Undergraduate / 'Science is the concerted human effort' - University of Michigan [5]

Hey fellas. I've been working on this supplement and I think I've got a solid topic, but I don't know if it flows all that well. Organization gets a little confusing in the second paragraph, and I struggle to involve my role in the community. Does it work? Should it change? Can you help me change it? Thanks. I'd be more than happy to return the favor if someone helps me out. :)

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

Science is the concerted human effort to understand the natural world, and it only happens in one place: the lab. The lab can be referred to as a community, a location and a goal, and at my school, it consists of diligent empirical students, lies behind room 301, and strives to solve and understand the natural world of Chemistry. Here, my colleagues and I button up our stylish white lab coats, strap on our protective UV goggles, break out the chemical glassware and equipment, and collectively participate in our experiments, with a pen in hand, to uncover unknown knowledge. We are a community of trust and reliance, for information and conclusions that are obtained are built upon one another so that one answer may lead to another and thus must be accurate. Split, we are individual thinkers acting separately for our own purposes, but together in a lab, we are a brotherhood of young scientists that work cooperatively and diligently, help others who struggle, and inspire the rest. In the lab, we work not for personal gain, but for overall human gain. This, is science and this, is where I belong.

Born with a questionable amount of curiosity, I found myself yearning to understand and comprehend the mechanics behind various processes, beyond just textbooks explanations and lectures which is why I love the lab; it provides me with a map so that with the support of my lab partners, we may discover treasures in the form of answers. The interactive nature of the lab and the heightened level of critical thinking compared to regular lectures is what made me verbally petition to my teacher to increase the lab meetings. With the unanimous support of the lab, we succeeded in our request, and now we perform our experiments every week.

Word Count: 299

Undergraduate / 'the sad fate of a man struggling to survive' - UC All Applicants Prompt (#2) [9]

Any feedback would be much appreciated. Thanks!

"Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"

I can never forget day I laid my eyes upon the sad fate of a man struggling to survive; he sat on the corner of a busy street, his face tired and worn from hunger, a can sitting on one side of him with minimal change in it and on the other, a cardboard sign asking for donations for a medical bill. The sign needed no explanation; eyes were enough to witness the curse he had been given: an enormous tumor on his back. It frustrated me to know that there was only so much I could do and it angered me that he was not receiving any urgent medical treatment because he did not have the funds. Disturbed by this cruel reality, I walked over and dropped some money into the can, bitter that such a violation of human rights went by unnoticed by many.

At the start of my high school career, I took an Honors Social Science class that dealt with the current economic, social and political problems of the world. We traveled the globe learning about various political systems, economic policies, and the social cultures that each region's inhabitants shared. As I learned more and more about the social distresses that were taking place, human rights violations struck out to me to be the most devastating because they weren't caused by natural disaster like many of the other problems. These problems were avoidable and preventable.

Confused with where to start, and aware that I alone could not do much, I sought out local clubs and organizations to further educate myself in the field of human rights. I joined an organization named Amnesty International, an organization devoted to stand up against injustices against human rights and to educate the world about these natural given rights. Over the past three years, our school club has set up over twenty fundraisers to fund human rights causes like Save Darfur and other organizations to stop the use of child soldiers in third world countries. We also hold presentations during school and step into classrooms to spread awareness to human right injustices and to recruit other passionate students. We are around twenty members strong, and in early December, I will be handed the honor of being the next club president.

Just last year around Christmas time, I ran across an organization online named Samaritan's Purse. This organization created a program known as "Operation Christmas Child" which receives donations in the form of care packages to be sent to third world countries so that children will have toys and goodies on Christmas day. I encouraged the entire Amnesty club to participate, and now the donation of a care package around Christmas time is as traditional as the holiday itself.

I used to be tormented by my experience in China, but now I acknowledge the event as the springboard that led to my involvement as a humanitarian. I replaced my worry with action and I get a deep satisfaction knowing that actions as small as donating some of my time to help the welfare of others or spreading awareness of the cruelties around the country can slowly change the world. The work that I participated in helped me sympathize with those less fortunate than I and developed in me a sense of responsibility to help those in need.

Undergraduate / 'the mechanics and the science' - USC Short Answer Essay [3]

Hey guys. I have been working on my USC Short Answer Essay and im not sure if my answer flows very well. Its not done yet, but I would like some tips on how to improve whats already here. Any feedback is helpful thanks.

Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections.

I have always found it fascinating that we are able to understand the mechanics and the science behind almost anything. I remember being amazed how scientists used radiocarbon dating to figure out the age of ancient rocks and fossils by deducing information from their specific elemental chemistry. But my interest in Chemistry was not boxed in just at school. Upon learning the various laws of science like Newton's laws of motion, the Ideal gas law, the law of conservation and others, I created experiments of my own like figuring out the freezing point depression of solutions that I conjured up in my kitchen sink and determining the specific name of an unknown compound by utilizing the Ideal gas law and Dumas method. My attraction to astronomy stems from the countless unanswerable questions and the overall mystery of space. The idea that so many planets, universes and possibly other forms of life exist behind our blue sphere excites me and drives me to learn the mysteries of the fabric of our cosmos. Having exceptional Astronomy/Chemistry programs at USC, I look forward to taking classes like CHEM 432, Physical Chemistry for the Life Sciences and ASTR 410, Stellar Astronomy. My thirst for knowledge will never go unquenched with the thousands of books located in the twenty-three libraries at USC.

I remember noticing the thick and foggy yellow smoke hovering over Los Angeles as I sat in a car coming back from a road trip. My interest in the environment first began as a curiosity but developed into a passion that led me to join the Green Club at my high school where we set up recycling bins in all the class rooms and held presentations to educate others about ways to easily help the environment. This year DJ Kast, a mentor of a program at USC named QuikSCience, came to our high school to talk about the programs project to spread awareness about marine and freshwater environments. I was instantly interested and am joining the project with my school team to enter the competition and promote awareness.

Undergraduate / 'my parents were like the Sun' - UC Prompt #1 [5]

Hey fellas. I would appreciate any feedback on this essay. Critiques, thoughts, ideas are all welcome. Thanks!

Describe the world you come from -- for example, your family, community or school -- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

My parents had always been like the Sun - the center of my life around which my thoughts and actions revolved around. Providing me with light, guidance, and warmth, they watched over me and kept me anchored in their gravitational sphere, making certain that I never went astray or awry. This was the security I had grown under, and this parental supervision was something I had taken for granted; like the Sun or the other stars in the sky, I always expected my parents to be there, unchanging and static.

But regardless of how long they live and how accustomed we grow to their presence, all stars must die. Sometimes it is the long drawn out process until only a neutron star remains, while other times it is with the force of a fiery supernova explosion; my parents' divorce was a bit of both. But regardless of how stars end, their demise means the end of order for the celestial bodies orbiting it. I was dropped into a world of chaos I had never known before, a previously unimaginable place of family clashes between parents in which I was stuck in the middle. Like a planet lost in space, unsure of its proper place, I was constantly in limbo between falling under the orbit of my mother or that of my father. The unanswerable question of which parent to live with became an everyday struggle as I wrestled with the idea of living with only one parent and alienating the other.

But as I look back, I am glad for this struggle, for it taught me much. The world didn't end as I expected it to and I managed to escape the confusion of disorder and to even find my own rightful spot in the universe. The absence of my parents led to new, stronger, and more meaningful relationships with people that helped to fill the gap my parents left. This disorder also taught me to take the unexpected twists and turns of life as they come, and I now have the confidence in knowing that I can endure whatever else life has in store for me.

But most importantly, I learned to rely on myself. All parents must leave their children's lives eventually, and mine simply exited in a messier fashion. I still love both my parents dearly, and I never did choose one parents to live with, deciding instead to hold them both equally close to me. But my astronomical position is not somewhere in transition between them. I have since discovered that if my parents were the star I relied upon in the past, I am now my own star. My decisions and belief about who I am no longer revolve around my parents, but around myself, thanks to the self-awareness I've gained from this struggle.