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Posts by gtamani
Joined: Sep 26, 2013
Last Post: Dec 4, 2013
Threads: 6
Posts: 14  
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From: Australia

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gtamani   
Dec 4, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together [4]

Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. To what extent do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?

Internet has touched almost every aspects of our life. One of its profound impacts has been in the field of communication technologies. Aided with the new platforms, one can have an instantaneous communication with other people, regardless of the geographic separation between two.

Gone are the days of letter writing that used to take a month for conveying the message. New Internet based application- Emails, Skype, Viber- has enabled use to communicate in real time. Today, one can make or receive from any parts of the world at zero cost using Skype. With application such as Vibe one can receive and deliver a text message at a click of button and at no cost. Likewise, a social media platform - Facebook, MySpace and Orkut- has provided a platform to share information. One can make friend using these platform to people around the globe learn about the culture.

Internet technology has also impacted the operation of business. No longer does a meeting require travel. Tele-conferencing and video conferencing are used to avoid costly and time-consuming travels. In similar way, the organization such News broadcasting network can leverage the Internet technologies to broadcast the information in real time. A reporter aided with them Internet enabled camera can transmit a news report or any events to the News Room instantaneously. Further, Internet has made the active participation of general public possible. One can express their disappointment or disagreement about a topic in news using social application such as Twitter or Blogs.

In conclusion, Internet technology has really made a world small place to live in. Geographic boundaries, race, religion are no longer a barrier for communication.
gtamani   
Dec 4, 2013
Writing Feedback / Ielts ;Does modern technology make life more convenient, or otherwise? [5]

play on the stock market, Are just a few samples of what c
I think example is best here ....play on the stock market, Are just a few samples examples of what....

1. Introduction
With the emergence of the internet technologies ....+ Your Position...(Intro Para)

2. Impact on Day to Day Activities and Transportation system ( Second Para )
Booking a holiday, finding a good restaurant , play on the stock market, Google Street View, & transportation.

3. Some Disadvantages
less hand labor.
Shops are being replaced
4. Conclusion.
gtamani   
Nov 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / iELTS: Is ambition is a positive or negative characteristic? Is it necessary for success? [5]

iELTS: Is ambition is a positive or negative characteristic? Is it necessary for success?
Most of the technological marvels and the unprecedented change in standard of living has been outcome of an ambitious desire of individual to work for the betterment of society. Being ambitious per se is not objectionable. However when ambition turns into obsession or when it diverges from the ethical and moral principles, it could invite unwanted consequences.

Query whether the advancement in the space, bio or internet technology would have been possible without intrinsic desire of an individual to endure all pain and suffering to achieve their dream. Definitely, our society would have been worse off, had these individual not undertaken such efforts. In technological realm, without the ambitious vision of Steve jobs to provide cheap personal computer to every household or Bill gates desire to make America a technological powerhouse of 21st century, how would have been shape of information technology and computer industry? Likewise, ambition is also critical for the success in political realm. The good politician should be ambitious. President Obama struggle during his initial years in politics aptly illustrates the point. Imagine the perseverance and effort required for Community organizer to get elected into the most powerful position in the world. Can it ever be possible without being ambitious?

However, history of mankind is replete with examples wherein individual desires have cost a lot to society. Usually, ambition that is against the societal values and norms could invite disastrous consequences. Consider for example, millions of people were killed and maimed during Second World War. This was an outcome of result Hitler's ambitious plan to unite all European states and ambition to obliterate Jews. Likewise, thousands have died in the name of Islam, which was ignited by Osman's desire to create Islamic state.

In conclusion, many ambitious individual, who channeled their energy towards attainment of their goals for betterment of society are well respected and successful. At the same time, other other ambitious individual, whose goals are self-serving and doesn't adhere to rules of society are largely ignored or hated by the society.
gtamani   
Nov 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Some business prohibits smoking in any of their offices [4]

Your essay is good
In introduction, its good to have a thesis statement, saying whether your are gonna write a balanced/ for/ against arguments
There is no doubt that smoking or in other words cigarettes is a hot topic in today's world.
Topic is more about controlling cigarettes in public place. Also, cigarettes are not hot topic but controlling such behavior in public place is a hot issue So you can perhaps, say :

whether to ban smoking in public place is a hot topic in today's world


This group argues that, smoking is a natural habit or a fashion of them, therefore, it is unfair that the consuming cigarettes with restrictions because they have a right for their habit and one should have freedom to do fashion in whatever the method that they wishes

This sentence has 47 words...very very long ..Try to keep words not more than 15

does not contain negative impacts.
One main reason is that the health problems which results from cigarettes -- This is not complete sentence just a fragment
Burning a cigarette will add increasing toxic substances to air which is shared by all the living beings
perhaps you can write Cigarette smoke

Ideas are good but try to keep sentences short
gtamani   
Nov 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / Nowadays traffic in major cities is worsening. What problems does it create? Solutions? [7]

Nowadays traffic in major cities is worsening. What problems does it create? How can we help solve these problems as individuals?

Traffic congestion has been one of the major problems in contemporary society. This issue has partly been the result of rapid urbanization and partly result of increase in disposable income of individuals. In this essay, I will discuss the major reasons behind the increase in Traffic problems and identify the solutions to minimize its impact.

People moving from the towns to city looking for the job and educational opportunities have been increasing in the recent times. Modernizing the public infrastructure to meet the demand of the population becomes imperative with increase in population. However, government has been lagging far behind in its spending for public infrastructure such as road and transportation network.

Likewise, we have witnessed the tremendous economic growth for last couple of decade. As an outcome of this, the level of people disposable income has significantly increased. With increase in disposable income, people tend to look for various avenues in which to make investment. In my observation, industries such as automobiles have been successful to entice these customers by associating automobiles with the social status of people. Consumer falls into this vicious trap buys latest and trendy cars regardless of whether there is an immediate need for such vehicles.

Government needs to be more proactive in anticipating the latent demand and make necessary arrangement to cope up with problems. I think government has various tools at its disposable to curtail this problem. Public awareness campaign could be used to make people more aware about the environmental issues and and also to encourage people to use public transports. This can be implemented in multiple ways. Firstly, the public transportation system should be made more efficient, perhaps subsidized. Secondly, free car parking facilities should be developed in close proximity to all the major train station. Thirdly, government can reward the people, who directly or indirectly contribute to minimize the traffic problems by adopting the measures such as car- pooling. For example, a separate high-speed lane is provided for car with more than three people.

In conclusion, traffic congestion is a complex in nature, as it requires changing the perception and behavior of people. I am certain that with government participation and policy, its impact can be minimize
gtamani   
Nov 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS- competition and cooperation , which one is important for children? [7]

TamVo
Someone believe it's better to put their children in a competition environment early to adapt current society, but others say that cooperation is the most significant skill l which children have to know well.

Some believe that
Also its better to have a parallel structure for readability. to put their children in a competition environment not parallel with cooperation is the most significant skil

First of all, it will push us to do better and better, for example, compete between companies is always good to customer to get better quality products and services.

Make it a two sentence
Competition not compete between companies

For children, it helps children to learn new knowledge or skills of preparation of their future life
For children -redundant

We are now live in a highly
We live in

it is hard that one man can cope with everything, no matter how brilliant you are
he is
gtamani   
Nov 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: People in the past used to be more dependent on one another [4]

People in the past used to be more dependent on one another, whereas nowadays they lead a more independent life. Do you agree or disagree?

Our society has been undergoing the massive transformation in recent years. The change in work culture and proliferation of information technology network has been has been the major catalyst for change in behavioral patterns of people. To certain extent, these changes have contributed to erode the core values and ideals such as relationship, family bonding that the previous generation used to abide by. I believe decreasing trend of being dependent on one another is a part of this phenomenon.

No doubt people are being more individualistic in nature than previous generations. In my view, such behavioral change is partly due to the economic transition, particularly from agricultural based economy to the modern economy dominated by information technology networks. In earlier generations, people used to live with extended families. Such arrangement had immediate benefits to the family- larger the family was, less were the capital and the labor required during the harvest season. Consequently, individual members of the families had little to gain not being part of the family member.

However, the shift from agricultural based economy to modern economy dominated by high tech industries opened the door to myriad of opportunities to people. Most of these opportunities provided the individual with more pay and social status but demanded more time and attention. Additionally, the rapid globalization and the dynamic and competitive business environment further worsen the situation. With the larger pool of available labor, labor market has been far more competitive. This demands individual to invest significant amount of the time to keep oneself abreast with the technology so as to ensure the skills doesn't get outdated. All these takes away the leisure time and the time to get social with friend, family and other member of society, and eventually makes individual to live alone and secluded life.

In conclusion, the social norms and the values of our earlier generation are largely eroded due to the structural shift in our society. Indeed, this same trend has encouraged people to live an independent life away from their friends and family.
gtamani   
Nov 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS-In some countries, the old age is more valued, while in some countries the youth [14]

tiyuok
Here are some mistakes
the youth deserve more youth
there are more experienced than the youth
Which is the most important reason for companies preferential the old than the young people.
Survey made by an financial magazine
young people because who are easy to make more mistakes.
For example, young people are tending to be of somewhat creativity
the youth are more ambitious for who are always lacks of money and authorities
gtamani   
Nov 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; At young age children are more adaptable to studying foreign language [6]

raDJa
Check out the question. it asks "Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages ?" ...So you got to write your opinion.. I dont think passive voice is a best in this context. There could be other reason why your textbook used passive...it depends more on the context.

it is felt
It is hoped
it is seemed-- does not flow well here... this is what I feel I am no expert
gtamani   
Nov 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: ECOLOGICAL BALANCE; 'technology as major culprit for ecological impact' [4]

Ecological balance is impossible to achieve when technological progress constantly ruins our environment. Do you agree?
Destruction of natural habitat and its repercussion to the entire ecosystem has been one of hotly debated issue in modern society. Its true that most of this ecological impact has been the result of industrialization and the technological advances we achieved during last century. However, I think to restore and protect the ecosystem, technology should be at forefront.

Most of the egregious environmental hazards are caused by the profit making enterprise that consider shareholder holder value maximization only as their goal. Aided by the new technological innovation and capabilities, they pursue their objectives without considering the consequences of their activities on the environment. Encroachment of the wild life habitat in search for oil and gold mines with the use of latest technology has been a common phenomenon for companies such as BP oil and Exonn Mobil. Further, these companies decide undertaking the new project solely based one the cost and monetary benefits. In my view, these problems have been the result of the human behavior not technological advances.

In other hand, technological advance in the field of alternative sources of energy and emission control system in factory has largely helped to reduce the environmental impact. However, these new eco-friendly advances have largely been ignored. In some cases, it is due to lack of awareness, in others, due to lack of our interest in changing our lifestyle and behavior. For example, recent advances in automobile industry have made the fuel efficient and eco-friendly vehicle available in the market. However, neither the customers are willing to sacrifice their convenience, nor the enterprises are willing to heavily market their product shrinking their profit margin. Additionally, concept of eco-friendly buildings & eco-friendly consumer products has largely been a brainchild of the recent advances in technology. Also, technology has made it possible for us to thoroughly understand the various species behavior and also to understand the consequences of our action to the whole ecosystem.

In conclusion, blaming technology as major culprit for ecological impact reveals naivete to inherent nature of the world we live in and the capabilities of the technological advances. In my view, advancement in the technology is only the way to maintain ecological balance.
gtamani   
Nov 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / 'Taxpayer, employer and individual' - IELTS Writing : Cambridge 1 : Practice 1 [5]

The bar chart illustrates the percentages of adults who have a reason why they determine to study
Make it concise : the reason behind their determination to study

with another pie chart providing the percentage of people who think how the cost of adult education should be distributed.
Make this a separate sentence, as these are two different charts also Keep it short and sweet

It is noticeable
Use Active: I noticed
there are 38% of adults who explain that they want to gain qualifications
Again : Make it short and sweet eg: Chart depicts or shows

While other reasons are helpful for current job , upgrade prospects of promotion and anything else ,
Anything else is not a reason perhaps ;
Individuals pursue studies for various reason. Some find study helpful for current job. Others...
gtamani   
Nov 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; At young age children are more adaptable to studying foreign language [6]

Thus, it is seemed reasonable for educators to teach foreign languages at the initial stages.
It seems reasonable is better
Why Passive ? Who Felt?
it is felt that teaching overseas languages in primary school should be practiced in countries, where pupils do not usually experience difficulties.
It is hoped , that the strugglers will receive an extra tuition, in order to become competent in speaking foreign languages.
Active voice is preferred . Experts Comment!
gtamani   
Nov 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / Lots of people choose to have a pet as a companion in their lives [6]

It looks good but I find problem with your introduction and conclusion.
Generally, Conclusion should be a paraphrase of Introduction.
Good introduction should be like a map that give reader a sense of whats going to come in following paragraphs
gtamani   
Nov 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / Warnings and smoking - IELTS task 2 Academic. [3]

Great Job! Its well written
although the precautions of health damage is crystally clear shown on each packet's cover
crystally clear does not fit well here
This amount of money would have been used in better investments such as clothing and sheltering the poor individuals.
What does this refer to? Is n't it better to say The

Some sentences such as
1. I believe that the government should lend a helping hand and aid our nation to quit smoking by putting a "no smoking" sign in all the indoor regions aw well as the places which are mostly crowded with people.

2. I have an unwavering faith that on the long run when hazards of smoking begin to arise in a body, smokers will realize how much damage they did to their selves which will make them raise awareness to their children and grandchildren when growing up to never start smoking.

These are quite a long sentences. Better to have Short and concise sentences of about 10-15 words max. For more information check(google) how IELTS evaluates essay.
gtamani   
Sep 26, 2013
Writing Feedback / Capital punishment has been a major source of concern for the last two decade [4]

Capital punishment has been a major source of concern for the last two decade. Supporters claim that such punishment is needed to maintain social fabric that holds the society together. However, on other hand there are some favours rehabilitation rather than former one. In my view, capital punishment has helped to make our life much secure and better.

Firstly, crime would be rampant, if such provision in law is annuled. Drug traffickers, murders and some heinous crimes is kept in checked because, any individuals with such intention would think twice before indulging oneself in such activities. For example recent survey conducted reveals that any strong form of punishment is passed by parliament would decrease the crime rate by 40%.

One against the capital punishment would argue that individuals should be given second chance, thus should be put into rehabilitation. However, I see two fundamental problem with such reasoning. First, such argument would encourage one who now hesitate to be involved in heinous crime coz of provision in our law for capital punishment. Secondly, various studies have shown that rehabilitated inmates are likely to commit crimes once out of prison.

Also, another obvious concern is: what crime deserves capital punishment and who decides it? Definitely, in a democratic society like ours, it is left to legislators who bear their own quirky notions of what is worthwhile of capital punishment and are heavily succeptible to the lobbyist, which renders them untrustworthy in any event.

In extreme cases in nations such as Iran and North Korea such provision might be used to propagate the ruling elite classes dogma and belief or punish their opponents. However in my view, such circumstances can be handled with prudence and intense debates with civil society members

Admittedly, capital punishment should be executed after a careful consideration to refrain executing innocent civilians. In conclusion, such provision in our constitution should not be abolished. In my view, its advantages far outweighs the disadvantages.
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