Unanswered [19] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by alicimoo
Joined: Dec 20, 2008
Last Post: Jan 5, 2009
Threads: 3
Posts: 24  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 27
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alicimoo   
Jan 3, 2009
Undergraduate / Check your submissions dates common app posting incorrect dates!? [19]

You sure?

So Chicago would still be eastern time?

Does that mean I missed my deadline..?

Chicago is 1 hour slower than EST.
If you're on the East coast, the deadline would have been 12:59pm.
If you're on the West coast, the deadline would have been 10:59pm.

[edit]
what am i saying...hold on.

[edit]
So it says nothing on their website about their deadline, but I would assume it's 11:59pm for Chicago time, which would be times I posted above.
alicimoo   
Jan 1, 2009
Student Talk / Application Question January [127]

I'm not sure if the adcoms will be back in office until a few days from now.
Email them first, and then try calling them. If in the next couple of days your app switches to Downloaded, then you're fine, and you don't need to worry.
alicimoo   
Jan 1, 2009
Student Talk / Application Question January [127]

All parts of the applications (Common App + Supp) is due by the deadline, which is 1/1 for UPenn.
I'm not sure how lenient UPenn is about apps being just a minute late (and I'm really not trying to freak you out here), but just wait till tomorrow and see if it's been downloaded. You can always send them an email about why it was a bit late (like glitch in system, or internet problems, etc).
alicimoo   
Jan 1, 2009
Student Talk / Application Question January [127]

If you sent it by 11:59pm on 1/1, you should definitely be fine. It should say Submitted: 1/1/2009.
If you sent it anytime after/at 12:00am, colleges may or may not accept it. Many colleges are lenient though and will still accept it. If the status turns to Download:, then it means your app was accepted.
alicimoo   
Dec 30, 2008
Undergraduate / "Wild goose father"; TUFTS- "Let your life speak" [5]

THE Internet can only be of limited help when searching for my dream university in a country I have never visited, yet it convinced me that Tufts IS the place FOR ME. AS A ... MAJOR, Tufts' strong International Relations department WILL ... (say something like... "provide me with the great education to...something"). I want to broaden my knowledge and explore core areas that may ultimately decide my future (This does nothing for you since you don't connect it to why Tufts). WITH Its 60+ core faculty in IR, TUFTS WILL allow me to explore my various interests (what does the # of faculty members and departments have to do with you being able to explore your interest?). I believe Tufts' diverse opportunities will open many doors for me.

I did this in Word because I was trying to keep track of the # of characters, so I didn't show what I deleted, but (this is going to be very blunt) you don't say much about why Tufts aside from the International Relations department. You have to explain WHY the aspects of Tufts benefits you (like, the # of faculty members has nothing to do with you being able to explore your interests. Sorry I know this is harsh, but you need to convey your great interest in Tufts. And I know this is hard because Tufts gives you so little space. =/ Good luck!
alicimoo   
Dec 25, 2008
Undergraduate / Yale hold a legacy ; Why Yale, 500 characters only? [6]

mmh, I'll try to rewrite it by targeting one or two things instead of all these things. It's just that there's so much about Yale that I love. haha.

Thanks for your feedback! I'll try to post a new one tomorrow.
alicimoo   
Dec 25, 2008
Undergraduate / Yale hold a legacy ; Why Yale, 500 characters only? [6]

Yale only gives 500 characters for this. :( I just don't know if I'm able to get across everything I love about Yale in such limited space. I'm not sure if what I have written so far would suffice. Feedback would be greatly appreciated!

What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply? Please limit your response to the space provided.

Not only does Yale hold a legacy of more than three hundred years, but also holds its place in modern times with its world-renowned facilities and award-winning faculty. The school has everything I want: castle-like buildings, a library with an extensive collection of books, emergency phone booths every few blocks, an atmosphere of intellectual excellence, and amazing residential colleges. Everything about this school: its academics, its campus, and its body of residents, resonates excellence.
alicimoo   
Dec 25, 2008
Undergraduate / Why Columbia (Located in New York, the hub of diversity) [5]

lol, yea I know. I'm still trying to find another way to end it so it doesn't sound completely cheesy and stupid. Thanks for the feedback. :)

Columbia has everything that I am looking for in a school? =/
alicimoo   
Dec 25, 2008
Undergraduate / UPenn required supplement length? [6]

Personally, I don't think length matters. As long as you have said all you wanted to, and have answered the question as thoroughly you can, you're fine. Colleges only set a limit so they won't have to read ten thousand essays that are liek 5 pages each.
alicimoo   
Dec 25, 2008
Undergraduate / 'Excelling in tennis' - Common app.. short answer "ANY ACTIVITY" [7]

Extracurricular activities have been a very integral part of my life. Although I HAVE never played in ON any (PROFESSIONAL --you don't even really need this) big team or professionally , I often play sports for leisure and fitness. I have tried my hand in numerous types of sports FOR LEISURE and HAVE even mastered some! The current sport in which I excel IN is Tennis. Although I JUST started playing Tennis in 2007, it has become an important part of my life and I cannot even IMAGINE LIFE think of any survival without it.

Tennis has helped me a lot in meeting MEET new people of diverse cultures and beliefs. Every week, I meet at least one to two new people either from a different country or a different level of play.

^Somehow reword or combine the two sentences.

Tennis is a very good GREAT game to learn a variety of LIFE skills which prove to be a necessity in the future. , SUCH AS GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP. it can teach you how to behave and praise the opponent when you were defeated by him and how not to overreact when you win a game. Playing Tennis HAS also TAUGHT improved me in how to take and respond to challenges with utmost dedication and determination.
alicimoo   
Dec 25, 2008
Undergraduate / UPENN page 217 of a 300 page biography [4]

I interpret it more as an autobiography of your entire life. So page 217 might be around the time of your retirement, 50s-60s?

But at the same time, they might also be asking what you've done in your life so far, like what makes you stand our or something.

I think either way you answer it is fine. If they really wanted a specific period, they would have indicated that.
alicimoo   
Dec 25, 2008
Undergraduate / Why Columbia (Located in New York, the hub of diversity) [5]

Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why:

Located in New York, the hub of diversity, Columbia possesses one of the most diverse student bodies and award-winning faculties. As stated in its mission statement, Columbia is a school that greatly emphasizes "research and teaching on global issues" and offers a variety of traveling abroad programs to "create academic relationships with many countries and regions." As an aspiring doctor without borders and a student who is greatly interested in international issues, Columbia is perfect for me.

OR

Located in New York, the hub of diversity, Columbia possesses one of the most diverse student bodies and award-winning faculties. As an aspiring doctor without borders and a student greatly interested in international issues, Columbia's emphasis on global issues and various study abroad programs to connect with other countries greatly interests me.

-------
I'm not sure if everything flows well, especially my opening sentence?

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! :)
alicimoo   
Dec 21, 2008
Undergraduate / Which essay should I use as my Common App essay? [6]

EF_Kevin - I'll be sure to change the ending to what you suggested. That does make so much more sense. Thanks!

JustGlaze - Er yea. I'm not sure how I would go about explaining it anyways. It's just that when someone read it, he told me to explain why this change also happened in other parts of my life? I'm not sure how I would explain that, this change just...changed my life.

Thank you guys for all your feedback, but I'm still not sure which essay I should use? Anymore feedback would be greatly appreciated!
alicimoo   
Dec 21, 2008
Undergraduate / 'awards and accomplishments' - UPenn - Professor of Interest [8]

Sorry I just realized that I didn't write any feedback, just made some changes.

I think what you wrote is great. It sounds very put together and convincing. If I were you, I would go through it again and maybe replace some words, like consistent. It just sounds a little bit awkward, don't you think?

Seriously, nice job. I looked at UPenn supp over the summer, saw this, and decided, I'm not applying. haha, of course there were other reasons, but this is such a difficult topic to write about and I felt you did a great job.
alicimoo   
Dec 20, 2008
Undergraduate / Hula has always been one of my passions; COMMON APP: DECISIONS [8]

Common App technically doesn't have a limit, but I think it's best to keep it around <600 words since most colleges only want essays to be around 250-500 words.

[edit]
Eh, I guess you realized that it doesn't have a limit.
alicimoo   
Dec 20, 2008
Undergraduate / 'awards and accomplishments' - UPenn - Professor of Interest [8]

At UPenn, there are a lot of (excellent) professors that I look forward to learning from. (After some research, the professor that stood out to me the most was) Dr. Edward Mansfield. (I feel that he and) I will have a beneficial teacher-pupil relationship because of our parallel interests of study. I believe I can benefit from his vast knowledge and he (from the avid? attention of) an enthusiastic learner.
alicimoo   
Dec 20, 2008
Undergraduate / Common App essay 2 (political and international headlines) [4]

__ deleted
( ) added/moved around

The lack of concern regarding political and international headlines among students is completely staggering. The ratio (of those who would rather pick up an issue of "People" instead of a newspaper is overwhelming). In the past (few?) decades, the new comings of celebrities have gained a(n) unanimously superior standing over foreign developments and domestic skirmishes. The root problem is how the media and the public's relationship ha(s) developed through the decades. The media is forced to collect meaningless __ information surrounding our nation's film stars and rock legends because no other news makes as much profit. Even today, in the face of one of the worst economic circumstances known in human history, the media has not retracted its ever-watchful eye from the A-list world.

The people of America must have their eyes pried open with the cold, steel pliers of reality. The best place to start is in schools. Students have to open their eyes and ears to political and economic news, not only limited to the United States, but on an international level. When this happens, people will be geared towards independent thinking and (will) learn how to __ analyze situations (better), (which will) ultimately result in an intellectually superior generation. My goal in life is to excel and shatter the human species' limitations, but it is impossible for a single person to undertake such a task. Something must be reformed to change the priorities of the people, and the sooner this occurs, the better.

I think this is great. I think I shortened it to the right length?
alicimoo   
Dec 20, 2008
Undergraduate / CommonApp Short Answer: elaborate on one of your activities [11]

The profit part is unnecessary. Add in another sentence at the end about what this responsibility shows about you. Like, you're able to communicate well with others, or how you're able to ...I don't know I can't think of another one right now. Or write about what this position/experience has taught you about...working with others? life?

If you add in conclusion sentence about what this tells about you or what you've learned from it, I think you're all set.
alicimoo   
Dec 20, 2008
Undergraduate / reason for your major - interest in economics [3]

The __ are parts that I deleted. The parts where I add things/moved things around are in parenthesis.

My interest in economics originated when the 1997 Asian Financial Crisis hit South Korea. Better known as the IMF Crisis, this economic depression was engendered by wasteful spending of the Korean people, excess __ import compared to export, and inability to pay back loans from the International Monetary Fund. The effects of the IMF Crisis lingered until 2000, when the president of South Korea formally declared the end of the depression.

I was only 6 years old when the depression took place. __ I had no idea why it happened but I experienced (its severity).
My close friends moved as their fathers lost their jobs and could not afford to live in the city anymore. Almost every other week, one student would either leave my class, or come from somewhere else as a new student. Walking to and from school I (would) observe many stores (closing), and several just left vacant for months.

All of my uncles lost their jobs(,) two of which were entrepreneurs of small businesses which failed completely. I also remember that my family didn't celebrate most of the holidays during those years except maybe __ New Year's Day.__

(The period between) 1997 to 2000 was probably one of the most depressing (period) for Korea, but for me, it was also a time when I felt very proud to be a Korean. United as a whole (country), Koreans overcame the economic depression that seemed to tarnish our dignity and deprive of our confidence.

Interestingly, just like how the auto-industry is troubled in today's economic depression, Kia Motors of Korea was also __ hurt. The government stepped in to bail out Kia Motors, one of the largest car makers in 1997. Companies went through numerous studies to develop the quality of their products. (During) __ the depression, the employers and __ employees tried hard__ to compromise and cooperate with each other. Most importantly, the Korean people campaigned for using domestic goods rather than imported products, and against wasteful spending in general.

One of the most successful campaign(s) Korean people ran was collecting gold. Koreans gave up their gold wedding rings, necklaces, watches, and even medals and trophies to support their troubled economy. This campaign collected more than 200 tons of gold and consequently helped Korean government to repay its debt from the IMF.

(As someone who lived through this period of ...[I can't think of the word]), I learned the importance of (the) economy. I saw with my (own) eyes the discouragement and (grief) it [what is "it?"] can bring, but I also saw (the unity among the people as they worked) for a common goal of (getting over?...) over (the) depression. (The) economy not only affects the country, but it also changes how individuals think and behave [gives examples of how it changes how people think and behave]. With __ adequate knowledge of economics, I (realized) that, just like how Koreans during the IMF Crisis unified and sacrificed for their country, I can also make a difference_ and help others and my country [how can you help?]. To maximize [what do you mean maximize the capacity of your support? What can you do to help by learning more about economics?] the capacity of my support, I want to study more about the economy to help more people, especially those who can't do much to help themselves during the economic crisis like my uncles.

It's pretty good. You gave a lot of examples of why you want to study more about economics, but wrap up by saying how you can help others by learning more about economics and what you plan on doing.
alicimoo   
Dec 20, 2008
Undergraduate / Common App Essay (my father's watch) [4]

One day, my father came home with a brand new watch. (My heart rate increased as soon as I saw it because) it was the first time I had seen such a tiny watch. I thought, "How could that little piece of metal work as (well) as our grandfather clock?" I used my (greatest) imagination to come up with a method to shrink the (grandfather) clock (to) 1/100 of its size, but it was far too unrealistic.

[Link the story about the watch to your interest in engineering].

I was eight years old when I developed my interest in engineering. Back then, I indulged in the use of multiple technological tools, such as computers and electrical clocks. My childhood was surrounded with items that made my life easy [This sentence seems really out of place, I'm not sure what you're trying to link it to].

^This whole paragraph seems really out of place.

That night [What night are you referring to? The same day your dad came home with the watch? Relate it], while my parents were watching television, I sneaked into my father's room and tried to see the inside of watch. (As) I took out my screwdriver and started to open the backside of the watch, I felt (a sense of joy?) as if I (was) about to see (something?) magic(al?). However, (just as I was about to screw open the lid of the watch), the door opened and my father appeared. "What are you doing?" he cried(,) "It's mine!" He grabbed the watch (from me) and (pulled me) me back to my room.

I could hardly sleep that night (because...??). When I woke up the next morning, I was drenched in sweat (because) the existence of watch kept bothering m(e), and (I had) many questions (that were left unanswered.)

A few days later, my father (surprised me by buying the same watch for me). He thought I was interested in the overall style of a watch's design (since) it was the newest model. He did (not) know that my true (fascination with the watch) was directed toward its (mechanics?). I quickly opened the package and ran into my room. My mouth was (widely opened in awe) and my heart beat rapidly as I uncovered [I'm not sure if uncovered would be the best word] the shell of the watch. Finally, I caught a glimpse of the inside. I saw a million tiny gears, each of which (were) spinning one after another. The whole view took my breath away and (I was filled) with fascination. How and who had (constructed such a complex mechanism)?

I stared at the inside for a long time (as) I imagined (myself) contributing to the (work that many investors have done by creating inventions that) make others' lives easier. (This is what I wanted to do. I wanted to be an investor? [I'm not sure if this is what you're trying to get across]).

Today, the use of technology is more (of a) necessity than an option. It's difficult to think of modern life without technological tools. We overlook the effort that engineers put into every product that makes our lives more convenient. I (will always remember that mysterious watch and ...how it inspired me to become an engineer(?)).

I think you need to connect your thoughts better. A lot of the transitions are really choppy and don't link together (like paragraph 2). Conclude your essay by saying something along the lines of how this experience influenced you to be..an engineer or how it affected you mindset.

Hope this somewhat helps!
alicimoo   
Dec 20, 2008
Undergraduate / common app short (keen on becoming a member of the student body) [12]

I like the second one. It shows a lot about what you learned and how it will apply in your future. I felt that the the first one lacked support (examples) of what the experience taught you.

My much awaited enthusiasm about having successful(ly) become a member of the student body faltered when I heard the news that I would become a blazer quartermaster, the most undesired job in (the) council. I did not want to sit in a musty room full of sweaty blazers (for hours), only to serve peers who left without even a hint of appreciation. But what could I do? I had committed myself to serve the school. I started out unhappy, but committed. (After a period of time went by, [something along those lines]), I experienced a moment of epiphany that would change my outlook on leadership forever. It hit me tha(t) leadership was not positional, but personal [I'm not exactly sure of what you're trying to say about it being personal?]. This humbling experience in a logistical field taught me to value personal satisfaction more than public recognition(,) and instilled in me traits of (a good leader:) responsibility, determination and perseverance.

I'm not sure how to color code things, but the things in the brackets are the sentences/words that I added/moved around. The parts that I felt were redundant or unnecessarily, I just deleted. I'm not a great writer, but I hope this helps.
alicimoo   
Dec 20, 2008
Undergraduate / Which essay should I use as my Common App essay? [6]

I have 2 essays written for colleges since some colleges want a second essay. I had initially intended to use Essay #1 as my Common App essay, but after writing the second essay, I'm not sure which one conveys more about me. (Both are just topic of your choice). Could you guys give me some feedback on the essays and also let me know which essay you think would be better as the Common App essay? Thanks!

Essay #1 (I don't think my conclusion is that great, what would be a better way to conclude it? Also, I need to cut down about 100 words): 613 words

Every Saturday morning, as I sat on the floor watching episodes of Batman and Sailor Moon, commercial breaks would interrupt the precious time I had with my animated heroes. I would be horrified and overwhelmed as I met emaciated children with protruding bellies silently pleading for just ten cents a day or a monthly donation the price of a cup of coffee and a bagel. As my mother delivered warm oatmeal, fruit, and juice to her only child, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt as I asked myself why those children had to suffer so greatly, while I had so much. I began to make promises every Saturday to the children of Timor-Leste, Cambodia, Uganda, and Angola, who urgently needed food, textbooks, vaccinations, and homes, that I would not sit by and watch them suffer.

Since enrolling in -- School in the seventh grade, I have spent my time helping others by participating in certain activities, such as mentoring and tutoring younger students, and volunteering at various hospitals. However, I was not able to find the path to fulfill my promises to the impoverished children in the commercials until the summer before ninth grade. I participated in a program called Health Corps at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, where I was stationed in various parts of the hospital on different days. During a shift in the post-anesthesia care unit, I was able to care for a young boy, not medically but psychologically. He had a fear-stricken expression as he waited to be taken into surgery. I went up to him and sat down beside his bed. Starting a friendly conservation, I asked him what his name was, how old he was, and what he liked to do. As he slowly opened up to me, he confessed that he was afraid of being put to sleep and never waking up again. I reassured him that he would come out of surgery and wake up better than he ever was. He asked me how I was so sure this would happen, and I responded with a slight smile that his guardian angel was watching over him and would not allow anything bad to happen to him. He asked, "Promise?" and I told him, "Promise." As he was rolled into the surgery room, he gave me a shy smile and lay back into his bed prepared for anything because his guardian angel was watching over him. Although I was not able to provide the young boy medical care, I was able to provide him with something just as important, peace of mind.

While participating in the program, I witnessed the pain and suffering of many patients, much like the children in the commercials: prematurely born babies, hooked up to a series of tubes, whimpering barely audible cries, severely injured automobile accident victims laying in their beds with faces scrunched up in agony, burn victims, wrapped in bandages, laying in their beds as their skin healed tightly over their bodies. It was in the rooms and hallways of this world-class hospital that my dream to become a doctor began. Through my interactions with patients, such as the young boy, and my witnessing of patients' anguish, I realized that I could use the medical training to help alleviate the pain and improve the conditions of children like those in the commercials. I do not intend to work in highly developed institutions like Beth Israel Hospital, but rather, in underdeveloped countries to provide crucial and previously inaccessible health care. Helping that little boy was just the beginning of fulfilling my promise to make a difference in the lives of the children in the commercials and others like them. (weak!)

Essay #2 (I need to cute down about 30 words): 533 words

As I stepped onto the cold tiled floor, a strong waft of chlorine stung my nose and made my eyes water. When the tears finally dissipated and the sight of the undulating blue-pool-water met my eyes, my shoulders slumped as I sighed with the thought, "Here we go again," in my head. Diving into the freezing water, I was reminded of all the yards covered in the past few days, as my already sore and achy muscles clamped up. With every stroke, my energy level was cut in half. With every kick, my body started shutting down. With every breath, I felt like I was drowning. And that was just the warm-up. I only knew this feeling of despair in the pool, since, as a student, I had always felt in control and ahead of my peers: I was organized, hard-working, and dependable, so this feeling was something completely new.

After finishing my seventh, out of ten, fifty-yard-sprints on a minute, I felt like giving up. My arm muscles refused to comply with my brain as I tried to adjust my leaky goggles, and those ten to fifteen second rests between each sprint were not enough to allow me to catch my breath before beginning the next one. Planning to sit out for the rest of the set, I lifted myself out of the pool, almost falling over as my arms gave out, when I saw a young girl about half my size struggling behind everyone else. Out of all the possible strokes she could do, she was doing the most difficult and energy consuming stroke, the dreaded butterfly! Although she was almost half a length behind the person in front of her, and was making the sprints with barely two to three seconds to spare, she continued pounding the butterfly with all her might. As I watched this little girl with twig arms swimming the most tiring stroke and keeping up with it for eight laps and still counting, a metamorphosis occurred within me. I got up and slid into the pool again, determined to finish the set and the rest of the workout.

This girl, the size of a Lilliputian, was the catalyst that triggered the change within me; I had never seen someone so small and seemingly fragile work so hard to finish the workout, which seemed like a giant's task to me. (A bit awkward/weak?) This change did not just influence me in the pool, but affected many other places in my life, such as my academics. (I think I should write about why, but I'm not sure what I could say). I would rerun the gel electrophoresis just to make sure that my initial data was correct, reread and revise my thesis on Austen's view on marriage and love, and dissect the grammatical structure of the Latin language. This encounter not only brought the change in me that helped me improve in swimming and revolutionized my mindset about learning, but it taught me a life lesson: never be complacent. I will always push myself to my limits in everything that I do, whether it is school work or small things such as finishing a fifty-yard-sprint in practice, because just as the metamorphosis from a caterpillar to a butterfly is irreversible, so is the change in me.

Thanks again!