Writing Feedback / "Don't put all your eggs in one basket" [6]

please help me to improve my essay
i need to write about "don't put all your eggs in one basket"
about what this quote is about

i need help with grammer and using more vocabulary.
and please let me know what i should write about. ideas, your opinions

Many options (better tittle? )

Every individuals are in possession of a personal goal or dream to become whoever they want to be; however, focusing on one goal could fade other opportunities. Of course, making a final decision what he or she wants to become in early age could save time and have more experience than other people who did not make final decisions. Nevertheless, what if he or she made a wrong decision? The only way to fix this problem is to start everything over. So, It is very important to not to pin your hopes on one plan.

My Experience from high provided a valuable lesson why it is so important to get an education. I only focused on school sports and not school work back then. I was hoping and thought I was good enough to get accepted from colleges and receive scholarships but I was wrong without a doubt. Because I was worrying so much on soccer and lacrosse, I did not do very well on school work. For instance, I went outside and practiced sports when I should have been studying for the test or working on my homework. I was watching soccer games when I should have been working on my project. I also, sometimes, skipped school and went to Johns Hopkins lacrosse team game when I should have been in my school classroom. There for, I have done an unsatisfying result on Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT). My coach was right; he always told me that school comes first and sport comes second. If I could have one more chance, I would extremely force myself to focus on school work and maintain high grade point average.

Once in our life time, people dream about winning a lottery or a huge amount of money from gambling. At the same time, there are people who have won millions of dollars. On the other hand, spending all their money on lottery and gambling could put people into bankruptcy. What is the chance of winning a lottery? "Winning the Mega Millions are 1 in 135,145,920. Buying two tickets bumps your odds only to 2 in 135,145,920" (By Christopher Solomon). To me, it sounds like it is almost impossible to win. For example, When I use to work at my cousins liquor store, I have seen many people spending hundreds of dollars and won some money or even none. Therefore, people should not put all their hopes on the things that have low chance of benefit.

Same goes with a relationship; don't put every moment into one person. By this, I do not mean fool around with other guys or girls, but maintain other friendships, other hobbies and interests. So that their relationship do not process the way how they want it to work out, they are left high and dry with not a friend in sight.

If I had to choose between making a lot of money but I have a job that I dislike, or I make average money but I absolutely enjoy working at this particular job, I would choose less money but enjoying at this particular job. Furthermore, most important thing as people live through their lives is their occupation, the principal activity in people's lives that they do to earn money. The wrong choice of their career for their life could be devastating. For example, it would take a long time to start over if they do not satisfy with what they are doing. if you're out job-hunting, look at several options, go to several interviews if you can - don't just set your sights on one job without any backup plan; therefore, if your first option falls through, they'll be other things you can look at.

People have a goal or a dream to become rich, famous, or succeed; however, it could be a devastating if a person put his or her effort on just one specific thing and unable to achieve what he or she wanted to accomplish. In order to prevent this even to happen, people should try many other things before they make final conclusion about their career and relationships

Research Papers / the role played by the officer to a homocide scene - question clarification [3]

i just want someone to clarify what this question is asking please help!!!

discuss the role played by the first responding officer/s to a homicide scene and the role of the primary investigator upon notification to respond and assume case responsibility.

what exactly is it asking me to do?..

Undergraduate / Short Response Questions (2 goals, difficult situation): Stevenson Uni [3]

please help me to improve it and give some suggestions. i have terrible grammer. please help
Thank You

1 What are 2 goals that you have for yourself? what efforts have you made or will you make to accomplish these goals?

I have two goals that for my self. My first goal is to become a military officer. I will join ROTC program to learn army commands, to be more self-confidence and discipline for my self. My second goal is to pay back everything what my parents have done for me through out the years. My parents work at least 11 hours a day or more to pay the bills, to buy my clothes and food. It is very unfair for them to just work for their lives up on me. To accomplish these goals, I will continue studying at college to farer my education.

2 Describe a situation where things were working against you. how did you handle the situation and what did you learn about yourself? be sure to mention if there was anyone you turned to for help and what role they played.

A situation where things were working against me was when I use to work at McDonald's. One day, my manager called me to work for other co-worker who couldn't work that day. I already had a plan with my friends but I decide to go to work to show my loyalty to So I canceled the plan with my friends even though I didn't wanted to. About an hour later at work, my manager thanked me that I came to work when she needed me. So she let me get off work early and I get to go and self with my friends. I learned that I always can't do what ever I want and making a wise choice is very important through my life.

3 Describe a time when you were having trouble in school. when did you realize you were having trouble? where did you go for help?

A time when I had trouble in school was when I received a call from my mother's doctor that she has 90 percent chance of having cancer. My family never expected her to have cancer because she's always energetic, loud, and joyful. This tragic news had huge impact on me. I couldn't focus on my school work, nor after school activities. My mother's doctor scheduled for final check up and the result was surprising. My Mother did not have cancer. I usually talk to my best friend about my concerns and I did tell about my mother's health. My best friend did help me a lot settling my mood and keeping my mind off of the sadness. I believe Having friends is one of the luckiest thing that I can have.

4 descrive at least 2 examples of your involvement and /or leadership experience in school or community activities.

I have participated in extracurricular activity such as varsity lacrosse and I also have traveled with my church members to Dominican Republic to help homeless people. Not only did sport and community service strengthen me physically and mentally, but they also had taught me how to be disciplined, how to work together as a team, and most importantly, those have taught me about commitment. After I have been to Dominican Republic and facing the other side of the world, I became more immature.

5 why do you feel you will do well at steveson university? what do you think you can contribute to the stevenson community?

I believe I will do well at Stevenson University because I am a diligent learner. I have a strong academic interest in military and architect. I left my hometown, South Korea, to study in United States of America at the age of 10. Initially I had a hard time fitting in. I had to manage English and learn how to live in a multicultural society. But now, I have made many terrific friends and managed English. I grew a sense of mutual respect towards other races. I hope to bring the respect to Stevenson University and also hope to add to the diversity of Stevenson University.

Essays / hi i'm working on my college essay (my most memorable game) [4]

i'm working on my college essay and i need help to make/combine these sentences better and shorter(if it's nessesary)

(so these are the sentences that i'm trying to fit in the essay)

One of my most memorable game I had was when we played against Parkville high school. As the face-off time drew nearer, i realized that I was not alone in my trepidations about the game. I looked around the dressing room and for the first time I could remember, I was not greeted with bubbly, almost excited faces full of anticipation. Instead, I saw determination and focus, and almost nervousness in the eyes of my fellow team-mates. The first game against our opponent, Parkville high school lacrosse team, was unexeptable. We, my lacrosse team, were winning by five points after three quarters. We eased off a little bit after we realized how much we were winning by; however, it was a prodigious mistake on our part. The opponent team came back to lead by a point. We thought we had the control of the game, but it turned out that our cockyness(i need a better word) went against us. After that game, our coach and we, ourselves, were disappointed with the result and how we played. So we practiced harder than ever to beat Parkville on a second game. As we were Playing against Parkville, we remembered our first game that we had against them. We passed the ball around, pick up the ground balls, and we, most importantly, did not put our minds off on the game. The final score of the game was 8-7. We have done it.