Undergraduate / 'I finally got to see the Hogwarts dining hall' - Yale supplement [12]

Worried that my first essay isn't that good since I'm basically relating Hogwarts and Yale (you'll see) and also its hard to come up with answers for the really short questions! Any opinions there appreciated :)

What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply?

I peered into the dining hall, and excitement and happiness muddled my head. I turned to grin so broadly at my parents that later my cheeks hurt. This was the moment I finally got to see the Hogwarts dining hall come to life.

When I looked through the doors, I could even imagine the floating candles as if they were actually there. The residency areas held the same enchanting aura for me. That magical feeling I got while walking around campus is the reason why I was first attracted to Yale and also why I'm applying now.

a. You have been granted a free weekend next month. How will you spend it?
I would go to the zoo with my grandmother, a promise I made back in elementary school but still haven't been able to keep, and also take a nature walk to take pictures with my DSLR camera.

b. What is something about which you have changed your mind in the last three years?
I used to hate running. I sometimes ran with my mom just to see if I disliked it any less. It wasn't until recently that I finally understood how some people can like that monotonous, heart-racing activity.

c. What is the best piece of advice you have received while in high school?
Everybody makes mistakes, but if you learn from them, you'll be a better person.

d. What do you wish you were better at being or doing?
I wish I was better at singing. Even though I play an instrument, it doesn't mean my mouth can do the same thing.

e. What is a learning experience, in or out of the classroom, that has had a significant impact on you?
Being chosen as concertmistress for an orchestra gave me the chance to experience being the leader rather than a follower. I learned what it was like to have people look up to you and depend on your skills to be an example for everyone else.

In this essay, please reflect on something you would like us to know about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application, or on something about which you would like to say more. You may write about anything-from personal experiences or interests to intellectual pursuits.

His name was Peter and he was 54 years old. He had been a good student, but because his parents were poor, he had to work instead of going to college. Peter wouldn't mention why he was now on the streets but he had such an optimistic attitude that it ceased to matter. His booming laugh made me feel at ease, and as we played the board game "Sorry", his exclamations of "No you didn't!" and "I'm coming for you now" made me laugh too.

I was on the annual Urban Challenge Club Thanksgiving trip at a non-profit organization that acted as a homeless shelter in Camden, NJ. We were ready to head home after packing more than sixty boxes with donated Thanksgiving food when one of the managers asked if we would like to provide company to the people who were upstairs in the shelter. The thought of going home was tempting, but because it was the better thing to do, we agreed to spend some more time at the shelter.

Peter was the one who shouted, "Here, I'll play with y'all!" when my friend and I asked who wanted to play a board game. I was surprised by his optimistic and happy personality since his life seemed so grim. I had always felt a disconnection between myself and those living on the streets in Philly or Camden, those cities being the closest to me. I had seen and tried to understand, but never had I talked to someone from what seemed to be the other side of the world. Peter, however, showed me how that world was not as far as I thought. I could still talk and laugh with him as though he were my neighbor, and for a couple of hours we both forgot how different our lives were.

As we left the shelter and drove towards Moorestown, our sheltered, well-off town, I realized people can always connect with other people, no matter how different they seem. I had learned to look past my differences and was rewarded with the inspiration I gained from Peter's life and stories. Everyone has connections and similarities with others; we just have to reach out and lend an ear to find them.

Undergraduate / Brown - Study areas/ Music community/ Why Brown? [5]

I feel that my Brown supplements are pretty weak so I'm looking for any feedback about how I can improve them. Thanks :)

Why are you drawn to the area(s) of study you indicated in our Member Section, earlier in this application? If you are "undecided" or not sure which Brown concentrations match your interests, consider describing more generally the academic topics or modes of thought that engage you currently.

Ever since I attended a biomedical research program two summers ago, I've been crazy about molecular biology and genetics. There is just something about molecular biology that is intriguing, possibly the fact that everything I learn about it is happening in my body at that exact moment, and the intricate nature of the genetic code is fascinating. Ever since then, I've gone on to explore different ways I could apply my love for biology and the biomedical sciences. I reached out to a neurologist, Dr. Mathur, who works at the Virtua hospitals and he agreed to let me shadow him for a few days. Like the research program, this experience was just as interesting and eye-opening. I loved the way Dr. Mathur performed neurological exams and communicated with the patients. I realized becoming a doctor, maybe even a neurologist, is something I want to do in the future.

We all exist within communities or groups of various sizes, origins, and purposes; pick one and tell us why it is important to you, and how it has shaped you.

There is a music community that you belong to the moment you pick up your instrument and start participating in orchestras. The people in this community, my fellow musicians, can relate to my frustrations of having to practice instead of watching a movie with my friends and they can understand that Saturday mornings aren't for sleeping in but for rehearsals. Not many of my classmates in my school are as involved in music as I am, so having that extra community of people who understand why I do what I do and even do similar things really encourages me to continue to make sacrifices in order to do what I love.

I am the person I am today because of this music community's support: cooperative, independent, confident, dedicated, and passionate. Without them, I would not have developed the love that I have for music today.

Why Brown?

I've never been someone who has only loved one subject. Finding connections between what I'm learning in different classes, such as mentions of "Pyrrhic victories" (something I've learned in Latin class) during English class, has always been interesting and exciting to me. That is why I value distribution requirements or a "Core" of classes that all undergraduate students have to take. I want a broad basis of knowledge from different subjects instead of just one academic area in order to really make me knowledgeable, not only about my academic interests, but also about the world.

Brown does even more than just provide me with a liberal arts education; it lets me take control of what I learn and even choose exactly what classes and subjects I want to take in order to become the person I want to become.

I've always been an independent person, so to be able to have freedom like this is priceless to me. I seriously can't wait to learn collectively from my history, language, English, and social and natural science classes if accepted to Brown.

Undergraduate / Why do we sleep?; Pomona - Title of the class,contents & why chose it/ [6]

This essay question threw me off the first time I looked at it...basically I was really intimidated. I just need some general feedback about what you think and whether my essay about what class I would create answers all parts of the question (something I'm worried I didn't do) and does a good job in general. Oh and my ending...should I use it? Thanks!

prompt:
Pomona's Critical Inquiry course is required of all first-year students, and is designed to be highly interdisciplinary and engaging. Recent class titles include: \"Molecules of the Mind\", \"The Economics of Sin\", and \"Punk: Poets, Politics and Provocation\". Imagine you were hired to design and teach a Critical Inquiry course. Describe the title of the class, its contents, and why you chose it.

To Sleep or Not to Sleep, that is the Question
Why do we sleep? No one seems to be able to find a definitive answer but scientists have concluded that sleeping has many benefits. Several studies have shown that people who neglect their slumber tend to have poorer health and lower performance levels the next day compared to those who sleep about seven hours a day. The question should probably be instead, why should we sleep? Scientists cannot pinpoint exactly what makes this activity so beneficial. My class would try to fill in this blank by analyzing the activity of the brain during sleep, studying the evolutionary theory of sleep, and formulating one's own ideas of why sleeping, even dozing for a couple of hours, is so essential.

I named my class "To Sleep or Not to Sleep, that is the Question" because part of the mystery is why and how did our value for sleep change over time. Exhaustion was once a feeling we would succumb to at night. These days, however, it seems that society encourages people to sleep as little as possible and that people choose to willingly. Figuring out the biological and sociological aspects of sleep would not only help reveal more about the brain during sleep but it may also help people to make better choices.

This class would integrate different subjects together: history, neuroscience, and psychology. In this day and age where progress and advancement is constantly on the rise, it's important to remember the basics of life and not to forget their importance. Scientists have found that sleep is important for a reason and have formulated an evolutionary (ecological) theory. One of their proofs is the evolutionary history of the Bottlenose dolphin. This animal sleeps, but only with one hemisphere of its brain at a time so that it is still partly conscious to remember to come up breath. The fact that this dolphin species has evolved to have this interesting sleeping pattern suggests that sleep has an essential purpose. For us to neglect it may produce negative impacts in the future. I want my students to leave my class having learned the science behind the benefits of sleep, how to analyze brain scans such as CT scans and MRIs, the evolutionary theory of sleep, and also that sleep is a necessity that they should start to catch up on for themselves, after, or course, my final exam.

Undergraduate / Penn Supp - specific academic, service, and/or research opportunities [3]

So I usually find these essays the most difficult:
The Admissions Committee would like to learn why you are a good fit for your undergraduate school choice (College of Arts and Sciences, School of Nursing, The Wharton School, or Penn Engineering). Please tell us about specific academic, service, and/or research opportunities at the University of Pennsylvania that resonate with your background, interests, and goals. (400-650 words, I use 648)

I'm worried that I'm trying to say too much and that it makes my essay too unfocused..tell me what you think and what parts you think are not on topic. Also, my ending is a bit weak, any suggestions? Thanks :D (and sorry that its so long )

Ever since I attended the Advanced Biotechnology Institute (ABI), where I had the opportunity to learn and explore biomedical research topics, I've been crazy about genetics and molecular biology. This combined with my budding interest in psychology, neuroscience, and medicine and also my love for music may create a blend of subjects, like in the Penn Integrates Knowledge (PIK) initiative, that would create a vibrant or diverse learning experience for myself and also various opportunities and experiences.

With all my diverse passions and interests, I want to not only learn about them but also be able to apply them to the real world. I've learned various research techniques and seen them applied in various settings, like hospitals and ocean reserves, during my time at the ABI research program. Now, I want to explore more of this biomedical world through Penn's numerous research programs for undergraduates such as the Summer Undergraduate Internship Program (SUIP), Penn Genome Frontiers Institute (PGFI), Molecular Biology Summer Research Program for Undergraduates, CHOP Research Institute Summer Scholars Program, and the Department of Medicine Undergraduate Student Scholars Program. I know I can't do them all, but the fact that I have all these options makes me excited to attend University of Pennsylvania.

I've explored my passion for the natural sciences by taking the initiative to take the General Chemistry courses in the local college because I was not able to fit them in my schedule in school. I also had to make a choice between taking AP Latin V or Honors Anatomy and Physiology my senior year. I couldn't fit both into my schedule so I went with what I was more passionate about, Anatomy and Physiology, even though Latin, with its mythology and engaging Roman history, is also a great interest of mine. Anatomy and Physiology was still a great choice for me and it is my favorite subject out of every course I've ever taken. It's helped me to know for sure I want to go into the medical field.

Coupled with my budding love for medicine and the natural sciences is my passion to help others. I've been part of a couple of clubs in school and also made an effort to help out my community with my own skills in music. Through Urban Challenge Club, one of the community service clubs in my school, I've helped out the less fortunate community of Camden, NJ in various ways. We've visited their nursery, daycare, homeless shelter, and Cathedral Kitchen where we've brought donated food and toys and helping hands. I've found that helping out others even in small ways such as just talking to them and providing them with company really is enjoyable for me. I'm going to continue to help out in a similar way at Penn by taking part in the ABCS course through which I'll be able to interact with students in the West Philly school district. It's a small way among other community service opportunities I want to do once in college.

Researching more information about University of Pennsylvania really brought to light all the activities and programs a student can do there. I've discovered so many things I want to do and try, including the ones I mentioned above and also the Global Civic Engagement. I've always wanted to travel and with this program I can kill more than two birds with one stone by being able to learn, be an intern, and volunteer abroad. It sounds like an exciting adventure and one that I'm very anxious to undertake.

I've learned to value a diverse background in various academic subjects and to have many different experiences in order to be the person I want to be. I can't imagine being able to do everything I want to do anywhere else besides Penn where they have the resources, the initiative, and the passion that parallels what I find in myself.

Undergraduate / Bookstore and café - CommonApp Essay (favorite place prompt) [15]

prompt: Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

The fridge rumbles and the coffee grinder roars sporadically in the background. Pieces of conversations become audible as a multitude of voices fill the air. All of the sounds and voices create an environment of continuous movement, yet it is an atmosphere where I feel most calm and content. The hustle and bustle only add to the timeless feel of this place as the world moves around me while I sit quietly in my chair. This environment is one in which I have found I work best in and have come to learn to take a step away from my own life and appreciate the many others around me. This place is Barnes and Noble bookstore.

As a child, the bookstore was a magical place where I attended story time and played with the train set in the children's section with my brother. As I grew older, the countless books lining the dark, wooden bookshelves became my playground. Each book represented a window through which I could peer into someone else's life, and sometimes the book became a door through which I could step and find myself in another world.

But this quiet realm did not last; I was part of a world where time seemed to get shorter and more sparse. Spending hours in the wooden chair underneath the painted background of Pooh and his friends became impossible since "reality" continuously barged in to remind me of the rising stacks of homework that I had to do, the endless hours of violin practice I had to accomplish, and the numerous other responsibilities I was obligated to fulfill. It seemed that my days spent in the worlds of Percy Jackson, Anne of Green Gables, and Harry Potter were over.

In a way, this was true. I gradually transferred to the teen section of the bookstore and the café became my new favorite sitting spot. Fortunately, however, I still found some time to indulge in books like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (one of my all-time favorites) and I realized that I just never grow out of other ones (the Harry Potter series will forever be a classic for me). Surprisingly, while I spent hours at Barnes and Noble doing work, I also discovered new "windows" to look through by overhearing snippets of conversations of the people around me: grandparents planning their trip to Europe, a group of old-time friends discussing the prospects on time-travel, and a boy and his family conversing with a tutor about why they had emigrated from Pakistan to the United States. It struck me just how many different lives pass through this one store, connected only by the place itself and by the occasional overlapping footsteps on the wooden floor. The world suddenly becomes very large as I realize just how many lives the earth is home to. It's like that iconic scene in movies, where I sit in a corner of the bookstore café, insignificant, and all the other people move in a blur around me.

We are not always aware of the lives that exist around us and the extent to which our actions and words affect others, but we all live more closely and similarly than we think. Barnes and Noble has helped to give me this realization; a place where I used to play with trains and be read to has become a place where I can still escape into my own timeless world yet be aware of and have a greater appreciation for the world around me. For me, Barnes and Noble will always be a timeless place where the world stops for a moment and where I become a small part of everyone else's lives by being that girl in the corner typing on her laptop, reading, or just sipping a pumpkin spice latte. Perhaps I have also unknowingly affected another observer in a similar way.