Writing Feedback /
IELTS:C7T2: Should there be fixed punishments for each type of crime? [3]
there are
cons and pros against this saying -> I understand this is really nitpicky of me, but I think it would flow much better if you reversed the order wrote "pros and cons". Also, instead of "against", say "to"
Some people go for this
statement, by insisting -> Here, you can either leave the comma there and remove the "by", or remove the comma and keep "by".
for each type of
crime, will we be able to ensure the justice of the
law, for the benefit of every civilian -> There is a lot of comma usage here. My opinion? Remove all of the commas, it will sound much more natural.
Or there will emerge some cunning guys -> Three mistakes. First, don't start a sentence with "or". Use "otherwise" instead. Second, the colloquial use of the word "guys" does not sound professional. Use the word "attorney" instead. Third, it is in passive voice and should be changed to active voice. This is what it should finally look like: "
Otherwise , some cunning
attorneys will emerge "
even including some eminent lawyers -> Remove the "even"
take advantages of those unfixed regulations to avoid or lessen the punishments that they may originally deserves, or help others to do so, which is very common in nowadays society. -> Several mistakes again. First, it should be "take advantage". Next, instead of unfixed regulations, say "loopholes" or something similar. Third, remove the part that says "or help others to do so", and replace the part before it with mention of the clients. Next, say "originally deserve" (no 's'). Finally, the use of colloquial language emerges again, and that needs to be removed. It should be changed to "take advantage of those
loopholes to avoid or lessen the punishments that
their clients may originally deserve, which is very common in
society today "
On the contrary,
there are also a group of people, including myself,
claiming that every crime...into which the consideration of circumstances and
motivation must be taken -> It should be "there
is also a group of people". Next, change "claiming" to "who claims". It should look like "There
is also a group of people, including myself,
who claims that every crime...into which the consideration of circumstances and
motivations must be taken" If one is plural, the other should also be plural.
that
it's absolutely and totally -> that "
it "
"
purposely " -> purposefully
"
variant " -> varying
Lot of grammar mistakes, but I do see a very strong central message. Fix them, and your essay should be golden.