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Posts by tipi
Joined: Mar 12, 2012
Last Post: Mar 19, 2012
Threads: 5
Posts: 12  

From: Nepal

Displayed posts: 17
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tipi   
Mar 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / Students who get suitable time they can opt in to work part-time [2]

It is good for school and university students to take part-time jobs. Do you agree or disagree?
While studying in high school or higher education students have to work part time-works as a better option. This seems plausible in some extents though it depends upon their spare time and the types of education where they can get little chances of spare time to work. If they get the suitable time it will be beneficial to them in various means.

Of course, education related job will enhance their performance. If they get opportunity to teach children or junior school student for example, they sharpen their knowledge in empirical means like they know more lexicons, enhance their writing, acquire adaptive IQ in mathematics during their work. Some of the higher degrees like education faculty recommend their students for teaching practice inside their own countries and abroad in extra time. Where, they get chances to know different cultures, explore the new place and exchange of ideas with different people and learn new languages. This will make them more understanding and more maturity which are the crucial bonanza for their future career.

Similarly, the boon for extra work is certainly the economic gain for students. In which they not only earn for their extra pocket money but also they understand the value of money to spend economically. Their earning definitely reduced their parental extra investment for their tuition and accommodations. Even some students are habituated as spendthrift with their parental money. If the students are able to earn themselves they stop such habit which ultimately reduces broaden to their parents.

In contrast, the school students though should be limited to their part time work for their vacation period only. Otherwise, it will certainly hamper their high school education which is the basement for their future studies. Engrossed almost in part time work for such students is more chances of diverting them from their core task and some time dropping out their school. They may turn their part time work to full time as they lured by money and develop luxurious habit to spend more. Similarly, the higher education students who have tight schedule should only opt to work at vacations only. The medical student, engineering, and science students will not get more time for such work rather to stick own their academia. But the students who study hotel management, graphic designers may work any time where they benefited side by side work and study. This will be fruitful for both their study and economic gain as well. Large numbers of computer designers are offered online work like in Google network offers.

Conclusively, it can be said that the students who get suitable time they can opt for part time work for their extra benefits both for experience and economic gain. But it should be limited for high school and higher education students those have tight study schedule.
tipi   
Mar 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'An Equal Distribution for a Better World' - the rogerian style argument [3]

Your essay seems quite plausible and I am not convinced at all though I am not from developed countries. your concept of single world government can hardly exists. Firstly it will be more centralized and more complicated to administer and regulate, secondly what do you say the Mississippi state people are still in poverty and lack their daily food. In India though there are millionaire and rich country but more than 50 percent people have suffered from hand mouth problem and what about the dictatorial north Korean government is asking for food help besides its expensive nuclear program why not the north Korean government spend money for to feed people. If still the wold government be like that of those countries. you mean to say such Utopian government as that of past USSR and so on. seems discombobulating Rogerian.

On the other hand, there are many people from third world countries that suffer from malnutrition. This is due to their lack of resources and poor governmental affairs ("Hunger notes"). change the para on above clause.

To execute the equal division of food, the new government would give citizens a nutritional allowance card, NAC
normally sentence do no t start in this preposition.

A country government's power decides whether their inhabitants are physically and nutritionally healthy or unhealthy
jumbled

This position also differs from those who believe that the government shouldn't have a choice in the matter of what they may or may not eat

tense either present or simple future
On the other hand, those who receive more than enough required intake of food a day, thoughtlessly throw their food away regardless of the 900 million people starving in the world. Moreover, those who indulged in more than enough food at the dinner table suffered from various diseases brought on by their overweight. overwhelming the meaning

This government will not interfere with a country's beliefs; instead, their only goal would be the distribution of equal proportions of food among the people according to their appropriate age, gender, and weight. tense ?
tipi   
Mar 18, 2012
Writing Feedback / People's characters are influenced by environment rather than genetics, do you agree [2]

People's characters are influenced by environment rather than genetics, do you agree or disagree?

Personal traits are determined by the physical surroundings rather than heredity. Nature or nurture? which factor is the major one remains as a long debate from the very beginning of human understanding. Both the factors can not be denied that one predominates to other.

How the personal traits are developed in a child has been learned and tried to understand, does the heredity the sole determining role to the child development and the personal traits ? Previously it was understood that the heredity are the most important things which has the sole role for personal behavior and the intelligence that are only acquired from his or her parents. For example, a well gentility parents give birth to the gentile child who is very likely to his parents. The classical view that every person's faith is determined by the previous life and he has to suffer the result in existing reincarnated life. Like wise the fates are determined by what he does the right or evil things. But it can be said that all the thoughts are little biased and rather policies adapted by societies, ethical principles and religious commandments and how all these guide the personal development.

It can not be denied that the heredity has the definite role for the child development it acquires both the parental heredity for both the physical appearance like body shape and size normally and bear the sense of intelligence that every human species is carried in every birth and the species is certainly different from other species of the earth. And further shaping is determined by the both factors.

The two things are certainly simultaneous role like two wheels of a single cart without both wheels the cart remained imbalanced and can not move forward. Similarly, the many studies are done to observe in different ways as the quadruplet have taken in different environment and they schooled differently but all being the similar physical development but their thinking were determined by different factors like their pare groups, the place where they lived, and the costume and culture where they grew up. It was found their personal traits varied and one went for higher studies, another completed only high school and so on.

Physical environment and the heredity are the two things like a good breed seed and a fertile soil if the good breed seed are taken to the infertile soil and there might not be the expectation of the good plant and vice versa. So a single factor may not be the sole decisive factor to shape an individual's trait as compared to seed and the soil. If a gentle child is taken to place of high famine, deprived and bad social school his talent might not flourish well. So, different factors determine and shape his sense of understanding and the behavior he get developed. If the person has to use his intelligence he must struggle but he deserves the universal ability to learn and thus to improve oneself. Indeed, it is his culture and not to his genes, that man, unlike other organisms, adapts to new environments and this ability gives the human species an evolutionary uniqueness that should not be underestimated.

Finally, the discourse of nature and nurture remains as the human being will exist and it can not be excluded as the single factor outweighs the other for development of the personal trait in the individual.

Please help me to check this essay,
tipi   
Mar 18, 2012
Writing Feedback / Argumentative Essay - Should students be paid for good grades? [5]

this introductory is contradictory as be sure they should be paid for good grade or should not be paid.

Yes, I agree that students can get motivated to study if they are paid for good grades. Providing a monetary reward enables the students to focus and study in class. However, I strongly feel that they should not be paid for their good grades.

i did no go further checking, please be sure in what direction are writing read twice and thrice your writing try to find mistakes yourself at first. Type a essay daily in computer and edit yourself.
tipi   
Mar 18, 2012
Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay - 'The importance of games for adults comparing to children' [8]

hello, you have given sufficient reasoning but in conclusion you have raised new thesis point the bellow
"but their styles are often distinct from children, which are often less competitive and more enjoyable." as you have described how the adults are not oriented to participate in game but not change of their styles compared to children. I think so but may be I am wrong.

one more, third para is little complex because it made difficult to smooth reading.
I am not well in grammar I could not do that part.
tipi   
Mar 18, 2012
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, radio has still reliable means of transmission worldwide [3]

Dear Linh Vuong Nguyen,
Thank you so much for correction. I am very glad. For the bellow sentence can I write 'and' in spite of "though" if so.

-So the use of radio is not faded though (I'm not sure what's the use of 'though', since two clauses don't contradict each other) its use is more handy in every indoor and outdoor use.-

Please could you help me to check more one ?
I need 7 in writing in IELTS, I am totally hopeless. I have only two weeks remained for my test date. please help me.

The elderly people of over 50 years of age should be retired and be replaced by the young. Do you agree or disagree?

Adult people above 50 years of age should be given up with their job and they are replaced by the youngsters. This strategy seems quite persuasive as young workers are more efficient and give more output and it will be golden opportunity for young employment but paradoxically it is true that the companies, firms and institutes need highly experienced and matured people who can handle the things properly and they are the basement and pillars for such firms.

Admittedly, the adult employees are the inevitable manpower for companies and firms as they hold the life long work experiences and acquired skills and knowledge. So laying off such people may be disastrous results and may lead towards the peril for companies and firms. So the age barrier limiting above is not the exact right policy as the people who are only crossed five decades are still highly active and do very well performances. By research it has found that the senile degeneration starts only after the age of 65 but it is still in slow pace and hence they still can work properly. People who are the age of 50s are the gurus and they can lead in right direction, for example, highly experienced company managers, teachers, professors are the backbones for every progress. They are the think tankers and able to implement the policy without any subjectivity in every scenario. They can deliver better skills, and knowledge to train new ones.

Furthermore, large number of companies and institutes still prefer the experienced ones and they are the only reliable persons who can avoid from sinking the firms being they are the matured ones. As we know young drivers are more liable to higher accidents as compared the old matured ones. The young people are more enthusiastic and may deserve more entrepreneurship and though, their hasty manner of decision making may lead towards hazardous situation as the young drivers who drive in high speed lead to accident. There is an adage slow and steady wins the race. Since old people are serene in mind, do not easily upset in trouble; they can stir the ship smoothly even in the great storm.

In contrast, if the above the age of 50s workers are laid off, it not only the loss of skilled man power but the policy is pernicious for such individuals. The laid off people have to stay idol and this is so frustrating to themselves to stay at home without any job. Those retired people who have to stay at home and they even do not get company to pass their time. So it is totally wrong turn policy to such earlier retirement.

Conclusively, the laying of people at the age of 50s is not a proper way as they are still in productive and more understanding, more reliable person to handle the firms and companies as compared to green persons.

Please help me to check this essay.
tipi   
Mar 16, 2012
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, radio has still reliable means of transmission worldwide [3]

Nowadays, radio is being replaced by TV and the internet. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this idea?
At the advent of the radio in the nineteenth century when it was developed as transmitting electromagnetic sound wave, it was another revolution afterwards the first printing press invented. It was so popular that every home used to have a radio for news and entertainment. Large numbers of the national and international radio stations were established in different languages and it became the sole every heart of people. The use of radio is not limited to the household radio and its use was broadening in aviation, navy, military, police force and many more. BBC was the first worldwide radio for 24 hour news transmission. It remained the means of news and knowledge spewing for nearly hundred years and still does.

Furthermore, after the arise of the TV and Internet though the paradigm has been shifted in new mode of use of radio because it still has its dominancy over TV and internet as its application is modified to use in gadgets like mobile and online transmission. As mobile are reduced in size and handy in use the radio applications are frequently used in such gadgets. People are working on computers and are listening online radio music as means of avoiding their work ennui. So the use of radio is not fade way though its use is more handy in every indoor and out door use.

On the other side of the coin, the TV remained only as the home appliance for viewing some popular serials, live documentary, sports and news in a spare time. People watch TV only at evening time those who are tired from whole day work they use the TV as baby lullaby for nap and good sleep. The use of TV is so restricted to personal bedrooms, dinning halls, waiting rooms. Over dominance of commercial advertise and fictitious serials TV viewers are also limited.

Remarkably, the blooming of the FM radios stations are the sole means of entertainment and source of news in every town and in country side. They are highly popular in metro city to rural village of the every country for listening music, news updates and talk programs. Some international radio like BBC, Voice of America, china radio international and radio Dutch are still popular in their short wave, medium wave and FM transmissions. The radio BBC has celebrated its eighty years birthday and its broadcasting is broadening nearly worldwide hundred cities 24 hours transmission for news and documentaries in art culture and science. The programs are so standard and no any media can compete with it. It has preserved the oldest ever recorded programs; last week I got a chance to listen the First World War declaration as a recorded document.

Conclusively, though the advent of TV and Internet has not fade the live of radio but it has still reliable means of transmission worldwide.
please help me to check this essay.
tipi   
Mar 16, 2012
Scholarship / Devote one year to communal service and most meaningful accomplishment - Merit Award [2]

ChichoTran
very good, but grammars often the problem and some places the sentence meaning is not clear.
what does it refers the sentence I could not understand like whose role water or your, which nature which community environment or human .
Likewise I will be encouraging sustainable drinking water and its fundamental role in human and nature to the community.
Teaching young minds the importance of water conservation in term will play a reciprocal role in a healthier environment.
This sentence is blur
Attending Semester at Sea will expand my comprehension of animals and ecosystems in a way that no other study abroad program can compete with
why other study program can not compete, please give the reason.
tipi   
Mar 15, 2012
Writing Feedback / Juvenile delinquents should undertake such punishments as cleaning the streets or [6]

Nowadays environmental problems are too big to be managed by individual persons or individual countries. In other words it is an international problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Environmental hazards cannot be solved by single person and a single nation, it is a worldwide problem. Each individual may have a little effort from a personal level but without the collective efforts of certain groups and integrated efforts by group of nations only can amend the each and every environmental problem.

Environmental hazards include the different types of pollutions like air, water, deforestation, soil erosion and ultimate impact in green gas imbalance. Every environmental scientist, activist, politician and interested individual may be aware of this though worrying at some extent but how he or she can contribute to mitigate the problem remains a dilemma.

We are breathing polluted air, drinking impure water and not beware of that our living Iceland is going to submerge in ocean due to heavy melting of snow from mountains and Polar Regions. At an individual level at least awareness can be a single effort by writing or doing some research in national and international level. Though, without the collective efforts from large groups of people together and combined efforts by group of nations only can do some countable majors to mitigate such efforts.

A nation can implement certain rule to reduce the burning of highly pollutant petroleum in certain town which reduces the emission of pollutant gas like carbon dioxide/ monoxide, methane and others though it has still a little emendable step On gigantic global surroundings because the neck breaking industrial competition is never stopped by developed nations as they vaunt their economic progress. The result of this is ultimate increase in volume of green gases which do not reflect the heat radiation away from the atmosphere and final increment one degree centigrade of global temperature in each year. This has been already forecasted global havoc like flood, and Heavy draught taken by climate imbalance is nearly impending in few years.

Though, numbers of international summits had been hold in past and going to be held again and again. The meeting in Kyoto has made a little effort to mitigate the environmental problem like global warming and prepared a protocol to reduce the green gas effect and some countries have been implemented the regulation of such though the being hurdle for economic progress many nation are muffled and muted to implement.

Finally, without the collective efforts in an international level like implement of reduction of green gas emission by using alternative energy sources like solar energy instead of reserved coal gases otherwise we should ready to face the certitude of the environmental disaster nearby.

So, each person may have a little effort but the groups like environmentalists and scientist and all nations together can provide as a collective effort to mitigate the problem.
tipi   
Mar 13, 2012
Writing Feedback / Juvenile delinquents should undertake such punishments as cleaning the streets or [6]

Juvenile delinquents should undertake such punishments as cleaning the streets or such rather than be imprisoned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Teenagers often perpetrate crimes; they are taken to social work like cleansing the roads besides incarcerated to the pen. These sorts of punishments may correct themselves in positive ways rather than they can develop the maniac psychology and harbor repeated wrong doings when they are imprisoned.

Yong people are indulged in crimes knowingly or unknowingly which is the result of negatively influenced by various factors like groups and peer pressures, conflict in parental level and not getting proper care by their parents and some time economic depravity and unemployment. They commit minor crimes like stealing the gadgets from shop to severe plundering, rape and often serial killers. These types of crimes are found those living from village to the city dwellers and whose psychology is wrongly motivated by different factors very often copycat and drug addiction.

Although, the provision of harsh punishment like incarcerating in jail for long time is assigned to remand the juvenile delinquency in some countries. Which are not appropriate by various means as their time is the age of learning and teaching and if they are taken to pen for long time they miss the chance of this and if they are kept in jail they develop the habit of perpetrating crimes when they will get freed in future. It will be wrong step so that they further creates the longer social unharmonious situation. In such cases the number of crimes will be increased rampantly.

On the other hand if the juvenile delinquents are taken to the social serve like cleansing the road, garden work and other construction work like building the public offices They forget their misdoing and revengeful attitudes, they feel freed and mingled with other persons and engaged in work. They get chances of amending themselves and learning the skills of work what they work for. They released their past misdoings and relief them to make serene mind and all the repentant will forgiven and they are returned to normal civilized habits. This is ultimately beneficial for both the criminals and society in which social peace and justice are further well maintained.

In conclusion it can be said that the youngsters whose motives are corrected better way if they are taken to social work they get chance of correcting themselves rather than keeping long in pen and hindering them from mental well being.
tipi   
Mar 13, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS-the proportion of older people is increasing,, positive or negative on society? [4]

Essay is shirt and few points are still lacking for your support. The sentence below is not proper logical, as how young became dissatisfied with old ones if they got pension because the young should not to bear the expenses but the government.

Furthermore, elderly tend to receive pensions every month in many countries. This will causes the young workers feel dissatisfied and strike which lead further financial problems to the governments.
tipi   
Mar 13, 2012
Undergraduate / Transfer Essay for College- Not the future I want [4]

Nice job
Writing is too meandering and please try to write short sentences as I did such mistakes more the longer sentences more the theme diverted and mistakes.

I soon found out that this was the case with most clubs at the college and most clubs that I was interested in were inactive.

most clubs in two places shows redundancy.
. I have started to appreciate the linkage between Biology and Chemistry and realized that they aren't two different subjects but work hand in hand in our day to day life.

Biology and Chemistry are inter related
tipi
tipi   
Mar 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / Government should spend more money on education than recreation and sports, essay [2]

Government should spend more money on education than recreation and sports, do you agree or disagree?

Investment should be more for education rather than public entertainment and games by national authorities. It is certainly that the entertainment and games are both necessary for public fun and fund raising for economic activities but the priority should be given funding on education for both the citizen's capacity enhancement and ultimate national achievement.

Literacy is the vital for every person by which he can read and write for good
communication purpose and without this the whole things remain dark for
such individual's whole life. If we think about the past era most of the people were ignorant and they were back warded in every aspect of life and even they suffered very hard life like diseases, famine and devastated lower life standards. In past few decades the education has been revolutionized the whole world only few people are struggling for bread winning compared to previous days. Education has brought the changes not only the capacity enhancement of a person but also it has changed the whole world that invented the technology and ultimately life became more progressive, more safety and more easier.

Education has enhanced in understanding of people and it created civilized society as compared to past barbaric society. The education has given more emphasis in people's know how in variety of fields like better transportation, well being of health, and democratic governments. The credit goes to the education which has improved many things for example most severe diseases like malaria has been eradicated, this all requires the skills like to become a pilot, doctor, and a good businessman all need a good education. As a result many countries like US, Japan and many European countries have progressed very fast. These countries are certainly investing more money in the field of research and development for the betterment of life and nation.

Alternatively, Sports and recreational activities are equally important for public entertainment which not merely provides public fun but also generates huge
Money which creates employments but funding in this field seems meager amount as compared to whole bunch of people's education that is certainly outsights.

In conclusion, funding more in education is primary requisite for people's literacy; better know how, technology development, sophisticated life and ultimately well being of whole society and the nation.
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