Undergraduate / Personal Statement for Amherst transfer; my hero Churchill [2]

Hey,

Thanks for taking time to read my essay. I personally really like this essay, but pretty positive I am not answering the prompt below. Do you agree with that? If so do you think it's possible to change it up so it answers?

Describe the life experiences, personal factors and notable challenges that have influenced you most as a student and a person. 250-500 words.
Although he had one of the most spectacular early political careers in Britain, he was universally distrusted within the political circles, for he changed parties not just once, but twice. He was perceived to be overly pushy, ambitious, and self-promoting political adventurer. His louche circle of friends only escalated doubts about his judgment. He was paragon of extravagance, owning a Rolls-Royce with a chauffeur and a mansion staffed with twenty-four servants and was predictably in perpetual debt. Although he had little interest and knowledge in finance and economics, in 1924 he became chancellor of exchequer, the second most powerful political position in Britain, responsible for all economic and financial matters. Lacking the instinctive judgment and deafened by the clamorous voices of conventional finance, he too hastily returned pound sterling to gold standard, thereby linking the British currency to all other countries with gold reserve. Upon Wall Street Crash of 1929, the U.S, the biggest economy in the world failed and global economy that was so intertwined was consequently put into peril. Decision to readopt the gold standard by Britain, the financial center of the world, only aggravated the pain.

Although the above description feels as if it were that of a failed politician , in fact, it is a biography of great Winston Churchill prior to leading the Allies to victory as a British prime minister. Despite his various pitfalls in characteristics and limitations, Churchill possessed even more qualities to the contrary. Born a natural leader with uncanny brilliance and diplomatic skills, Churchill also possessed both indomitable courage and charisma necessary to lead his country and its allies to victory. For his great contribution in the war, Churchill is not just a hero of Britain, but also to numerous people all around the world-and to me he is too. His flaws and grave errors were out-shadowed by his accomplishments and forgotten by the general public.

I recognize, like Churchill, I too am not free of flaws and errors in judgments. However, I do believe that I possess ample and valuable positive qualities that can outshone the negatives. Lao-tzu once said even he himself was far from achieving perfection, but however by recognizing so and working on one's flaws will nonetheless get him a step closer to that unachievable destination and makes him a better person than he was the day before.

To me, my weaknesses are also blessings. Small ruptures in my life taught me valuable lessons that I would not have learned. I, for one, am not afraid or ashamed of my defects either. Rather I am thankful for those, for they give me motivation to work harder to compensate for them. I am far from perfection; however I say, like Churchill, I would be remembered for my qualities by keeping up the good work.

Undergraduate / I am a senior in highschool, yet I still cannot talk to girls; Common app [4]

I have narrowed down to below two essays for commonapp but finding it extremely tough to choose. I am inclined to use the second one for the reason because it talks about my progression and development as an individual and because I am pretty highly ranked NYS golfer. But I honestly like the second one better for its humor and whatnot. And I've gotten different comments from my friends and teachers. Any help will be emmensly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

1)I am a senior in highschool, yet I still cannot talk to girls. I have lived sixteen long years and I have yet to accomplish this "natural" feat. How is this natural? According to developmental psychology, early teens are supposed to "associate" themselves with the opposite gender. Yet here I am, miserably secluded with guys that obsess over who's best at FIFA(a video game). Don't get me wrong, I am not a social outcast who dreams about feminine touch every seven seconds of my life. I get along with guys easily because I am acknowledged as the joker in the class. But there is just this majestic aura around girls that just makes it seem impossible to approach them.

Was it my looks? Was it my Korean background? For so long, I did not "get" what was wrong. I envied my friends who solely relied on their hilarious diction to approach girls so obstinate. Even the guys in grades below us spoke to girls with such ease. If they were able to do it, why couldn't I?

To answer this question, my friends came up with an experiment designed to test how my normal diction would fare on girls. They recorded a video of our conversation (I did not know when they were going to record) and asked girls their thoughts of me based on the video. Since the girls did not know me well, the results were surprising.

It seemed as if there was nothing wrong with me-rather- the way I spoke around my friends, according to girls, was just "right". All of the girls were truly delighted by the way I spoke and said that they would definitely "give me a shot". In fact, they were tremendously surprised by the fact that I couldn't talk to girls. As one put it, "he's been saying the most hilarious things that I've heard this year!"

Although this experiment was created out of boredom and was an effort by my friends to further ridicule me, it had shown how going out of my comfort zone could completely change how I act. I have realized that I was a passive person, failing to take initiative for most of my life. When I moved to the States, I was afraid of talking to people that spoke a different language out of fear that I was not going to be perfect, when it was perfectly fine to make mistakes, and was impossible to be perfect your first time, or ever. I have given too much attention to what others were going to think of me rather than the benefits that it could have brought. The pieces missing were moderate selfishness and self-confidence. I have learned that opportunities does not present itself in front of me; I would have to take initiatives to create those opportunities.

Since realizing that I lacked confidence and selfishness, I have taken up matters more actively. To the delight of my teachers, I have changed my attitude in class, giving it my all to grasp slippery concepts rather than simply memorizing it. Furthermore, I now have less difficulty communicating with girls as I have gotten used to them and have expanded my comfort zone. In fact, what started out as a joke had actually ended up with me finally getting a girlfriend, further dumbfounding the creators of the experiment.

There will be countless struggles, dilemmas, and occasions of when I would have to step out of my comfort zone. However, this time, it will be me taking the initiative, as I have learned that nothing happens unless I reach out first. I will create opportunities, and I believe that reaching out, instead of backing down would lead me towards the correct path toward the future. The phrase that FDR had said has never been truer, that "only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

2)I remember the first time that I've ever gripped a golf club. The golf grip, intricate yet simple, intoxicated me with the feel of tackiness of rubber and inevitably got me hooked in the game. Golf has essentially been my life and my identity throughout my High School career.

However, prior to starting this game, I was a lost child, a part of nothing and isolated from the rest of society. I was a kid who was unable to form an identity stuck between two paths. Life in the States did not make it easy. My Korean identity hindered me from becoming a true American and fully assimilating into society (I spoke Korean, ate Korean food, and engaged in Korean affairs) while distance from home would not allow me to become a Korean. All of the computer game invites, letters and phone calls that I used to receive from friends started to fade away, eventually disconnecting me from my original society. I was an outcast and a reject just because I was forced to compromise between two identities.

Initially, golf was a way for me to escape from reality. Walking through the freshly cut grass in between the tall oak trees provided a mental asylum. Unlike many other sports, golf is a quiet game; I would often get in touch with nature. Walking by the fallen log near the water hazard and listening to the sound of ducks strolling, I used to question who I was, what I stood for and who I will grow up to be. A round of golf was a way for me to connect with my inner self; a path towards finding a true identity.

For the first few months of starting golf, I would walk for hours by myself, either getting in touch with nature or being amazed at the "pro-quality" golf shots. But it was impossible for me to avoid interacting with other golfers. As I started shooting low scores, other golfers asked me to join their group. Golf was no longer purely a game of connecting with my inner self; it provided me with an opportunity to break through my language barrier and to bridge the gap of loneliness. As I kept on interacting with other golfers, my ability to communicate naturally improved. Thus, I was able to ameliorate my status as an outcast as I started to belong to a regular foursome on the weekends; moreover, golfing had matured me into an adult as I learned how to communicate with much older players.

As I committed more effort and time in to the game throughout my high school career, golf no longer was a way for me to escape from reality as it became my reality. I was no longer a freshman who enjoyed playing the game alone as I became a competitor striving to achieve greatness. I eventually became the captain of my golf team, leading the team through hurricanes and victory Mcflurries. I was no longer an outcast; I was recognized as a leader and a star.

However, I am not satisfied with my accomplishments so far. The secrets of the golf swing will keep me searching, keep me moving, and keep me inquisitive. The mistakes that I would make on and off the golf course would make me seek out for the circumstances that would make me succeed.

Undergraduate / John Bruce Lee; Amherst Supplement- Stereotype [NEW]

"Stereotyped beliefs have the power to become self-fulfilling prophesies for behavior."
Elizabeth Aries, Professor of Psychology, Amherst College. From her book Men and Women in Interaction, Reconsidering the Difference.

John Bruce Lee, the name belongs to my oldest brother. It now symbolizes notorious egregiousness and procrastination at my high school. Although my brother graduated four years prior, most students still know of him. My other brother, Paul, was legendary for the spin round-house kick performed on one of the biggest jocks in school, and of course, procrastination.

Although both were straight-A students, and are now serious about academics in college, only memories they bequeathed were of their incidents and negative academic attitudes. Since faculty is aware of this, it seemed as if they decided to put a special measure on their youngest sibling. For the first few months every year, most teachers I have had so far doubted my commitment and attitude. They would always take extra seconds checking my work, scrutinizing it while taking quick glances on other student's, and some even seemed to over-penalize me on tests and assignments and questioned authenticity of my work. Yet the worst was that it felt almost impossible to form good relationships with some teachers, who even seemed reluctant to help with difficult concepts.

I proved to be different from my brothers through consistent work ethics, and the staff knew that I was a good student, but deep down, they believed that I was one of the Lees; therefore I was bound to pull off something crazy, and the special treatment never completely ceased. I couldn't just get by in school. I had to work for it and go an extra mile. Although at first I hated fighting to prove myself and my brothers for leaving such reputations, I believe it positively contributed to my personal growth. In addition, continuing to fight this frustrating and unfair stereotype made me believe there is nothing perseverance and dedication can overcome.

Undergraduate / Best Education alone isn't enough to create good citizens; Bowdoin- Common Good [3]

In an effort to understand your interests and aspirations for college, we ask you to select one of the three topics below and provide a response of up to 250 words.

Bowdoin students and alumni often cite world-class faculty and opportunities for intellectual engagement, the College's commitment to the Common Good, and the special quality of life on the coast of Maine as important aspects of the Bowdoin experience.

Reflecting on your own interests and experiences, please comment on one of the following:

1. Intellectual engagement
2. The Common Good
3. Connection to place
In Wealth of Nations, Adam Smith postulated that aggregate actions of rational individual governed by self-interest in competitive environment generate the societal common good with minimal government intervention; although few exceptions apply. However, pouring evidences from old and recent researches from behavioral economics and psychology suggest occasions of the failure are far more frequent than Smith himself envisioned.

Although Charles Darwin might have not envisioned his revolutionary text of On the Origin of Species applicable in the context of politics, its implication is profound. Darwin argued, unlike Smith, that acts to promote oneself often leads to non-optimal results for the whole group. For instance, it is of great advantage to individual bull elks to have larger antler than its rivals to reproduce/mate, and this gene for bigger antler gets passed down to generation after generation. However, bigger antler poses serious threat to the elks, for they make the bulls easy preys. In a post steroid ban survey, professional athletics were asked whether steroid should be banned. They anonymously favored the ban; however many players indicated that they would consider using steroid to gain extra edge over their opponents, risking their long-term health.

Similarly many students would consider cheating on exams and assignments for a better grade, and some people will take unlawful and unjust advantage at the expense of others without morality and punishments associated with such actions. This human nature of greed leads to collective action problem in almost every aspect of life. Although I believe the world is filled with mostly kindhearted people, that fact alone cannot guarantee good outcome. Because Self-interest often conflicts with the common good, it is virtually impossible to achieve it without strong morality and rules set forth by culture or government.

As a candidate to the nation's elite colleges, I believe even the best education would not be sufficient to guarantee its students to be good citizens. College is a place where students learn to work within the boundaries and exercise critical thinking to challenge inequitable ideas to become contributing members to society.

I am not confident if I am on right track, and the essay is already over the word limit by about 100 words, but I appreciate any inputs.

Thanks and happy holidays.