Undergraduate /
'I became "Americanized"' - between two cultures UC prompt #1 [6]
What world do I live in? My parents are refugees of war who emigrated from Laos to the United States. Sacramento, California became their new home and it was also where I was born. Growing up being Hmong in the United States was difficult. Our early years in adapting to a new way of living were grueling. As a family of eight, we faced economic hardships just like many other Hmong families. My mother's will of fire kept us together and my father's hard-working nature ensured that we survived. I can still recall the memories in which I worried about food not being on the dinner table while I was at school. Every day, my siblings and I had to walk to school regardless of the weather. We often got sick from walking in the rain too much and there were people who drove past us and would tease us. These were the early memories of my childhood and when I think back about it, I would not want to live through it a second time or want my children to ever experience that situation. That was a promise I made.
Gradually, I became "Americanized" just like the rest of the Hmong teens. As many Hmong youths became vulnerable to the freedom that America has to offer, they began losing their culture as a Hmong person. The beliefs in our community were dying because the elders could not pass down traditional practices to the younger generations who oppose them. Being exposed to science and logical reasoning at school, I seriously did not like the superstitious beliefs and practices that the Hmong had because some of them were simply weird and unbelievable. The teens that defied their Hmong culture became "one-hundred percent American". Many of them were wasted while others transformed into street thugs, and there was an endless amount that dropped out of school. It was hard to equally divide myself among two different cultures but I knew that I couldn't become a "screw-up" as my parents always say. I do not understand why many of the Hmong youth would just throw their lives away- don't they know how big a sacrifice their parents made just to bring them to a country where they can have education and a better life? Imagine how hard it is to leave a homeland where you have lived all your life and all of sudden you are forced to get out. It is a pain that my parents endured, yet I will never understand it. But I began to understand that if I was to throw my life away like the many other countless fools, then the sacrifice my parents made to come here would be worthless.
Hearing the stories of parents' journey motivated me to widen my insights and aspirations even more. At this point, I knew what I wanted to do in college. Science was always a subject of curiosity for me and one of my aspirations is to become a scientist (if not, maybe a biologist). Yet, it was not the only ideal occupation that I had in mind.
Despite my opposition to the traditional practices of the Hmong, I suddenly had a fondness for them after reading about how the practices originated. They turned out to be over 3,000 years old which ecstatically amazed me. It changed my perspective and I wanted to at least keep one of the practices alive in our community. Inspired, I began taking learning lessons for the Hmong bamboo music instrument known as the "qeej" or lusheng. This instrument plays the most important role in our funerals because it leads the dead one's spirit back to his/her ancestors. Now, I have another aspiration...and it is to become a lusheng player. Once I learn how to play it, my goal is to pass it to the future generations that are to come.
From a world of two mixed cultures and a poor childhood, I am thankful for my parents' journey to the United States and all the obstacles I've faced. Without them, I would not have striven for success. Being successful is the best way to show my gratitude.
