Writing Feedback / The responsibility of sharing wealth in rich countries [2]

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

The gap between wealth and porvety amongs countries in the world has always been an issue that needed to be tackled. There is a notion that it is the goverments of the contries themselves who must responsible for their own citizens. I believe, however, that there should be supports in food and education given from wealthy nations to help the poors alleviate their people's living standard.

The first reason justifing for my standpoint is the huge benefit offerd to recipient countries. In poor countries, with educational and food aid provided by foreign countries, the goverments will be able to focus more on developing their economy. Other fields such as medical care, infraststructure, traffic systems will have chance getting subsidy from national funds. This would result in better lives among the citizens of the countries.

Making the world a more pleasant place to live leads to my second point of why wealthy nations should share the wealth. Regardless which country we are living in this world, each person is a part of the common human community. Helping the others also means to help yourself. There will be decrease in crime rate, terrorism and conflict once people lives are enhanced. The bond amongst countries will be strenthened, people are more unified and the human community becomes healthy. The consequences would benefit not only the poor countries but also the wealthy nations that give supports.

In conclusion, charity and aid for poorer countries should be one of the properous nations' responsiblities. The support will result in not only domestical but also international improvement in living condition.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Music has come to human kind as a valuable gift that is necessary for a better life [3]

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays ?

From the ancient time, music has emerged in human life. Today, the melody of strings, a grand piano notes or golden-like saxophones sound can be heard almost everywhere. With the advance of technology, music has come to everybody at ease and has been an unalienable part of our life.

Life without the melody of sound would be robotic. People listen to music for many purposes and in many cases. A ballad is like a friend who relieves people souls when they are sad; when people are happy, a funky song can even bring them more excitements. Some of Mozart's sonatas are scientifically proved to elevate one' intelligence. As such, music is so magical that it can color our lives and make them more meaningful to enjoy.

Although nowadays-international music has been wide-spread all over the world, I believe that folk songs traditionally from a country is more important and invaluable. Traditional music tightly attach to a nation, to its culture, its people and its history. Farmers love to sing local songs of which the lyric tells how their work is. A mother sweetly sings her baby to sleep with a traditional lullaby. These melodies are the heritage of a country that must be preserved through time, especially when the so-called market music is so enjoyed by the teenagers.

To conclude, music has come to human kind as a valuable gift that is necessary for a better life. On top of that, cultural melody is a national identity that distinguishes one country to the others in such flat world nowadays.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: Foreign languages should be instructed in kindergarten [6]

Foreign language instruction should begin in kindergarten. Discuss

Being bilingual or multilingual is now considered great advantage of any modern people. With the advance in technology and facility, children nowadays have had chance to expose to foreign languages at the very early ages. It is claimed that foreign languages should be introduced since kindergarten as there would be more benefits children can derive further in their life. However, I would argue that there are also certain drawbacks of this early instruction.

In the era of globalization, foreign languages, especially those are internationally used, are considered the most power tool of anybody who mastered it. Teaching these at the early age would prepare young children a good lingual foundation; reduce the time taken to be competent in particular languages. Moreover, as children are taught foreign languages, they will be more curious about the outer world, where there are people, cultures and habits differing from them. This will encourage young generation to travel later in their life, helps broadening ones' mind about the world.

In the other hand, the negative side of early teaching foreign languages should also be regarded. Since children are not fully developed both physically and mentally by the time they go to kindergarten, instructing other languages beside mother tongue would confuse their mind, causing deficiency in functioning languages. Furthermore, the value of native language would be damaged as young children see foreign languages play more importantly, leading to original culture ignorance when they grow up. This would be greatly detrimental to any nation's entity.

In general, instructing foreign languages to young children is undoubtedly needed for their future education and social life. However, it should be at the right time with appropriate methods so as to derive the best benefit and avoid unwanted negative impacts to our young generation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS;Education should be given priority over recreational and sports activities [3]

Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree

If education provides people with ever endless source of knowledge, sophistication and prosperity, recreations and sports, at the same time, also brings joys, well-being and a colorful life to everyone. Both of these two sections are mainly undertaken and sharing fund from the government, and it is believed that education should take the precedence. Indeed, owning to the vital role in any country's development and the effect upon entertaining effect, more money should be invested into schooling people.

It is no doubt that education substantially determines a country's progress toward all fields. Workforce with expertise in both labor and intellectual tasks is considered the key factor to pushing one's country to a higher position. Take Canada for example, for various year, education has always been the most-funded section with quality of teaching being carefully qualified and supervised by the government, leading to the fact that Canada is among the most developed countries worldwide. Thus, subsidizing educating people should be the major fund of any nations.

In fact, amusements and sports, admittedly, play an indispensable role to human. Were a day to go by without recreations, life would be robotic and sluggish. Nonetheless, joys and recreational effects derived from entertaining activities are noticeably influenced by ones' living condition, and studying seems to be the only way bringing material wealth to people. Thus, education should take the priority in resources and money supplied from the government so as to enlighten people' prospect of being successful and happy.

To sum up, in the era of innovative and knowledge-based economy, education is second to none the most important section of any nations. Funding and developing education system to utilize its contributions in workforce level and breakthroughs in science and technology should be considered the top national policy.

Scholarship / Canada is among the top countries ; Description about Canada's features. [2]

I'm in competition for a scholarship. Here are five paragraphs describing about Canada which is requested for further rounds. Could you check it for me ( Is there any thing confusing, unclear, or the structure is not suitable, using wrong words,... )

Rank

Canada is among the top countries that attract thousand of students around the world come for their further study. Basing on OECD, Canada has the rank of 10 in the best educational systems worldwide; Four of Canadian universities are rated as top 100 of the ARWU Shanghai Ranking with University of Toronto ranked 17. This, along with being a top-performing country in terms of the educational quality by OECD, strongly proved that Canada should be one of the most reliable destinations for anyone who want to acquire a deep and extensive knowledge. Studying and practicing in such modern and developing environment means a lot to your academic result as well as your future achievements since this educational system is non-stop changing to reach the current top limit of perfection. Plus, as education being the most-funded section of government, you will also have a lot of benefit and assistance helping with achieving your goals when studying in Canada. If anyone concerning an educational system with prestige and constant quality to continue higher study, nowhere is more suitable and better than this such North America country.

Traditions

Canada's precious heritage and traditions was formed centuries ago since it was the settlement of millions of immigrants from all over the globe. Canada's unique multiculturalism brings you a broad view of different cultures around the world; enhancing your integration with many new ethnic life styles while respecting and helping preserving your own custom. You won't feel lonely or have culture shock when having education here as it is not hard to look for your home-country traditions and perhaps, your people is among the largest communities. Moreover, which the policies of accepting, respecting and enhancing all cultures exist simultaneously, it is nearly no racism or racial conflict. International students are fairly treated and having an equivalent rights to the native ones. In concequence, you can fully concentrate on your studying and researching without any worry of your origin or what your nationality is.

Expense

Studying abroad is definitely costly to international students and their family. For most international students, expense for schooling appears to be the largest cost which leads to indepbtedness in some cases. Understanding the financial difficulties, Canada offers reasonable tuition fees for all study programs in higher education within public system as education is massively supported from the government. Tuition rates here are considered cheaper and more affordable to the students whereas other top education systems like U.S, U.K, Australia or New Zealand cost much higher. Take the United States - the neighbor country - as an example, the average cost for a foreign student in one school year in an undergraduate program is $12.000 US dollar in Canada, half or one-third of the fee in the U.S which is varies from $16,000 and $34,000. Along with the fact that many of U.S students are flocking to study in Canada for a cheaper cost, Canada is undoubtedly the top country providing finest standard of education with appropriate fee for all students to study. With this such great virtue, you can now leave out the ever challenging concern of most students studying abroad and focus mainly on accomplishing your academic goals.

Assault

One key factor making Canada outstanding and worth considering as a favorite destination for students who follow their higher education is safety. According to OECD, Canada is the second-safest countries in the world, just after Japan; the assault rate of Canada is at 1.3% and there is very little violence or serious crime. Unlike many of Commonwealth countries, guns ownership in Canada is highly controlled and restricted to only specific cases that qualified all conditions or licensed by the government. Hence, life here is tranquil and much safer than many other countries as it is believed to be all right walking alone outside at night, thing that should not do elsewhere. Never was there any report about students assaulted or convicted of homicide in Canada as the security and life quality here are on upward trend of improving. This means a lot to any students who came or is coming to Canada for their study since you are guaranteed of complete safety and protected officially by local authority.

International

Canada has a noticeable role in international economy as well as education. It maintains and develops active relationships with more than 100 other countries worldwide, in which there are many educational links that helps exchanging students bilaterally. Any of Canadian academic certificate, diploma or degree students receiving after finishing their program are globally accepted and the value remains equivalent to those obtained from other developed countries. Moreover, as a member of many multilateral organizations like the UN, G8, NAFTA, WTO,.. Canada gains a respected and admirable position toward the others, and is receiving mankind achievements in all fields, particularly education. Indeed, Canada is among wealthiest countries that possesses modern, ultimate technology and facility, helping the knowledge acquisition more efficient and interesting. Studying, working here can truly benefit students in many aspects that significantly contribute to their future success despite socie-economic status.

Writing Feedback / Some people think that private schools should be banned. [5]

Can you give me some comments about my essay? I'm practicing for IELST

Public education has always been showing to be dominant toward its counterpart - private education in terms of reliability, student's attendance and financial support from the government. Many people argue that there should not be the presence of private schools since it is thought to be detrimental to the whole system of education. In my opinion, however, private schools are having betterment and steadily outweighing public ones in 3 following reasons.

First of all, private schools possess more flexibility in choosing teaching material, methods and assessments than the state ones. Since there is increasing involvement of bureaucracy in public education, private schools appears to enchant more resources from qualified teachers, outstanding students, which all consequently develop the quality of such mean of education. Moreover, with the free choice from endless sources for teaching, private education is able to acquire faster and more efficiently new technology, effective methods which are all then instantaneously applied to serve without much delay. This remains strong reason for why private school should not be banned.

For the second factor, as the governmental budget is limited, meanwhile the number of students is accumulating over time, mobilizing fund from private organizations or corporations to open schools for education is vitally important. With the money saved from investment for education, government will be able to fund other sections such as national defense, medical care or poverty reduction. In addition, thanks to the help of private organization, non-governmental schools will be fully equipped, the facilities are modern and always update, providing a convenient and comfortable environment for educating purposes.

Quality of private education is what disconcerted people most when choosing types of education, and this also brings me to my third point. The loss of money for nothing is what parents are usually concerned when having their children studying in a private school. In fact, hardly ever had any schools not been diminished as the social rule for having cheating people money with low quality of teaching. Schools in private system, indeed, also have to be in tough competition toward the others to attract more students and be fundamental, whereas state schools do not have to. In consequence, private schools still present in education system are the elite ones which should be kept to contribute more.

To sum up, in my personal view, the government should not only encourage private education system but also strive to balance between state and non-state school as well as provide the best condition for both types of education. Business and national corporations, at the same time, should also contribute more their revenue to this such important factor to the country development.