Essays / My first essay-its on Thomas Hardy. [5]

I'm glad to see that your creativity is sparking. Since it's your first essay, just be sure not to try to do too much. Once you've done some research and settled in on a topic, narrow your focus to a thesis that can be adequately covered in just three pages. Good luck!

Essays / My first essay-its on Thomas Hardy. [5]

The thesis is the message or controlling idea of the essay.

Looking at the list provided by your teacher, it seems you have a lot of latitude in choosing your essay topic. You might want to offer a biography of Thomas Hardy, give an assessment of the influences on his work, put his work in historical context, or discuss the use of dialect or of light and color in one or more of his works.

What have you read by or about Hardy? What interests you most about him or his work? Which of the possible topics given by your teacher appeals to you or seems like something you could write easily?

Undergraduate / 'Economics in Chengdu' - Letter of motivation to University of Amsterdam [13]

Good point about "everyday" versus "every day." Students make that error so often!

Grammar, Usage / Logical Fallacies (for debate and persuasive writing) [23]

Non Sequitor (it does not follow). Drawing a conclusion that does not logically follow from the premises. Sean's example of an appeal to anger above is also a non sequitor. That war should be declared on Saudi Arabia does not logically follow from the fact that the hijackers were Saudi Arabian.

Essays / Thesis statement about children with gay fathers - Need advice [8]

Well, what do you think of the essay? What was its thesis? Did you agree or disagree? Why? Did they make any particularly good points? Was there anything they got wrong or neglected to say? What are the implications of what they wrote?

Jot down your answers to those questions, reviewing the essay you are analyzing as you go, and what you want to say in response to the essay will begin to emerge. Once you have a start, post it here for feedback.

Grammar, Usage / Critical Thinking - to form well thought out and defensible arguments in papers [13]

Sean, I don't see how the inherent value of life in any way undercuts the judges' reasoning in that case. People are allowed to have surgeries in which they remove living tissue from themselves. The question is: At what point does this particular form of living tissue become a separate being vested with rights separate from those of the being in whose body it is lodged? In some ways, this case shows the limits of Aristotelean logic, with its clear-cut distinctions that are not always consistent with biological reality. (Paradoxes are disallowed by logic but occur in nature all the time.) During pregnancy, the woman-child entity is both one person and two people at the same time. People on both sides of the question have a very difficult time thinking from within that biological reality, tending instead to act as though it's clearly only one person or clearly two people. In Roe v. Wade, the judges tried to parse the problem via science, using the standard of viability outside of the womb as the point at which one person becomes two. It's probably the best we can do, working from within a manner of thinking that is in some ways inimical to thinking complexly about biology and ecology, but it obviously doesn't convince everybody.

Essays / "The Great Depression changed the American governments views" - essay help [5]

You can't even think? Uh-oh!

What comes to your mind when you think of the Great Depression? Do you have a clear before and after image? If not, then before following Sean's excellent advise, you may want to just refresh your memory on the basics of what happened by, for example, consulting Wikipedia or a history textbook on the Great Depression. Then, as Sean said, you can do some reading on the specific question of the changed role of the government during that era.

Writing Feedback / ielts essay - Useing animals for the benefit of the human beings [4]

Experimenting on humans would bring even more benefits, since animals' bodies are so very different than ours. (That's why so many drugs deemed safe after testing on animals end up killing people.) Why not allow scientists to experiment on orphaned human babies or on prisoners? You've not explained why it is acceptable to experiment on one class of sentient living being but not on another. You've assumed the very thing you need to prove, that it is acceptable to do to animals something that it would be unacceptable to do to humans.

Grammar, Usage / Critical Thinking - to form well thought out and defensible arguments in papers [13]

The judges in Roe v. Wade did use critical thinking, and the continuing controversy does, I think, show the limits of logic in questions like this. That decision hinged on the question: When does the developing embryo become a person with rights of his or her own? They answered this by determining that so long as the embryo/fetus could not exist apart from the mother, it was still part of her body rather than a separate being vested with rights. Women get to decide what to do with their own bodies. Hence, abortions in the first trimester are entirely at the discretion of the mother. After the first trimester, when the embryo/fetus could (with assistance) live outside of the womb, a balancing of rights must be made, and thus abortions are permitted when carrying the child to term would threaten the physical or mental health of the mother but not otherwise. What's interesting to me is that very few people on either side of the question discuss this aspect of that decision.

Book Reports / King Lear naivety and inability to control his emotions (ENG4U class) [17]

Romeo, What an interesting essay! You make it seem almost as if King Lear has a happy ending. It's always so fascinating to me to see the different ways that people read and think about this classic play.

I'd like to see a stronger first sentence. What you have now is fine, but could be so much more precise and, therefore, individual. Draw the reader in with a description of Lear at the start and end of his journey or with a less common statement about paths in life.

I'd also like you to go through the essay and ruthlessly eliminate unneeded words such as "particular" in "Lear goes through six particular stages..."

In terms of punctuation, I notice that you sometimes use semi-colons incorrectly. Here are a couple of fixes.

Such hostility, however, ultimately leads to overbearing anguish and suffering followed by madness as Lear attempts to cope with such raging emotions.

These characteristics are unfit for a king and thus only one conclusion can be drawn:that Lear has been overcome by madness.

By, the way, I noticed that your feedback to other Forum users was very helpful. Thanks for participating so actively!

Grammar, Usage / Logical Fallacies (for debate and persuasive writing) [23]

I'm so glad to see this thread. I'll add one now and more another day.

Appeal to Faulty Authority. Claiming or citing expertise or authority that seems valid but, upon reflection, is dubious or invalid. "As a breast cancer survivor, I can tell you that [some form of treatment] doesn't work." An oncologist would be a reliable authority on the efficacy, or lack thereof, of various treatments. A breast cancer survivor knows what it's like to have breast cancer, and might even know that a particular treatment didn't work in her case, but merely having a disease doesn't automatically make you an expert on that disease and its treatment.

Real world example: Relatives of 9-11 victims testify before Congress about what should be done to combat terrorism. Of course, those who have lost family members to terrorism know that terrorism is a grave danger and have the right to call for more to be done. But losing a brother or uncle to a terrorist attack doesn't make one an expert on the respective efficacy of different ways of fighting terrorism.

And of course, the most common example of all: "because I said so and I'm your mother."

Notoman, in answer to your question, this is usually taught in philosophy, cursorily in introductory courses and then more thoroughly in logic. But the best composition textbooks and teachers include instruction on fallacies, so that their students learn to recognize and avoid them.

Writing Feedback / People should read only those books which are real events& real person [10]

It partly depends on how precisely you made your points and whether you supported them with logic.

Writing Feedback / ielts essay: should governments pay university course fees? [3]

Suggested changes:

"Yet, it is indisputable that the tuition is really high, and some families cannot afford it.For this reason, I personally insist that it should be a duty of the government to pay the course fees."

Omit comma after "We all know"

"In order to encourage this kind of students to continue to work hard to gain more professional skills so that they can lead high quantity lives after they graduate , it is a vital and effective option for the governments to pay for their tuition.

"More importantly, this would not only aid individuals , but also for governments."

These two sentences -- "To sum up, paying the cursers is a symbol of society progress. It gives people dwelling in the society a kind of belonging, and makes individuals become more unity." -- are so awkwardly phrased that it is difficult to decipher their meaning.

Undergraduate / brief essay explaining your educational and career goals [7]

I moved this to its own thread, as it is a new essay.

You tend to do what I call "going comma crazy," throwing in commas all over the place. In the first sentence, the only comma necessary is the last one -- omit the other two. In the next sentence, omit the comma after 2009 and also strike the word "yet" and the comma after it.

In the next paragraph, omit the comma after the parenthetical reference to the help of Professor Vance.

Repunctuate your penultimate sentence as follows:

Upon graduation, I plan to get the necessary training and become a registered pediatric echocardiographer;and with the excellent training that I am receiving in adult echocardiography at ACC, I believe the transition will be a smooth one.

Writing Feedback / People should read only those books which are real events& real person [10]

Right, most essays are graded by means of a rubric. Often the rubric has a specified number of points to be given only if the writer has provided supporting evidence. Examples are not the only kind of supporting evidence. However, when writing an timed or in-class essay, where there is not the possibility to look up studies or statistics that would prove your point, examples will be the only kinds of supporting evidence you can provide.

Writing Feedback / itels essay: should children learn foreign language from elementary school? [7]

At the same time, your argument about linguistic diversity is compelling, particularly in culture on the brink of language extinction. But, then, wouldn't the remedy be to teach the endangered language as the foreign language? Children's brains are so plastic when it comes to language that it's not hard for them to become fully bilingual or even trilingual.

But let's turn to the writing rather than the content of the essay, because here is where you are still needing work. For the most part, your sentence structure is fine, but your verb tense is sometimes off. Also I notice that you sometimes leave out the article -- a, and or the -- before the noun when one is needed or put in an article when one is not needed. (That's a common error -- it's so hard to keep straight when they are needed and when not.) I also notice that you sometimes choose the wrong preposition -- another very common error, as prepositions function so differently in different languages.

Here are some suggested corrections:

With the increasingly rapid economic globalization, learning a foreign language becomes more important than ever before. Meanwhile, the thorny issue of whether children should begin the foreign language study in primary school, is heated argued by the public.

From my own perspective, each side has has both merits and demerits: It doesn't matter whether children begin to learn foreign language in elementary school or later .

Nevertheless, asking children to learn a foreign language is, to some extent, a hazard to the diversity of the languages and culture.

As we all know , children know a little mount of their own history and policy, so it is easy for them to misunderstand why they need to learn a foreign language. Furthermore, young children are lack of the ability to distinguish the right from wrong.

Writing Feedback / War -- victor or no victor? [45]

There are a number of online progressive publications that accept, and sometimes publish, unsolicited essays. Press Action, Freezerbox, Dissident Voice, Brainbox, ZNet, and Common Dreams all come to mind. I think they would be more, rather than less, interested in your piece knowing that you are only 17. Among opponents of war, there's a sense that older generations have (obviously) not yet figured this out, and an openness -- even an eagerness -- to hear what thoughtful young people have to say.

If the essay were not accepted by any of those publications, then you could publish it yourself on IndyMedia, which is a sort of D-I-Y publication, with sites in most major cities as well as global and national cites. Anyone can upload an essay.

Book Reports / To Kill a Mockingbird - Self-respect and Injustice [8]

Yes, I agree, some brainstorming is in order. Think about self-respect in relation to each of those characters in turn, jotting down everything you can think of. How does the character's self-respect (or lack thereof) influence his or her actions? Does it grow or change in the course of the book? What scenes in the book indicate something about the character's self-respect?

Only once you have decided what you want to say about each character can you then frame a thesis statement that will express your viewpoint concisely. Feel free to come back here once you have a draft thesis statement for some help on outlining and drafting the essay itself.

Writing Feedback / War -- victor or no victor? [45]

Mustafa, I encourage you not to let it drop for too long. You were impelled to write it and then to post it here later and spend all of this time discussing it. That means you really want to say what it says. And I do think there's an audience for it. Just say so if you'd like to discuss your options for publishing it once you've got it polished.

Writing Feedback / April's first day essay - A Quick Grammer Check [5]

I really like this! I've got a couple of minor fixes too:

The bus bursts into whispers and giggles

I tighten my backpack straps

Also, I wonder about switching from present to past tense for your final lines, "I said nothing," "I didn't ask anything," and "I did no prank." Personally, I think the piece would be stronger if those, like the rest, were in present tense.

Undergraduate / "Son,I want you to be an owner of a big department store";Ryerson - Retail Management [4]

Why not tell them which retail industry in which your father (and you) work? That would give the essay more detail.

Here are some suggested corrections:

"Son, I want you to be an owner of a big department store one day when you grow up. " M y father used to say these words to me all the time when I was in school.

He used to use various strategies to sell the products and maximize his profits.

These things made me a bit curious to learn more about business.

Start a new paragraph with "My dream seemed to come..."

There , I will be able to experience real-world learning.

Writing Feedback / Random weightlifting reflection piece. [3]

"Random practice," as you put it, is such an excellent way to improve your writing, especially when you can get feedback, as you can here. As a writer who has been scribbling in notebooks since childhood (long before the internet), often just practicing by writing a "random" descriptive passage or argument, I feel a kinship with you for seeking to improve your writing in this way.

I find this essay charming in its style and content. Here are my suggestions for improvement:

Start the third paragraph with "weightlifting" rather than "it" -- In general, when starting a new paragraph, use a noun rather than a pronoun that refers back to the previous paragraph.

That's so true: Weightlifting isn't like the teachers who praise you or the assholes who makes you feel insignificant; it conveys a sense of real accomplishment in this chaotic world.

Well, I am certainly not an expert -- H ell, I am a borderline an intermediate lifter.

When you get demolished by a weight, you can do one of two things:

I do what I love for the fun of it; I will take the plunge and follow my passion of nutrition, fitness, economics, and human physiology.

Essays / paragraph about the battle of Fromelles [3]

Have you looked up the information you will need to write the paragraph? Do that first, then list the things you want to include in the paragraph. If it's just an introductory paragraph, you probably just want to provide basic information about the battle and what happened because of it. Working from the list, draft your paragraph. Post it here for feedback.

Writing Feedback / I came to knew about Jesus at young age; My salvation testimony - kindly edit. [4]

Be sure to keep your verb tense consistent, writing in the past tense except when you are talking about the present.

During my high school years, I have longed to become an active christian at school. I have desired to be used by God in making Him known to my fellow students.

Things were changed when I entered college.

I felt so weak and could easily get tired. Due to this situation, I was forced to leave my teaching job to take a rest. I went home to my parents and told them that I was on a vacation.

I had reached point zero. I felt that I was dying that moment.

Research Papers / Lung Cancer is one of the most common cancers in the world; Research Essay [2]

Your grammar is not so bad. I am happy to offer sample edits and to give you guidance on editing your own essay. First I will tell you the kinds of errors you are making most frequently and how to fix them. Then I will offer some additional suggested corrections.

I notice that you commit the punctuation error known as the comma splice quite frequently. Here are some examples:

Lung cancer is formed when the cells of the lungs grow in an uncontrolled way, this creates a lump or a tumour which can either be malignant (cancerous) or benign (not cancerous).

Surgeries can remove tumours, radiation therapy kills cancer cells that cannot be removed by surgery

Very specific statistics were found, professional research was done for this article.

The article was written by two MDs, the wording is very professional, the effects on readers will be greater as well; the impact of their words is strong. multiple comma splices in one sentence here

This article was written by a non profit research organization, the article deals with the importance of healthy diets and the cure of cancer.

There are many more! In each instance, you have used a comma to splice together two phrases that could be complete sentences on their own. Instead of a comma, you should join the phrases with a semi-colon or separate them with a period.

This links to the primary problem with your writing in this piece: You try to do too much in each sentence. Sometimes you do correctly use semi-colons, rather than commas, to join two or more main clauses together into a single sentence. At other times, you mix commas and semi-colons as in the last example above. Either way, your sentences read awkwardly, because you are trying to fit too much information into each sentence.

There's no need to do that! Look at this sentence, which has two comma splices:

Cigarettes are full of poison and toxic chemicals, the ingredients affect everything from functions of organs to body's immune system, the damages can be widespread and fatal.

You could correct the punctuation by changing the commas to semi-colons, but why? Why put all of that into a single sentence? Why not make it three short, simple, clear sentences? Or, at minimum, break the first clause off into its own sentence and then join the other two with a semi-colon, since they are closely related.

In general, the only time to combine clauses that could stand as their own sentences into a single sentence is when they are part of a single thought.

Here are a few additional specific suggestions:

Terry,T he author of this article did a lot of research on cigarette and the chemicals used to make itproviding d etailed information about each chemical and how it affects functions of human organs.

A very short article listing all the negative effects of unbalanced diets.

Thorough explanations were given for each; I needed more.

Undergraduate / LMU supplement essay- REFLECTIONS FROM HER OLDER SELF [7]

I second that emotion!

Essays / Unclear Writing Instructions? [13]

"In Praise of the 'F' Word" by Mary Sherry is anthologized in The Longman Writer (7th Edition). It was originally a Newsweek My Turn column. It's not so much about scaring students by threatening to fail them as it is about the disservice done to students by passing them when they have not gained the requisite skills.

Essays / Unclear Writing Instructions? [13]

Chris, I wrote my last post while you were writing yours. I know that essay very well, and your description of it is very simplistic. That may be the problem. You may have done what's called setting up a straw man and knocking him down (or burning a paper tiger) -- giving an inaccurate summary of someone else's position and then arguing against that. It's good that you will meet with the teacher so that she can explain to you the grading while you are both looking over the essay. Again, listen to what she says. It's fine to advocate for yourself, but you will get nowhere if the teacher feels you are only arguing and not listening.

Poetry / Senses poems: Birthdays, Summer in Yellow [5]

Good point about the discordant imagery ... that's what was bothering me about the winter poem, now that I think about it.

Essays / Unclear Writing Instructions? [13]

Let me give you some advice for your meeting with your instructor. If you want to have any hope of gaining a higher grade, do not go into the meeting with an aggrieved attitude and the charge that the instructions were unclear. Go in with a questioning attitude, stating that you are confused by the scoring, given that you thought you had followed the instructions. After the instructor explains that s/he wanted you to list alternatives, say something like, "Oh, that was not clear to me. Was that in the instructions?" Listen to what your teacher says in response. (Teachers hate it when students come in demanding higher grades and then do not listen.)

If you are polite and respectful while still firm in explaining why you feel that the essay did meet the stated criteria, you are more likely to obtain a revised grade. The main thing to avoid is coming in on the offensive, charging the teacher with giving unclear instructions, as this will just put him/her on the defensive. Listen just as closely to the teacher as you hope that the teacher will listen to you, and the meeting will end on a positive note whether or not you get the improved grade you desire.

Essays / 5 paragraph essay on writing about my study skills and work ethics [3]

If you have a hard time getting started, try freewriting. Set a timer for five, ten, or fifteen minutes then start writing about your study skills and work ethic, saying the things you would like your teacher or those who will receive the recommendation to know about you. Don't worry about grammar or punctuation and, no matter what you do, don't stop writing until the time is up. If you get stuck, just write "I'm stuck, I'm stuck" or "I don't know what to say" or "What should I say?" over and over until another idea comes to you. Then, when the time is up, look over what you've written and pull out the good ideas to use in your essay.

Poetry / Senses poems: Birthdays, Summer in Yellow [5]

I personally prefer the summer poem. I like all of your metaphors, although "families having fun" is a bit vague. Try to come up with something more specific, such as families engaging in a particularly summery activity.

Grammar, Usage / Critical Thinking - to form well thought out and defensible arguments in papers [13]

Gautama, What an excellent suggestion! Actually, two excellent suggestions: critical thinking and logical fallacies are each important topics on their own. Let's handle critical thinking in this thread and then you, I, or someone else can start a separate thread on logical fallacies.

Before going into technical details, let me say first that mindset is the most important aspect of critical thinking. The key is to be skeptically open-minded. In order to think critically, one must first be open to new ideas and to the possibility that one's own preconceptions may be in error or askew, whether this be due to prejudice or to faulty or incomplete knowledge. At the same time, one cannot uncritically accept everything one hears or reads.

Assuming that one is open to new knowledge or ideas, how should these be processed? Well, first it is necessary to ensure that one has correctly understood the new information or perspective. That means reading and listening actively.

In active listening, one deliberately sets aside distractions and preconceptions in order to attend closely to what is being said. While listening, take notes by jotting down key points rather than by trying to reproduce what has been said word for word. Reflect your understanding of what has been said back to the speaker, asking "Is that right?" so that you can be sure you heard correctly. Do this especially with things that are surprising to you or with which you may disagree. (Don't voice your feelings of disagreement until you are sure you have understood correctly, as this can lead to useless conflict based on misunderstanding.)

Also while listening, make connections and frame questions in your head, jotting these down along with your notes. By "make connections," I mean think actively about how what you are learning relates to other things you know or have heard about. By "frame questions," I mean not only wonder about what you don't understand but also ask questions like, "How reliable is the speaker?" and "Does this make sense?" and "What are the implications of this information?"

It is in the process of making connections and framing questions that one begins to think critically. By comparing what you are hearing to what you already know or believe to be true, you are essentially asking whether what you are learning is consistent with other known facts and, if not, wondering how to reconcile the old information/perspective with the new -- that's thinking critically! And, of course, assessing the credibility of your source and the internal logic of what you are hearing are also elements of critical thinking.

The same process holds true for reading, although there it is not possible to directly ask in order to make sure you have understood. You may, however, wish to use the wonderful resource that is the internet to see what other people have thought or written about what you've just read and, in so doing, check that your conception of what the work says is consistent with that of other readers.

All of the other steps hold true for reading as well as listening: Make connections. Consider the credibility of the source. Ask how what you are reading fits -- or doesn't fit -- with what you know or believe to be true. Think about the implications of this fact, idea, or viewpoint. Take notes in your own words rather than by quoting, because doing the work of putting the information/ideas into your own words will force you to think clearly and will lead you to discover any gaps in your understanding. (Of course, to avoid later plagiarism, you still need to note the citation information so that you can give proper credit when when writing anything based on the ideas you got from the text.) Copy down direct quotes only when the writer has expressed something in a very original manner or in especially clever words. (In that case, be sure to put quotation marks around the quote so that, again, you do not accidentally commit plagiarism later.)

Doing these things when reading and listening will improve your writing in two ways. First, critical thinking while researching will give you more and better things to say when it's time to start writing. Then, when you do write, you can apply the same skepticism to your own prose, asking yourself whether you really are making sense, whether you have cited credible sources for assertions of fact, and the like.

Those are just some of the suggestions I usually give to speech and composition students. I'd be interested to hear other thoughts on the subject. And, I am certainly open to a new thread on logical fallacies, which are among my favorite topics to teach.

Scholarship / Scholarship Essay: Graduate Education in Chemical Engineering [7]

I hadn't replied before because it was locked... perhaps you inadvertently locked it when you first posted it?

I'm of two minds about your "way to hell" phrase... I like it in the introduction and personally find it amusing when you return to it in the conclusion, but I worry what might happen if a reader doesn't get the joke. You may be taking too much of a risk.

Overall, the essay is lively and interesting, but not as organized and coherent as I would like it to be. You jump back and forth in time too often. Starting in the present, then back to high school, then back to the present, then back to university, then to childhood, etc.

To reorganize, (1) look over what you have; (2) abstract the most important points; (3) put these points in a logical order; and (4) draft a revised essay from scratch, using this version as raw material.

Some of your phrases I do not understand. "Of course Paul did" -- what does that mean?

You also have some problems with grammar, with some run-on and improperly punctuated sentences. Rather than go sentence by sentence, since you have so much rewriting to do that they are going to change anyway, what I am going to suggest you do is keep your sentences as short and simple as possible in order to keep the possibility of punctuation errors to a minimum.

Writing Feedback / 'useless in applying theories'; Daily homework is not necessary for students [5]

In your introduction, instead of saying "and the reason is below," provide a one-sentence summary of the arguments to follow. Also, to make your introduction more informative, tell us who were the people answering the survey. Students? Parents? The general public?

Moving on to grammar, I'll make just a few corrections and suggestions, hoping that others will jump in to do the same.

In the first sentence, make sure your verb is past tense. Instead of saying that they "made a survey," I would say that they "surveyed" students/teachers/the public (say which) to discover their opinions concerning whether students should be assigned homework every day.

Nearly sixty percent of people believe students need more spare time to spend on things they like instead of assignmentsmostly students dislike. On the other side, the rest of respondents feel that homework is a useful means by which parents can keep their child out of computer games.

I wonder about this. Did the respondents in favor of homework all cite computer games as the reason? That seems unlikely to me. Most supporters of homework tend to believe that it reinforcing learning by forcing students to practice what they have learning in their lessons. Keeping students busy tends to be a secondary reason.

Nowadays, daily homework takes up most of students' time, not allowing time for meaningful socialization for future life and work, such as internships , community service, and forth.

I wonder if you have some evidence to support this claim. Do you know, on average, how many hours per week the students in your school or region spend on homework?

Essays / Student should be required to take classes outside of their major field of study [5]

Regardless of topic, the steps to essay writing are as follows:

I. Prewriting
- Use brainstorming, free writing, and/or mind mapping to generate ideas.

Identify purpose, message (thesis), and audience.

Plan and conduct any research necessary to obtain supporting evidence for thesis.

Organize ideas and supporting evidence into an outline

II. Writing
- Draft essay according to outline, using language appropriate to your purpose, message, and audience

III. Revision
- Revise draft
- Proofread draft
- Get feedback
- Revise again
- Proofread again
- ... repeat as necessary

So, since you have a topic, you have to think about what you might say for or against this idea. Use brainstorming, jotting down all of the arguments for or against the idea that college students should be required to take classes outside their field of study. After reflecting on those ideas, choose your position: For, against, or with mixed feelings (i.e. knowing that it is a good idea but still feeling resentful because of the extra time and money this will cost you as a student).

Next, decide which of the ideas that came up in brainstorming you will include in your essay. Will you need to do any research to support any claims that you want to make?

After that, you can decide in what order to make your arguments. Start with an introduction in which you state your position and list your arguments. Then devote a paragraph to explaining and supporting each argument. Conclude with a summary and strong restatement of your position.

Writing Feedback / Australian Gold Rush: Introduction writing [16]

I see two comma splices, which should be fixed as follows:

Immigration not only contributed to multiculturalism, though; with the increase of population came an economic boom.

Expenditure on public works in Australia increased from 122000 pounds in 1852 to 356000 pounds in 1853; this is clear evidence that there was a lot of money.

Writing Feedback / Australian Gold Rush: Introduction writing [16]

You're very welcome! It's a pleasure to help a student who is trying so hard to write as well as possible.

Speeches / Speech on Finding a Job After Graduation [5]

Yes, one must remember that audiences are often bored by long lists of numbers. However one strong or shocking statistic -- such as a high unemployment rate among college graduates -- can have the opposite effect and can capture the audience's attention.

Undergraduate / Essay about my self: Introducing Yourself to Your Instructor [6]

Actually, Quaker_75, "I spent my first 16 years of life" is correct. Your correction introduced an error. In English, the subject comes first in a statement, unless it is preceded by a subordinate clause or the object and subject have been deliberately reversed for a special effect. In this sentence, "I" is the subject, "spent," is the verb, and "first 16 years of my life" is the object.

Subject-Verb-Object is the standard structure.