Writing Feedback / Toefl :Advance in transportation and communication like the airplane and the phone [4]

"Advance in transportation and communication like the airplane and the telephone have changed the way that nations interact with each other in a global society. Choose another technological innovation that you think is important. Give specific reason for your choice."

Nowadays, everyone can see the effect of technology on their life, especially on the way of transportations and communications such as the airplane and the telephone. There are lots of other effects of growing technology on transportations and communications, which are mentioned as follows.

First and foremost, email can be count as one of the most beneficial results of modern technology. Many years ago, peoples had to pay a great deal of money to post their letters, and their payements were related to the weight of their letters or boxes, and many accidents may cause problem that the post could not be delivered. But nowadays, all people can take advantage of internet to have their own email free, and send their emails to everyone in no time, besides they can be sure if their emails have been delivered or not.

Another important aspect on technology is transferring money. Today, students can apply for foreign universities much easier than before. Not only with the help of sending email, but also using credit cards to pay all necessary fees online. Therefore, with the (advent) of internet and online paying systems, you can do many thing at your home easily.

Another technological innovations which help people around the world is related to medical equipments. Biomedical engineers could make a significant effect on increasing life expectancy the world. For example, one of their inventions was related to artificial heart valves which can be count as a turning point in heart surgeries. In the past time doctors used pig heart's valve to implant, but the patient could not be alive more than 3 years after the replacement. But now, biomedical engineers can make artificial heart valves which works well and doctors can implant them easily.

To sum up, technology has helped us to have more comfortable life. You can see its effects on transportation, communication, medicine and so forth.

Writing Feedback / "Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director" - GRE argument essay [NEW]

Help me to improve my writing skill, Thanks in advance for any post.

The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.
"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High school, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Salida school system."

The writer of argument recommends that in order to enhance musical program, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to manage the general music education programs. To support this recommendation the writer point out that his attempts led to win three regional band competitions and upgrading musical instrument at Steel City High School during the past five years. This argument rests on a series of unsubstantiated and controversial assumptions, which are discussed as follows.

The first problem with this argument is that the writer assumes that winning of three regional band competitions was due to management of Mr. Schade. However, there is no evidence to prove that these achievements actually happened because of him. For example, maybe the students of Steel City High School are so talented and in music and allot their time to rehearse at home. Perhaps these three competitions were for elementary musical students and they could be success easily among them.

Secondly, even if these three victories can be count as remarkable ones, the Saluda school board assume that upgrading the quality of musical instrument and other musical facilities was due to his music director. Perhaps the parents of students at Steel City School were so rich and donated a large amount of money for school renovation and upgrading musical instruments. Maybe the board of Steel City High School put money into musical activities for betterment of their performance in upcoming ceremonies. Or maybe Steel City High School is a music school and allot more money for musical activities, but the Sauluda school is an ordinary school which does not enough equipments to improve

Even assuming that all musical success and improvement of Steel City High school are attributed to Mr. Schade's attempts, the writer fails to consider possible differences between Steel City High and Saluda school. Maybe Steel High is a musical school with suitable facilities for their student and supports them in all respects, but Saluda is an ordinary one which they cannot afford the musical expenses. Perhaps the city which Steel City school is located is often regarded as the cradle of art and music and the residents pay more attention to the growth of music, but the dwellers around Saluda school have religious extremist beliefs who assume playing music as a inane activity.

Last but not least, writer assumes that things remain the same during the past five years. However, in most cases this is not true. Maybe nowadays, due to global economic recession, students prefer to study in money-making and guaranteed majors, such as medicine and people cannot afford to pay the high tuitions of music classes.

In the final analysis, the writer's recommendation cannot be taken to be correct because as it was shown in the body paragraphs above, it depends on a number of assumptions each of which is questionable. The recommendation can only be accepted if the weaknesses already referred to are all removed.

Writing Feedback / Childhood is the happiest time of a person's life, but it cannot be generalized. [3]

Dear friends, here is an essay that I wrote in 30 min. Actually, I can do my best in this limitation time. I dont know what shall I do... :(

Some people believe that the childhood is the happiest time of a person's life, others do not think so. I think that childhood may not be the best and happiest time for everyone. To explain why I take this position, there are some reasons, which are mentioned as follows.

Explanation the good or bad features of childhood is highly depended on our experience on that time. Some people believe that children cannot utterly understand what is happening around them, and it make them to be happy always. However, children can understand all in detail, actually their reactions are different. For example, my closed friend, Nasim, faced with many problems when she was child. After that the company of his father bankrupted, his father had a heart attack. After a few weeks, he passed away, while Nasim was studying in primary school. She was not good at showing her feeling, but I completely felt how much she is depressed. And now whenever I talk to her about the past, she tells me that her childhood was the worse time in her life.

Some people believe that childhood is the happiest time in person's life, because the children have no task and duty to do; moreover, there are less rules and regulation for them, but it is not true to some extent. Nowadays, many children around the world face problems due to poverty. Many of them have to work all day to make money, only to gain a little food to eat. How their childhood be counted as their happiest time?

To sum up, our experiences during the childhood may cause us count it as the happiest time, but it cannot be generalized.

Writing Feedback / "majority of men would like to see additional sports programs on television" KICK GRE [3]

"A nationwide survey reveals that a sizeable majority of men would like to see additional sports programs on television. After television station WACK increased its sports broadcasts, its share of the television audience in its viewing area almost doubled. To gain a larger audience share in our area, and thus increase company profits, KICK should also revise its broadcast schedule to include more sports coverage."

The writer of the argument, who is the manager of television station KICK, recommends that in order to gain a larger audience share in his area, KICK should also add more sports program. To support this recommendation, the manager cites a nationwide survey which shows that the majority of men are looking for additional sports programs on TV; moreover, he points out that television station WACK increased its sports broadcast, and its audience doubled in its area. However, this recommendation cannot be accepted as it is, because it rest on a number of assumption all of which can be challenged in one way or another.

The first problem with the argument is that it is not stated how many people took part in this survey. As you know, in surveys the grater the number of people in the sample, the more reliable and valid the findings are. Maybe in this study only ten people participated; hence, the findings of such a survey are neither reliable nor valid.

Even if it is assumed that enough people took part in this survey. There is still another problem with the sample. In a trustworthy survey, the finding can be generalized to the target population only if the sample used is representative of the concerned population in terms of age, sex, social class, culture, etc; however in his argument there is no evidence to show whether the sample used was representative of the target population. For instance, in this survey only men are considered although we know that most of the television audiences are women, especially housekeepers which prefer to watch other programs such as cooking programs. Maybe, this policy may result in decreasing the amount of time regarding to women, and reduces the number of women's audiences. It follows that the findings of this study cannot be applied to the member of the population without any reservation.

Another problem with the argument is that the manager assumes that the television audience in WACH doubled it increased its sports broadcasts. However, there is no evidence to definitely prove that the increase of audience happens because of added sports broadcasts. Maybe the increase of audience is due to other program, such as a popular TV serial. Perhaps at that time, Olympic Games started and people were more interested in the field of sports; therefore, it will reduce after the end of Olympic Games.

The final problem with the argument is that the writer assumes that all conditions in the WACK TV station are identical to KICK. However, there is no evidence to identify prove that this is the case. Maybe the WACK is a sports channel and it is essential for it to allot the majority of its programs to sports, but the KICK is a religious TV and its audiences count sports as an inane programs. It is entirely possible.

In the final analysis, the writer's recommendation cannot be taken to be correct because as it was shown in the body paragraphs above, it depends on a number of assumptions each of which is questionable. The recommendation can only be accepted if the weaknesses already referred to are all removed.

Writing Feedback / There is nothing that an uneducated person can teach an educated person. Do you agree [5]

Thank you in advance for any post.

A good teacher is not always a high-educated person. I utterly disagree with this claim that uneducated people cannot teach educated ones. To support my idea, there are some reasons, which are explained as follows.

First and foremost, during the life, everybody will face problems, which how to solve, pass and skirt the problems are rest on many reasons. Gradually, people will gain many experiments in their lives. Experiments are not limited in academic situations, all around us help us to challenge and get experiments. When children born, they enter to their families and learn how to live. Maybe their parents are not educated ones, but they teach their children the ways of living, how to eat, what to eat and so forth. No one can ignore the importance of family in teaching. For example, when I was eighteen my grandmother taught me how to cook, I was not too interested in learning, because I thought I could learn it via books whenever I need it. But, nowadays, whenever I cook, it summons of memories of my grandmother, which explained everything in detail about cooking, and this is why I am a good cook today.

Educated people try to find all details to prove why something is right. In some cases, which they could not prove a phenomenon, they prefer to ignore it. But many useful experiments rest on what our ancestors told us, Although they do not rest on substantiated assumptions, they works well. For example, it is said that if you have headache, you should eat a leave of Malure,which is a well-known tree in Iran. It really works, especially if you suffer from Migraine like me, but no doctor suggests it.

To sum up, there are many experiments and information that uneducated people can teach us and the teaching materials are not limited only in academic places.

Writing Feedback / Most of the students who take advantage of a good sense of humor are much happier in their life [3]

A good sense of human is one of the most important human qualities

Some people believe that a good sense of humor is one of the most significant human qualities, but others think that many other aspects of behaviour are more important or it is has detrimental effects. In my prospective, a good sense of humor can be counted as the most important human qualities, because of many results that it can cause.

According to the psychologist, the people who have a good sense of humor are more successful in their life, and most of them do not suffer from stress, anxiety and so forth. For example, a research conducted in universities of Canada shows that most of the students who take advantage of a good sense of humor are much happier in their life, and they are more successful in not-individual works. Besides, it shows that this kind of people has more abilities to be a leader of a group, because the members of group can trust on them better. Moreover, they can make friend easier, and due to this fact, they suffer from loneliness.

In courses related to business, the lecturers always highlight the importance of having a good sense of humor in a job. According o their states, the customer will trust to the businessman much easier, if he shows a good sense of humor, because it helps the customers to decide better when they are in dilemma. Besides, it is proved that another beneficial effect of a good sense of humor is that people will be more enthusiastic to continue their business with that man.

To sum up, a good sense of humor has many beneficial effects in our life. It can help people to be more successful not only in their social behaviour but also help them more in their jobs.