Undergraduate / 'Competitive and difficult world' - (What makes stanford a good place for you) [4]

Please Critique!! :D:D:D

Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.

Our world has become so competitive in the past few decades that to succeed in it, people need to take necessary risks. This is especially important in the business field. I believe that Stanford is probably one of the few school in the US that really prepares and educates students well for the modern world with it's intellectually entrepreneurial culture. I am never afraid to take necessary risks, especially when I solve math problems, and so socializing with students who also take meaningful risks, who are the entrepreneurs of tomorrow, should be easy. I hope that Stanford's unique entrepreneurial culture will also help me work in the business field, which is my dream.

Stanford is also widely known to have a vibrant, dynamic campus that has a Stanford Center for Lively Arts, and Stanford Taiko to provide the concerts that make the campus energetic. I hope to contribute to the energy on the Stanford campus by setting up ensembles with my friends, and singing with the Stanford Chamber Chorale.

Finally, and most importantly, Stanford's unique policy on freshmen housing shows that Stanford really does care about how well freshmen make their transition from high school to college. The freshmen housing policy creates an inspiring environment, in which freshmen can socialize with each other, participate in the various activities that make a true university campus. This is even more important to me, because I am an international student. I would certainly not want a deserted dormitory and campus.

I can imagine myself at Stanford, being presented with a series of math problems and experimenting and risk taking on different methods. I can imagine myself exchanging cultures with other freshmen in my dormitory. I hope that I will be able to call Stanford my home before my second semester.

Btw, thanks for all your advices! Really appreciate them! :D Happy New Year!!

Undergraduate / 'Students stretching limits' - UPenn Professor Short Essay [5]

Hello all, here is my UPenn professor essay. Critiques would be helpful!! :D

Penn offers its undergraduates an eminent faculty and a wealth of research opportunities. Use the space below to name a Penn professor with whom you would like to study or conduct research and explain why. (It is not our expectation that you contact faculty directly to answer this question.)

I have this eternal love for teachers who continuously stimulate the student's mind, teach beyond the syllabus, and promote independent learning. Such teachers are also very approachable, which I find to be very important in one's studies. Professor Angela Gibney seems to be the right fit for me. Her position as a pre-major advisor for freshmen, conference co-organizer clearly demonstrates several favorable qualities such as genuinely caring for students, high organizational skills, and allowing students to relentlessly stretch their limits. I hope that, just like my high school maths teacher, she will provide me with sets and sets of problems so that I can sustain my genuine love for mathematics.

Undergraduate / Princeton Summers - Korean [2]

Prompt: Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held, if not already detailed on the Common Application

Sorry. Changed this one entirely as well! Please comment! :D Happy New Year!

I am, by default, a Korean. I have parents that are both Korean, and I have Korean citizenship. However, in recent years, I have come to realize that I am, in fact, not really a Korean. In order to become more of a true Korean, I spend my summers being bombarded with the "An Nyung Ha Se Yo", and kimchee, in Korea. Even though I do relax by going shopping in the malls, dining out with my Korean friends, and visiting my relatives, summers provide me with an opportunity to improve the Korean side of my character. When I have nothing to do during my free time in Korea, I often read a Korean novel, or listen to "true" Koreans speaking eloquently with a desire to speak as fluently as they do.

Last summer, however, was slightly unusual. During the first weeks of my summer, I met people from Australia, UK, Singapore, Taiwan, China, and Hong Kong at a conference hosted by HKUST. As I was attending various plenary sessions and lectures about the global environment, I started to understand more about common environmental problems. Making new friends at the conference was also memorable because talking to the English boy with the heavy British accent, talking to the intelligent boy with the heavy Singaporean accent allowed me to improve my understanding of their respective cultures.

My year 12 mock exam marks for IB biology was a "tragedy". Even though it was not entirely my fault, I was still disappointed in myself for being unaware of my own progress, strengths and weaknesses. I was morose that I had to suffer under a lazy teacher. Rather than moaning about the problem and not make progress for weeks, I decided to take action and fill my gaps in learning by registering for a SAT II Biology course at Kaplan Korea.

I always look forward to the summers. Not only do I have the opportunity to relax and shift my focus away from school work, but I also constantly attempt to improve myself as a person. What I do during the summer also ensures that I start the next school year on a high note.

Undergraduate / UPenn Supplement (academic programs!) [2]

Hey Everybody!! Please feel free to be harsh about my essay!! This has to be good!

Describe the academic programs and unique characteristics of the University of Pennsylvania that most interest you. Why do these interests make you a good match for Penn?

UPenn. UPenn. UPenn. Whenever I mutter the name to myself, the sound that I hear is euphemistic, beautiful and soft, as if I could integrate the words into the lyrics of my music composition. To me, it's fascinating how the beautiful syllables of the word "UPenn" truly reflect the characteristics of the University of Pennsylvania. Look at the truly "beautiful" academic programs of Penn. They attract the top students from around the world every year. Look at the truly "beautiful" University of Pennsylvania campus. From The Green to the Statue of Benjamin Franklin, the university's campus is also a major attraction.

My life has been full of challenges. From first place in piano competitions to overcoming food poisoning from a trip to Kenya, many things in my life have once been challenges, until they became a habit. Even the International Baccalaureate Diploma Program that I do at my high school was once very challenging to me, until I adapted to the rigors of the program. Penn's renowned rigorous and "beautiful" academic programs should come to me as nothing close to a challenge, because my life has been full of them, almost as if they are my hobby.

One aspect of the University of Pennsylvania's academic programs that intrigues me the most is how they provide incoming freshmen a smooth transition from high school to college. The famous and comprehensive research facilities at Penn makes me feel as if I am just continuing my high school life because research was the epitome of my junior and senior year at high school. Moreover, because of Penn's academic flexibility and "interdisciplinary" education, freshmen are able to adjust quickly to college life with the General Education Curriculum that allows them to explore opportunities and their interests.

From being the chairman of my high school's yearbook committee to organist, accompanist of my high school's chamber orchestra, active community involvement has been the epitome of my high school life. Not only will extracurricular activities at Penn enrich my college life, but my participation in them will, without a doubt, make the Penn campus much more vibrant and dynamic. What moves me the most, however, about Penn is it's unique College House Music Program, which will enable me to sustain my love for music beyond high school.

The Philadelphia that surrounds the Penn Campus is also truly "beautiful", because it is very similar to my hometown, Hong Kong. Both cities have their glassy skyscrapers, famous first-class shopping arcades, and the bustling business districts. Because of this similarity, I strongly believe that I will start calling Philadelphia and Penn my home in no time. Moreover, I have been a Philadelphia 76ers fan for four years, yet I have never watched any of their live games. Philadelphia also seems to be the right destination for me because I will be able to satisfy my wish and go to Wachovia Center during the weekend to watch the games.

Undergraduate / Stanford Essay #2 (What your freshman roommate should know about you) [5]

Please feel free to comment! :D

Please forgive me if my writing is bad.

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your freshman roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

From my experience of attending conferences and sleeping in dormitories where nobody knows each other, and also from advice given by my friends at college, I have come to understand that the relationship between the student and his or her roommate is a very important factor in how well the student adapts to college life. Although the majority of international students will find it hard to adapt to new, multi-cultural surroundings, I am a minority.

An important factor in relationships is conscientiousness. However, there are times when one accidentally hurts others feelings. Even though I am one of the top chemists in my year, I sometimes make slip ups. Many students would simply do nothing about it and hope that they get better on the next test without serious revision. However, if I get below a level 6 in my IB chemistry test, I would be disturbed for days, evaluating what went tragically wrong. For the next test, I would revise for days to compensate for the low marks from my previous assessment. This is comparable to my treatment of friendship; if I unintentionally hurt my friends by offending their beliefs and values, I never leave the relationship to deteriorate further. Instead, I would make up for the harm by apologizing, and taking him or her out for a meal.

Although I envy local Koreans for their purely Korean setting, I always remain proud of my truly international background. As a result, I have interacted with people from a variety of cultures. Stanford is an international university that has students from around the world and so my roommate will no doubt be a non-Korean. Because of my rich experience of communicating with people from all around the world, enjoying college with my roommate will come as nothing close to a genuine challenge.

Please check on whether my edited version is OK. Any types of additional comments welcome!

Undergraduate / 'I re-focused' - Stanford Short Essay #1 ( a sense of intellectual vitality) [8]

All kinds of comments and feedback welcome! :D

Prompt: Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

On a free Sunday evening, surfing the internet seemed boring to me. Wondering what I should do, I eventually decided to keep my mind busy by solving math problems. The first problem I got seemed interesting, but I was unsure of how I should begin tackling it. Randomly, I picked a theorem to use. I was worried whether it would be a waste of time trying out the theorem on the problem, but as I reminded myself of my maths teacher's words, "The top mathematicians are never afraid to take risks", I started working on the problem.

A couple of minutes later, I ended up in a dead end. Feeling deceived, I felt like quitting, but I kept my calm. Not afraid to try out another method, I tried again. This time, though, I saw the problem develop, as if I saw light in a dark cave. In joy, I kept continuing with the method until I felt something hard hit my head. It was another dead end. Frustration levels were at peak. All I wanted was time to stabilize my mind. I left the problem for now, but I couldn't really stop thinking about it, even during my sleep.

A couple of days later, I restarted. In search for a solution, I used another theorem. At long last, the answer was within sight. It felt as if I had just completed the difficult parts of my hike up Mount Everest, as if I had just discovered the source of a major epidemic. My jigsaw puzzle was almost complete. As I continued to analyze the question even further, I finally found the answer.

At a university where most students are not afraid to take risks, I hope to learn maths without boundaries of the syllabus, and participate in mathematical Olympiads and contests to sustain my long term interest in math problem solving.

This is a real first draft, because I didn't proofread in detail, so please accept any obvious mistakes. :)

Undergraduate / I chose to go to Kenya for my school trip - Travelling to other countries [12]

Hello everybody,

Not the best of essays, but please, please, please feel free to give any comments.
I especially welcome harsh criticisms. :D

Prompt: Travel or living experiences in other countries

After much consideration, I finally chose to go to Kenya for my school trip. It was not an easy decision to make. My friends frequently warned me about contracting diseases, and being disturbed by visions of a much undeveloped country. If I was equipped with yellow fever, typhoid, hepatitis injections, and 36 days worth of malaria pills, how could I possibly contract diseases if I was vaccinated from the most common diseases in Kenya? Moreover, did the photos about the poverty stricken, famine threatened, and undeveloped Kenya really highlight a common and serious issue?

Upon arrival at the Kenyan airport, not only did I have to walk through a small, low-class airport, but I found it awkward to walk through a place where people with pale skin were rare. When I walked out of the airport, I knew that I was in a different world. The pavements were rocky, the road surfaces were worn out, most of the buildings appeared as if they were about to collapse, and the people were walking without shoes. When we went on safari, the Masai people were living in "houses" that were built of cow dung, straw and rain. The tribal girls were getting married at 16 years old, and the boys were not going to school but taking care of their family. When we were touring the vicinity of the slums of Nairobi, I was seeing people who were surviving on just one loaf of bread per day, as well as people with all kinds of diseases. It was a totally different world that was in stark contrast with my hometown, Hong Kong, where I would see people in black suits, glassy skyscrapers, and myriad shopping arcades.

When we arrived at a local primary school to carry out community service, the warm welcome we received could not have been better. The whole school was out to greet us, all the students sang a Kenyan traditional song, and we were greatly entertained. However, when were given a tour of the small school, in which I saw rudimentary toilets, small and undeveloped classrooms, a soccer pitch that had no markings, and classrooms with no lights, I could not forgive myself for being incognizant of the realities of Africa. As I was sweating, persisting with labor work even after contracting food poisoning symptoms, and working my muscles to build wooden desks and a netball court for the poor school children, I felt urged to support and encourage those who were less fortunate as me.

As Confucius once said, "I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand." regardless of how many photos of life in Africa I have seen, how many books about Africa that I have read, it was through this trip that I truly understood the reality of Africa. The whole trip transformed me. When my school offered community service opportunities to help the disabled, I would sign up immediately. Whenever I reminded myself of the Kenyan children with limited access to educational resources and an extremely low-class life, I felt fortunate yet ashamed of myself for once believing that my living environment was not enough. I promised myself to take full advantage of my prosperous background.

Undergraduate / "a fatal mistake" - CommonApp Essay 1 [5]

Hello people!

Any type of productive feedback welcome!

Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Frankly, I think they're better than the ones that my English tutor gives.

Anyway, here is the modified version:

I slowly approached the piano after my name was called. Suddenly, sweat was trickling down my neck, my heart was racing, and every muscle in my body was trembling. As I sat down, my hands were shaking. Taking deep, slow breaths, reminding myself of pleasant experiences, my perspiring body began to settle and I placed my now still hands onto the shiny, black and white keys. Having only won a silver medal in my previous competition, I was prepared to use every ounce of effort to push the limits of my ability and win the gold medal.

The first note could not have sounded better. It was a sweet, bright sound that echoed across the concert hall and should have impressed the audience. As the song progressed, the scales were flowing smoothly, the melodies sounded operatic and everybody in the theater was smiling. For a moment, the concert hall was mine. I was able to imagine my own paradise. The trills and staccatos were like chirping birds and the smooth scales resembled the calmly flowing river. Suddenly, towards the end of the music, my paradise was destroyed.

It took a moment for me to realize that I had made a fatal mistake. I had played the wrong chord. The collision of notes sounded sinister and grotesque. For a moment, I stopped playing and the concert hall went deadly silent. Thoughts were racing through my mind. What would happen if I gave up here? What would happen if I succumbed to defeat? How could I allow a single mistake to cost me the gold? I realized that only a coward would back down instantly. Improvising instinctively, I compensated for my mistake, adapting the melody. As I saw smiles on the faces of the spectators, I knew that the audience and adjudicator had forgiven me for my slip up. Getting back into my rhythm and knowing I was only a page away from the final bars, every fiber of my body strove for victory.

When the adjudicator was ready to announce the rankings, I looked as if I was drenched in rain. Because of the fatal mistake, I was worried that I might not get any medal this time. Even when I realized that I was not 3rd place, I still remained hopeful. However, when the adjudicator announced another competitor's name for 2nd place, my soul was torn apart. I could not imagine restarting from the beginning and waiting for another year. By now, all my hopes for the gold had evaporated. However, when the adjudicator announced that I was 1st, I went out to claim my medal in a jubilant mood.

Winning the competition was one of the highlights of my life. Ever since I started banging the black and white keys at the age of four, I wanted to measure myself against the top young pianists in Hong Kong. I felt proud of myself for achieving that goal after hours and hours of practice and myriad setbacks. However, what made me feel even more proud was my ability to make sudden comebacks and compensate for mistakes. From this day onwards, I knew that I would never be the same. Whenever I came across a challenge, such as climbing the tallest mountain in Hong Kong, I would think back to that competition and draw on the same focus, resilience, and imagination that I had relied on to excel at piano.

Please tell me if i need more corrections :D