maomao315040
Mar 3, 2013
Undergraduate / My goal was simple;reach the summit of Mountain Fansipan; SMU / Important Achievement [4]
I think you need to talk about your feelings rather than telling how one thing happens after another.
this is cliche, can be deleted
if you are exceeding the word limit, the above is not needed, either
you need something like "I could feel my sweat dropping from my nose. I tried to wipe the drops off, and finally gave up." "I heard winds/birds, were they laughing at my weakness, too? I was laughing at myself. This Champion of XX could not climb the mountain../ Who promised to reach the mountain top ahead of everybody else?/ Who desired so much to see the scenery from the top?"
Hope that helps
I think you need to talk about your feelings rather than telling how one thing happens after another.
Of course, it was easier said than done.
this is cliche, can be deleted
To me, the most important achievement happened during my mountain climbing trip in Vietnam five years ago.
if you are exceeding the word limit, the above is not needed, either
you need something like "I could feel my sweat dropping from my nose. I tried to wipe the drops off, and finally gave up." "I heard winds/birds, were they laughing at my weakness, too? I was laughing at myself. This Champion of XX could not climb the mountain../ Who promised to reach the mountain top ahead of everybody else?/ Who desired so much to see the scenery from the top?"
Hope that helps