sara alawieh
Apr 19, 2012
sara alawieh
Apr 19, 2012
Undergraduate / 'He always encouraged me to be a computer scientist' - influential person for me [16]
here are some suggestions:
I still remember my inspiration to pursue a career in computer science; a computer science teacher who was one of my family and neighbors. He was great at simplifying the subject's materials, making them more fun and exciting. He informed me about the subject and how it blends mathematics and science with their application on real world problems. For example, the mathematical algorithms used in web search engines, OR computer modelling /simulation in weather forecasting. He used to encourage me to be a computer scientist after he saw my passion for it.
number of words: 93 including dots and commas:)
hope it helps:)
here are some suggestions:
I still remember my inspiration to pursue a career in computer science; a computer science teacher who was one of my family and neighbors. He was great at simplifying the subject's materials, making them more fun and exciting. He informed me about the subject and how it blends mathematics and science with their application on real world problems. For example, the mathematical algorithms used in web search engines, OR computer modelling /simulation in weather forecasting. He used to encourage me to be a computer scientist after he saw my passion for it.
number of words: 93 including dots and commas:)
hope it helps:)
sara alawieh
Apr 18, 2012
sara alawieh
Apr 18, 2012
sara alawieh
Apr 18, 2012
Writing Feedback / Euthanasia: for or against? Is it a solution for those terminally ill? [4]
any time:)
any time:)
sara alawieh
Apr 17, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Are there any borders?' - genetic engineering essay [6]
but i wrote essay/paragraph in the before the essay if u noticed...!
but i wrote essay/paragraph in the before the essay if u noticed...!
sara alawieh
Apr 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / Euthanasia: for or against? Is it a solution for those terminally ill? [4]
Your essay is outstanding but you can also mention that :
A person's life or death is related to GOD's will so if any one is dead, it's said that god had ended his life, but no one ever knows when a person will die , that's why we can't just kill them because he might wake up at any minute. As long as he's alive, it's up to GOD to end his life not US.!
u can also mention some realistic examples to strengthen your point of view like:
Sidney Cotten...he was in a coma and every one thought he was going to die, but they didn't accept applying euthanasia and eventually he woke up and he lived again, so if euthanasia was applied, they'd have ended the life of this man too soon.!
Your essay is outstanding but you can also mention that :
A person's life or death is related to GOD's will so if any one is dead, it's said that god had ended his life, but no one ever knows when a person will die , that's why we can't just kill them because he might wake up at any minute. As long as he's alive, it's up to GOD to end his life not US.!
u can also mention some realistic examples to strengthen your point of view like:
Sidney Cotten...he was in a coma and every one thought he was going to die, but they didn't accept applying euthanasia and eventually he woke up and he lived again, so if euthanasia was applied, they'd have ended the life of this man too soon.!
sara alawieh
Apr 17, 2012
Book Reports / Pride and Prejudice Essay - Thesis and Idea Revising [2]
Your thesis statement is nice and strong but i read the story and i think it's better to write your thesis statement and your introduction about how love can change a person's attitude or behavior ... maybe u should mention something like: jane austen personalize the idea that we never know for whom our heart will beat...
i hope i've helped a little:)
Your thesis statement is nice and strong but i read the story and i think it's better to write your thesis statement and your introduction about how love can change a person's attitude or behavior ... maybe u should mention something like: jane austen personalize the idea that we never know for whom our heart will beat...
i hope i've helped a little:)
sara alawieh
Apr 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / Tolerance, driving the road of life - essay [4]
prompt: write about tolerance.( what's tolerance?)
While driving the road of life..and while you're attracted to the gravity of faith, the more you drive, the more the friction of life increases..But what if some error occurs? What if you needed to slow down?! What if you ran out of gas?!..The friction will increase and beat up your speed to leave you stranded in the middle of your trip. But will we stay lost while we are destined to keep walking ?! And if so, then how will we move on? The answer is simple. The same way the oil takes the friction out of the way, tolerance takes the friction out of life.
Tolerance is to hold on our hands together and to close our eyes to forget that we have ever been different. It's to bond our hearts into one which beats with love, respect, and peace.. It's the power that if each and everyone of us give, we'll have the ability to defeat what's impossible. It's to throw behind whatever differences we have. Tolerance isn't just to know that we're human beings and have rights, it's to respect those rights and search for similarities. Whether in school, work, home, or any setting in our lives, it's tolerance that makes things work. It's the smile that cheers up and say :" If you ever thought you're different and won't fit it, remember that mud makes up our skin!" :)
prompt: write about tolerance.( what's tolerance?)
While driving the road of life..and while you're attracted to the gravity of faith, the more you drive, the more the friction of life increases..But what if some error occurs? What if you needed to slow down?! What if you ran out of gas?!..The friction will increase and beat up your speed to leave you stranded in the middle of your trip. But will we stay lost while we are destined to keep walking ?! And if so, then how will we move on? The answer is simple. The same way the oil takes the friction out of the way, tolerance takes the friction out of life.
Tolerance is to hold on our hands together and to close our eyes to forget that we have ever been different. It's to bond our hearts into one which beats with love, respect, and peace.. It's the power that if each and everyone of us give, we'll have the ability to defeat what's impossible. It's to throw behind whatever differences we have. Tolerance isn't just to know that we're human beings and have rights, it's to respect those rights and search for similarities. Whether in school, work, home, or any setting in our lives, it's tolerance that makes things work. It's the smile that cheers up and say :" If you ever thought you're different and won't fit it, remember that mud makes up our skin!" :)
sara alawieh
Apr 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / An Entrance Exam to Enter a University essay [4]
you're essay is good , but you have some mistakes :
- "There are many reasons that university should be mandatory for all students to take an entrance exam. "
correction: : There are many reasons justify the idea of making universities mandatory for all students to take an entrance exam.
-"First, an entrance exam can determine how students are interested to that university and career their pursuit."
correction:First, an entrance exam can determine the student's tendencies towards the collage or career they pursuit. .
-"There are many students applying to a wrong university and career because of their parent would like them to going to that university, or their friends are going to that university, or they can get financial aid or scholarship from that university."
correction:There are many students applying to a wrong university or career because of their parents' desire , friends' decision, or financial aid and scholarships offered by such a university.
-"for a student really likes to be a student of that university, he/she will study and prepare their best to become that university's student."
correction: : If a student really likes to enter a certain university, he'll try his best and study really hard to fulfill his wish.
-" In addition, an entrance exam can help university find out the best students. These students will be get scholarship from university, government, or companies let them can spend their time into study or innovations. Social would to train these students to be the best to help our world."
correction : In addition, an entrance exam can help the university choose the best students where they get scholarships from it and from governments, companies... so that they can spend their time in studying or innovations to be the best to help our world.
-"Finally, an entrance exam can balance and improve work environment. Each student has different future dreams. They will look for university and career they would like to be. An entrance exam could not hinder these students' dream. It will help students take more seriously on their career and future. Even though, many students feel an entrance exam might not fair for below average students. They may not pass the entrance exam to get into the university that they dream. Nothing is impossible and your dream will come true if you do it seriously."
correction:Finally, an entrance exam can balance and improve the work and environment . It can also push the students into being more serious about their career and future. It can never hinder their dreams even though many feel it's not fair for below average students. They might think they're not going to pass to get into the university of their dream, but a little more determination will drive these thoughts right away
WATCH OUR FOR:
- GRAMMAR MISTAKES
- WEAK STRUCTURES
- SUBJECT VERB AGREEMENT MISTAKES
- FRAGMENTS.
GOOD LUCK :)
you're essay is good , but you have some mistakes :
- "There are many reasons that university should be mandatory for all students to take an entrance exam. "
correction: : There are many reasons justify the idea of making universities mandatory for all students to take an entrance exam.
-"First, an entrance exam can determine how students are interested to that university and career their pursuit."
correction:First, an entrance exam can determine the student's tendencies towards the collage or career they pursuit. .
-"There are many students applying to a wrong university and career because of their parent would like them to going to that university, or their friends are going to that university, or they can get financial aid or scholarship from that university."
correction:There are many students applying to a wrong university or career because of their parents' desire , friends' decision, or financial aid and scholarships offered by such a university.
-"for a student really likes to be a student of that university, he/she will study and prepare their best to become that university's student."
correction: : If a student really likes to enter a certain university, he'll try his best and study really hard to fulfill his wish.
-" In addition, an entrance exam can help university find out the best students. These students will be get scholarship from university, government, or companies let them can spend their time into study or innovations. Social would to train these students to be the best to help our world."
correction : In addition, an entrance exam can help the university choose the best students where they get scholarships from it and from governments, companies... so that they can spend their time in studying or innovations to be the best to help our world.
-"Finally, an entrance exam can balance and improve work environment. Each student has different future dreams. They will look for university and career they would like to be. An entrance exam could not hinder these students' dream. It will help students take more seriously on their career and future. Even though, many students feel an entrance exam might not fair for below average students. They may not pass the entrance exam to get into the university that they dream. Nothing is impossible and your dream will come true if you do it seriously."
correction:Finally, an entrance exam can balance and improve the work and environment . It can also push the students into being more serious about their career and future. It can never hinder their dreams even though many feel it's not fair for below average students. They might think they're not going to pass to get into the university of their dream, but a little more determination will drive these thoughts right away
WATCH OUR FOR:
- GRAMMAR MISTAKES
- WEAK STRUCTURES
- SUBJECT VERB AGREEMENT MISTAKES
- FRAGMENTS.
GOOD LUCK :)
sara alawieh
Apr 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'Making cement, limestone and clay' - the IELTS Exam [5]
it's a nice paragraph actually but i have some comments:
. "products of this step pass to a grinder and then becoming the cement production." it's better : become
."whichwe combine 15% of cement,10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of small stones or so-called gravel" my suggestion:
where 15% of cement,10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of small stones or so-called gravel are combined together
.it's better to say instead of all of these materials: This combination is mixed in a concrete mixture for a specific time where it comes out for building process.
."Those two picturesummaring the processes to produce cement and concrete. The difference between them is the appearence of heat in the cement production.
better to say:
those two pictures summarize the production process of cement and concrete that differs only in the appearance of heat in the cement production
. in general the ideas are good and well displayed but watch out for:
-repetition of certain words
- some weak structures
- spelling mistakes
good luck:)
it's a nice paragraph actually but i have some comments:
. "products of this step pass to a grinder and then becoming the cement production." it's better : become
."whichwe combine 15% of cement,10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of small stones or so-called gravel" my suggestion:
where 15% of cement,10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of small stones or so-called gravel are combined together
.it's better to say instead of all of these materials: This combination is mixed in a concrete mixture for a specific time where it comes out for building process.
."Those two picturesummaring the processes to produce cement and concrete. The difference between them is the appearence of heat in the cement production.
better to say:
those two pictures summarize the production process of cement and concrete that differs only in the appearance of heat in the cement production
. in general the ideas are good and well displayed but watch out for:
-repetition of certain words
- some weak structures
- spelling mistakes
good luck:)
sara alawieh
Apr 17, 2012
sara alawieh
Apr 16, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Are there any borders?' - genetic engineering essay [6]
Prompt: Write an essay/ paragraph about the effects of genetic engineering.
The history of technology has undergone a great gap after which a new world of scientific discoveries has arose. During the waves of the 90th century, a brand new child of the engineering family was born. Unlike all it's family members, genetic engineering is concerned about altering a unit of inherited traits called genes. Whether on plants, animals ,or human beings ,gene-splicing had shown wondrous results; As for plants, it created a hole new crispy, long lasting, and tasty crops. With respect to animals, longer, faster, and less consuming species were found. It was also able to produce less-cholesterol lamps and more beneficial drug-full milk. Last, but sure not least, HUMAN GENETIC ENGINEERING. As the other two, this type of gene-modifying is concerned about altering an individual gene with the aim of choosing or changing the phenotype of an unborn child or adult. It holds the promise of curing genetic illness like cancer..It's speculated that it could be used to change physical appearance and metabolism , although for now these uses seem to be of lower priority to researches. The results are incredible and the future is promising of more and more applications of genetic engineering. Are there any borders? Could we chock while swallowing from this endless ocean of technology? We can only wonder...!
Prompt: Write an essay/ paragraph about the effects of genetic engineering.
The history of technology has undergone a great gap after which a new world of scientific discoveries has arose. During the waves of the 90th century, a brand new child of the engineering family was born. Unlike all it's family members, genetic engineering is concerned about altering a unit of inherited traits called genes. Whether on plants, animals ,or human beings ,gene-splicing had shown wondrous results; As for plants, it created a hole new crispy, long lasting, and tasty crops. With respect to animals, longer, faster, and less consuming species were found. It was also able to produce less-cholesterol lamps and more beneficial drug-full milk. Last, but sure not least, HUMAN GENETIC ENGINEERING. As the other two, this type of gene-modifying is concerned about altering an individual gene with the aim of choosing or changing the phenotype of an unborn child or adult. It holds the promise of curing genetic illness like cancer..It's speculated that it could be used to change physical appearance and metabolism , although for now these uses seem to be of lower priority to researches. The results are incredible and the future is promising of more and more applications of genetic engineering. Are there any borders? Could we chock while swallowing from this endless ocean of technology? We can only wonder...!
