Scholarship / Adapting to High School, becoming well-rounded. --Lehigh Appeal. [3]

This is my appeal for merit aid from Lehigh University. I'll post the prompt and then the essay.Tell me what you think, and fix any mistakes you may find. Thanks!

The written appeal must answer the following questions in 500 words or less and should not list the student's resume. Historically, only ~32% of applicants were offered admission, and less than 2.5% of these applicants were awarded a merit scholarship. Recipients have had an average unweighted GPA of 3.8/4.0; average testing of 1472/1600 (SAT) or 33 (ACT); the most challenging curriculum available at their school; top ratings and recommendations which indicate superior character; extraordinary accomplishments in their extra-curricular activities; and a genuine, deep interest in attending Lehigh. Considering this information, what is it about your overall portfolio that makes you deserve to be part of this elite group of merit recipients? In other words, why do you feel you are deserving of special recognition at Lehigh University? Considering your academic credentials, character, and extra-curricular accomplishments, what will you add or how will you contribute to the Lehigh community? Why do you think Lehigh is a better fit for you than the other schools to which you were admitted?

Compare these two students: Student A's core curriculum consists of two honors courses, two regular courses, and a language. His grades in the honors courses are B's and C+'s, with A's in the regular courses and a B+ in his language. He plays recreational soccer, had one job that involved about five hours of work per week, and attends his church's youth group. Student B's curriculum includes 3 AP courses, one honors course and various academic electives and is currently receiving B+'s and A's in all of them. He is a Student Council class representative, has qualified for the State Leadership Conference for the Future Business Leaders of America for three years, was previously on the track team, recently took part in an internship with a congressman, and has been employed at a local restaurant for nearly two years.

At first glance, it appears that these are two completely different people, with contrasting motivations and work ethics. But would it surprise you if I said that Student A is me during my freshman year, and Student B is me right now? I was always considered "gifted" as a child, which led me to grow up without ever being seriously challenged academically. The rigor of high school classes hit me like a brick wall, leading to my profoundly-average freshman year. I was struggling to maintain decent averages in my classes, which left little time for other activities. As the years went on, I was slowly able to adopt new organizational and study skills that allowed me to do well in my classes while being involved in various extracurricular activities. The adaptation to high school has led me to become what I am proud to be today, Student B. Somebody who is able to balance school work, a social life, a job, and various other extracurriculars and find success in all of them. I believe that I will be able to find similar success in the Lehigh community, and fill the same role I am currently occupying in my own: being somebody involved with a diverse range of clubs, activities, and recreation in the community, all while being the best student that I can be.

I feel that this kind of student is exactly what Lehigh University is looking for. It does not simply look for the person with the highest test scores, but for the person who can contribute the most through well-roundedness. I will strive to succeed academically while being an involved member of the community, which is why I chose Lehigh as my number-one option during my college search.

Undergraduate / 'becoming involved' - Stepping out of your comfort zone- Villanova [2]

I feel like I did a good job on this, the only potential issues I'm seeing are the opening and closing. I think the content is good, maybe just a change of wording here and there could be used. Look over it, and tell me what you think!

One of the principles of Villanova, as an Augustinian university founded on the teachings of St. Augustine, is that students and faculty learn from each other. As you imagine yourself as a member of the Villanova community, what is one lesson that you have learned in your life that you will want to share with others?

After coming home from school and doing practically nothing at the beginning of my freshman year, my mom urged me to start joining some clubs in order to keep myself occupied. She had gone through a list of all the organizations and activities present at my school and circled all the ones that she thought I would be interested in. I glanced at the list, and immediately rejected her idea. I didn't know anybody who was in these clubs, which meant that they were all "weird" in the eyes of my naĂŻve freshman self. While I did join the local youth group and continue to play soccer, my extracurricular activities remained fairly insignificant for the remainder of the year.

Sophomore year, a friend of mine who was a prominent member of the school's FBLA chapter convinced me to join the club and participate in that year's competition. Thinking back to my mother's attempts during the previous year, I decided to go out on a limb and join. I entered the regional qualifier for Computer Problem Solving, and to my surprise I came in first and would be participating in the state-level competition! The next level of testing consisted of an overnight trip to a nearby hotel along with the other members of FBLA from my school who had qualified as well. After spending the night at the hotel with these people, I realized that they weren't weird at all, but they were just like me!

Finally over my reluctance to becoming involved, I was finally able to become an active member of my school and community. Since then, I have had a job for over a year and a half, done an internship with a congressman, participated in school sports, been voted into Student Council, and become involved with a few other organizations. None of this would be possible had I not decided to join that first club, which completely changed my mindset heading in to the next few years of high school. Everyone should step out of their comfort zone every once in a while, because you never know what you could miss.

Undergraduate / I build computers; Tufts / Celebrate your nerdy side [4]

Can I get some opinions, editing, proofreading, anything that you're willing to give? Thanks!

Prompt: Celebrate your nerdy side.

I'm a builder. No, I'm not involved with construction and no, I'm not a body-builder. I build computers. It all began my freshman year when our old Dell desktop computer finally bit the dust. Unable to resist the temptation, I grabbed a screwdriver and began taking that baby apart! After a couple of hours, and with the aid of a few YouTube tutorials, I was looking at the hard drive, motherboard, power supply, RAM, processor, disc drive, and cooling fan of my beloved computer all sitting on the floor, studying the connections, and figuring out how they all work. I was mesmerized by the sheer complexity of the system. There were wires everywhere, and half of them weren't even connected to anything!

The computer geek inside of me would not be satisfied with this. After days of prodding, I finally convinced my dad that instead of just buying a pre-built desktop from Best Buy, I should put it together. I carefully researched all the parts, finding what would give me the best value for the computer. I ordered them and as they arrived one by one, I slowly began the process of putting my computer together. To my surprise, it booted up perfectly on the first try, and has had only a few issues in the three years that I've been using it.

Whenever something goes wrong with my computer, I don't get mad. I get excited for the opportunity to troubleshoot and fix it. It may be a little weird and fairly time consuming, but there's not a chance I would have it any other way. As I sit here and type on this computer that I assembled myself, I hear the weird clicking sound that the fan makes from when I dropped it while walking up the stairs and I smile.

Undergraduate / Unique aspect of Lehigh/what subject would you make mandatory? [6]

Any thoughts/suggestions are greatly appreciated!
What unique aspect of Lehigh most interests you? (As a guideline, your response should be between 150-250 words.)
What first attracted me to Lehigh was the prestige associated with its name around my school. Every year as graduation would creep closer and closer, the college destinations of all the seniors would slowly become common knowledge among the underclassmen. One name that seemed to come up often was Lehigh, which makes sense considering its propinquity to my high school. I noticed that nearly everyone that would be attending Lehigh were all smart, nice, and generally well-rounded people.

It was because of this that I chose to visit the Lehigh campus when my college search began. As I took my first look at the campus while driving toward the admissions, I was stunned. The abundance of perfectly-green grass combined with beautiful stone buildings was a manifestation of everything I had always imagined a college should look like.

The ensuing information sessions and campus tour all but confirmed that Lehigh was the place for me. To me, one of the most important factors of a college is the average class size. An average class size at Lehigh of 27 means that a lot of classes have less students than I do in my high school now! Class size is so important to me because I believe in a strong relationship between student and teacher. My goal in college is for my teachers to at least match my name to my face by the end of the semester, something that is simply not possible in other schools that have astronomical class sizes.

If you founded your own college or university, what topic of study would you make mandatory for all students to study and why? What would be the values and priorities of your institution and why?

A university founded by myself would require that all students take a computer proficiency course. As somebody considered "tech savvy", I see the limitations on that those who can't sufficiently operate a computer. In this quickly-evolving society, yesterday's "new thing" may be outdated tomorrow. My students will have the advantage of knowing how to successfully utilize all the potential uses of a computer.

Students would be required to learn about the hardware and the software of computers. I've assembled two desktop computers on my own, both of which have always worked without issue. While doing so I learned each component's function within the computer, and now can troubleshoot just about any issue a computer is having. While others experiencing a computer problem may wait days or weeks for another person to fix it, I can erase the middle man and fix it myself.

Being able to use efficiently computer software is essential in the business world. Many jobs require applicants to be proficient in software, like Microsoft Office, to be hired. This software is necessary for making reports, formatting letters, and other tasks that required by many jobs.

The goal of my university is to produce students that are familiar with the current state of technology, and are ready to perform at any job from the day that they graduate. The requirement of a computer course will accommodate this by producing educated persons for this world that is increasingly becoming more and more dependent on technology with each passing day.

Undergraduate / 'going out to eat' - Common App essay about my job at a restaurant [3]

This is my common app essay. I made it topic of my choice, about things I've learned from my job. My assessment is that the first half is a lot better than the second, probably due to the fact that I wrote them on different days. Anyway, let me know what you think and offer any changes you have.

All my life, I have enjoyed going out to eat. Actually, when I was younger it was the only thing that pleasured me more than playing on my Gameboy. It was almost magical, the way I could simply yell "Chicken fingers!" at a waiter and, 10 minutes of doing mazes and word searches on the menu later, have my food right in front of me. Where is the food made? Who makes it? How is it made? Questions like this never crossed my mind. The only thing that mattered was the fact that my chicken fingers came with fries too!

As I got older, things changed a little. The process of how my food went from a request to being on the table in front of me was far less mysterious, as I now understood how a kitchen worked. Eating at a restaurant just wasn't as great anymore.

When I turned sixteen, my father decided that it was time for me to get a job. As reluctant as I was, I filled out an application and was soon employed as a server's assistant at The Publick House, a restaurant in town. During my training, the manager basically told me "Your job is to do everything in the restaurant except seat tables, take orders, cook, and bring food and drinks to the tables." As far as I knew, this sounded great! What else was there for me to do other than take empty plates? It seemed like the easiest job ever!

My first day on the job taught me that I was utterly mistaken. The different tasks I have to do are endless. Every table that is seated needs a bread basket and every table that gets up must be promptly cleared and re-set. The bar has run out of a certain drink? It's my job to restock it. A child spills his chocolate milk all over the floor? I have to rush to the back to grab the mop. The list goes on, and on. At the end of the night as I nearly passed out on my bed still smelling like a grill, I remember thinking "Wow! There's so much more work to be done at a restaurant than I've ever thought about!" It was then what I realized that the true purpose of my job was to do the little, behind the scenes things that allow restaurants to function seamlessly, and deliver the flawless service that I barely noticed as a child.

I now understood that there was much more to eating at a restaurant than ordering food and then receiving it. There is always somebody working hard, giving 100% of their effort to make it seem that way. It is because of this that I have become more appreciative of the people that do the "dirty work". Today when I go out to eat, I am sure to put my unwanted plates off to the side, avoid making a mess, and anything else to make the lives of employees like myself easier.

Undergraduate / 'Poor people and the latest government action' - Common App Short Answer First Go [3]

This is my first attempt at the Common App short essay. Any help would be appreciated, specifically with my tenses and the last few sentences. My last sentence i'm not so sure about.

Over this past summer, I was given the opportunity to work in the office of my District's congressional representative Leonard Lance. My job was to answer the phone and direct the caller to the proper person. I thought this would be a boring and repetitive task, but after a few calls I quickly learned that this was not the case. While some constituents would call simply to ask a few questions or offer their opinions on the latest government action, others would call in tears over how they just lost their job and home, looking desperately for assistance. I felt helpless about these people, because all I could do was transfer them to someone with the resources to do something. Even though I had done everything I could for these people, I made sure to keep tabs on their case to see if any progress was made. This was an eye-opening experience for me because, coming from a town with very little issues with poverty, I had never understood the emotional impact of these things. I was given first-hand experience with the fabled "poor people" that the newscasters always talk about.