Writing Feedback / IELTS- In some countries people are not taking care of their elderly relatives [8]

It would be greatly appreciated if you could help me by proofreading my essay especially my grammar and vocabulary applications. =)

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In some countries people are not taking care of their elderly relatives instead trained professionals are used to care for the elderly. Do you see this as a positive development or a negative development?____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

senility among professionals

At present, elderly population is increasing at a very fast rate. In fact, in some developing countries Home Cares are apparently becoming more popular in accommodating the needs of the older people. Some people argue that this development has been beneficial for both the elderlies and their relatives. In this essay, I will outline these benefits.

Nursing homes are employed with well experienced staff members, whose mission is to provide the basic needs of their residents through a 24 hour wellness program. These include: medical management and promoting continuous performance of their daily life activities. In UK, for example, many families would sent their elders to a nursing home to meet their essential needs. The nursing home then does all the support in managing their daily medications, complete balance meals and assistance in some productive activities such as gardening, painting and sit-down games. Relatives are allowed to visit them any day they prefer and take part with the activities. Thus, the feeling of joy and contentment are being experienced by the residents of the Home Care.

One of the benefits that the younger relatives are gaining from this development is that they are able to perform well with their other duties such as career and child rearing . For instance, an employee could work without worries, knowing their aged mother or father are well looked after in the nursing home. In additional, this will give them the opportunity to involve themselves to some pleasurable activities. They will have the liberty to carry out their planned endeavors. Therefore, the social life of the younger relatives are compensated with the assurance that their love ones are well attended.

In conclusion, for the reason of contentment and assurance, it is clear that elderlies that are managed by skilled professionals is considered a favorable development that is helpful to the aged people and their relatives. Provided that the older members of the society would still feel the attachment and care from their love ones.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Job training is far important than broad-based education [2]

Please proofread my essay. Thank you very much

Job Training is far more important than broad-based education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement.

Knowledge and skills are employment criteria that employers consider. Students are prepared for their future chosen career in several methods. Some people argue that on-the-job training is more effective method than providing extensive education, however many people refute this. These arguments will be evaluated before reaching to an informed conclusion.

Some people consider that internship, which is part of the curriculum in tertiary level of education, is the essential way in conditioning the students in the world of profession. Nursing students, for example, are required to achieve related learning experience through exposure to hospitals where they will be able to apply the theories they have learned in the classroom. It is implied that this method would allow students to gain more knowledge and skills from the actual field. Thus, it is evident why some people abide with this point of view.

However, many people argue that a thorough education will serve as a strong foundation for all students in preparation for any types of profession in the future. Students will improve and expand their abilities in all aspects. For example, a newly graduate accountant was employed as a writer in a newspaper company, since he excelled in research writing in school. Students manifest versatility by using their various knowledge that they have learned through extensive education. This analyzation has clarified why people stand for this claim.

In conclusion, after the evaluation of both views, It has refuted that job training is more important than providing students a wide range of education. It is projected that people with broad-based education will experience more employment opportunities in the future.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] different preferences of leisure activities [15]

I would really appreciate if you could help me with my essay writing. I always get a bandscore of 6.5 and I need to get a 7 in writing . Thank you ver much.

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during the leisure time . Discuss both views.

There are many ways to spend leisure time. Some people are more likely to be interested on spending it on their own wherein they could still make their brains work. While others prefer activities that would divert them from stress and pressures that they acquire from their environment. In this essay I will examine the arguments for and against in both views.

Working people are fortunate enough to find time to put themselves in a different environment away from work. The same with children having long breaks from school lectures, homeworks and examinations. In order to spend their leisure time in a productive way, some people would prefer activities that would enriched their intelligence and learning ability. In this manner, they could continuously improve they mind and not be stagnant. Playing crossword puzzle from a newspaper, for example, this increases a person's ability to think and vocabulary by learning new words. However, this kind of activity tends the person to be disinterested in socializing with others.

Holidays and school breaks are considered important in most families. For the main reason that they all want to have a break from their usual daily routine. Some would find it more relaxing to travel abroad and others would prefer to join group leisure events. For instance, in Family Summer Camp, members joined to experience enjoyment through social interactions from different camp activities. Some activities involves mental and physical tasks that is enjoyable to do.

In conclusion, people have different preferences of leisure activities. In some such way, they will improve not only mentally but also physically, emotionally and socially. These aspects are important to an individual's development.