Writing Feedback / [IELST Task 1] Annual earnings of three bakeries in London, 2000-2010. [3]

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in London, 2000-2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Answer:

The number of three bread factories' incomes yearly in London is depicted in line chart between 2000 and 2010. It can clearly be seen that the profit of Bernie's Buns and Robbie' Bakery increased gradually, while Lovely Loaves dropped dramatically in the end of the given time frame.

To begin with, the revenue of Bernie's Buns and Robbie's Bakery followed a fairly similar pattern, grew steadily throughout the given frame. The former remained stable at below $60,000 from 2000 to 2005. Then, the figure experienced a steep rise over the next 5 years, and peaked at above $80,000 in 2010. The latter began at $20,000 in the beginning of figure, and reached a peak of above $60,000.

On the other hand, with the exception a slight rise during a ten-year period, the profit of Lovely Loaves was expected to decline. Although, it went down at $40,000 in the last period, it peaked at $90,000 in 2001 and 2004.

To conclude, two out of three Bakeries rose gradually in their profit, whereas the rest dropped dramatically over the decade.

Graduate / I have been motivated to focus on education field since I was in junior high school; SOP for Master [3]

My name is P. I am 26 years old at the moment. I was student of Teacher Training and Education Faculty of X University, majoring Mathematics Education. I graduated in October, 2014 by finishing all subjects' courses with the GPA 3.29/4.00.

I have been motivated to focus on education field since I was in junior high school in my hometown, Palu, Central Sulawesi. It is because people in there still come up with the wrong end of the stick about education for children inasmuch as many of them do not have motivation to encourage their children to continue education in higher level. Thus, many children and youngsters do not get proper education. This is the reason why after graduated from senior high school, I decided to continue my study in higher education level at X University, which is one of universities whereby focus on educating people who want to become a teacher, with the aim of learning about education field in depth and showing people in there that there are enormous benefits if their children can continue to study in higher level.

As a prospective teacher, I have a significant responsibility to bring a positive effect in education field in my country, and I strongly believe that to realize it, I have to master not only education discipline but also enormous soft skills with the aim of encouraging me in learning and teaching process. This was the reason why I joined some student organizations when I was a student in university such as Association of Educational Gamers in Palu. We created many educational games for learning which based on Role Playing Game (RPG), for example; "The Adventure of Imran in Finding a Circle formula", and "Adventure of Yojo - GESERJO which contains education and Culture of Central Sulawesi. In this organization, it brought me successfully to be a Speaker in International Conference at King's College London, University of London, UK on November 2013.

Apart from being involved in academic and social activities in campus and my area, I realized that to become a high quality teacher, I should learn more and more about education inasmuch as one of the predominant factors to advance education quality in my country is high quality of teachers. It is because teachers play significant role to teach future generations of a country to become educated people. The more number of educated people in a country is, the better a country will advance.

By completing my master degree in STEM program especially mathematics education at the Ohio State University, it will surely provide me an opportunity of learning ethics, policy, planning, curriculum, evaluation and comparative research in education that will give me excellent grounding in the study of Education discipline. Pursuing master at your University would be such an invaluable experience since I would be able to advance my knowledge to become a high quality teacher as I can learn enormous educational method from different countries.

Writing Feedback / Devouring of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030 [2]

consumption of energy in the USA

The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030.

Answer:

The graph shows growth in the energy utilizing during the period 1980 - 2030 in the USA accounted for a 2008 report. Overall, the consumption for five out of the six fuels are expected to have some significant changes which Petrol and Oil energy has experienced a steep rise during a period of 50 years.

Petrol and Oil was the highest consumed energy in 1980, stood at around 35 quadrillion Units. With the exception of a slight fall over the next 15 years, it will increase significantly, and reach a peak in the final period of just below 50 quadrillion Units. On the other hand, Coal and Natural gas have grown steadily throughout the given frame, but Coal will exceed Natural gas by approximately 6 quadrillion Units.

Interestingly, Nuclear, Solar/Wind, and Hydropower are the least used energy in the 1980's. However, in the future, the former and the latter will rise slightly at just above 5 quadrillion Units, whereas Hydropower have remained stable.

To conclude, Petrol and Oil energy has become the most popular energy to consume, whilst Hydropower have been the least popular of the six in the USA based on history and projections, over the fifty-year period.

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Writing Feedback / The number of books that were borrowed and its Book types [IELTS Writing Task 1] [5]

Question:
The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village libraries, and the pie chart shows the percentage of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

My essay:

The total of books were borrowed from four different village libraries between june and september 2014 is depicted in line graph, and the kind of borrowed books is showed in pie chart which measured in percent. Overall, Although Ryeslip experienced a decline in the number of borrowed books, three other village libraries increased, and it was dominated by fiction books.

At first glance, books borrowed from west Eaton and Church Mount libraries showed similar patterns, with both increased gradually till 150 books in September. Then, although Sutton wood libraries remained a fluctuation before, between August and September it re-increased and peaked at 300 books. However, Ryeslip libraries had a decrease in the total of borrowed books from 300 books to 175 books during a period of four months.

On the other hand, fiction book was the most popular borrowed books compared to self-help, history, science and biography books which stood at 43%, while rest of books just were interested in under 20%.

To sum up, three different village libraries had a rise in the total of borrowed books whilst rest of library decreased, and fiction type was the most read book by people in those areas over the given frame period.

Writing Feedback / Some views and opinion about learning methods for children - IELTS [3]

Question:
Some people think that it is more effective for students to student in groups, while others believe that it is better for them to study alone. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

My essay:

Each student has a variety of learning method. Many people, throughout the world, assume that study in group for students is better than learn by themselves. While some students prefer to study with other friends, I argue that study alone becomes alternative method to other students.

There is no doubt that a school or educational institute gives lace for students to study in group. Its method has many merits in learning. Firstly, work study improves cooperative values. For instance, smart students help their friends to understand subject material in the school. In addition, work study can increase spirit and not be bored. It is different from study alone that self study cannot impart knowledge to others.

On the other hand, most people believe that self study is the best style for study. In the modern era, children can learn by themselves at their home. A case in point, children learn anything by computer and internet. They argue that computer can be a teacher for them. Furthermore, study alone has some benefits. It makes children more comfort and no crowded, like in work group which have big members. Also, children can manage their time to study by themselves.

To sum up, self study and work study are a variety learning method which children can choose one of them. Then, student should know what type of their learning method, so they can study well.

Writing Feedback / How chocolate is made and how the price of a chocolate bar is divided up - [IELTS Writing Task 1] [3]

Question:

The diagrams below show how chocolate is made and how the price of a chocolate bar is divided up among those involved in the process.

Summarise the information by choosing and reporting the key features, and make any relevant comparisons.

Contents:
The two diagrams compare the process of chocolate manufacturing and proportion of a chocolate bar's cost. The value of a chocolate bar is measured by percent. Overall, it can be clearly seen that sale of a chocolate bar gives influence to divide up from producer to supermarket, and the retail price of a chocolate bar is matched with chocolate-making processes.

To begin, chocolate beans are grinded until smooth. In filtering process, It outcomes dregs and liquor of cocoa. In the cocoa liquor step, there are two ways to continue process of chocolate production.Fisrtly, Industial chocolate can be the fastest production to make a chocolate bar, on the other hand, sugar and other ingredients can be needed to produce it. Secondly, Cocoa liquor is pressed to become butter and powder. Afterwards, food industrial processes cocoa powder to manufacture it become others while butter is distributed to industrial chocolate to make a chocolate bar.

A closer look at the figure reveals that the percentage of cost of ingredients and overheads is the highest about 37% in the a retail price of a chocolate bar. It is followed by supermarket which gets 34% in the money of chocolate product. Having said that, a rather minimum 15% is taken by Government for tax while chocolate factory receives 10% in the sale of product. In contrast, the lowest retail price around 4% is allocated to farmer as produser of cocoa beans.

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