young adult. And I realize that I wouldn't have traded these experiences for the world.

Undergraduate / MIT "My World" Essay - World at War [2]

Prompt: Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations? (200-250 words)

Feel free to tear it up.

To describe the world I am from is to describe a world of war. My country, quickly running out of countries to have wars with, is now at war with a concept. The people of my community are fighting a war against the big corporations. The battle against delinquent students is constantly being fought in my school. With the main employer being a defense contractor for the government, our town lives off the profits of war. I, of course, am fighting the war against myself, with all of the inner conflict that comes with being a teenager. In this world, everything revolves around war, to the point where war is the desired outcome.

Where some kids dream being quarterback for the New England Patriots, or becoming a Grammy Award winning artist, I hope to become someone who can influence a dramatic policy shift from offensive to defense capabilities. While others dream of finding the cure for cancer, and even becoming multi-billionaires, I aspire to rise up through the ranks of the Office of Science and Technology Policy. This is a direct result of the world I am from. While this career track is also influenced by my loves of engineering and public policy, this is the place where the chain reaction can be triggered. Instead of preparing for, and desiring war, it can be prevented and even put outside the realm of possibility. And that, that simple idea, is thing I desire above all else.

Undergraduate / "Being a member of the debate team" - Georgia Tech Extracurricular Essay [2]

Please expand upon an aspect (s) of your academic or extra-curricular background that you feel is especially important to you and that will help us to get to know you as a person. (5000 character limit)

DEBATE TEAM MEMBER

This essay seems bland, and I have no idea where else to go with it, so feel free to rip it apart.

I have added another paragraph to increase the length, but I need help editing it. Feel free to tear the entire essay up if necessary.

The ring of the timer hits me like a punch in the face. Everyone in the room looks in my direction. I stand up and then approach the podium. For five straight minutes I present my case to the judge, trying to make as many arguments in as possible. When I finish, I return to my seat, and sit down hesitantly. The room is so silent that I can hear my heart pounding. Thirty incredibly long minutes later the judge hands a piece of paper over to a boy who then scurries out of the room. Afterwards, the judge says, "I voted for the Affirmative from Nashua", the room suddenly erupts with applause. The underclassmen in the room tell all of their friends how that was their coach who just gave that speech. I can only smile, because these are the moments that define why I debate.

I would be lying if I attempted to explain why I chose debate, because I really didn't want to join another club. Every single person I know chose debate for me. Classmates would encourage me to join the team because they would come out of every class discussion with a headache. Despite my mom's qualms about over scheduling myself, even she almost forced me to join the team. She claimed that she thought that my argument skills needed work, but in retrospect that probably was a nice way of saying she was sick of me arguing with her. The only problem was that there was no debate team. That was, until my sophomore year, when the team was first founded.

During the first meeting, we were instructed to sit down. The coach proposed we debate about policy regarding abortion. Over the next hour, I realized why I liked debate so much. Right from the start of the debate there are always some canned arguments that I break out to get the discussion rolling. Then I reveal the ace up my sleeve, the argument that can't be responded to. When the room became completely silent, I knew my job was complete. As if she got a sense that discussion was over, the coach dismissed us for the day. At that moment, I knew that I would be coming to many more meetings in the future.

Regardless of my initial intentions, the effects of being on the debate team are indisputable. Organization was always my Achilles heel. Despite my best efforts in September to make an organizational system that is simple to follow, by October my bag would look like something exploded inside of it. Now, my backpack is so organized, a caveman could find my homework. I have become so organized that I am in charge of organizing all of the team's files. The responsibility of being student coach has also forced me to mature, because my actions no longer affect myself alone, but also directly affect the twelve underclassmen who I coach. Interacting with people was like attempting to solve multi-variable calculus. I literally would attempt to plan out conversations with people, so I wouldn't spend so much time thinking of exactly the right words to say. However, debate has drastically increased my ability to communicate with people. The turnaround was so drastic that I got nominated for Junior Prom King, and was elected Junior Class Vice President.

All of these skills came in handy when it was time to put myself to the ultimate test: a three week debate camp at a Michigan State University. It was just like three weeks at a college. There was a meal plan, I stayed in a dorm room with a roommate, had an extensive amount of work, did my own laundry, and also make friends with other students. The experience was one I will remember for a long time to come. Throughout the camp I was affectionately known as "Big D". I even managed to get along with my roommate despite the fact that he didn't ever talk. Time management was a breeze, as I never got behind in my work and still had time to "toss the disc around" and play several poker games, for Starburst of course. Debate has helped me prepare for, and even have, the college experience, and I am incredibly grateful to all of those who forced me to join.

Undergraduate / "I am the goofiest kid I know" - MIT Attribute Essay [3]

The attribute of my personality I am most proud of is that I am the goofiest kid I know. Why exactly am I proud of the fact that I am goofy? Well, it's because I am not just a goofy kid, I am the goofy kid. This has impacted my life in many ways. First, being goofy has allowed me to have many friends. This is most likely because I have a superpower: the ability to turn awkward into funny. I just don't allow awkward to happen, I just ignore it. Call me Mr. Not Awkward, or Captain Goofy. Second, being goofy has allowed me to do many things most kids who aren't goofy wouldn't. Like plan and lead the senior class prank (leadership position?), rap Eminem for the Senior Class Play audition, or do the "Johnny Bravo" and the "Grocery Store" instead of the "Dougie" (does that even exist?) or the "Solja Boy" Everyone knows "that guy" who for his class officer speech gets up and reads "Green Eggs and Ham", right? Well that guy is me, and frankly I could not be happier with any other reputation. Being known as a guy who will lift your spirits when you are down, lives life to the fullest, and is quite adept at face-palm humor is an honor. So you can just call me "that guy", or Captain Goofy works too.

Undergraduate / "Mr. Boyle and boyscouts" or "Dakota" - Which Question and Edits [3]

1. Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

OR

3. Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

This will influence how I write my conclusion, so help would be greatly appreciated. Also, this needs to be a lot shorter, but I am not sure where I can shorten it. All help is greatly appreciated!

This past summer I was on the staff of the local National Youth Leadership Training (NYLT) through Boy Scouts. I had gone through the program myself and had found the experience not only incredibly helpful in developing leadership skills, but also a very fun way to spend your week. So when I got invited back to join the staff, I immediately accepted. I had no idea how much more I would learn as a member of the staff than I did as a participant.

My job as a staff member was to serve as a guide for a group of eight boys who would be working together throughout the week. I spent the next six months going to training sessions and preparing for the week. One month before the program there was an opportunity for me to meet all of the scouts that I would be guiding. They were a great bunch of kids, but one seemed to come out too me as a potential leader. His name was Dakota. I had never heard of the troop he was from, nor had I any idea of his background, but from that first day all of the other scouts seemed to let him lead them throughout the activities. That day made me even more excited for NYLT since I was going to have a great patrol to guide.

After what seemed like an eternity, it was finally the first day of program, and everyone arrived on time. The first day was all about learning the ropes and doing activities to pick out a leader. Of course Dakota flourished in the activities, but there was something else that happened that day. During the presentation on how to keep your site clean, Dakota wasn't there. After walking up the trail a little bit, I found him by the latrine. When I questioned him where he went, he simply responded "I don't know" and grinned. Then he went back to the presentation site. I didn't really think anything of it at that moment, and returned with him.

That night the patrol elected him unanimously as their leader. He gladly accepted the role. That night he again disappeared. When he got back to the site we had the same conversation

"Dakota, where did you go?" I asked him.

"I don't know" he replied, with that same grin on his face.

"Why didn't you tell anyone where you were going?" I questioned, a little more aggravated then I would have liked to have come off as.

"I don't know" he again replied.

"Don't do it again, okay?" I sighed.

"Okay."

Then he went into his tent and I went into mine, and I went to sleep. The next morning I went to wake everyone up, but Dakota was not in his tent. He was again down at the latrine, having "no idea" where he just was for the past 20 minutes. At this point, I knew something was up. I went and talked to a fellow guide about it. The guide advised that we hadn't really gotten started on anything yet, so he would disappear less when the program started. I decided to be more patient with him. Finally, it seemed like my patience paid off. He had volunteered to be the leader of the All Faith's Service. Though he didn't do the best job, it was clear the effort was there. I was suddenly optimistic about Dakota, until he started playing with his lighter inside the incredibly flammable tent.

At that point, I had lost all of my patience with Dakota. It was Wednesday and there was only two more days until all of the patrol leaders would get together and elect one of their own as a leader of the troop. Since Dakota had been the only one to step up this entire week, I was scared they would elect the disappearing pyromaniac who my patrol had elected. I brought this to the attention of the adult leader, Mr. Boyle. At that point he sat down the entire staff, which had either seen Dakota in inaction or had heard about him through the grapevine. He then proceeded to tell us about Dakota's situation. Dakota was currently serving time in the state juvenile detention facility for arson. The judge in charge of the case worked with Mr. Boyle, and thought he could reduce his sentence by allowing Dakota to participate in the program.

Everyone was completely silent. Although this was no excuse for his actions throughout the week, it made think back to all of the positive things that he had done, whether it was excelling on Sunday or leading the All Faith's Service. He really didn't have to do those things, and the fact that he put so much effort into them when most others in his position wouldn't, made me want to give him a second chance.

Dakota wouldn't let me regret it. He led the troop campfire when no one else would, and it was a huge success. He didn't disappear at all the next few days, and the patrol was the first one done with all of their meals. It was a complete turn-around from the first half of the week. Finally the patrol was working well again, and Dakota was leading them.

Finally, the day had arrived. The election I had been dreading all week. The results were almost exactly as I had predicted, except for one poorly written vote, which Mr. Boyle informed me was Dakota's because he had never learned to write all that well. The staff was then informed that it was up to us to decide if we go with the patrol leader's wishes. At first, almost everyone was in agreement that he shouldn't receive the honor because he had not earned it. I however, disagreed. I thought that he had made drastic improvements since the beginning of the week, and that being elected could really be something positive for him. Also, I thought, rather naively, that going against the wishes of the other patrol leaders was not scout like. I did my best to convince the staff that allowing the vote to stand was the best option.