Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]

Posts by jsh0011
Name: Julia Park
Joined: Dec 27, 2013
Last Post: Dec 29, 2013
Threads: 3
Posts: 6  
Likes: 2
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 9
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Dec 29, 2013
Undergraduate / CAN; UVA supplement - My favorite word [3]

Thank you plee 24! Is there anyone who can read my essay? I don't know if I should submit as it is or revise it more..
Dec 28, 2013
Undergraduate / CAN; UVA supplement - My favorite word [3]

Please be harsh and criticize my UVA supplement essay. Thank you.
Prompt: what is your favorite word and why?

I remember that day. Waiting for my turn, I wiped off my sweaty palms on my red dress and wiggled my fingers to mimic my piece, Czerny 30 No.11. Panic began to engulf as I heard thunderous applause from the audiences and the host calling my name. I regretted signing up for this piano competition and thought to myself I can't do it. Then I looked over at my mother and she mouthed to me "They all can do it. Why not you? You can do it!" Although I didn't win any award and all I received was participation certificate, I was proud of myself for performing the piece in front of people. Till this day I can't forget my mother's word that encouraged me, the word "I can do it", the word can.

Can is a strong, motivating word. You can try. You can challenge. You can learn. It implies that you are able to accomplish something, even if it seems difficult and challenging. Can mean nothing is impossible as long as you can try. In my lifetime, I have had a lot of moments when I wanted to give up, making excuses to myself that I can't do it. But whenever I feel like I'm not capable of accomplishing it, I would remember what my mother said that day, the power of "you can do it", the power of "can".
Dec 28, 2013
Undergraduate / I never wanted to be an engineer CMU ENGINEERING SUPPLEMENT. [4]

Once that was settled, I was originally thinking of a maybe doing a double degree in both fine arts and computer engineering but I figured that I really might just overtax myself and reserved myself to art as minor instead. The main issue for me able to do this though was the fact that I need to find a university which is good in both departments-something almost impossible to find.

Overall, I enjoyed reading your essay, but I think this part can be shortened.. maybe remove the part about double degree? Anyway, I think it's a strong essay. Good Luck!
Dec 27, 2013
Undergraduate / Combination of values - William and Mary supplement essay; Uniqueness [4]

Prompt: Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful?
I don't know if I should rewrite the whole essay since it seems too boring and dull. Please criticize. Thank you!
Dec 27, 2013
Undergraduate / Carnegie Mellon Supplement - particular major(s), department(s) or program(s) [6]

Before pounding the pavement on Wall Street, I want to leave my footprints on the campus of Carnegie Mellon.

I think the essay is beautifully written and I especially like the last sentence. But I agree with the first comment that first sentence of second paragraph can be changed into more unique sentence. Good luck!
Dec 27, 2013
Undergraduate / Emergency room; 'It was a usual morning in my house' [2]

Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

It was a usual morning in my house. I was getting ready for school; my mother was getting ready for work. We exchanged our everyday greetings, and I asked her how she was feeling since she looked paler than usual. She said it's one of her headache morning, therefore there's nothing I should be worried about. I was relaxed and almost completely forgot about her condition until I heard an ear-piercing scream from my mother's bedroom that night. I got out of my bed and went straight to see what is happening, and there she was, wailing and screaming painfully with her hands covering her head. She crawled and rolled on the bed, crying that someone was hammering her head. Panic crept upon me and my mind was filled with fear and confusion. I utterly didn't know how to respond. Who should I call and ask for help? There was no one to drive her to hospital since I only lived with my mother and although I had my permit, I didn't have any driving experience. I tried to alleviate her pain by giving medicines, but the agony in her eyes grew bigger and stronger.

I didn't have any other option but to call emergency. As I tell him my mother's condition and our address, my hands were shaking and soon my whole body was shaking. The ambulance came with the shattering sound of siren and carried my mother on a stretcher. I rode the front seat and as the ambulance moved on, I knew something was really wrong and I should be holding on to myself since my mother needed me the most in that moment. The nurses brought her to emergency room and I took care of the guardian's work, such as registering, paying, and looking for cab. As I went into the room, my heart sank by her haggard face, but I tried to look calm and strong so she can relax and depend on me. I didn't want to be as a burden but as a person who she can trust on.

We left hospital and I laid my mother down on her bed to go to pharmacy. As I opened our front door and took a step out of my house at dawn, I felt I had stepped out from childhood into the adulthood. That day I learned I had always depended on my mother that she will be there for me forever, but things can always change at any moment. I learned how to be strong and how to deal with situation that is hard to cope with. Although I never want this moment to reoccur, it gave me a sense of responsibility that instead of being a child, I should be an adult and a person that can be relied on.
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