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Posts by shadman19922
Joined: Jun 3, 2013
Last Post: Dec 29, 2013
Threads: 21
Posts: 74  
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From: Bangladesh

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shadman19922   
Dec 29, 2013
Graduate / SoP for MS Computer Engineering in a US University [6]

This essay suffers from spelling mistakes, Grammar problems and poor transitions. Moving past that,

This isn't the most ideal way of starting your SOP. I'm sure whatever you present here will be present in your CV as well. Try starting the essay with an anecdote, or an event that influenced you to become an engineer in the first place.

One paragraph feels like a continuation of the other, it's better you join these up.

I have a huge issue with how you worded this paragraph, with the excessive use of the pronoun "I", it often interrupts the flow of my read, try to make smoother transition between the sentences. Furthermore, you've merely described your experiences, but you haven't described how it makes you want to pursue higher studies in engineering. You need to talk more about how it lead to your growth, and how these experiences will help you in graduate school.

This seems fine, but it should come after your description of what you plan to do in graduate school.

Your description of why you want to attend said [US University] is simply inadequate. This shows that you have not figured out a well thought out plan on what you want to do and how you plan on doing it, this is something that belittles the impression you create in front of an admissions officer. You need to talk more about the courses you plan on taking, the kind of research the department carries out and how it runs parallel with your own interests. You need to show them that you've properly researched their department before you thought of applying.

I am pleased to apply for the MS Computer Science and Engineering in [US University] to study in spring or summer semester. I am ready for any conditions that it is required to get the acceptance.

Doesn't the application ask for which semester you plan on applying for? :S . And you're supposed to fulfill conditions required for you application to be considered, if you want to get accepted, you have to make yourself stand out, and this statement does a very poor job of showcasing you.

Your statement simply lacks depth, personality, comprehensiveness and confidence. This is something that will simply not catch the attention of the admissions committee.
shadman19922   
Dec 27, 2013
Graduate / My ambition in life is to make humans life even bette; Master's- robotics; SOP [2]

Your biggest problem is with the structure and content of your statement. This essay is simply out of order, the statement leaves much to be desired and doesn't allow the reader to know much about you as a person. And your transitions between different points are handled extremely poorly.

Now, moving onto dissecting this.

Master of robotic system development ..

I understand this is what you plan to do after you graduate. Problem is, the way you worded it makes your goals and aspirations look dull and generic, and people already know the robotics will drive us towards a better future.

Before I make any further comments, I'd like to bring to your attention the fact that an SOP is an opportunity for you to bring the attention of the admissions committee to things that don't get mentioned in other parts of your application. With that said:

I am currently working in process Industries ..

Since I'm applying for graduate school myself, I know very well you'll have an opportunity to mention the above quoted description in other parts of your application. It's better you talk about how this work has shaped your goals and led to your growth, both as a person and as an engineer.

Why MRSD...
I am already associated with industry and seeking career in commercial sector of automation and robotics this program is best for my further career development...

Your description of why MRSD is simply inadequate. Since you're applying for MRSD, you need to talk about what research the department carries out and how your interests run parallel with that. You should also talk about the classes you can take if you get accepted by MRSD. Admissions departments do look for the fact that you've properly researched their school before applying.

I believe my overall performance of academic, experience and awards I have received will be only in the root of future success and career goal...

Again, this will probably get mentioned in other parts of your application. I'm not saying not to talk about your experiences, but problem is, you don't talk about how the experiences you've gone through has shaped you or changed you.

I believe in consistence learning through life and adding more value to self to get success in any field.

You've got to come up with a far better conclusion.
shadman19922   
Dec 27, 2013
Undergraduate / Chemistry Competition; MIT - Situation didn't go as planned [3]

The "Lost once, won at the second time" theme is a bit generic, and the story you provided lacks detail. While it is commendable that you got accepted, this won't make you stand out in a pool of competitive applicants
shadman19922   
Dec 27, 2013
Graduate / SOP-Graduate Essay- PhD- Materials Science (biomaterilas/biomedical) [5]

This seems well written. You started off with how your interest in materials science began and properly transitioned into you education, work and research experiences. You've described your experiences adequately, and your growth from doing such research without drowning the reader in excessive details. And the tone and the way the essay is written gives this a nice, personal touch.

Since you are applying directly for a PhD, you may want to talk a little more about what you exactly plan to do your research on, and what direction you plan on taking based on the results of that research.

Best of luck with your applications. This SOP definitely has the potential to grab the attention of admissions.
shadman19922   
Dec 27, 2013
Graduate / I was highly motivated by the cutting edge research technologies; MS in VLSI- SOP [6]

With the ever-increasing complexity in VLSI systems today, power consumption...

This belongs in the essay, but not in the position you placed it at. Thing is(this is coming from a major or Electrical And Electronics Engineering), if you have something particular you want to focus on during grad school, the problem you want to focus on should come from your work experiences. So it should be something like: "I worked in A, B and C, and I found this and that problem, hence I want to work on this". I hope you get my point here

My meritorious performance in AIEEE (stood in the top 0.5%) secured me admission into Electronics and Communication Engineering in National Institute of Technology Warangal, which is ranked 13th among the engineering colleges in India.

This is something that I feel is simply not needed in an SOP, and I do not understand why a lot of people mention this in their SOPs. I don't mean to offend anyone, but it does not add anything to your graduate school application portfolio. It's good that you stood out among so many, but remember graduate studies are significantly different from what you previously did.

And finally, you haven't properly rectified the mistake I mentioned before, you need to talk a lot more about the graduate school you plan on applying to, and how you think the school will help you.

Here's the thing, It is important that you provide some detailed exposure to what you did during your work periods, but keep details like that for a CV which I think most online applications allow you to upload. Instead of trying so hard to impress with your credentials, try taking a more personal approach to the SOP
shadman19922   
Dec 18, 2013
Graduate / I hope to continue to work in physics; SOP for pursuing Physics at Cornell [3]

FINALLY! A feedback. Thank you very much.

Now, let me state how to fix the problems:

1. OK, so I need to make it a complete sentence.

2. Do you want me to develop on why I was more interested in pursuing engineering in the first place? I can do that, but the problem is I already exceeded 1000 words. If I have to develop on this point, I have to cut corners somewhere else. :(

given my background, I don't want to cut down on the physics portion of the statement, but I'll develop the point and post it as a reply

3. I'll combine the two paragraphs.
shadman19922   
Dec 15, 2013
Graduate / I hope to continue to work in physics; SOP for pursuing Physics at Cornell [3]

So, after the feedback received on my last statement, and after days of thought and writing, here is a new version of my SOP.

I want you to become a theoretical physicist when you grow up". I was about thirteen years old when my father first said that, being inspired by the character Larry Fleinhardt from the the TV series "Numbers" (Stylized "Numb3rs"). Although I never put any serious thought into it at such a young age, partially because I had no understanding of what a theoretical physicist did, and partially because I was developing an interest in electrical motors by reading about them from various textbooks. My interest in engineering was further strengthened by building my own toy tractors out of a mechanical set my grandfather gifted me back then and connecting and powering them with an electric motor.

Having a strong aptitude in natural sciences and advanced mathematics, I chose a major in electrical and electronics engineering with high expectations. However, my interest in the major quickly waned, particularly because a large portion of the content had very little roots in physics (for example software programming or embedded hardware).

As a result, I searched for a new direction. The search for a different direction and an impetus lead me to the Nobel Prize website, and the biographies of several prize winners. Everyone seemed to be doing interesting work and making amazing discoveries. There were a number of scientists who made bold transitions to a field completely different from their educational background, and this gave me the much needed encouragement to make a decision to switch over to physics.

It was a nice surprise to find a nice collection of physics books in my library, considering my university did not have a physics department. My studies in Quantum Mechanics and Relativity began in earnest and it was not long before I considered switching over to physics once I was finished with my undergraduate studies. Ironically, I have decided to take up physics as my future. On a whim, I emailed a few graduate departments, explaining my situation, and received a few encouraging replies, with the mention that it is possible to be a successful physicist with an unusual background.

Although fulfilling the requirements to apply for physics graduate school is quite daunting, especially regarding the extant knowledge applicants are expected to have, which is reflected in subject test scores. Thankfully, not everything during my undergraduate years turned out to be completely useless, given the synergy between engineering and physics, and particularly the common ground of calculus. My classes in circuits, electricity and magnetism equipped me with the necessary mathematical knowledge to tackle undergraduate level problems. And my knowledge in mathematics (both learned in classes and self-taught) allowed me to ease into material on which I had no formal training on.

Given the common ground in engineering and physics, combined with my knowledge of mathematics, a new-found passion of physics and a renewed interest in studying, my pedagogical process went ahead at full-speed. I would attend my engineering classes, finish up homework and assignments as quickly as I could, and devote my nights to study physics. This allowed me enough time and opportunity to cover material taught in undergraduate level physics, including more advanced topics such as relativity, QM in three dimensions, Boltzmann functions and partitions, etc. The sheer effort put into studying physics allowed me to appear for the GRE Physics test, in which I scored a 790, being in the 71st percentile.

As second year ended, I emailed a few physics professors at different universities, asking around if anyone would be interested in taking me in as a research assistant. One professor from the University of Malaya was kind enough to introduce me to a doctoral student of his. The research was focused in super-symmetry. The research was focused on mining through data to search for the existence of any new or exotic particles. My work was review a primer on super-symmetry, and in particular look for equations and models which predict the creation of super-partners in high energy sub-atomic reactions. I have gained immense knowledge during my summer time, learning the Wess-Zumino Model, Chrial and gauge supermultiplets, superfields, and Feynman diagrams associated in supersymmetric reactions and transformations. Besides learning the loops of the day to day activities of a phycisist: going through papers, learning monte-carlo simulations, etc. Besides learning how to do research, I enjoyed the atmosphere of academia: Being able to have lively discussions on physics, new ideas and aspirations for the future over coffee. This is an environment I would very much like to have in my professional career, a desire which fuels my passion of doing research and being part of academia.

An engineering background does give me distinct advantages to do physics research, in experimentation and instrumentation particularly. An engineering background did allow me to develop skills and knowledge in hardware and software. Modern Physics experiments often require the use of programming and microcontrollers to control parameters in various experiments, for example the timing of laser pulses in low-temperature physics experiments, making sensors(Entire sections of physics departments are sometimes dedicated to accelerator physics) and the aforementioned monte-carlo simulation in experiments.

Armed with the necessary knowledge, passion and an unusual background, it is with confidence I apply to Cornell. The physics department in Cornell has a number of characteristics which makes it a great place to pursue graduate studies in. Although I mentioned that my interests lie in particle theory, I would like to experience other fields in physics as well. The first two years at Cornell would allow me to take general courses such as quantum theory. This would allow me to fill any gaps I have in my knowledge followed by specialized courses during the second year to enhance my physics knowledge and the Advanced Laboratory (Physics 6510) course would equip me with the necessary experimental skills. Furthermore, the ability to take courses offered by other departments (With consent from the special committee) would allow me to enhance my knowledge in mathematics (In Differential Geometry, for example), which I firmly believe a physicist should continuously broaden knowledge in.

Furthermore, Cornell has a broad spectrum of research, from the scale of the quantum foam to that of the largest galaxies, in both theoretical and experimental sciences. The research groups that hold particular interest for me are the Theoretical and experimental elementary particle group, carrying out research into "New-Physics" as well as the unification of the standard model with gravity. What makes the particle group even more interesting is its membership with CMS and LHC. With interesting research going on ceaseless, coupled with the cooperative nature among everyone in the department, would allow me to frequently discuss and exchange ideas with supervisors, seniors and colleagues alike, fulfilling the need for an intellectual atmosphere.

All in all, despite the anomaly, I believe that through sheer willpower and tenacity, I will acclimate well to graduate school and hopefully prove to be a valuable asset and a student. After completing graduate studies, I hope to continue to work in physics, be it in huge labs or small groups while shouldering any additional responsibility and hardship; continuing to explore the quantum world and enjoy being surrounded by like-minded and intelligent peers.
shadman19922   
Dec 5, 2013
Graduate / Understand and work with elementary particles; SOP for pursuing Physics at Cornell. [8]

I considered your opinions, and rewrote my background. See if this is more up to standards

I had a strong performance in Sciences and Mathematics back in high school, but no strong direction as to what I wanted to do in life. The usual route for students strong in sciences and mathematics in Bangladesh is to study engineering or medicine, and accounts of the returns one can have during their professional period with a degree in either field sounded appealing. Therefore, I took up electrical engineering as a major and hoped everything would proceed fine.

It took me a few months to realise that for the first time I simply could not enjoy the majority of the classes I took or the material I studied. My lack of interest in the subject meant chaos for me, particularly because I can only produce excellent results if something can captivate my interest. And the thought of having to do something I simply did not enjoy for a living frequently lead to bouts of frustration. As a result I was simply not involved in my studies the same way I was before joining university. I did do well in my classes, but not great.

The search for a different direction and an impetus lead me to the Nobel Prize website, and the biographies of several prize winners. Everyone seemed to be doing interesting work and learning interesting things since their undergraduate years. What was even more interesting and perhaps encouraging was that there were a number of scientists who made bold transitions to a field completely different from their educational background. This provided the much needed inspiration to take a step forward and apply for graduate physics.

It was a nice surprise to find a nice collection of physics books in my library, considering my university did not have a physics department. My studies in Quantum Mechanics and Relativity began in earnest and it was not long before I considered switching over to physics once I was finished with my undergraduate studies. On a whim, I emailed a few graduate departments, explaining my situation, and received a few encouraging replies, with the mention that it is possible to be a successful physicist with an unusual background.

Although fulfilling the requirements to apply for physics graduate school is quite daunting, especially regarding the extant knowledge applicants are expected to have, which is reflected in subject test scores. Thankfully, not everything during my undergraduate years turned out to be completely useless, given the synergy between engineering and physics. My classes in circuits, electricity and magnetism equipped me with the necessary to tackle any undergraduate level problem. And my knowledge in mathematics (both learned in classes and self-taught) allowed me to ease into material which I could not learn in classes.

Given the common ground in engineering and physics, combined with my knowledge of mathematics, a new-found passion of physics and a renewed interest in studying, my pedagogical process went ahead at full-speed. During my second year, I would attend my engineering classes, finish up homework and assignments as quickly as I could, and devote my nights to study physics. This allowed me enough time and opportunity to cover material taught in undergraduate level physics, including more advanced topics such as relativity, QM in three dimensions, Boltzmann functions and partitions, etc.

As second year ended, I emailed a few physics professors at different universities, asking around if anyone would be interested in taking me in as a research assistant. One professor from the University of Malaya was kind enough to introduce me to a doctoral student of his. This was beneficial in two ways. One, this allowed me to fully understand whether I was covering the required material. Second, I was introduced to particle physics. This was an interesting opportunity to learn what was going on at the forefront of the field. Besides my studies, summer was spent learning what a professional physicist does: Solve Feynman Diagrams, plough through a multitude of data to detect and observe the behaviour of new exotic particles, and perform monte-carlo simulations to predict the existence of any new physics.

As tedious and difficult it was, the work was enjoyable nonetheless and heightened my interest in physics.
shadman19922   
Dec 5, 2013
Graduate / Understand and work with elementary particles; SOP for pursuing Physics at Cornell. [8]

Avoid my last comment. I have a few questions:

1. Should I keep the part where I discuss why Cornell would be a good place to study, or should I rewrite that too.

2. I'd like to bring it to the attention of the admissions committee that I'm mostly self taught. My intention isn't to belittle my own experiences, but rather to point out that I'm.... "unusual". Can clever wording help me tackle this with strength, clarity and resolve? Or is my background fundamentally weak enough to prevent me from actually having a chance?
shadman19922   
Dec 4, 2013
Graduate / Automobiles have fascinated and captivated my attention MS-Auto/MECH - SOP [4]

I was always interested in machines and its mechanisms(Try opening your essay with something more original ). My father is a Doctor, a Dermatologist. He has a complete setup of dermatology and cosmetic clinic but I never found interest in his field. I was always inclined towards engineering and hence I chose a vocational course instead of biology or language in my junior college. When it was time to decide on my undergraduate course(You can cut down on this ), I chose Mechanical Engineering because it would provide me with a firm foundation in the basics of Engineering while allowing me to maintain flexibility with my graduate studies. After completing four years of this course I feel very pleased and satisfied about my decision of opting bachelor's degree in Mechanical Engineering. The coursework I have taken, as well as the experiences I have had throughout my undergraduate years, have really inspired me to pursue further studies in Mechanical Engineering.

Paragraphs 3,4 and 5 describe whatever experiences you have. You really need to cut down on the EXCESSIVE DETAILS about your work and study experiences, and talk more about how those experiences would help you in graduate school. For example, you mentioned that being a speaker for your club helped you build up public speaking skills. You need to talk a little about how better speaking skills will help you in grad school.

Master's Degree in Mechanical Engineering at --------------- university will help me achieve my goal. Ongoing research on ------ and --------- matches closely with my interest. Moreover I would like to work with Dr.----------- since his research interests are in resonance with mine. I thus wish to pursue the graduate program at Clemson University, because I know it will provide me with the skills and knowledge needed to pursue my educational and career goals.

You need to talk more about the university itself and the possible classes you might take to add to your repertoire of knowledge and skills.

That's all.

Can I request you to review my SOP as well?
shadman19922   
Dec 4, 2013
Graduate / My immigrant parents did an amazing job ; Speech-Language Pathology PS [4]

I like your description on your background and your experiences guided you towards your major and your description of past research experiences.

However, your points are a bit jumbled up and the transition between different aspects of your statement are not handled very well. Your points need to be organized better and separated.

One more thing. You mentioned that the school your applying to has various research areas. This can be enhanced by elaborating on the kind of research carried out at the university you are interested in.
shadman19922   
Dec 3, 2013
Graduate / Understand and work with elementary particles; SOP for pursuing Physics at Cornell. [8]

My reason for wanting to pursue graduate physics in graduate school is simple: to understand and work with elementary particles. The idea of understanding the behaviour of particles with the human mind has been a fascinating prospect for me for quite a while. This interest has been supplanted by reading the biographies of many physicists and their interesting journeys in science. So far, I have mostly limited myself to book knowledge and some minimal research. However, I would like to take this further by pursuing graduate studies ultimately leading to professional development.

The physics department in Cornell has a number of characteristics which makes it a great place to pursue graduate studies in. Although I mentioned that my interests lie in particle theory, I would like to experience other fields in physics as well. The first two years at Cornell would allow me to take general courses such as quantum theory. This would allow me to fill any gaps I have in my knowledge followed by specialized courses during the second year to enhance my physics knowledge and the Advanced Laboratory (Physics 6510) course would equip me with the necessary experimental skills. Furthermore, the ability to take courses offered by other departments (With consent from the special committee) would allow me to enhance my knowledge in mathematics (In Differential Geometry, for example), which I firmly believe a physicist should continuously broaden knowledge in.

Furthermore, Cornell has a broad spectrum of research, from the scale of the quantum foam to that of the largest galaxies, in both theoretical and experimental sciences. The research groups that hold particular interest for me are the Theoretical and experimental elementary particle group, carrying out research into "New-Physics" as well as the unification of the standard model with gravity. What makes the particle group even mokre interesting is its membership with CMS and LHC. With interesting research going on non-stop, coupled with the cooperative nature among everyone in the department, would allow me to frequently discuss and exchange ideas with supervisors, seniors and colleagues alike.

My background in physics may raise a few eyebrows, Simply because it is highly unusual. I am engineering major and never took a college level physics course (Except courses on electromagnetism). My knowledge in other fields of physics solely comes from teaching myself using various media.

I learned a myriad of things in engineering school: Real-Time systems, Control Engineering, Signal Processing, Power Electronic Design, etc. Yet, such topics never appealed to me as much as my studies did in high school. As I finished my first semester of my second year, I browsed the library and picked up books on various topics, stumbling upon Serway, Moses and Meyer's "Modern Physics"

My interest on physics was in a "Full swing" after a few days. Before long, I finished learning a semester's worth of relativity and quantum mechanics. Summer gave me ample time and opportunity to explore different avenues in physics: Classical Mechanics, Statistical Physics, as well as different avenues of modern physics. Besides physics, I have taught myself the basics of certain branches of mathematics such as Group Theory and topology. My studies would often be carried late into the nights, which I enjoyed. The sheer effort put into covering a broad spectrum of material has enabled me to appear for the GRE Physics test, in which I scored a 790, being in the 71st percentile.

I tried my hand at Physics research during the summer at a separate university. One professor was kind enough to introduce me to a doctoral student of his. Through him, I was able to carry out some small research into Supersymmetry. Although I had conversations discussions regarding other fields of the so called "New-Physics" such as string theory and grand unified theory. Moreover, this phase was particularly important to me as it was an opportunity to explore the world of particle physics, something I had an interest in for a while. This, combined with my late nights, has consolidated the fact that I can quickly adapt to the heavy course load and new, yet difficult material I will encounter in graduate school.

Further research experiences include working on two microcontroller projects and submitting a research project titled "Forward Error Correction in Communications Systems" to a national-level engineering competition entitled "Innovate Malaysia". My project has been one of the few chosen amongst countless entries, which has allowed me access to expensive and advanced engineering software for which I will receive fully paid training.

Other than academia, I have participated in a number of extra-curricular activities. I have been the IT officer and the secretary of The Bangladesh Society at my university. Furthermore, I have been to different countries before and have met people from diverse backgrounds. These experiences are important for two reasons. Number one, it has significantly improved my communication skills; Number two, it has built up my adaptability to change.

All in all, despite the anomaly, I believe that through sheer willpower and tenacity, I can acclimate well to graduate school and hopefully prove to be a valuable asset and a student. After completing graduate studies, I hope to continue to work in theoretical physics, be it in huge labs or small groups while shouldering any additional responsibility and hardship; continuing to explore the quantum world using my mind.
shadman19922   
Dec 2, 2013
Graduate / I was highly motivated by the cutting edge research technologies; MS in VLSI- SOP [6]

I agree with Dumi. This feels like a huge list of credentials which you'll mention in other parts of your application. Try cutting out the excessive nitty gritty details and try to add more about your future plans and how the school you're applying to will help you out. Try talking a lot more about the school you plan on applying to.

REMEMBER, the SOP is an opportunity for you to talk about stuff that you'd like to bring the admissions attention to that don't get mentioned in your application.
shadman19922   
Nov 28, 2013
Graduate / Automobiles have fascinated and captivated my attention MS-Auto/MECH - SOP [4]

It seems that you have a lot of work experience. However, people from the admissions office tend to see how much research experience you have. So try writing your experiences in a way that insinuates it leads to a growth in research skills, rather than creating descriptions of everything you did.

Also, you need to talk about WHY you want to pursue further education.

Oh, you also need to talk more about why Clemson would be a good choice. Talk a little about the facilities and the research carried out there.
shadman19922   
Nov 28, 2013
Graduate / I always wanted to become professional ; Masters in ECE; SOP [4]

Everything around us from the simplest household gadgets..

Try cutting out this paragraph. It's filler material that simply doesn't belong in your SOP.

Your description of work experience suffers from verbosity. Try trimming it down a bit.

Talk about the faculty of the university you plan on applying to, talk about what research you plan on doing there.
shadman19922   
Nov 22, 2013
Graduate / I have always tried to be the best at whatever I do; SOP MS(computer science) [6]

Here's the thing: You're using ten words when two-three words should suffice. Also, you're describing things that simply are not being asked for in an SOP.

If you're worried about cutting down, try describing the university or department you plan on applying to. Try describing what you would do if you get accepted, such as the courses you take, the facilities that would help you out, etc.
shadman19922   
Nov 22, 2013
Graduate / Statement of Purpose for Aerospace Engineering being a student of Electronics & Comm [9]

You've got your basics down pretty well. What you need is more elaboration on your your points. Talk a little about the faculty of the university you plan on applying to. Try listing out courses that would enhance your knowledge, talk about the type of research carried out at the university you are interested in. Talk about any past research experiences you had. ELABORATE!

Just one more thing, and don't take this too harshly. The opening sentence is very generic. Try opening up your statement with something different, an anecdote perhaps.
shadman19922   
Nov 17, 2013
Graduate / My reason for wanting to pursue graduate physics in graduate school is simple; SOP [6]

Please give your reasons for wishing to do graduate work in physics. Prepare your statement of objectives and goals in whatever form clearly presents your views. Include, as far as you can, your particular interests, be they experimental or theoretical, and show how your background supports these interests. Tell us about your research or other relevant experience outside the classroom. The Admissions Committee will welcome any factors you wish to bring to its attention concerning your academic and work experience to date.

My reason for wanting to pursue graduate physics in graduate school is simple: to understand and work with elementary particles. The idea of understanding the behaviour of particles with the human mind has been a fascinating prospect for me for quite a while.

My background in physics may raise a few eyebrows. Simply because it is highly unusual. I am an engineering major and never took a college level physics course (Except maybe courses on electromagnetism). My knowledge in physics solely comes from teaching myself using various media.

I learned a myriad of things in engineering school: Real-Time systems, Control Engineering, Signal Processing, Power Electronic Design, etc. Yet, such topics never appealed to me as much as my studies did in high school. As I finished my first semester of my second year, I browsed the library and picked up books on various topics, stumbling upon Serway, Moses and Meyer's "Modern Physics"

My interest on physics was in a "Full swing" after a few days. Before long, I finished learning a semester's worth of relativity and quantum mechanics. Summer gave me ample time and opportunity to explore different avenues in physics: Classical Mechanics, Statistical Physics, as well as different avenues of modern physics. Besides physics, I have taught myself certain branches of mathematics such as Group Theory and topology. My studies would often be carried late into the nights, which I enjoyed. The sheer effort put into covering a broad spectrum of material has enabled me to appear for the GRE Physics test.

I tried my hand at Physics research during the summer at a separate university. One professor was kind enough to introduce me to a doctoral student of his. Through him, I was able to carry out some small research into Supersymmetry. Although I had conversations discussions regarding other fields of the so called "New-Physics" such as string theory and grand unified theory. Moreover, this phase was particularly important to me as it was an opportunity to explore the world of particle physics, something I had an interest in for a while. This, combined with my late nights, has consolidated the fact that I can quickly adapt to the heavy course load and new, yet difficult material I will encounter in graduate school.

<A paragraph about the faculty>
Other than academia, I have participated in a number of extra-curricular activities. I have been the IT officer and the secretary of The Bangladesh Society at my university. Furthermore, I have been to different countries before and have met people from diverse backgrounds. These experiences are important for two reasons. Number one, it has significantly improved my communication skills; Number two, it has built up my adaptability to change.

All in all, despite the anomaly, I believe that through sheer willpower and tenacity, I can acclimate well to graduate school and hopefully prove to be a valuable asset and a student. After completing graduate studies, I hope to continue to work in theoretical physics, be it in huge labs or small groups while shouldering any additional responsibility and hardship; continuing to explore the quantum world using my mind.
shadman19922   
Nov 17, 2013
Graduate / I have strong analytical skills ; SOP for MS in Telecommunication [4]

Seems very comprehensive. But I think you can improve a bit more in two ways:
1.By mentioning the names of a few faculty members who you think can help you.
2.Elaborating further on what you did during your internships. It kinda lacks the description of how these experiences led to your growth.

Hope these help
shadman19922   
Sep 12, 2013
Writing Feedback / Benefits of Micro-lending. GRE Analyze an argument, Feel free to comment [4]

Hi Marmaria. Thanks for the kind words.

Well, I'm appearing for the TOEFL and GRE somewhat simultaneously. How long have you studied the GRE for? And if you're someone who listens to or reads English daily, the TOEFL shouldn't be much of a problem
shadman19922   
Sep 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / TV Vs. Literature. GRE Analyze an Issue [2]

"Television and videos are going to leave a more lasting and valid perception of our society to future generations than is literature."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the previous
statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In
developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which
the statement may or may not hold true and explain how those considerations
shape your position.

Throughout history, humankind has written and recorded in various ways what
happened throughout time. However, as time passed on, our perception of what
was recorded changes due to many reasons. Some media are, however, more
capable of creating a solid perception than others.

It cannot be denied that TV and Videos, as well as written literature, both
have shaped our perceptions of what the past was, and what the present is.
Events and the way of life centuries ago have been recapitualted by great
writers and thinkers and immortalized in ink and paper, at a time when
television and digital media did not exist. Without literature, it would
have been very difficult to understand how life was during the times when
there was no electricity and none of the modern technology we beg. Without
literature, it may be difficult for the lay man to understand why social
traditions were the way they had been enacted in the past.

However, despite the fact that literature gives us an account of what the
past was like enables us to perceive past societies, the diurnal activities,
the superstitions, the practices etc. , Literautre can give us a jaundiced
perception of what the past was like. Whenever we read written accounts, our
exegesis of the account differs from person to person, because it is very
rare that two human beings think exactly alike. As such, how we perceive the
society of the past is very subjective. Given the caprice of human
imagination, that perceived image may vary from time to time, and thus
cannot be described as long lasting. And therefore, literauture may fail to
provide us with a lasting and valid perception of society. By extending this
argument into the future, it may very well be possible that whatever written
account writers and thinkers provide of the present society may be
interpreted in different ways by people in the future.

Television and video, on the other hand, are capable of displaying what
exactly what happens. As such, unlike writing, one does not require
imagination to understand and perceive what television and video describe
through a series of images. The risk of distortion is minimized because
videos and physical images, unlike our minds, are not capricious, but remain
constant. And hence can remain as a more valid account of what it recorded,
and therefore give us a truer account of the present in the future. Since
an intact and uadultereated description can be given by television and
videos, it can supersede literature in terms of creating a lasting and more
valid perception of the future.

Both literature and digital media have critical roles in the preservation of
annals of history. However, since literature requires us to excercise our
minds in order to glean clarity from written words and letters, our
perception changes. Whereas digital media practically displays what it
records, and our minds do not require straining, thus creating a more
lasting and vlide perception
shadman19922   
Sep 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL;The rapid growth of cities in today's world - Positive development? [5]

Grammar seems correct.

Moving to the content of the first topic, your main idea is the displacement of native workers. Thing is, this displacement may not be entirely true. A better way to tackle the unemployment issue is to discuss about unemployment that may be suffered by both indigenous people and immigrants, that way you tackle both sides of the employment issue.

The health issue mentioned in the second paragraph is pertinent and solid. and the third paragraph can be improved by detailing the problems mentioned.

Now, You mostly focused the problems arising from expansion. But, it is plausible for good things to happen as well. A little acknowledgement of the benefits can go a long way to make it impressive for readers.

Cheers
shadman19922   
Sep 1, 2013
Writing Feedback / Benefits of Micro-lending. GRE Analyze an argument, Feel free to comment [4]

The following is a common argument used to support increased globalization - expansion of economies beyond national borders.

"Microlending is the key to ending poverty. With microlending, investors make small loans to entrepreneurs in developing countries, so they can start a business and become self-sufficient. In return, the investor has the opportunity to profit from the interest. This helps the impoverished lift themselves out of poverty in a dignified way, instead of having to feel like beggars. To be successful, people need opportunities and the resources to pursue those opportunities. They want to work and are looking for a hand up, not a hand out. Microlending is the answer."

Write a response in which you examine the unstated assumptions of the previous argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on the assumptions and what the implications are if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

The author does make a somewhat cogent argument about the benefits of microlending. However, the author's conclusion is based on a number of flawed assumption and a lack of evidence concerning the success, or possible success of microlending.

First of all, the author assumes that everyone who takes micro-loans will be able to start up and run a successful business. The success in return will yield enough profits for entrepreneurs to pay back the loans. The author does not put forward any discussion or elaboration which guarantees the success of start ups. Or it may also be possible that a lot of developing countries may not have a conducive environemnt for start ups. If someone takes a micro-loan, causes and entrepreneurial fiasco and is unable to pay back loans, then neither the entrepreneur nor the investor will end up winning, and people may not rise out of indignation. The author can strengthen his argument by putting an elaboration which would maximise succuess, plus a few accounts which evince this assumption.

Secondly, the author assumes that there will be a lot of people who would take micro-loans, and initiate their own businesses. This would lead to more-loans, and more profits from interest. It may be possible that there may not be a lot of entrepreneurs, and in turn the number of loans taken may be few, which would yield less returns. If there is a dearth of entrepreneurs, then the authors plan for a successful mirco-lending system may not work. If the author can put forward evidence which indicates that there may be a lot of people looking forwards to start their own businesses, he/she may be able to strengthen the argument more.

And finally, since interest and profits are involved, there may be a discrepancy regarding interest rates. For example, investors may opt for higher interest rates, which would ostensibly yield higher profits. However, if interest rates are a bit too high, budding entrepreneurs may be reluctant to borrow money, and thus the author's idea may not work. If the author can provide a suitable range of interest rates that may work both in favor of investors and borrowers, the author's argument for micro-lending may be strengthened.

The author's argument suffers from a paucity of evidence and the holes in the argument. Microlending may be a good idea to pursue if the author is capable of filling the holes left behind, backed up with corroborating accounts
shadman19922   
Aug 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / If you could meet a historical figure, who would it be? TOEFL essay [3]

As a person who aspires to be a physicist, I always pined to meet one of the most famous physicists in existence, Richard Feynman. A brilliant physicist, yet one who stands out among others due to his legendary personality and a plethora of various expreinces.

First of all, Feynman has an almost ubiquitous presence in Physics articles. And many famous Physicists have mentioned his named while discussing their own works or providing anecdotes from their own expereinces. In fact, Stanford Physicist Leonard Susskind once mentioned that "Feynman's period was a golden period in physics, everyone wanted to work with him". Given Feynman's status among his peers, I would also like to meet Feynman in person and be able to descry what made him so inspirational and likeable among his peers. Perhaps furing our meet, some of Feynman's inspiration may rub of on me.

Judging from Feynman's biography and what many people say about him, Feynman always seemed to be full of great ideas and had a simple yet elegant way of explaining recondite physics problems. In fact, before Feynman worked on Superfluid helium, other physicists before him, some of the nobel-prize winners, have been able to only produce an incomplete model for the behaviour of superfluid Helium. Feynman took only a pencil and a sheet of paper and wrote the behaviour of helium, and soon was able to extract a complete model for something that has eluded Physicists for so long. During our meet, I'd would want to understand how Feynman thinks about physics problems, what goes on in his head when he considers so many parameters, how the proverbial light bulb starts to shine in his mind, so that I may be able to reproduce his way of thinking one day.

Another thing Feynman had was eclectic interests, and a wide range of experiences. Being passionate about drums, Feynman once took a year off to travel to Brazil and play the bongos properly. Feynman was one of the youngest members of the manhattan project and would cantankerously annoy the security guards. Upon our meet, I would like to enquire about his medley of experiences and what he thinks of them in retrospect. Being a person of ecelctic interests myself, I would like to know how Feynman balances everything is his Life.

Feynman is everything I aspire to be. I beleive that in order to even measure up to him, I must learn a great many things from him. And hence, Richard Feynman is my person of choice
shadman19922   
Aug 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / {TOEFL} Man or Woman. Shall inherited physical differences be considered in order to [5]

You've crossed the 300 word limit normally recommended by TOEFL officials.

I am not at allratified with the given statement because of some of the following reasons

"Ratified" isn't the correct word here. I'm assuming you're going for a word like "Satisfied", try going for a synonym.

But I believe in order to pacify a task one needs a

Again, "Pacify" isn't the correct word here.

The essay has a few grammatical mistakes you need to fix up. Now, onto the content. You say the Passion and endurance is what is needed for any job. However, I feel that you haven't developed on this statement enough. You can try writing down what it is about passion that makes a task achievable. You mentioned a bunch of names. But I think you should have given a short description of how these people became luminaries.
shadman19922   
Aug 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / GRE Analyze an argument. Restoration of local news and weather forecast time [4]

The following is a memorandum from the business manager of a television station.

"Over the past year, our late-night news program has devoted increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news. During this period, most of the complaints received from viewers were concerned with our station's coverage of weather and local news. In addition, local businesses that used to advertise during our late-night news program have canceled their advertising contracts with us. Therefore, in order to attract more viewers to our news programs and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues, we should expand our coverage of weather and local news on all our news programs."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

The author's recommendation for an increase in the time devoted in the coverage of local and weather news cannot be adopted due to the dearth of details presented in the argument.

First, the author argues that the station has received a number of complaints regarding the coverage of local news and weather forcast. But the author has not mentioned what kind of complaints are being made. It may be possible that the complaints are not eventuated by the reduced time dedicated for such broadcasts, but rather the animadversions may be arising form the quality of news being broadcasted. For example, the stations's weather forecast are not accurate. Or maybe that the station is probably not covering important local news, or maybe the anchors not disinterested, conveying strong opinions, during news time. If this is the case, then simply restoring the local news and weather forecast timings will not solve the problem. The author can strengthen his argument by citing specific complaints in his argument.

Secondly, the author asserts that the reason for businesses rescinding contracts is arising from the reduced broadcast time. Just because two events coincide does not necessarily mean that they are linked to one another. There could be a plethora of other reasons why businesses may recant their commitments. Local businesses may have terminated contracts because they may have been offered better and more lucrative contracts elsewhere. Or it may also be possible that such businesses may be in financial straits, and hence cannot continue to pay for advertising costs. If the author can elicit a reason from business owners which corroborates his point, then can the author make a more congenial case.

Given the lack of specifics, the author has not been able to make a strong case in favor of the restoration of weather and local news to the original level, and therefore his recommendation cannot be considered as it is now.
shadman19922   
Aug 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / [GRE: Analyze an Argument] Reduce operating expenses to reverse decline in profits [6]

Hi testtaker!

You seem to have a decent response. Let's have a closer look:

The downtown store reduced its expenses by reducing it's operating time. A question can be raised here. Did this reduction reverse the decline in profit? Reducing operating time by 3 hours is significant. This is very probable that it also reduced the amount of sales while it reduced the expenses. Does these two reduction result in increased profits? If not, there is no point in reducing the operating time and closing the store earlier.

You can also extend this argument by saying that just because closing the Marston store reduced costs does not necessarily mean that it would work well with the Galore stores. Also, you can also mention that Marston may have reduced stocks and operating hours due to reasons other than a reduction of costs in mind.

Another method that the particular store followed to reduce expenses was to eliminate older videos. This act is not much rational in the sense that the demand of old classical movies is always high. People will always like to watch the oldies such as 'The Godfather', 'The good, the bad and the ugly', 'Twelve angry men' and so on. Eliminating these classics from store would do no good in terms of reversing decline in profits because people would go for other stores to collect these movies.

You're taking a very strong stance by saying that old movies will always be in demand. Remember, the examiner's DO NOT want your opinion or stance on the details. Try writing something like "It is possible that old movies MAY still be in demand, and thus removing such films may harm profit margins"

These are flaws I see in your essay. Other than that, your analysis is pretty good.

Oh, and regarding the timing thing. why do you think it takes you the extra 3 minutes? Do you type slow or do you have trouble organizing your thoughts. If the earlier reason is true, I'm sure practice will fix it up. For the latter one, before you start writing your response, try organizing your ideas first, write your points on a sheet of paper and then use it as a reference guide.
shadman19922   
Aug 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make [3]

This is your first body paragraph. Aside from the grammatical mistakes. I feel that you haven't tied back these statements to the word "Relationship". For example, All these video lectures do allow for broader and more fair education, but how does this build a relationship between a student and a teacher? Is it because they are able to communicate more frequently and conveniently despite being a huge distance apart? If so, it needs to be mentioned. Do not leave any form of ambiguities in the essay.

Your second body paragraph is great,

Now, I'm not sure if this is a standardized test essay. If so, then I'm afraid you'll have to 'tip' your essay in favor of one side. In other words, there needs to be more content about either side and a small acknowledgement of opposing arguments.

Cheers!
shadman19922   
Aug 22, 2013
Undergraduate / That day was perfect; Virg. Tech college admission essay [2]

Your description of the perfect day is quite nice. But I don't understand why it is the best day of your life. Is it because your mother didn't know you had that unique grin? Is it because you had fun? IMO, I think you need to develop the "why" part of your essay.

I suggest you cut down on some of the details of the perfect day and efface some of the redundant descriptions at the beginning, about a 100 words, then use the remaining part of your quota to develop on your "Why"
shadman19922   
Aug 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / Ielts2: should rich countries help poor countries? [2]

To ease this difference and help the less fortune countries

Replace "Fortune" with "Fortunate"

Most of the people in African and poor countries live in difficult conditions because of their countries locate in areas where lack of natural resources and have bad weather conditions for development as well

.

A better way to write this would be "Most people in poor countries (I guess Africa falls under poor, so it's better to avoid redundancy) live in areas with very little resources and inclement weather conditions, allowing for very little development "

In these countries, citizens are in need for foods, corrupt and unemployment rate is at high level, the consequences of AIDS are devastating quickly

... this sentence has lacks parallel structure. You can write: "In such countries, food is scarce, corruption and unemployment rates are high, and Disease is Ubiquitous ".

Now, your essay lacks solid content, you basically have too points:
1. Developing countries have a bunch of internal problems.
2. Developing countries owe rich countries money.

The points are good, but there's very little development of your points that would entice the examiner to give you a good score.

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