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Posts by kexu2012
Joined: Dec 13, 2011
Last Post: Jan 13, 2012
Threads: 5
Posts: 8  

From: China

Displayed posts: 13
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kexu2012   
Jan 13, 2012
Undergraduate / "What miracle have you witnessed?" MHC sup. [NEW]

This is a real story that happens in my life. And i really appreciate all advices for this draft. Thanks!

Sometimes miracles come in a sudden, like when Harry Poter waves his magic wand, a miracle appears in the next second. But some miracles show up gradually, and in the process of its forming you can hardly notice it. It's till the end that you finally realize that some thing beautiful and unbelievable has happened. One of this kind of miracles happened by my witness. It all started in the spring of 2008, when my father began to show up in our home with an increasing frequency. This may sounds strange, for coming home is supposed to be an every-day job to people, but it was not to my father before 2008. Back in that time, he had been backed at home only once or twice in a month, mainly taking us to have a dinner or a movie, and then again leaving to manage his business. He had lived in the hotel that he managed and stayed up till 2 AM almost every night, busying having business banquets and associating with major accounts.The most important thing in his mind had been earning money, rather than health, spare time enjoyment, or the family time. But all these things seemed to change overnight when 2008 came. All of a sudden, he obviously sacrificed almost all business activities to spend days and nights at home. Everyday he sleeped at 10 and got up at 7, did morning jogging, and bought home the fresh food ingredients to cook for us. In summer vacation in 2008, he took all the family memebrs to travel around the state, enjoying the sightseeings for two weeks. What's more, around August, he even began to hurry from one real estate to another, considering buying a new house. "That will take a lot of money!" My mother was especially shocked by his sudden plan, but my father insisted to do so, and we moved into the a bigger house in the Spring Festival of 2009.

People change for reasons. I used to believe that my father finally got tired from fighting alone in business market, or eventually realized the truth that he had lived in an extremely unhealthy and "inhumane" way. The truth did not come out until one day, my father showed up in front of us with his eyes filled with tears of excitement and ecstasy. He showed us a medical record, and told us all the things he had gone through in 2008. The truth is, in the end of 2007, he was found to be in the advanced stage of lung cancer, which was resulted from his years of reversed rest time, drinking habit, and constant overwork. Although seeking treatments from one hospital to another, he was still told that he only had a life of one year or two. With extreme desperation and regrets, he began to come back to his family, back to us. He decided to not to tell us the truth, but to spend the "rest of his life" with us happily. That's the reason why he seemed to be desperate to have fun with us in every second and to settle us in a better dwelling. But with his regular intervals of sleeping and waking, his grateful attitude towards life, and his increasing attentions to health-caring and family time, his state of illness went into remission. In fact, according to the most recent check, "The doctor told me that my original tumour completely disappeared! It's like it was taken away from me!" My father couldn't help shouting out loud, with his voice shivering from incredible happiness. Neither the doctor nor my father knew what had happened during that time, and all of us could not believe this. But it is happening, by the witness of our family - my father is back to us, and get healthier and healthier as days passed! At nowadays, my father totally abandons his old way of living. Instead, he continues his healthy and positive living style which he begins when he was "dying". So this is the miracle I've witnessed, in which something that's scientifically determined to come did not come, saving my whole family from a disaster. But this is also the miracle that teachs all of us a lot. After all, when people are fighting against their "destiny", all they can do probably should be just return to theirselves and love the life they are living. I'm really glad my father did this to save himself and our family.
kexu2012   
Jan 13, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I release all my stress and unhappiness' - common app short answer [6]

I like you essay! It's intriguing in the beginning and really attracts people to continue reading!
And i think you may strenghten your second paragraph. The people who read this must be really interested in knowing what qualities you can show in your liking for climbing! You must be strong, insistent, and fearless in this! Maybe you can be more vivid in describing a time when you face some problems or dangers in climbing. How your family and you jointly make it through, or how yourself challenge the difficulty and succeed - i think a elaborated scene can be more attractive to readers!

Just a few suggestions! Hope can be helpful!
kexu2012   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'women's studies in Cornell college of arts and sciences' - cornell sup [NEW]

College of Arts and Sciences:describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

I grew up in a predominantly matriarchal family. As my father was always away for business, I lived with my great grandma, my grandma and my mother. Thus, I am familiar with the legendary experiences these female elders had in fighting against social constraints and pursuing better life and free will.

In the 1920s in China, women didn't have the right to attend schoool or choose their husbands. However, my great grandmother didn't succumb to these social rules. In her teenage years, she "attended school" by eavesdropping while standing outside the door of classroom. With the accumulation of knowledge, she became more brave to speak out her mind and to fight for her controlling right of life. She managed to continue her education in junior school, becoming the first female student in the countyl, and later married a man she loved.

It is difficult for people nowadays to imagine how hard it was to bear censures from society and family and to struggle for the basic rights for education and free marriage. While telling her own story to me, I recall my great grandma holding large teardrops back in her eyes. How many other stories like this one had happened? What a history of tears and blood there exists behind these women's lives? What brings us, the modern females, to this social and family state nowadays? These questions has evolved in my head, and my interests in women's studies has been accumulating. Addition to my later experience of tutoring an adopted Tibetan orphan girl Nimalamu for three years and conducting a series of researchs on the girl dropouts and maladjustment of minority females in metropolis, I realized that I aspire to take a more substantial educational path in women's studies.

In this aspect, Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences meets my academic and personal expectaions perfectly. Here I can participate in the program of Feminist, Gender and Sexuality Studies, which is one of the largest interdisciplinary programs in the College of Arts and Sciences and "historically one of the first university women's studies programs" in America. In this program, students are provided with undergraduate majors and minors courses ranging from the "Gender and Technology" to "Women's Activism and Social Change in the Twentieth Century U.S." to "Female Labor Force Supply and Fertility" to"Sex, Gender, and Communication". While expanding my feminist perspective to include more gender studies in fields of social analyse, psychology, art and literature, I can fully utilize the affiliated on-campus resources such as the Women's Resources Center and the Human Sexuality, listen to the lectures or presentations by Cornell alumnae women, and actively participate in outreach programs like CURIE Academy and Healthy Start Partnership to help more female achieving their professional goals. I wish to enrich and deepen my interests in women's studies, and maybe one day set up my own interdepartmental study that blend gender studies with riligion, social sciences, and modern technology! It would be really great to see the embryo of my academic interests growing into serious scholarly actions and focuses; it's also great to imagine myself reaching that goal in Cornell University! I look forward to seeing the future me there!
kexu2012   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the economics section is what I turn to first' - NYU Supp [6]

It's a great essay! It's concise but also includes your reason for liking economics, your experiences related to it, and your reasons for choosing NYU.

Mind me saying, i have a few suggestions that i think are helpful to better this draft.
1.

My primary curious gave me the motivation to know more on banking area to figure out what my parents were talking about.

revised: my primary curious curiosity
2.your interests in economics have strong reasons - you like reading economical section on newspaper and you learn a lot from your parents. But i think this part can be stronger. Maybe tell a little story how your father explain some economical terms to you, or elaborate on a scene that, while your parents were working, you observe them and listen to them carefully~~~blahblah~~.Or you can simply begin this draft by a quotation from your parents. Maybe i'm not speaking it clearly, but i just suggest you demonstrating your original likings for economics in a more vivid and personal way. That might be more impressing.

3.According to my limited knowing of NYU, one of its obvious advantages is its proximity to New York - it's actually in New York! Thus, students can really witness the most stupendous economical moves in Wall Street and find plenty of opportunities of internships, programs, and jobs. I think you might mention this one in your "why choosing NYU" part, and you can also add some details of NYU education in your last paragraph, showing that you've down many works in knowing NYU.

These are just some subjective advices. Hope they're helpful and wish both of us good luck~!
kexu2012   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'purple and feminism' - why northwestern weinburg school of arts and sciences [NEW]

Purple is my favorite color. It has always given me the sexy and mysterious impression. But my previous feeling of purple is refreshed by Northwestern University.

In Northwestern,purple is unassertive, but with the characters of its own at the same time. The studying atmosphere here is never too serious. Students here know when to buckle down to study and when to cheer for the Wildcats. The campus is moderate in size. You are able to both meet new people and bump into your friends. With the broad range of courses, the fast-paced quarter system, and the diverse programs and internships, students are navigating their four-year journey here. But with the gorgeous scenery of lakefront beach, the proximity to Chicago, and the plenty of extracurricular activities, learning experience is a much more immersive process that enables students to really build up a college life here.

But moreover, in Weinberg School of Arts and Sciences, purple presents more academic focuses of Northwestern that successfully meet my claims .

Purple is always associated with feminism. As I was nurtured in a virtually matriarchal family, living with my great grandma, grandma, and my mother, I have witnessed their legendary fights against social constraints to pursue higher education and better self-development. Addition to my three-year experience tutoring the adopted Tibetan orphan girl Nimalau, initiating donations for girls dropouts, and conducting researches on the psychological maladjustment of minority of orphan girls adopted in metropolis, I have accumulated my academic interests in women's studies and realized that i need to take a more substantial educational path. In this aspect, the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences meets my academic and personal expectations perfectly. Here in Weinberg, I can participate in the Gender Studies Program, which offers professional courses and programs on all related topics on sexuality studies. In class, I can get in-depth and comprehensive understanding feminism, from queer studies to female writing, from the women's movement in the 70s to the "Indian Women in a Global World"; outside of classroom, I can expand my focus to include wider perspective on sexuality studies, such as the social labor division and gay and lesbian studies, and I can participate in the Society of Women Engineers and Women's Center to enrich my daily experience of the knowledge I learn. Upon the learning in this "dynamic, interdisciplinary program that draws upon faculty and courses from more than twenty departments", I believe myself to have a brand-new and all-sided acquaintance of women's studies!

Purple also can be linked with the warmth of humanities and social concerns, which I find in the Kaplan Humanities Scholars Program in Weinburg. Throughout the "challenging year-long journey through the humanities", students in this program have opportunities to take interdisciplinary courses of history,philosophy, literature, arts appreciation and so on. While confronting the opuses of great authors and artists such as Aristotle, Kant and Plato, following the leading steps of the outstanding professors from different departments, and attending various of out-door acitivities such as field trips and class performance, students can see through the wisdom words amassed in the long history of human society to form a wholesome outlook towards world, life, and values. Before deciding where they are heading to, they can get a clearer self-understanding and more definite answers to their previous doubts. Such a "true" learning experience is just right for me, a student who spent her junior school years wondering about "the ultimate questions". Plus, according to my research on Chinese youth's spiritual state, Chinese heavy curriculum and stiff examination system have pushed us to overly pursue pragmatical skills and high scores. Learning is increasingly losing its pristine joy of those critical thinkings and wise talkings. That's why I realy want to take a rest from the inculcation and start to absorb the fundamental knowledge of life from Kaplan Humanities Scholars Program. I believe that through learning in Kaplan Humanities Scholars Program, I can form a positive vision of "good society", which I can then contribute to!

Upon my glancing over many websites of American universities, the delicate purple school badge of Northwestern impresses me the most. Maybe I have interpreted the meanings of "purple" in a subjective way; maybe the founder of Northwestern simply favored for no reason, but I would really like to contribute to the enrichment and development of this university, and its purple. I want to know what mark that I and this university can combine to leave on this world. Would it be purple too?
kexu2012   
Dec 18, 2011
Undergraduate / Unique, fun, community--Why Northwestern? [6]

This is a strong essay! This draft has really a strong beginning, that scene of bird gaining power to actually fly is amazing alluding to your aspiration of obtaining pragmatic experience in NW.

But yes, I agree with the advices given above. After the beginning you might want directly enter your main theme of your life in NW, like

As I was reading Northwestern, the book I received in the mail, I remembered an old LG TV advertisement titled Live Borderless..

Then, " That's exactly what i want from Northwestern and what it can bring to me". things like that, maybe prettier~!

Also, you might then add some specific details of the programs and internships NW can offer you. Name them. It shows that you've done many works on it!

And after all, you're using the whole second paragraph talking about NW's activities. It's better to return to the flying-bird theme in the beginning. You might just mention it once or twice in the end, and make your draft more coherent and pact!

Those are just some personal suggestions! I'm new on this! Wish both os us good luck and thank you again for your advice on my draft!
kexu2012   
Dec 18, 2011
Undergraduate / Common App Essay - The Last Supper [3]

I'm not a professional editor also. And my writing skills is to some aspects much weaker than yours. But i would really want to say my feelings after reading you draft!

It's really an interesting essay! And I really like it!
I don't know if I'm correct in understanding it but, do you intent to show your belief that you are a girl who "follows your heart", not someone who "overcare" the pros and cons? Or are you trying to tell us you are sort of people who "find ways to balance these elements in order for them to work together"?

Anyway, i think either of those can show that you are a person of character!
It's just slightly confusing after you speaked out your answer.

"I got it!" Barely able to contain my excitement. "My last meal will be a stick of Willy Wonka's chewing gum, the one with a three course meal followed by dessert.

you may try a clearer confession of your choice, the emotional"Frech Fries" or the rational way of this long answer? Or you can probably set your final answer after all the struggle in mind, "I would like French Fries after all!"

Just some personal understandings and suggestions! Wish both of us good luck!
kexu2012   
Dec 18, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the Medill School of Journalism' - Why Northwestern University [NEW]

I know it's crazy to apply for Medill as an undergraduate. But i really need advices on essay. I want to know if i should continue writing this one or i should change it into one draft aiming at the school of arts and sciences? My writing skill is not great, welcoming any advice!

I can't imgine a world without qualified and responsible journalists.

Recently heard was a Chinese journalist , Li Xiang, who used to investigate on the vast illgal use of swill-cooked dirty oil in Chinese restaurants, being stabbed into death. Addition to this news were the top-brass reshuffle and the accompanying mass-resignations of journalists in the Southern Metropolis Daily, which was under pressure after publishing reports evaluating the government leaders. In China, journalism is deemed a increasingly dangerous field.

That's why I evolved great admiration to the Northwestern University when I heard that its Medill School of Journalism is the best institute in this field. I believe it takes not only professional knowledge, but also courage, integrity, and professional spirit to become qualified gionalistas like Hank Klibanoff, David Barstow and Elizabeth Bumiller. And the breedbed of these precious qualities must be a place for people to pursue truth.

I, from very little an age, have nurtured my aspiration of becoming a journalist. Fascinated by literature and news-resporting, in primary school I was enrolled by a company as a little journalist. But soon I found the company wanted no more than the "trainning expense" of 200 RMB for each participant. Thus I dropped my "career" there with anger and feeling of being insulted. That's when the image of jourlist being set up in my heart, as the kind of people who don't succumb to force and keep clinging to the truth. In the following years, I continued writing, founded literature appreciasion community, held the post of the chief editor of school newspaper in secondary school, and joined in the press crops in high school. Although I didn't manage to unearth any big news, the shining image of journalist in my heart has never faded.

And in the Medill School of Journalism, Media, Integrated Marketing Communications, I can be closer to my dream. While learning (200 words about the courses and professors and programs in Medill.)
kexu2012   
Dec 18, 2011
Undergraduate / We are so small but yet so powerful. Common App essay! [16]

Hello! I really like your second draft over the first one!

The first draft: though the first paragraph uses beautiful words, but it's just too negative. Although the last sentence "Now, however, I have realized that our existence was no coincidence at all. We were created to make advances and leave our mark in this world." shows your intention of changin yourself positively, there's few description of the precise process of your transformation. I think readers want more to see a people's growth, how they turn into the stronger ones and abandon their fears. I think you have great story! It can be really inspiring an story if you find a better way to tell it.

The second draft: I like it! In fact, i used the similar "opening" as you do in this one. I think the first two(!) paragraphs in this draft can remain, but only strengthening the transition "As I grew older and entered elementary school, my emotions began to stabilize." And i really love the description of your swimming in rainy day! It's strong!

My few suggestions:
Save the first two paragraphes in the second draft, but especially emphasize on your transformation. Why change? What's the specific moments and things that striked you to be stronger? What did you go through to get rid of your fears and your "secretomotor phenomeno"? What kind of person you became after that life-changing situation? HOw do you judge your past from nowadays prospective? I think admission officials would really be moved by your spiritual power showed in your self-changing process, and in that way your story can be more "powerful"!

Just for reference!!! Let's help each other and good luck to all of us!
kexu2012   
Dec 18, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the Directed Studies Program' - why Yale [4]

Thank you for your advice! I think it's really helpful! I'm amending the draft and I would edit in a few days, adding more about myself!
kexu2012   
Dec 18, 2011
Undergraduate / Tufts Suplemental Questions. My defination [8]

Just for reference!

It's great! Shows your unconstrainted imagination! Maybe it's a little bit incoherent. My suggestion is to form a logic sketch in the description.

And then there are several spelling mistakes~

Good luck to us!
kexu2012   
Dec 18, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the bottom of things' - Why I want to study engineering and at Duke [6]

I'm a student applying for schools also. Here's several of my personal advices.

It's a strong draft! Your background of living in Dubai and the resulting interests in civil engineering are very strong reasons for your major choosing. I like the continuous questions you posed in the first half!

But i feel that your reason of choosing Duke is slightly weaker than your self-demonstration.

"I've also found myself tinkering with electronics and building computers from scratch, a frustrating but rewarding task." this sentence might find a better place. I think the continuous questions below might better just cling to your questions posted before.

"the vibrant blue and white of the Blue Devils and the fascinating research done by Duke make it the university of choice."you may also add some specific courses or programs here to strengthen "why Duke". This can show you have done great works in knowing its learning experience.

For reference only! Good luck to us!
kexu2012   
Dec 17, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the Directed Studies Program' - why Yale [4]

I really look forward to receiving any advice! Yale is a "reach" school for me, but i really want to make my essay as good as i can. Process is the reward!

Why Yale?

The first book I've read that introduces American universities is writen by a Yale freshman who grows up in the same city I'm living in. Thus, the vividly-pictured image of Yale University has remained in my mind as close as an old friend. I am especially enticed by her experience in Yale's Directed Studies Program, in which students learn philosophy, literature, and history by abundant reading and discussing. The students in this program bury themselves in opuses by Homer, Plato, and Aristotle, rack their brains to perfect weekly papers, and passionately debate for their different understandings of an explanation given by their professor in class. This kind of learning experience really fascinates me, a student with great interests in humanities and social sciences, for I have always dreamed of joining in such an academic community in which people truly enjoy the pleasure of learning! Thus, I insist in applying Yale University in spite of others' dissuasions that Yale is too high for me to reach, because I believe that, just as the motto hold by Yale, "Lux et Veritas" are accessible to every one.
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