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Posts by foxyh
Joined: Oct 1, 2012
Last Post: May 21, 2015
Threads: 5
Posts: 7  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 12
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foxyh   
May 21, 2015
Graduate / Personal Statement of UC Riverside Public History MA. Interactivity in exhibit enviroments. [2]

UCs have separate prompts for their Personal History and Personal Statement, instead of just a Statement of Purpose. In 3000 words, I needed to cover my graduate and career goals, my work/volunteer history, and what in my undergrad career would led to success in the program. I also was asked to mention publication and conference history if applicable.

Once as I was waiting at the activity cart for one of the school groups to arrive to learn the history of Chicago's bridges, I observed a man making his way through the exhibit that was beside me. I could see he was not a chaperone, he was younger and he was alone. He moved quickly and listlessly, only glancing at an artifact for a couple of seconds and giving no attention to the labels beside them. The entire exhibit was behind glass, necessary for preservation, but it seemingly made the history in front of the visitor farther removed and harder to relate to. The exhibit's narrative was lost on him, as he had no idea how to read himself the story that was prepared. I remember the look on his face, one that I have possessed even with my love of history. It was the look that he would rather be elsewhere and would be after he had completed his cultural duty.

There will always be glass cases, but history need not be so far removed. Rather, public historians are exploring ways to make exhibits more approachable and interactive as generations start to expect to learn through doing. My own interaction with public history and interactive exhibits has been small, but rewarding. What I have learned has taken my passion of history and my wish for others to appreciate historical scholarship, and tunneled it into discovering the best way to present a history that visitor would enjoy learning about.

My undergraduate experience has provided more than a mere introduction to the field, establishing a foundation to build advanced knowledge in the theoretical and practical study of public history. Through Unspecified University's concentration of public history, I have learned about relating history to its audiences, the value of local history and its link to a greater national narrative, the methods in which public history is presented and the value of material cultural studies. Combining theory with hands-on experiences, I have collaborated with other students, professors and community partners to create historical projects. The platforms have varied from creating digital exhibits through open-sourced software, making a historical podcast, using digital tools to make an exhibit guide for the Unspecified Historical Society, and conducting oral histories for the same exhibit.

In the last academic quarter, I was involved in a multi university and country project through The New School's Humanities Action Lab and Unspecified University. Entitled "Global Dialogues on Incarceration", the project involved exploring past and present problems involved in prison systems to create a discussion about the difficulties that need to be faced involving internment. The continuing project uses digital tools to communicate knowledge and ideas to partner institutions and will culminate into a traveling exhibit when completed. This experience, much like the projects I have worked on previously, had put into action the theoretical instruction that I have learned and has enabled me start to help build the skills I need to create audience-focused exhibits that interest people and foster critical thinking and debate.

However, my academics have not only focused on the public history field. The history department, in which the concentration is based, has taught me how to analyze and interpret primary sources and secondary sources in order to create a strong thesis supported by evidence. The ability to communicate historical scholarship has been a solid focus in the department and I am proud to have presented my original research at Unspecified's 11th Annual Student History Conference. My paper, "Title: Subtitle", explored how gender was negotiated while traveling in the Gilded Age using travel guides from the era as my main sources.

Using the sum of my educational experiences, I have looked outside of my university for opportunities to further form my understanding of public history. For instance, I have volunteered my time at the Unspecified History Museum, teaching local history to school groups according to curriculum guidelines. Each cart has interactive elements to involve students in stories like that of great fires and skyscrapers. I watch students as they become excited by history and I make note of how these interactions may inform exhibits focused on mature audiences. This theme continued as I interned at the Unspecified Historical Society and helped contribute to their new exhibit, "Name of exhibit". I focused on bringing in elements to increase the ability of mass audiences to relate to the exhibit using such methods. As the exhibit moved closer to opening day, I observed the difficulties, stresses and joys of working on a long-term project which culminated into a well-presented community project.

Through the experiences I have encountered academically, in historical institutions and the application of a graduate education at University of California, Riverside, I will encourage methods that will draw audiences into historical discussions using exhibits and heritage settings. I want to use the historical content to foster reflections about modern society. This will be practiced by curating historical content that emphasizes interactivity through technology, artifacts, exhibit labels, design and gallery layouts. By producing an environment that encourages active learning, visitors will be more open to the overall message that is being told and more willing to relate history to their own realities.

After careful research, I have determined that University of California, Riverside's Public History Masters program contains the curriculum needed to achieve a career within public history that focuses on exploring the way that exhibits and audiences interact. With my undergraduate background in public history, experiences in the field, and research abilities I will bring accountability, perception, curiosity, and resilience. When looking at your program I was influenced by the interdisciplinary curriculum in anthropology, architecture, media, and memory studies that adds to the stellar grouping of curatorial courses. This is only elevated by the multiple workshops and practicums within the history department and the history of internship opportunities by former and current students from within the Riverside community to other areas of the country.

The advanced educational opportunities coincide with two professors I would be privileged to work with, Dr. Molly McGarry and Dr. Megan Asaka. I am impressed with McGarry's past exhibitions and share her interests of gender studies and cultural history, specifically in terms of the late nineteenth century in America. Although I have explored many projects that Dr. McGarry has worked on, I am most inspired by her work on the American Social History Project. Its focus on creating a challenging and complicated story with a variety of histories in America's past is in line with my own goals for public history projects. Its endeavor to use the website as a tool for teachers through print, images and other medias is a valuable benefit to historical education that challenges traditional learning through critical thinking.

Furthermore, I would be just as advantaged to work with Dr. Asaka, whose work with oral histories and her exploration of race through Japanese-American Internment during World War II has caught my eye. I have studied Dr. Asaka's work on the Densho Website project and its valuable contribution to the Remembrance Project at the National Japanese American Museum in Los Angeles. I would greatly benefit learning that art of oral history work through Dr. Asaka's graduate course and its application to historical discussions. Her focus in nineteenth and twentieth century social history is something that runs parallel to my own interests and I do believe that our academic relationship would be an excellent fit.

I am certain that through my past applications of historical projects within both an academic and real world setting that I would bring an exceptional historic prowess to the Public History department. The excellent education I would receive would enable me to succeed in my goals of using interactive exhibits to create an interesting environment that creates historical discussion. Thank you for reviewing my application.
foxyh   
May 21, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 Scoring: People Living in Debts to Buy Unimportant Things [3]

Nowadays, it is easier for people to lend a specific amount of money to purchase products that are not really important. (What is considered important for one person may be important to someone else. It is relative). that are not important for survival .

The utmost motivation which encourages people to purchase things using some borrowed money is definitely pride.

At the end of day, this behaviour continues every year, so predictably her credit card bill became higher onin the following years.
foxyh   
Jul 15, 2014
Undergraduate / UIC Prompt: Giving education a new focus using history. [NEW]

This is one of two prompts that an reach up to 32,000 characters. No. Don't worry. I did not write anywhere near that much, but it is a little longer. I feel like it is needed to hit my points, but let me know, along with what should be edited or revised, if it should be shortened.

Program Choice: Please provide an essay that explains why you chose your intended program of study. What interests you the most about this major? To which careers or job opportunities do you think acceptance into this program would lead? Thanks!

***

Ms Williams. Afternoon classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. History of Western Civilization from 1500.

This is the class that led me to spend my life pursuing history. It was my first college class that covered the subject and I took it for just for the love of it. It was also my first history class that did not cover facts exclusively or did it teach out of the textbook. Instead, it promoted the discussion of events, interpretation of materials and primary sources, and encouraged critical thinking. This is a big reason why this class was important to my future academia and even life outside of school. It pushed me to question what is in front of me and think through the facts to find a solution.

Questioning the world and interpreting what I find has made me more self aware. I love that I was able to learn about the Protestant Reformation. This knowledge made me question my faith in the best way, by reaffirming it. After studying the Human Zoos of the 19th and 20th century, it has inspired me to look deeper when accepting explanations about other culture's supposed inferiority. Cultural differences during the Age of Imperialism and now in the modern day do not make a person less intelligent or worthy a person. In short, I see the usefulness in history and have used it actively, but I know that most people don't.

It is not hard to pin down the reason why history does not come across as useful. For instance, although I have always loved history, I used to see the study of it like anyone who has taken a high school history class. No wonder, It is taught as unchangeable facts that are told to students instead of discussed with them. Everything that needs to be known is in the textbook or an educational video. The last step is to take a test with memorized dates and little context that is easily forgotten. There is no emphasis on using this knowledge to interpret the world, adding context to other areas of study, or becoming an aware and informed adult through the foundation of historical education. Until taking Western Civilization showed me how I could be a well-rounded student and individual, I had little ability to take what I learned and apply it to my world.

I am not special by being the only person who understands the purpose of history and how to apply it to life, but I am one of too few. I want to change the requisite grimace that appears when a history class is mentioned. By experience, I know that when I talk to a friend or coworker about what history should be their eyes light up and I can see excitement on their faces. From what I have come across, people want to be interested in historical study, but have a tough time when it is interpreted as memorization of what they see as unrelatable data. Call me a romantic, but everyone who sets foot in a history class should have a real chance to find it exciting. Every student should know that they have the opportunity to use history for a foundation to experience life through the same skills that are used to analyze the past.

It is a tall order to change the way history is taught in secondary school and make it attractive to students. With my critical thinking know-how, I have made a path for myself. After my undergraduate study, I intend to take my Bachelor of Arts in History and earn a Master's in Public History. I truly believe that this will give me a foundation to help me start bringing about education reform for high school students in social studies classes. I recognize that even after obtaining my graduate degree there will be a lot to learn. This includes the discipline of history and education, as well as, navigating public policy that dictates how students are taught and the political arena that dictates it. However, as a foundation for my goals, Public History will teach the basics in how to make history more accessible.

Public History is hard to define, but it is a field in which professionals strive to make past events useful and important to individuals. History is made to be interactive and relatable for those attending museums or touring national parks. Archives are digitized so the average person has the amazing opportunity to experience primary source material firsthand, instead of just reading about them second hand in a textbook. A secondary source that can be bias, if not outright wrong. Public Historians welcome debate and discussion, they strive to cultivate it. In doing so history becomes exciting, three-dimensional and relevant.

I believe these principals can play a part in helping student's receptiveness to history before they become apathetic. Public History's ability to cultivate open discussion and historical interests are skills that can be brought into a classroom. Great instructors will have more tools to use and poor instruction will be left behind. Hopefully, a new emphasis can be put on teaching students to interpret source material and draw from it motivations, cause and effect, and knowledge of what went right and what went wrong. This foundation will lead to skills such as strengthening of critical thinking; the ability to be informed about the world and to interpret it will be invaluable.

These skills reveal history for what it is, not just the passion of studying the way that people once lived their lives, but a chance to be well rounded and free thinking. I wish that everyone found history as fascinating and exciting as I do, but I also wish that the subject was recognized for being as useful as it really is. A little bit of knowledge of everything is needed to fully understand the Industrial Revolution, the English Restoration, or the Age of Enlightenment. For instance, politics and government, philosophy, sociology and economics are just a few areas that are brought into understand the importance of these events and they are areas of knowledge that can be used throughout life.

I want to study history so that the advantages that I gain can turn into advantages for any student that is required to take a history course. After all, interpreting the past is the key to interpreting the world as we move through it. Human beings are observers, it is true, but we also use the knowledge that we have to shape our lives and the world around us. With the proper abilities, interpretation can being about creating amazing futures.
foxyh   
Jul 15, 2014
Undergraduate / Who I am ; U of M - My community and place within it [3]

Hey there!
There is not much here for me to suggest or change. Congrats! It is a great essay.
The only thing that I would suggest is to link your sentences together. For example, you keep on talking about how your sikh community has helped shape you and you do say why, but the extra words between the two thoughts make them seem like separate thoughts that are places together. I would try transition words:

"...my Sikh community has made me the person I am today. In fact, my Sikh community is bound together through the common teachings of the ten gurus and the beliefs we share, which include honesty, defending the weak, and supporting the less fortunate."

"...I was a child and now see that those festivals, those interactions, those experiences have made me a better person today. Although, religion was never a central priority for me, but it definitely made me a more honest person with integrity."

Hope this help!
foxyh   
Jul 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / SAT - "happiness is not something that happens to us after we get what we want" [4]

Overall, it is very good. It gets to the point of the prompt without wasting time and you communicate the message you are sending well. What I like most is how you relate it back to you.

There are a couple areas that do not flow as well as others:

"However, as I believe, those so called outer elements, or adversities, were excuses of their not choosing to be happy" - I would recommend to try to make this sentence more straightforward. Remove the need for so many commas.

"In fact, anyone under the same circumstance most probably would put on a dismal and desperate expression. As for any sigh of smile, it had long ago disappeared without trace. - Maybe change "most probably" to "would probably". Also, is "sigh of smile" supposed to be "sight of a smile" or an expression I am not familiar with.

It is a strong essay, just proofread a little closer and I think that your are good.
foxyh   
Dec 15, 2012
Undergraduate / I had worked in a physician's office since I graduated high school / Common App. [2]

PROMT: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

I had worked in a physician's office since I graduated high school, which let me believe I was fully prepared what came next. Nevertheless, working in Labor and Delivery was a different world. To clarify, I thought as a registrar I would only be answering phones and greeting patients. Instead my shift consisted of answering call lights to communicate patient and staff, responding to emergencies by calling codes, and helping patients in labor prepare for their stay. At first I fumbled, at shock at both the quick reaction time and multitasking I needed to accomplish tasks while getting know a group of strangers. After a while my confidence grew, as well as my relationships with my co-workers. I began recognizing my weaknesses and strengths while growing to love interacting with our patients and helping in deliveries when I was needed. Consequently, I am thankful now for the challenges I conquered and people that I was able to meet while working at [hospital name ommitted].

*It feels a bit vague to me? Is there anything I should elaborate on or anything I should leave out!
foxyh   
Dec 15, 2012
Undergraduate / I wasn't ready for the commitment of a 4-year university;UIC/ reasons for transfer [2]

PROMT:Please provide a statement (appr. 250-500 words) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

It was clear to me after high school I wasn't ready for the commitment of a 4-year university so I enrolled at community college. As a result, I am proud to say that after this spring I will hold an Associate of Art Degree and am ready to expand my knowledge and skills by taking rigorous classes. Eventually, with a Bachelors of Art in History, I will earn my Masters Degree in Archival Science. With this degree I look forward to organizing history for professionals and the general public alike.

*
Do my reasons for transfering come through okay?
Am I clear in my objectives I hope to acheive or did I include too much?
Thanks so much!!
foxyh   
Oct 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'In order to change the views of the world I must rise higher and do greater things' [2]

You have a good focus and you carry it well through out the essay. I did notice that you like commas a lot, my advice to end sentences then begin new ones.

We began the first day of Team Sports class with 6 team captains who were to select the teams for the week. Although nobody whom I was really familiar with stood at the helm, I still felt confident that I would be chosen fairly quickly due to my prowess at that particular sport. This was not the case, but I really didn't mind, as I strode to my team I jokingly said to my captain "What a steal" he then responded to me "I would've picked you sooner but you're smarter than most black people and that had to be taken away from somewhere." As my team laughed in amusement, I stared at them in disbelief. Was he implying that black people only had a certain amount of potential which had to be translated from one side of the spectrum, academics to the other, athletics. After this event it became clear to me that high school was not the right frontier to make my mark. In order to change the views of the world I must rise higher and do greater things, college is another step that I need to climb in order to achieve my goal. I am eager to bring my standards, goals and enthusiasm to "COLLEGE", and in turn gain what I know will be invaluable experiences.

I hope this help!
foxyh   
Oct 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Climax in my life' Texas Application Personal Essay Topic C [2]

Very nice essay. There is not much for me to tell you to improve on so just to suggest something I must point out that "coursework" is one word.

"Unfortunately, my classes from 9th grade were transferred as 4.0 credits as the course titles did not correspond with those of the Pre-AP designation at my current high school. This caused a drop in my GPA and ranking among my peers and I was placed in the top 25% of the graduating class. Academics have always been highly valued by my family and I, and this setback only made me work harder to improve my GPA ..."

I found this passage a bit difficult to understand. I know that it was something that made school harder and I know because there were no transferable course between countries, but I am not sure why a GPA transferred as a 4.0 would cause this. Maybe it is just me, maybe someone in an academic setting would understand this no problem, but it is something to consider.
foxyh   
Oct 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'inspiration in my world' - uc personal statement - prompt # 1 [2]

You have a good essay. It feels very heartfelt and you start with a theme and you carry it through-out, though I think it would be more even if you reflected back on your intro paragraph in your conclusion.

I am awful when it comes to correcting grammar, so please do not get offended, I do this with everyone.

The world I come from is another way to say inspiration in my world . The world I come from and the world I am in right now are very different. I was born in a small town in Zacatecas, Mexico where life can be hard. In my surroundings I would see faces with the attitude of success. Long roads full of trees and dirt would make things impossible to accomplish, but those who tried anything to bring food to their family were my inspiration. The people in my community made things out of nothing, and that's what I would do with toys I didn't have. They would use what other people thought it was worthless as something useful for them. Working on the fields was their way to make money to support their family. As young as I was, I knew I wanted my future to be different. Not because I didn't like the lifestyle I used to have, but to help my community in my future.

Before turning ten my world had a dramatic change. I moved from the place I grew up in to the city of Los Angeles, California for a better future. My parents always said life was going to be easier, but I couldn't see the positive side of their words. Ever since I started school in the United States I knew that life was going to be a challenge. My days in elementary school were the worst. My teachers were never satisfied with the quality of my work, but as hard as I tried it was difficult for me to get used to my new life. Not knowing English was my biggest fear, I felt useless. My days instead of being bright and positive were dark and full of negativity and disappointment. I felt like giving up and I even considered the idea of going back to Mexico. Then I remembered the place I grew up in, there wasn't such thing as giving up. Before going to sleep I would set my thoughts together, some tears would roll down my cheeks for feeling lost. All I wanted was to discover and start on my future path and staying strong was my only option.

In my early teenage years there were so many wrong decisions I could have made. Young kids were being negatively influenced to try drugs at a young age and being gang relatedand join gangs at a young age. I was brave enough to stay away from them because my parents always taught me the good and the bad things of life. Deep inside me I wanted something different; I wanted to feel good about myself without making the wrong decisions. I wanted to be successful in life. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I wanted to stay positive and more because I wanted to make my parents proud. Ever since I was little I was always interested in a good future and education, but my community was a distraction and would affect my goals by the people that were surrounding me. They had different goals in mind. It was a challenge staying positive while being surrounded with negativity.

I learned from other people's mistakes to never give up on my education and dreams. Keeping my goals and aspirations was what I wanted to accomplish. My parents have always been strict and supportive. The world we come from guided their beliefs and expectations that they had towards me. Their expectations and beliefs made me choose the right decisions towards my future. My new lifestyle was a challenge, but a motivation at the same time. It was the best example to guide me through on the new adventures and knowledge I was looking for. I had my parents support with me and they as well as my community shaped my ideas and inspirations for my future.

Good luck on your admissions!
foxyh   
Oct 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I found myself broke' - common app short answer-Work Exp. its 1600 characters long [2]

When I left Marymount College in 2010, I found myself broke and in desperate need of a paycheck. Extracurricular activities had to take a back seat to practical needs. In the downward economy I was told that I'd be competing with recent college graduates for any kind of work. But, surely my high school diploma combined with my sparkling personality would net me a job. After hitting the payment and filling out dozens of job applications I finally netted a job at Forever 21, a women's retail clothing store. My first position was as a sales associate. I saw this as a challenge not just to sell a sweater or necklace. I wanted the customer to have a positive shopping experience where she would walk away with a complete outfit. Whether the customer was an overweight 16 year old or a mom wishing to give her style a contemporary boost, I wanted these women to leave the store with our merchandise as well as enhanced self-confidence. As a sales associate, I found I had a knack for styling customers and for making my assigned regions in the store fun and attractive. My efforts drew the attention of the visual merchandisers and the store manager. I beat out ten other girls vying for the Assist. Visual Merchandiser position. This brought new challenges which included being at work at 5 am to dress the mannequins. I took the success I had creating outfits for customers and created three-dimensional displays that maximized sales for Forever 21. As a visual merchandiser I was able to expand on my initial single outfit sale and now communicate to hundreds of women to attract, engage and motivate them towards making a purchase.

-"In the downward economy I was told that I'd be competing with recent college graduates for any kind of work. But, surely my high school diploma combined with my sparkling personality would net me a job." I love this part, but if you are looking for content to cut without losing the meat of your essay, I would recommend this. On the other hand you keep it in Pleeaaase don't start a sentence with "but".

I am not sure if I found enough areas to make it the right length or not, but at least it is a start. It is an awesome essay. You did a great job!
foxyh   
Oct 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Our bodies are fragile' - Personal Stat for Loyola U Chicago [2]

Our bodies are fragile things when you get down to the parts. The electrical pulse of our heart and the pressure of our lungs allowing us breath are just small example of the way our bodies work to keep us alive. There is so much more going on than we can fathom and I find it amazing that if one screw comes out of place it could be the difference between life and disaster.

It could take only seconds.
I work in a place where seconds counts. Many times I have hit our emergency responder pager and gotten ready to field an impossible amount of phone calls that will reach me in moments to ask about the situation. The nurses would be on their way to our Operating Room with patient depending on me to get the necessary physicians, practitioners, and extra personnel to them. At these times I need to use these seconds to the best of my abilities because wasting any of them may mean that a baby is born with developmental delays, birth damage, or stillborn. I go to work hoping that I never face that possibility and if it presents itself I am able to rise to meet the opportunity.

There have been many opportunities in life I had not risen for when the time came, preferring to let them past instead. I discovered quickly that working in Labor and Delivery meant being strong for the patients that are there to be taken care of first and me second. The funny thing was that I thought my responsibilities were going to be small and hands-off. I started my first day with the impression that I was just going to be registering patients to collect demographic information when they first arrived and never seeing them again. After my first day of answering call lights, running to rooms and bring patients to triage I saw how wrong I was. Those first months I wondered what I got myself into, but then I slowly began to enjoy it.

Now I look back and wonder how I could have been content sitting in an office chair in front of a computer. Some shifts I never sit down, I do multiple things at a time and I may not have a chance to go to the bathroom until the end of my shift, but I know I am useful. In return this job has help shown me strength and given me confidence. I know that when a patient's labor is not going the way it ought to and the patient or her baby's health is in danger I have confidence to do what I need to do on my end to get her help. I am proud to be a part of a team that works to make sure that when one part of the body does not function properly, everything they can do is done to make sure mother and baby is given the best chance as possible to go on living.

Every second of my life I am truly thankful.

Thanks you so much for reading this! Please be critical and please be a grammar/sentence structure stickler!
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