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Posts by iban
Name: Ihsan
Joined: Nov 10, 2015
Last Post: Nov 16, 2015
Threads: 5
Posts: 3  
Likes: 2
From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 8
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iban   
Nov 16, 2015
Writing Feedback / Theater satisfaction - what two groups of people think of a new theatre? ielts task 1 [3]

Hello Soyoung. I have some advises for you. First of all, in order to make readers understand with your purpose of writing, you should attach the image in the thread too. Secondly, maybe you can create your essay in orderly by dividing into some paragraphs.

Only the small amountnumber of people who give "poor" rate in both groups for all features

To sum up, the outcomes of the opinion poll shows that the both groups are showing high satisfaction about the new theatre

Wish you a best luck.
iban   
Nov 16, 2015
Writing Feedback / Rewarding students to improve their academic results [2]

some other staffs consider that giving some gifts to students may increase their interests to study MORE seriously.

Studying the lessons is highly time consuming, and WHICH CAN AFFECT students are BECOME not interested to study carefully

If students take A grade GET A GOOD SCORE in SOME different courses, staffs should give them some gifts.

Therefore, IT WILL ENCOURAGE other students may be interested to study HARDER and get good A SAME results

In class, the THAT competition among pupils ATMOSPHERE can force students to spend more time to learn hugely STUDY MORE REGULARLY

On the other hand, primary school students cannot understand about importance of studying. Primary students need to become motivated

I can rewrite this sentence-> On the other hand, primary school students need more motivation from their teachers, since this motivation will help students to comprehend more about the importance of studying.

In addition, by giving the same gifts to students ALL OF THE STUDENTS THE SAME REWARDS, they become encouraged IT WILL PROMPT THEM to help EACH other and not think others studentsare AS their reviles RIVAL

Hope it will helps
iban   
Nov 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / The power of advertising increases the number of product sales and spurs their popularity [2]

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The number of product sales is the reflection of its popularity in community. It is utterly acceptable that people tend to buy their basic needs, although the content of advertisement is poor. However, it is agreed that create a good advertisement is the best way to pursue people to buy their product. Moreover, I believe that advertisement can be a differentiating factor in the number of product sales.

Apparently advertising their product is the best way for producers to improve their product sales rate. As such people or consumers can be persuaded to buy the products as the impact of its advertisement. A 2013 recent survey conducted by Oxford University reveals that from 2,000 people in London, UK, it was almost 80% of them thought that they should buy some products after they watch advertisement about it. While, 60% of the same respondents said that they will never buy a product if the product was relatively unknown or they have not been watch the advertisement of product before. The respondents or the consumers who took the survey told that they can get more valuable information about some products from its advertisement which made the product well-known in the around of society.

Apart from that point, to increase the number of product sales can be determine by other factors besides the advertisement. First of all, society tend to buy the product which is really important for them, called as basic need product. Society will buy the basic need products regardless of its advertisement. It can happens since basic need products is irreplaceable, people always need to buy this products. Moreover, when they want to buy some products, society eagerness are influenced by their financial condition. People with a poor financial condition should think twice and very wisely before they buy some products, as they have a limited budget. Therefore, they were influenced by the advertisement, yet they should spend their money in the more important products.

To sum up, it is claimed that proper content of advertisement is important for sellers. If they want to boost their product sales, they should create a good advertising and promulgate the advertisement. However, some people argued that the society tend to buy goods based on their will and not affected by the advertisement. Where possible, when it comes to go shopping, society should spend their money more wisely
iban   
Nov 13, 2015
Writing Feedback / Tourists can bring demerits to the visited country. Yet, tourism business can contribute financially [2]

Quest: Some People say that tourism has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to. How true is this statement? What can tourists do to reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environments?

Tourism business has been rise in some countries in the recent era. Some people argue that the increasing number of tourists visiting has some demerits for the country where tourists tend to visit, such as tourists can cause the a damage to the visiting site and sometimes they show less respectful to the local culture and regulation. However, this essay will explain about these effects and what tourists can do to tackle the problem.

Seemingly tourists seem to bring a dire consequences to their country's destinations. First of all, visitors tend to ruin the sites with their behavior. In the vacation sites, sometimes they are littering in the sites or they do the vandalism which can ruin the beauty of the sites. Moreover, tourists seem not to obey the local cultures and laws. It can be happen as they have only a few insight about these condition. In addition, some tourists are more likely to careless on the local since they are in the different country which only visited by them. Therefore, the adverse effects which can be made by tourists are real.

To tackle some issues in the previous paragraph, i would argue that tourists can do several actions that can solve the problem. First of all which is the paramount is tourists should gain a wide range of information about the country before they decide to visit it. It is really necessary for them as they can have an information about the country's culture and laws. So that, they will understand about the regulation and local wisdom in their destination and they can obey it when they visit. Next solution that tourists can do is they should understand if they are visiting others inhabitant, which means they should help the local people to keep the environment net. They should appreciate the sites and reckon if their purpose is to have a vacation, not to destruct the objects.

To sum up, it is true that tourist can bring demerits to the visited country. Yet, tourism business can contribute a financial benefit to the country as long as tourist obey country's rules and culture. Where possible, the government should take some serious consideration to keep both the tourism business and good environmental too.
iban   
Nov 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / ielts task 1 - different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia [2]

A breakdown of proportion comparison about qualification of high school graduated and categorized by their gender in Australia in 1999 is presented in the chart. Overall, it can be seen that the percentage of men who attend a skilled vocational diploma were dominance than women, while the bachelor's degree and undergraduate diploma show the reverse.

By far, people who take the skilled vocational diploma were dominating by men, with almost 90% and left the women with the rest of percentage. However, the women show their dominance in two categories, there were undergraduate diploma and bachelor's degree. Men who attend the undergraduate diploma were only about 30%, while women were dominating with the percentage with more than doubled from the men. The same thing can be said to the bachelor's degree category which experienced almost 60% of the participants were women, left the men with only 40%.

Apart form that point, postgraduate diploma and master's degree category reveal that people who were held these levels were mostly a men. Almost 70% of postgraduate diploma were males, while there were only 30% of women in this level. In addition, 60% of the people who attend master's degree program were males and left behind the females with the rest of percentage.




iban   
Nov 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / A comparison of different areas where some schools in UK spent their yearly budget from 1981 to 2001 [2]

ielts writing task 1 - three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school

A comparison of different areas where some schools in UK spent their yearly budget from 1981 to 2001, a 2-decade period is presented in the pie charts. The data is measured in percentage. Overall, most of the school budget were spend to pay the teacher's salary in each year. In any case, majority of the areas experienced a fluctuation during the period, while insurance area saw an upward trend.

By 2001, school in UK spent their budget mostly to pay the teachers, more than two fifths from the percentage, increased from only 40% in 1981. Yet, the figure fell slightly decreased by 5% from 1991. In addition, spending in furniture and equipment was the second highest of proportion in 2001 with 23%, increased from only 5% in 1991 and 15% in 1981 respectively. Spent in the resources field also saw a fluctuation trend during the question period, with less than a fifth in the beginning and finish with only about 9% in the period.

Interestingly, school were reduced their spent to pay other workers, only recorded 15% in 2001, decreased gradually from about 22% in 1991 and almost less than a third in 1981. While, the figure for insurance increased slightly during the period, from only 2% in 1981 but then school in UK spent their 8% of budget to the insurance area in 2001.




iban   
Nov 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / Writting Ielts task 1 : the charts show number of student who did not go into full time job. [3]

Hello, a good essay, yet let's discuss some sorts of issues

while the figures for being jobless and having voluntary jobs witnessed high number. --> from the graphs, i can see that voluntary work is the lowest number, CMIIW.

A comparison regarding what UK graduates and post graduates students who do not have full-time job after finishing collage in 2008 is showed by charts --> you should make this sentence clear so the reader can get a clear insight about it.

To begin, most graduate(s) (since you use (s) in the first paragraph for this word) students who did not go into full-time work continued their study in UK,

Hopefully we can discuss more about it.
iban   
Nov 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / Writing Ielts task 2: advantages and disadvantages of nuclear technology [NEW]

Hopefully, i can get many beneficial advice in my essay. Thank u :)

Quest: Advantages and disadvantages of nuclear technology

Nuclear technology has been developed significantly in recent years and it changes the way of human live. The negative effects of nuclear technology are it can produces a dangerous radiation as a waste and it needs more cost to invent in these resources than other energy resources. While that ideas are utterly true, i would argue that these technology is the alternative solution of the energy resources and can produces less pollution than other energy resources.

Apparently, nuclear technology can be dangerous to human. As such one of the waste product of nuclear is radiation, which is deadly for both human and environment. The example of the case was in 1945 when Japan has been Invaded by USA using 2 nuclear bombs. Hiroshima and Nagasaki, two city in Japan were bombed at that time and as a result, million of people died because of the radiation from the nuclear. The radiation effect is affected the environment too, since the radiation makes the land in both of the cities become fertile. Moreover, the other demerit is to do a research or to apply this such technology, researcher should spent more budget than other resources as nuclear technology is a high-risk technology.

Apart from this, nuclear technology play a main role in the supply of energy resources. Japan, known as the country that have most nuclear energy resources than any other country, followed by Germany. Japan shows that their 85% of energy supply can be produced by their's nuclear reactor. Japan's research reveals that using nuclear as their main energy resources is almost half percent more efficient than using coal. In addition, Nuclear reactor produce less pollution than coal or oil as the energy resources. From this, it can be seen nuclear is the best alternative energy resources as long as it developed in the right way with a right guidance.

In conclusion, nuclear technology has changed the world. It is believed that these technology is the best solution for the world's alternative energy resources, although it brings merits and demerits. In Addition, it is agreed that the radiation waste must be considered about. Where possible, scientists should take this into consideration before advancing in nuclear sector.
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