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[IELTS] - Fatherhood implies environment provided by father to his children for their growth [8]
Honestly, I don't want to be mean, but I would give it a 4.
One point for effort, two points because your essay answered the question and you hit somewhere in the ball park. One point out of generosity.
I'm not going to focus on the grammatical errors, just know that there are a lot, and be sure to proof read them.
As of all essay it would be better if you organize it paragraph by paragraph instead of this one big section.
fully agree to the given statement that fatherhood should also be emphasized as motherhood and women are also as responsible as male in bringing their children up.
The first part was right, the second part was not right. The prompt merely stated that the idea of a mother responsible for raising her child stemmed from her decision in conceiving that child. It does not ask for whether or not you agree to the gender equality in the upbringing of a child.
In any society people often think that women give birth, takes care, nourish and teach different skills to children.
This is a very big generalization. It is also a bit discriminatory, assuming that women should give birth and such, so be careful.
Although this is very much true father is also equally responsible
For what? Raising the child? Be clearer please.
Families with a good father do not generally have to worry about food, spending or good family environment.
Again sexist, discriminatory, sweeping generalization. This is not true in many households, so please fix it.
Another important fact in most of our society that woman generally takes that decision about whether or not to have baby.
In China, the government decides whether or not to have a baby.
This shows that women are also responsible for bringing up their children.
Here you are just restating the fact in the question.
From our childhood we have been observing that mother nourishes, cleans educates children which are responsible tasks.
First, that's not true. Second does bringing home money to feed the entire family not a "responsible task?"
This example shows that mothers are also equally responsible to bringing up children.
That is not an example. You just made a vague sweeping generalization. That does not count as an example.
Furthermore there are a lot of single parents these days in our society who need to play role of both father and mother to bring up the children which is very difficult job.
This does not connect anyway to you essay. You could connect it by saying that single parent can be fathers and thus the role of fatherhood should be elevated.
Finally I'd like to conclude by saying that although motherhood is widely considered in most of the societies
Consider what? For what?
fatherhood must also be emphasized because father creates good environment for their children to live a better life.
You finally ended it with yet another vague generalization.
Might want to put in an actually concluding paragraph.
My number one issue with this is with all the assumptions, some of which are discriminatory and simply untrue.
Sorry if I offended you.
Good luck
