brittw
Jan 1, 2011
brittw
Jan 1, 2011
Grammar, Usage / English sentence, does this make sense? [10]
"its academic reputation that draw me to ___ College" (draws or draw)?
ok help with this sentence please! only one hour till dealine..
It is not small population or its academic reputation that draw me to ___ College.
should it be "draws" or "draw"??
"its academic reputation that draw me to ___ College" (draws or draw)?
ok help with this sentence please! only one hour till dealine..
It is not small population or its academic reputation that draw me to ___ College.
should it be "draws" or "draw"??
brittw
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "Music is a powerful tool of expression" - Tufts supplement what makes you tick [2]
Not only do Ijust listen to music, but also I create it with my acoustic guitar
even more engrossedwithin the harmonies that my hands can compose
through all of these years without any outside
good essay! minor edits. please read my nd one :)
Not only do I
even more engrossed
good essay! minor edits. please read my nd one :)
brittw
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "Cheerleading has helped me" - Notre Dame Supplement [21]
ok thanks for the advice! i'm almost done i think but i want to cut out one of these sentences:
I went from a fear of performing stunts to enjoying the exhilarating feeling of flying through the air. My ability to follow rhythms helped me excel at the dance routines, facilitating my advancement in cheerleading.
which one?
ok thanks for the advice! i'm almost done i think but i want to cut out one of these sentences:
I went from a fear of performing stunts to enjoying the exhilarating feeling of flying through the air. My ability to follow rhythms helped me excel at the dance routines, facilitating my advancement in cheerleading.
which one?
brittw
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "I am a pendulum" - COMMON APP PERSONAL STATEMENT [3]
As the claps get louder and the crowd of people close into me claps grow louder and crowd of people close in on me
becamea quiet and almost invisible to the public - no longer found on the stages.
Except my fears didnt suddenly vanish but instead my courage suddenly grew don't use suddenly twice in this sentence, maybe put: but instead my courage began to grow
i like your essay, the imagery is great. the only thing is the ideas are kind of all over the place. like i dont understand the part about donating blood. its well written though!
please look at my nd one :)
As the claps get louder and the crowd of people close into me claps grow louder and crowd of people close in on me
became
Except my fears didnt suddenly vanish but instead my courage suddenly grew don't use suddenly twice in this sentence, maybe put: but instead my courage began to grow
i like your essay, the imagery is great. the only thing is the ideas are kind of all over the place. like i dont understand the part about donating blood. its well written though!
please look at my nd one :)
brittw
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "The last incentive I needed"- Stanford Supplemental Essay [14]
So the question Igeti would change to "so the question I am always asked about attending Stanford isn't always "why do you wish to go," but rather "why even try?"
I seek to show the peers who question my sanity about applying to Stanford that success isn't measured by the easy things youdoaccomplish in life, no matter how
minor edits, good job overall! i think it answers the prompt well :) please look at my nd one
So the question I
I seek to show the peers who question my sanity about applying to Stanford that success isn't measured by the easy things you
minor edits, good job overall! i think it answers the prompt well :) please look at my nd one
brittw
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / Game + Golden Advertisement + Curriculum - Notre Dame [12]
When someone mentions piracy, my thoughts...
really great! i wouldnt take out anything but if you're concerned about word limit maybe change a few things:
in recent years: recently
music laundering is a fine and maybe jail time: take off and maybe jail time, and make it "music laundering is a mere fine."
When someone mentions piracy, my thoughts...
really great! i wouldnt take out anything but if you're concerned about word limit maybe change a few things:
in recent years: recently
music laundering is a fine and maybe jail time: take off and maybe jail time, and make it "music laundering is a mere fine."
brittw
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / Times have changed Notre Dame essay [13]
I really like your new last sentence, just add a comma after "generations." overall, its really good!
I really like your new last sentence, just add a comma after "generations." overall, its really good!
brittw
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / Times have changed Notre Dame essay [13]
I know theres a word limit so if you can't add anymore, I would keep everything how it is. but the part about the 1900 culture is still confusing to me. how did you immerse yourself in 1900 culture? And, I like the edit to the last sentence! I would just take off "moreover" and maybe have "vacuum cleaner. Today's society takes for granted the hard work and inventions of preceding generations, which I think is a small detail we all need to recognize" or something but wrap up all your ideas, and briefly touch on the prompt once more. good job though!
I know theres a word limit so if you can't add anymore, I would keep everything how it is. but the part about the 1900 culture is still confusing to me. how did you immerse yourself in 1900 culture? And, I like the edit to the last sentence! I would just take off "moreover" and maybe have "vacuum cleaner. Today's society takes for granted the hard work and inventions of preceding generations, which I think is a small detail we all need to recognize" or something but wrap up all your ideas, and briefly touch on the prompt once more. good job though!
brittw
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "Cheerleading has helped me" - Notre Dame Supplement [21]
Ok I really like those! how's:
I went from being afraid to perform stunts, to actually enjoying the exhilarating feeling flying through the air creates. Additionally, my ability to follow rhythms allowed me to excel at the dance routines, facilitating my advancement in cheerleading. Knowing my reserved nature...
Ok I really like those! how's:
I went from being afraid to perform stunts, to actually enjoying the exhilarating feeling flying through the air creates. Additionally, my ability to follow rhythms allowed me to excel at the dance routines, facilitating my advancement in cheerleading. Knowing my reserved nature...
brittw
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "Cheerleading has helped me" - Notre Dame Supplement [21]
You're comments are really helpful, thanks! I think my essay is done, but the only things bothering me are these two sentences:
My ability to follow rhythms allowed me to excel at the dance routines, and flying through the air in stunts was surprisingly exhilarating.
In retrospect, I have realized that while stepping outside of my comfort zone can be terrifying, it can lead to incredible rewards.
it was pointed out that the first isn't parallel, and the second has a comma splice..please help :)
You're comments are really helpful, thanks! I think my essay is done, but the only things bothering me are these two sentences:
My ability to follow rhythms allowed me to excel at the dance routines, and flying through the air in stunts was surprisingly exhilarating.
In retrospect, I have realized that while stepping outside of my comfort zone can be terrifying, it can lead to incredible rewards.
it was pointed out that the first isn't parallel, and the second has a comma splice..please help :)
brittw
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "Cheerleading has helped me" - Notre Dame Supplement [21]
yeah I like that one better but I still dont love it..does it hurt that the next sentence kind of starts the same way with an -ing verb?
Following the rhymths of the dance routines was easy for me, and flying through the air in stunts was actually really exhilarating. Knowing my reserved nature, my friends were so surprised that I had become a peppy cheerleader; and I was astounded myself!
yeah I like that one better but I still dont love it..does it hurt that the next sentence kind of starts the same way with an -ing verb?
Following the rhymths of the dance routines was easy for me, and flying through the air in stunts was actually really exhilarating. Knowing my reserved nature, my friends were so surprised that I had become a peppy cheerleader; and I was astounded myself!
brittw
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "Cheerleading has helped me" - Notre Dame Supplement [21]
My ability to follow rhythms allowed me to excel at the dance routines, and flying through the air in stunts was actually really exhilarating. I changed this sent to:
I excelled at the dance routines, thanks to my ability to follow rhythms, and I was actually exhilarated by flying through the air in stunts.
or.. following the rhymths of the dance routines was easy for me, and flying through the air in stunts was actually really exhilarating.
please help :)
My ability to follow rhythms allowed me to excel at the dance routines, and flying through the air in stunts was actually really exhilarating. I changed this sent to:
I excelled at the dance routines, thanks to my ability to follow rhythms, and I was actually exhilarated by flying through the air in stunts.
or.. following the rhymths of the dance routines was easy for me, and flying through the air in stunts was actually really exhilarating.
please help :)
brittw
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / The Guidelines to the Sensible Life + Sports athlete, Notre Dame-Which one to choose? [14]
I like the first one better
I like the first one better
brittw
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "the Discover Florence" - SU: why i chose to apply to SU essay + other su essays [4]
I liked them, I would just fix the things I marked and if you repost them i'll read them again
I liked them, I would just fix the things I marked and if you repost them i'll read them again
brittw
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "My cozy blue chair" my Notre Dame Essay and my Rochester essay [6]
I was victorious in my last tennis match and have yet to paint my bedroom walls. change "and" to "but"
Then, gazing upward, I appraise the novels shelved before me in the young adult fiction domain-however, my concentration is broken when a shiver sweeps across my body and I question why I consistently forget to wear a coat.
overall, really good essay! please look at my nd one :)
I was victorious in my last tennis match and have yet to paint my bedroom walls. change "and" to "but"
Then, gazing upward, I appraise the novels shelved before me in the young adult fiction domain-however, my concentration is broken when a shiver sweeps across my body and I question why I consistently forget to wear a coat.
overall, really good essay! please look at my nd one :)
brittw
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "Cheerleading has helped me" - Notre Dame Supplement [21]
Ok thanks! I changed the last sentence to: Looking back on this experience, I realize that while stepping outside of my comfort zone can be terrifying, it can lead to incredible rewards. Any comments?
Ok thanks! I changed the last sentence to: Looking back on this experience, I realize that while stepping outside of my comfort zone can be terrifying, it can lead to incredible rewards. Any comments?
brittw
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / The Guidelines to the Sensible Life + Sports athlete, Notre Dame-Which one to choose? [14]
All of mine are around 180 words actually, so hopefully its fine!
All of mine are around 180 words actually, so hopefully its fine!
brittw
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "the Discover Florence" - SU: why i chose to apply to SU essay + other su essays [4]
Ok, I would suggest changing this sentence: The person I dream of becoming has always been my uncle. Maybe say, "I dream of becoming like my uncle..." or something
Ok, I would suggest changing this sentence: The person I dream of becoming has always been my uncle. Maybe say, "I dream of becoming like my uncle..." or something
brittw
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / The Guidelines to the Sensible Life + Sports athlete, Notre Dame-Which one to choose? [14]
oh ok, I definitely like the second one better :)
oh ok, I definitely like the second one better :)
brittw
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "My love for physics began early" - Yale Supplement [7]
I had been taught to believe that physics would be a horrible subject that I had to struggle through, but it turned out to be the beginning of an infatuation. All of the questions that I had asked and had not been able to answer arose again, as well as new ones.
I have discussions with my friends over it and watch videos on YouTube about it. Now I walk in to one word? into?
Its definitely getting stronger :) I agree with a previous comment that the first sentence should be "I love physics" or something
I had been taught to believe that physics would be a horrible subject that I had to struggle through, but it turned out to be the beginning of an infatuation. All of the questions that I had asked and had not been able to answer arose again, as well as new ones.
I have discussions with my friends over it and watch videos on YouTube about it. Now I walk in to one word? into?
Its definitely getting stronger :) I agree with a previous comment that the first sentence should be "I love physics" or something
brittw
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "Cheerleading has helped me" - Notre Dame Supplement [21]
4. Tell us about a time when you have surprised others or yourself by doing something unexpected.
As I entered a new school my junior year, my shy nature prevented me from quickly making friends. I formed a friendship with a girl on the cheerleading squad, who encouraged me to try out, but, never having cheered before, I was hesitant. Yelling loudly, dancing in front of large crowds, and doing stunts in the air did not seem like me at all. I persuaded myself to try out, and surprisingly found that I loved every part of it. ability to follow rhythms allowed me to excel at the dance routines, and flying through the air in stunts was actually really exhilarating. Knowing my reserved nature, my friends were so surprised that I had become a peppy cheerleader. And I was astounded myself! I am so grateful that I convinced myself to do something so against my personality. Cheerleading has helped me come out of my shell and become more involved at my new school. Looking back on this experience, I realize that while stepping out of my comfort zone can be terrifying, I learned a valuable life lesson in the process.
4. Tell us about a time when you have surprised others or yourself by doing something unexpected.
As I entered a new school my junior year, my shy nature prevented me from quickly making friends. I formed a friendship with a girl on the cheerleading squad, who encouraged me to try out, but, never having cheered before, I was hesitant. Yelling loudly, dancing in front of large crowds, and doing stunts in the air did not seem like me at all. I persuaded myself to try out, and surprisingly found that I loved every part of it. ability to follow rhythms allowed me to excel at the dance routines, and flying through the air in stunts was actually really exhilarating. Knowing my reserved nature, my friends were so surprised that I had become a peppy cheerleader. And I was astounded myself! I am so grateful that I convinced myself to do something so against my personality. Cheerleading has helped me come out of my shell and become more involved at my new school. Looking back on this experience, I realize that while stepping out of my comfort zone can be terrifying, I learned a valuable life lesson in the process.