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Posts by kholmes
Joined: Nov 8, 2011
Last Post: Dec 30, 2011
Threads: 3
Posts: 7  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 10
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kholmes   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'algebra II and trigonometry' - Common app- Elaborate on an activity [25]

I was excited to learn the basics of Algebra II. > cut basics out? since you dont use it other places

Thereafter, I constantly remind myself to embrace challenges to build confidence in overcoming future obstacles. < the sentence is too long i would revise it

it is a strong topic, it shows your determination in school.
kholmes   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a never ending line of risks I refused to take' What matters to you and why? [10]

It answered the prompt nicely, but anyone could have written this. What I mean by that is most people use the clubs they were a part of to stand out, which then makes everyone part of a club no different. In the beginning i felt you used the word "risk" too much, maybe find another way to say it?
kholmes   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Lets have a momentary leave from reality- Stanford commonapp [8]

Future room mate,
I really hope you enjoy momentary leaves from reality, because I surely do. By momentary leaves, I mean 30 min- 60 min television shows. If theres one thing people know about me, it's that I highly enjoy watching tv ( and that i love squirrels and glitter, but that's a different story). From Arrested Development to Vampire Diaries to White Collar to Skins, I watch it all. The sense of no worries, is what drew me in to making this what I do in my spare time. Analysing every aspect and coming up with my own theories of what will happen next, is what kept me. I get very invested in everything I do, and watching a show is no exception. For example, I watched Lost all the way through, and then looked up and looked for answers to all my questions. I think it stems from my strange quirk of hating the feeling of confusion. Hopefully, we can have these momentary leaves from reality in our dorm next year.

I have 1072 characters left, what else can i add?
kholmes   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Cornell "I like money" [4]

The end felt very rushed, maybe even out half of the essay talking about economics and then the other half talking about how cornell will help you. Is the evolution of your interest only the books? if so explain more what from the books interested
kholmes   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The origin of us' - Johns Hopkins Supplemental [10]

The fact that you know what you are talking about, makes this essay pop out. The only problem, to me, is that you dont really explain why you want to do this only how you plan to achieve it. I would explain more of what sparked this interest. It seems short, but there may be a character count or something.
kholmes   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'part of Team Tanzania' - What matters to you and why? Stanford APP [6]

For years,I was part of Team Tanzania.The team was made of teens,ranging from twelve to eighteen years old that had a knack for performing and helping others.We performed at the City of Hope,an AIDS orphanage in Tanzania, and at an orphanage for domestic abuse victims.For Christmas,we performed for the domestic abuse kids and bought each one gifts.Seeing the smiles on their faces was truly enlightening.

We were chosen by our teachers,and by the Phil Simon Clinic.The Phil Simon Clinic is a group of doctors that visited the orphanage in Tanzania.Our main fundraiser for this cause was a performance at the Baldwin Park performing arts center,we raised money from tickets,food,and a silent auction.I was the lead alto singer of the group for the performance,and one of the lead roles in the play.

During the years I was involved,six of us had the chance to go to the orphanage.To figure out who the lucky six were was a long process.We not only had to meet the health and grade requirements but also had to learn Swahili.Everything was going great for me, until the final step.Parental permission was the one test I did not pass.I stayed here in the states and helped with more fundraisers.Throughout my time with the group we raised over $250,000.

Seeing these poor kids with absolutely nothing,changed how I viewed myself and my life.During the process we had pen pals from the orphanage.The girl that I talked to had little to nothing;she had to walk miles for water,no electricity, and no parents.Everything I took for granted,was out of reach for her.To be able to give someone the resources they need for life,is fulfilling.I look back at this experience,and am proud of myself.I could have been spending my time fulfilling selfish wants,but I used my free time to help other people survive.I really do care about helping people,with the only return being the feeling of a good deed.Even though I am not fully involved with the team any more,I would help in a heartbeat even to this day.
kholmes   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Mac Miller on my Stanford's app? - Question [7]

The supplements are really your place to show the college you. You favorite artist makes you unique so i think you definitely should put who your favorite artist truly is.
kholmes   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the times I went to work with my parents' - common app [3]

The last line honestly wrapped it up really well. The use of small area and then small room was awkward to me. Also, you mention the life lessons, maybe if you say one? I know it has to be brief but adding what you learned will make this a more interesting piece.
kholmes   
Nov 21, 2011
Undergraduate / My weekends are filled with complaints, compliments, spills, and new releases [2]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

" What size popcorn would you like today? " A saying that I am all too familiar with. I have worked at an AMC for a little over 6 months now, and it is nothing like I imagined. A shift at the theater is so much more than giving out popcorn and cleaning it up. Each day, guests teach me life lessons such as patience, tact, and communication skills. Patience, for when I have a long line and they simply cannot make up their mind. Tact, for when I need to give responses to complaints about situations that I truly cannot fix. Lastly they teach me communication skills. I need these to not only make the guests happy, but to work efficiently with my co workers. My weekends are filled with complaints, compliments, spills, and new releases. Yet, I take them in all the same, as experiences to learn from. Learning from all these experiences will definitely help me achieve my goals. Because I want to major in business, working in any type of sales is an important lesson. Having a job has helped me greatly in the long run, I am very glad that I decided to get my foot in the door sooner than later.
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