EF_Team2
Oct 5, 2006
Writing Feedback / The damnation of the canyon is one man's account [2]
Greetings!
You've done a good job of expressing your disagreement with the author's views. I'm guessing "The damnation of the canyon" is a book, in which case it needs to have proper title capitalization and italicization: The Damnation of the Canyon. In the first paragraph, be sure to put the period inside the quotation marks if you are using American English: "damnation." Throughout the essay, you switch from "damn" to "dam." If you're talking about the structure, it's "dam." I noticed a few other misspellings: baroness should be barrenness;
"river were nothing could use it." -- you mean "where" not "were." In "capable of adapting to there surroundings" you want to use "their." With "any facts are statistics" I think you meant "or" instead of "are."
You have a few sentence fragments." Making his views to his perspective of what he wants to see. " is not a complete sentence, and doesn't really make sense to me. Are you saying he sees things the way he wants to see them?
In the paragraph about recreational activities, this sentence seems to contradict itself (and is also not proper grammar): "The wide variety of activities may cost more but can now be available to all kinds of people, who may never had a chance to experience it." It should be "may never have had" -- but you seem to be saying that more people can use the place even though it costs more than it did . . . ?
When you talk about ethos, pathos, and logos it might help to explain what they are, for any reader who hasn't studied those concepts.
A couple of times, you seem to be quoting from the book, but the first quote does not make sense: "Poorly and impressed by the concrete aggregates and statistics in the cubic tons." Double-check to make sure you have quoted it correctly. The second quote is not attributed -- is it from the book? If so, then the author DOES realize that "over 20 million people living in the Southwest U.S. depend upon Lake Powell for an ensured water supply and their economic well being." He may, however, overlook this, as you point out.
I hope this helps!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Greetings!
You've done a good job of expressing your disagreement with the author's views. I'm guessing "The damnation of the canyon" is a book, in which case it needs to have proper title capitalization and italicization: The Damnation of the Canyon. In the first paragraph, be sure to put the period inside the quotation marks if you are using American English: "damnation." Throughout the essay, you switch from "damn" to "dam." If you're talking about the structure, it's "dam." I noticed a few other misspellings: baroness should be barrenness;
"river were nothing could use it." -- you mean "where" not "were." In "capable of adapting to there surroundings" you want to use "their." With "any facts are statistics" I think you meant "or" instead of "are."
You have a few sentence fragments." Making his views to his perspective of what he wants to see. " is not a complete sentence, and doesn't really make sense to me. Are you saying he sees things the way he wants to see them?
In the paragraph about recreational activities, this sentence seems to contradict itself (and is also not proper grammar): "The wide variety of activities may cost more but can now be available to all kinds of people, who may never had a chance to experience it." It should be "may never have had" -- but you seem to be saying that more people can use the place even though it costs more than it did . . . ?
When you talk about ethos, pathos, and logos it might help to explain what they are, for any reader who hasn't studied those concepts.
A couple of times, you seem to be quoting from the book, but the first quote does not make sense: "Poorly and impressed by the concrete aggregates and statistics in the cubic tons." Double-check to make sure you have quoted it correctly. The second quote is not attributed -- is it from the book? If so, then the author DOES realize that "over 20 million people living in the Southwest U.S. depend upon Lake Powell for an ensured water supply and their economic well being." He may, however, overlook this, as you point out.
I hope this helps!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com