Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Vns9x
Name: Shon Do
Joined: Sep 23, 2014
Last Post: Jul 5, 2015
Threads: 102
Posts: 236  
Likes: 16
From: Russia
School: Gymnaisym 123

Displayed posts: 338 / page 9 of 9
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Vns9x   
Mar 24, 2015
Writing Feedback / Nowadays people get married and have children after the age 30. Is it good or bad? [3]

Today it has become popular among people to make a family and have kids after the age 30. This action has both benefits and drawbacks.

I will assume this as an introduction. When a prompt asks for your opinion, then you will have create one in your introduction as well.

In addition, 2 to 3 reasons should be included to give the reader an idea of what you are about to write.

Your second paragraph requires some elaboration, otherwise you will not be able to obtain the highest score!
Vns9x   
Mar 24, 2015
Grammar, Usage / Future perfect continuous tense and its usage! [5]

A couch that everyone longs to sit on.

I will be sitting on the couch and looking at my friends. I will be standing up when my friends will be approaching the couch.

My question is should i apply the first conditional to this sentence or whether it is possible to rely on the first conditional when we talk about the future actions .

i will stand up when i see them approaching the couch.

Both sentences should be in the future.
Vns9x   
Apr 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / The merits outweigh demerits of living in small community and in small village (IELTS Task 2) [2]

Living in a pretty village is more favorite for many people in the past(why?). However, in this day and age, most people are very fond of living in large industrial cities(why)?. While I believe that both ideas have merits and demerits, in this essay I would discuss the benefits and drawbacks of living in small community. The last sentence is redundant

You need to precisely complete your thought!

To sum up, the evidence shows that even though there are advantages and disadvantages living in small community, I strongly agree that advantages living in village outweigh drawbacks.

Your voice should have its own sentence.
Vns9x   
Apr 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / The bad effects of deforestation on the environment [5]

Could you provide us with a proper prompt?
First of all, deforestation is the cause of the global warming. As a result, ...
This paragraph is opaque and vague! deforestation is the cause of the global warming. As a result, the weather becomes extraordinary. it does not seem coherent for me!

extraordinary- maybe practically inhospitable?
As far as I know, This phrase weakens your argument.
no one can deny the bad effects of cutting down forests at the environment. Do not be so assertive. Everyone holds his own opinion!
Vns9x   
Apr 4, 2015
Grammar, Usage / Deaths of innocent people; meaning of those aforementioned sentences [2]

Students attacked in their classrooms while preparing for exams.

Gunmen believed isolated in the female dormitories.

Angela Merkel, Francois Hollande and Mariano Rajoy were briefed on the rescue and thanked the workers.

I really need someone to thoroughly explain the meaning of those aforementioned sentences.
Vns9x   
Apr 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Developing public transportation or making a new type of car? What should be goverment's priority? [7]

More attention should be paid on how to reduce the pollution released into the atmosphere by cars' emission. This beginning sounds sloppy and clumsy. I am fairly confident that you should have reminded the reader how emission could damage our Earth and the people who lived on it.

As a matter of fact, the prompt is requiring you to provide some reasons for your stand instead of a couple solutions for this issue.

I abhor to break it to you but you have totally deviated from the prompt!
Vns9x   
Apr 6, 2015
Grammar, Usage / Sentences interpretation; Facebook and its aftermaths [2]

At their inception social networking sites were largely the province of the computer savvy young.

If you have an online bank account, your executors will be able to close it down and claim the money on behalf of your estate.

A virtual space station has been sold for $330,000 on a game called Project Entropia - though whether that kind of asset could be passed on would depend on the game's terms and conditions.

And how do we ensure that the people we want to inherit them, our loved ones, actually do?

I have some troubles understanding those sentences above!

I need a thorough interpretation for each one of them!
Vns9x   
Apr 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / The current phenomenon of purchasing books online [3]

Nowadays, the life is busier. This sentence is too short! Nowadays, the life is busier and more bustling in comparison with the life that human beings used to have.

So, I agree that online shopping for books is increasing popular for. Your voice must the last sentence!

so=therefore=thus=hence=consequently=as a result=as a corollary
And more importantly. Quality over quantity

i have a hunch that the prompt is not complete.
I hope that was helpful!
Vns9x   
Apr 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, advanced buildings adorn many places in a country. [3]

I think you know what body paragraphs and conclusion are!

As a corollary, I going to assess your introduction only.

Nowadays, advanced buildings adorn many places in country. This sentence can be followed by some examples.

Because of this, some people believe that these buildings have special attractions for cities and towns as those are difference from others like Burj al-Arab's hotel in Dubai. However, others say that spectacular buildings spoil cities' environments as those cause noisy pollution such as smog from industrial buildings. Therefore, I personally believe that new buildings have more positive effects. These sentences contradict each other!

If you choose a side, you will have to stick to it from the beginning until the very end of your essay. If you want to write both opinions down, then your whole essay shall discuss about those opinions or at least you will have to convincingly prove that the first opinion is better than the second one and vice versa.

Good luck!
Vns9x   
Apr 7, 2015
Grammar, Usage / I need to know what does this quote mean [3]

Convoluted sentences and its meaning!

A thoughtful-looking fair man in military dress, his eyes bore the telltale traces of laugh lines at the corners.

"Well, it was a hell of an embarrassing mistake," Simon said. He glanced back at the club, where a thin line still snaked out the door and halfway down the block. "I doubt they'll ever let us back into Pandemonium."

the driver laying into his horn as if he needed to get their attention.

the gray ponds edged with lacelike films of white ice.

The battle between forces loyal to President Bashar al-Assad, rebels opposed to his rule and Islamic State has also driven more than 11 million people from their homes.

I am not sure whether it is the battle between the forces which are loyal to the president or it is the conflict between the people who obey and not obey the president!

Monitors say IS and the al-Qaeda-affiliated Nusra Front, who have fought each other in other parts of Syria, were working together in Yarmouk.

Working together? does it mean they are fighting against each other once more?

Please kindly explain those sentences to me!
Vns9x   
Apr 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / Staying in one place and living in different area. [4]

Basically, people want to live in the most comfortable zone.This beginning is somehow bizarre. Remember the more informative your essay is, the more point you get. Do not even utilize the word basically!

has a or drawbacks drawback as

All in all- you should save this phrase for your conclusion

I would argue( be against, contend, oppose) that people who are living in the one place automatically have easier life. Your opinion must be the last sentence of your essay!
Vns9x   
May 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / Should teenagers work or travel for a year between finishing and starting university studies? [2]

Your essay is a well-written one. So, I going to point out only some small mistakes.

First of all , students have if you use this phrase, then second of all or secondly should be followed after a few sentences( i.e. if you have only once convincing idea then skip that phrase).

One personal or a counterfeit example for the first body paragraph would be superb.

The conclusion seems to be not informative enough. Even though, the conclusion is not so essential in this type of exam, but it affects the score of your essay slightly.
Vns9x   
May 4, 2015
Grammar, Usage / Heartbroken and in a state of deep shock [6]

The statement, made on behalf on unnamed family members, said his relatives were "heartbroken and in a state of deep shock".

I am not sure about the meaning of this sentence, especially the middle part!
i wish someone could interpret it for me.
Vns9x   
Jul 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / Diarrhea and methods to prevent and cure it! [2]

This critical summary provides a background of why people suffer from Diarrhea and what is Diarrhea in the first place. Numerous ways of avoiding and curing Diarrhea for both adult and children will also be discussed in the summary. Watery feces many times per day, feel like vomiting and cramping, that is Diarrhea. Although, Diarrhea is not a dangerous symptom when it lasts for a short period of time, however, it can be hazardous if Diarrhea does not disappear after week 4. More than 100 types of diseases can cause Diarrhea, but most of the time it is because of the poisonous virus.

According to the article, there are two types of Diarrhea, which are acute diarrhea and Chronic diarrhea. Acute diarrhea is when the diarrhea lasts for approximately 1 to 2 days. On the contrary, Chronic diarrhea can last for 4 weeks or more than that. The second type of diarrhea is usually an indication of a serious health problem. Both types of diarrhea can severely dehydrate one's body. Dehydration can make us have dry skin, headache, constipation, dizziness, low blood pressure, rapid heartbeat, rapid breathing. Diarrhea can be caused, as a result of, consuming certain medicines, not being able to digest some specific foods, some colon issues or it can be created because of the diseases, which impact stomach, small intestine. Fortunately, there is an abundance of preventative measures for diarrhea such as having wonderful hygiene, always cook the meat before consuming it and so on. When it comes to children and babies specifically, they tend to bite their toys which can lead them towards diarrhea. Most of the time, diarrhea of children is associated with the rotavirus. It is quite a usual virus and it can multiply quickly. Rotavirus vaccines are the only remedies which can truly defeat the virus, even though this vaccine is for eliminating the virus not for curing or preventing diarrhea. Aside from the rotavirus diarrhea, traveler's diarrhea is the common symptom for travelers who decide to travel to developing countries. A few actions can be made to avoid this type of diarrhea, which are to not drink tap water or use it to brush your teeth, restrain oneself from consuming unpasteurized milk and its product, to not eat raw vegetables, food junkies. In case if a certain person, especially an adult, already has diarrhea, then one should try to compensate the water which one's body has already lost by drinking water, fruit juices, sports drinks, non-caffeinated sodas, salty broth. Children, on the other hand, should eat simple and soft foods, some of which are bananas, boiled potatoes, toast. In addition, caffeinated drinks, greasy or oily foods, high-fiber foods and sweets should be forgotten by the person who suffers from the diarrhea.

This trustworthy study was last modified on the 28th of January 2013 and it belongs to Abdullah bin Abdulaziz Arabic Health encyclopedia, which was created on the 10th of May 2010 by the King Saud bin Abdulaziz University for Health Sciences (KAAHE) with the help of the Saudi Association for Health Informatics (SAHI). The importance of the report is to outline the basic understanding of diarrhea and methods which can be utilized to protect and cure themselves from diarrhea. Therefore, everything that is related to diarrhea is discussed.

The structure of my critical summary is
Part 1:
Main Purpose
Foregrounds the type of text and concisely summarises the text's main point
Background
Elaborates on the main point by providing major and minor supporting information immediately
crucial to an understanding of the text's main purpose
Part 2:
Summary of Key Findings
Further elaborates on the main point by outlining the most salient information required to
understand the Main Purpose and Background information
Part 3:
Reliability of source
Evaluates the origin and date of the source and its reliability in terms of providing true and correct
information and recent data.
Significance Statement
Evaluative comment stating the significance of the text to the research of the social inclusion
issue.

Please check my summary and help me improve my critical summary. This summary is really pivotal to me!

Any valuable and useful comment will be immediately liked!
Vns9x   
Jul 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Sometimes it is acceptable not to tell the truth - not all lies are wrong [4]

I have a few suggestions for your essay. There are three main reasons to support my opinion. This transition looks too rough. You could even eliminate it from your essay. In other words, not telling the truth is occasionally acceptable This one looks redundant. Let me attempt to modify your introduction. We have been taught to not lie since we were kids. However, as we grow older, we begin to realize that there are exceptions for that particular action. After that, you can simply provide an example. It is fine to write an example in the introduction.

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