Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ellecc
Joined: Aug 19, 2012
Last Post: Oct 15, 2012
Threads: 4
Posts: 12  

From: China

Displayed posts: 16
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
ellecc   
Oct 15, 2012
Undergraduate / "All Ye Faithful" - UT - Topic B [5]

Hey, thanks for revising my essay.!

I have read yours, and here is something that I could think of:
1. maybe you can shorten your essay to make it more comfortable for AOs to accept.
2. religion is a little bit reisky
3. I think it's because of the topic, i feel a little "depressed" when reading your essay, not that comfortable. but guess it's because of the topic,

Overall, I think your perspective is really profound, and this is not what everyone can write about. It's great! Good luck!
ellecc   
Sep 16, 2012
Undergraduate / 'moved to Fukuoka, Japan' - personal statement [2]

personal statement
-------------------------------------------------

I have never arrived at the borders between countries, yet, somehow, I have been there. I heard the clashes between two different cultures, I smelt the smoke, I witnessed them blend and finally integrate. I know I was there.

I was almost there when I first moved to Fukuoka, Japan, where my father worked, at the age of five. When I accidentally broke the silence on a bus, my mother scolded me: "Sh! Japanese talk gently, so should you, otherwise, they will think you rude." Puzzled and astonished, I looked around, listening carefully: no conversations could be eavesdropped! That was the first time the difference of this new world lay clearly before me. From a language I know not to omnipresent orderliness, everything was different. With a five-year-old's susceptibility, I soon accepted every single new element, secretly observed and imitated how Japanese behaved, and familiarized myself with the new language under constant exposures to Japanese cartoons. By the time I enrolled in Ozasa Primary School half and a year later, I spoke Japanese like a native, without a trace of an accent. Assimilation was fast and I soon resembled Japanese in every way except for my Chinese name. Origami, flower arranging, and nihonnbuyou (a classical Japanese dance) all brought me a sense of delicacy and tenderness. Except at home, where I spoke and studied Chinese and remembered Chinese tradition through my parents, Japanese culture always wielded its power on me.

Thus when I was sent back to Dalian, my hometown, to continue my Grade Four's study, I was already a Japanese girl. A familiar yet strange world meant a new adjustment, and the mark of Japanese culture left on me contradicted Chinese culture. Everyone talked loud, which annoyed me, yet if I talked in a lower voice, a good manner in Japan, no one could even hear me! Whenever I said "xie xie (thank you)" on trivial matters, for example, to cashiers, as I have been taught to do in Japan, people were surprised and eyed me differently. I refused to blend in at first, yet I had to. I was ten then, possessed a better judgment and less impressionable to new things than when I was five, so I changed with discernment. I started to talk louder to be heard; I became more enthusiastic rather than reserved. But, I still thanked others for however small a business; I still never sat on the seats for elders on buses; I still was more serious and punctual. Those five years spent in Japan seems short, yet its influence on me was profound and far-reaching. I blended in, yet I preserved my particular attitudes and habits. As I advanced to junior high, I no longer repelled giving treats to each other though I preferred going Dutch as with my Japanese friends. Every summer when I am in Japan for vacation, I act more like a Japanese, and less when I return home. Just as the saying goes: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." I now find each culture special, charming, and respectable, as any other cultures in this world.

Yes, I have been there, I have strongly felt how cultures meet and blend, and I still expect to be somewhere else, to feel, to learn, and to enjoy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------

really need overall advice and opinions!

I really want to know whether the topic works!
ellecc   
Sep 7, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I couldn't read or speak' - My inspiration that helped me overcome obstacles [4]

Hi ! This is a good essay, I think. But I think (ONLY MY OPINION) that maybe you should add some details on how you improved, instead of simply saying

a book about writing essays says that "a good essay shows who you are, not tell. "

Anyway, good luck ! And I sincerly hope you can help me with my essays!
ellecc   
Sep 5, 2012
Undergraduate / A sibling born - Questbridge- Significant experience, risk, or ethical dilemma [5]

Hi. I am an international student, so I can't help you with your grammatical errors.
I think that your point is made clear, and this is a very honest and genuine essay, however, I really think the topic is not aht intersting. I myself have a little brother, and I tried to write a similar essay as yours, yet, I later found out that this topic might not be that intriguing. Maybe you can find something more to write about yourself, something really unique about you, something attract AOs ! Good luck!

and hope you can take a look at my essay!
ellecc   
Sep 5, 2012
Undergraduate / "Strenght lies in differences, not in similarities" - International Student [26]

I think this essay is really unique, yet somehow I just feel that your essay is not that concise, Your main argument is not that clear, especially your last two pafagraphs, I mean, maybe you can organize the essay better so that readers can see and understand your point clearly.

Please take a look at my essay and help me!
ellecc   
Aug 24, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I was shy.' - University of MIchigan supplement [6]

well... I was trying to say that the community I belong to is "people who are shy" and I wanted to show that I am the shy one who try hard and never succmubs to my shyness....

but it seems that it's not that clear...

What can I do?
I really should write a new one?
ellecc   
Aug 24, 2012
Undergraduate / 'searching for my dream' - U Michigan Supp [3]

Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum)

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------

Opportunities! I want more opportunities!

I wanted to be a policewoman to punish the bad guys when I was a little girl; I wished to be an intelligent teacher when I was in primary school. I had a lot of "dreams", yet when I grew older, all of them vanished. So I started searching for my dream.

With many years of effort, I still have not come up with an answer. I love studying physics and it is fun to learn biology. When I was preparing for AP Economics exams, I started to take interest in how to make the best decision to distribute resources and allocate my time. I thought psychology was all about reading people's mind, yet when I opened Psychology of David G. Myers, a different world was in front of me. I have no idea what is "engineering", and whether I will like anthropology or not. With so many fields out there I have never stepped on, how can I say what I want to do? That will be too immature for me!

Life comes with millions of marvelous possibilities, and I need more opportunities to find them. And The LSA Plan is just there to provide me with those opportunities. I will be able to learn so many skills and have different experiences. How wonderful will that be to study at College of Literature, Science and the Arts in the University of Michigan!

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------
Feel free to criticize! And please help me with my grammar mistakes..
ellecc   
Aug 23, 2012
Undergraduate / 'enthusiastic about physics and life' - UVA supplement [3]

What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------
I might have marveled at how magnet attracts iron, I might have wondered at the scene of rainbow, however, the moment I was truly surprised by the magic of physics was when my teacher showed us that experiment to explain the circular motion.

She showed us a cup with a string attached to it. She poured some water in the cup, and then holding the end of the string, she started to swing it, and finally made the cup do a vertical circular motion. The water in the cup did not come out! I was amazed and pondered why. However, when she slowed down, the water spilled even before it got to the highest point. So the speed matters! Only with enough speed can the cup keep rotating, thus can the water be kept from splitting. The teacher started to explain: "When the speed is fast enough, the centripetal force caused by the speed equals or is larger than the gravity of the water. Thus the centripetal acceleration equals or is larger than the gravitational acceleration and that causes the weightlessness of the water. So the water doesn't drop. On the contrary..."

When the teacher finished the class, I was still in a state of astonishment. Just enough speed can keep water from gravitating to the ground. I realized that physics was no longer a subject of tests, but a magician who can create a miracle. The invention of the light bulb, telephone, movie and so on. As long as the requirements are satisfied, marvels can be created. It was exciting that the same principle also applies to life. Just enough effort to climb up a hill, just enough effort to achieve something, just enough something to make a change. That change might be small, might be huge, but that is something. From that day on, I have become more enthusiastic about physics and life. I learn, I explore, and deep down my heart, I know that, as long as I try, I can make a change, and someday, I can create a miracle.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------

I am an international student so just feel free to criticize my grammar, usage of words. And I am not sure whether this topic is good or not. Just help me out!
ellecc   
Aug 23, 2012
Writing Feedback / A time i was challenged on a expectaion [2]

I am not sure. I don't mean that your essay is bad. I just think maybe this topic is too common. I think maybe the whole "challenge and never give up" topic can't stand out. Or maybe you can organize the essay in a better way! just my onw view, maybe a bad one.. Just trying to help
ellecc   
Aug 23, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I was shy.' - University of MIchigan supplement [6]

well... I was trying to say that the community I belong to is "people who are shy" and I wanted to show that I am the shy one who try hard and never succmubs to my shyness....

but it seems that it's not that clear...

What can I do?
I really should write a new one?
ellecc   
Aug 22, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I was shy.' - University of MIchigan supplement [6]

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

Blushing and panicking, I wasn't able to introduce myself to my new Chinese class after my transfer from Japan at 10.

I was shy.

Just like all others who resemble me in shyness, I easily got embarrassed and then became too nervous to utter a word. Like others in my "community", I avoided attention and let timidity took control of my life, thus constantly losing great chances of improvement. Because of shyness, I passed an opportunity of making a speech at our school's English Corner when I was eleven, and of shyness again, I refused to dance with other girls on the Christmas party.

I knew I was shy, and that shyness was hindering my progress, so deep down my heart, I yearned for a change, however small it might be. I told myself that I could do it, and little by little, do it I did. I signed up my name at the last minute after three days of inward struggle when the school's volleyball club recruited new members; I overcame the fear of failure and acted Hermia in A Midsummer Night's Dream in front of the whole school. Even though I still blushed when facing audience and receiving attention, I realized that as long as I fight against that fear, a whole new world of possibilities will open up! So I tried hard and kept struggling.

Yesterday, I watched the video of the class concert which was held a week ago. I was the hostess and I sang a song. I noticed myself touching my nose for several times, which a psychologist must have analyzed as a sign of embarrassment. Yes, even now, when the growth of age should have abraded the shyness away, when I have become braver toward grabbing a chance after years of trying, I still am shy. I might never get rid of my shyness, yet I will never succumb to it.

Words:318