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Posts by maomao315040
Joined: Dec 14, 2012
Last Post: Mar 3, 2013
Threads: 3
Posts: 21  
Likes: 3
From: China

Displayed posts: 24
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maomao315040   
Mar 3, 2013
Undergraduate / My goal was simple;reach the summit of Mountain Fansipan; SMU / Important Achievement [4]

I think you need to talk about your feelings rather than telling how one thing happens after another.

Of course, it was easier said than done.

this is cliche, can be deleted

To me, the most important achievement happened during my mountain climbing trip in Vietnam five years ago.

if you are exceeding the word limit, the above is not needed, either

you need something like "I could feel my sweat dropping from my nose. I tried to wipe the drops off, and finally gave up." "I heard winds/birds, were they laughing at my weakness, too? I was laughing at myself. This Champion of XX could not climb the mountain../ Who promised to reach the mountain top ahead of everybody else?/ Who desired so much to see the scenery from the top?"

Hope that helps
maomao315040   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Herd Mentality; UT Austin(Part 2) / Issue of Importance [6]

so what is the impact on you? and you may want to propose how you want to be involved to address the issue?

and you start off with "herd mentality" and you have not done justice to your explanation in first para

sorry I am not good with logic. but that is what I feel. take it with a grain of salt

good luck
maomao315040   
Dec 24, 2012
Undergraduate / My Dad had once been in prison; Texas AM / Impact Person [8]

nguyensybach

HAHA glad that helped.

However, he did it in 20 years. "You will succeed if you can stand up after failure and there is no reason that you cannot not stand up, because I did it once."

after this sentence do you want to add a sentence like "I did not quite understand, but I know what father meant very soon"

merry christmas

can you help me with the Lao village essay? thanks
maomao315040   
Dec 24, 2012
Undergraduate / My Dad had once been in prison; Texas AM / Impact Person [8]

that's a great story on the impact of a person on you. and unusual story too

I was frustrated hearing that from my Dad, but he started to see me as an adult. At 2 A.M., I sprinted through Seattle International Airport with two massive baggage on hand; I took the light rail to the International terminal, and booked a brand new flight to Vietnam just 32 minutes from departure.

do you want to add some details
like "the minute hand on my watch pointed closer and even closer to that hour. " "I found myself stop and ask every man and woman in the uniform whether he or she knows what I should do" something like that to beef up the thing

hope that helps

cheers
maomao315040   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / Contribution to home country/ BEREA College APP; Educational Overview/ Plans [17]

you may want to do the explanation on the program in other parts of the application materials. I feel you have written too much on the factual information of the program per se

I saw that Turkmen people are rude, mean and self-centered,

wow, these are strong words, be careful man

hope you will get in !
maomao315040   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / Taco that represents my family traditions; UNC Chapel Hill Supp- Comfort Food [6]

I love this piece!
I cannot imagine writing about food. You have done a great job!

It was then that I discovered the perfect addition

i am always confused "it was then that/when i did sth" if you are perfectly sure about this, ignore what i am saying here...

and i googled your taco, it looks delicious!!!!
maomao315040   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / Successful Advertiser; MIT ; Which department/ program at MIT appeal to you and Why? [11]

thanks!

here is the updated version, looking for final check

I believe that to become a successful advertiser, I need to understand the markets - changes in people's lives and perspectives, trends in government policies and the reasons behind them. Economics would provide me with tools to foster an improved understanding of the advertising world. I hope to gain insight on the application of economic theories through the Project Lab and UROP. I am especially thrilled to discover the variety of research projects I can work on with leading specialists under UROP. I am confident that the diverse experiences students enjoy at MIT will serve me well as I venture into the advertising world.

thanks. as always, i will reciprocate your help
maomao315040   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / Neighborhood with migrant majority/ Bowdoin Supp/ Intellectual engagement/Common Good [3]

Bowdoin students and alumni often cite world-class faculty and opportunities for intellectual engagement, the College's commitment to the Common Good, and the special quality of life on the coast of Maine as important aspects of the Bowdoin experience. Reflecting on your own interests and experiences, please comment on one of the following:

1. Intellectual engagement
2. The Common Good
3. Connection to place

I used to run to school: it is still fresh the feeling of disgust as I passed by the scantly clad young women loitering in the streets and the topless men sitting at "mahjong" tables. They all spoke unfamiliar dialects.

"Migrant workers" never had a positive connotation to me. Yet mother told me that they had stories to tell. The couple staying under the staircase woke up at four everyday to sell vegetables: they were saving money for a house back home; the single mother was happy to operate her small convenient shop here because her family did not want a divorced daughter home. Mother said that these people lived difficult lives because they had no better alternatives. I did not quite understand.

So mother encouraged me to play with their children. I am grateful that I heeded her advice. I learned that the big 12-year-old boy had never attended school since he came to Ningbo because he did not have residential status here. "Helping mother with the restaurant business is better." - His job was delivering food to construction sites everyday. What was so cool about life here? McDonald's. Pretty gardens. Occasional video games. His friends back in his hometown envied his lifestyle.

I grew up in a neighborhood where the migrant population was higher than the local population. There I learned never to judge people before I really know them; there I learned when many people live comfortably, many others lived an entirely different life; there I began to understand the life at the other end of the spectrum.

I hope one day I will help change the items on the boy's list.
maomao315040   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / Everyone loves the earth; Cornell CALS App- Environmental Science [3]

here is the prompt
College of Agriculture and Life Sciences:
How have your interests and related experiences influenced the major you have selected in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences?


i think it would be better if you talk about the CORNELL program specifically

I have recently come to realize that this passion for our world's land and all that it has to offer is something that I must pursue

"..has to offer carries more meaning for me than for an average citizen of the world" dunno what you think

Previously, my knowledge about the environment was limited for the most part to the existence of global warming and pollution. However, a realization of the extent of my interest in this subject prompted me to make a conscious effort to expand my knowledge base. I decided to take AP Environmental Science at my high school. The additional, in-depth information that this class provided about the current state of the natural world increased my awareness about the degree of endangerment it is facing. Human activity and disregard for nature have the potential to bring about nature's demise.

is there anything more concrete to back up what you are saying here? anything beyond the fact that you took the AP COURSE?

HOPE YOU HELP WITH MINE TOO :)
maomao315040   
Dec 22, 2012
Writing Feedback / Science VS Religion - what is best for the people? [14]

I think it is not NEWTON is wrong - science has its domain. newtonaian physics still works fine for the micro picture. I think the exploration of science is for people to come up with explanations that may be able to explain the phenomena and then apply the knowledge. if the application part works, science works. that's kind of utilitarian though

sorry for unclear expression. hope i somehow can make you understand what i feel about it.

i feel the wording of the para somehow makes me uncomfortable. maybe the categorical words like "wrong"? maybe "not providing a completing picture" is better
maomao315040   
Dec 21, 2012
Undergraduate / "Lao village" ; Williams App / "looking out through the window" [8]

Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

"Who has given them pens?"
Embarrassed, I raised my hand.

It was hard to let them down. In a world where refrigerator is a symbol of wealth, all those kids wanted from me were pens, which I had brought plenty.

The village kids were not allowed to enter the house. At night, they fought for space to get a glimpse of happenings inside the room through the window.

I was leaning at the window. The kids were experimenting with self-introduction using the words we taught them during the day; I was struggling to count from one to ten in Lao. We were all laughing hard. Then they started to point at the big goodie bag. They saw us taking out colorful pens, notebooks and stickers from it: to the children in the Lao village, it was a bagful of treasure.

I felt like Santa Claus: the kids looked at me in admiration as I shared some of my own pens amongst them.

"You should not have done it." Sophie, our teacher chaperon, said, "If we gave them once, they would hide the pens and come back for more."

Indeed they did. After I finished my pens, the kids had moved on to look for new playmates.
"The kids may think they can get things every time they ask for them. " Sophie was unusually serious, "That's not happening in life. Giving them pens this way is not going to help them."

Through the two-square-meter open window, the kids and I clapped hands and played simple games. We shared a simple and hard life. For the visitors from Singapore, it was ten days; for them, it might be for a lifetime. As a visitor who cannot be responsible for their future, doing no harm was far more important than satisfying a girl's vanity as a First World resident.
maomao315040   
Dec 14, 2012
Undergraduate / I have spent half of my lunch breaks sitting in the physics lab; princeton supplement [4]

I remember when I was in my 3rd grade I asked him a question that today I feel was senseless.

this is a bit too coloquial...

I think you have not talked sufficiently about Princeton. like the place Engineering sch is at blah blah you may want to refer to that. kind of imagine you are at the place and how you are going to enjoy the opportunities the sch has to offer

good luck

i rea-ed the sch. Hoping the results will be good
maomao315040   
Dec 14, 2012
Undergraduate / stanford roommate essay- debating and the outdoors [6]

hi!
You wrote a good one!!! i am kind of freaking out over this one.

here are some points that i feel you may want to change or so

I often strike people as shy and quiet, maybe even boring

shy and quiet are ok, how about paraphrase boring to sth like "Sheldon-ish" (the big bang theory man remember?)

I vow to change that before college.

how about engaging your roommate here a bit1? say sth like "you wouldn't be suffering blah blah.."

coming up good as new just as people begin worrying I'm dead.

here you may also engage your roommate a bit, like "i can teach you to do so blah blah... it is great fun ..."

the final concluding sentence could have been better if you ask a question or two, the topics that you have covered and you also want to find out from your roommate
maomao315040   
Dec 14, 2012
Undergraduate / Consciousness; U ND Supp/ Perspectives at Notre Dame [6]

sukhomoon

hiïźthis is my first time replyingïź

i am also applying to Notre Dame. :D and i have no idea how to deal with the first prompt
your response appears deep, here are some small points I feel you may want to change

I mean that internationalism should be on our prior viewpoin

i think "i mean" here is rather colloquial.
and somehow I feel your response is a lot of ideology... I am not an expert in writing essays, so you may want to wait for others' response

regarding the first one, I

One of men who clearly had consciousness is

this is awkward...
and the ending somehow does not feel like an ending. Do you have any concrete examples of your personal experience to back up your statement1? or your plan to do so1?
maomao315040   
Dec 14, 2012
Undergraduate / Successful Advertiser; MIT ; Which department/ program at MIT appeal to you and Why? [11]

Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (100 words or fewer)

I believe that to become a successful advertiser, I need to understand the markets - what changes are happening to people's lives and perspectives, what are the trends of government policies and why they are happening. Economics gives me a tool to better do so. I hope to gain insight on the application of economic theories through the Project Lab and Undergraduate Research Opportunities Program (UROP). I am thrilled to discover the diversity of research projects I can work on with leading specialists under UROP. Such invaluable experiences will help me appreciate economics better and serve me well as I venture in the advertising world.

a lot of thanks

and hope everybody good luck
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