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Posts by CollegeMe
Name: Oluwaseun
Joined: Dec 20, 2015
Last Post: Jan 31, 2016
Threads: 7
Posts: 19  
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Displayed posts: 26
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CollegeMe   
Jan 31, 2016
Scholarship / College/Career Goals and Reason I Should be Chosen for a Scholarship [5]

The future begins with now, and I have set many goals to ensure a successful future. My college goal is to enter the BioSciences department of the Wiess School of Natural Sciences at Rice University and, during my first year, conduct at least two research projects at the Texas Medical Center nearby. These research projects interest me because they would provide me with firsthand experience in the medical world. Conducting research at the world's largest medical center would greatly enrich my college experience by helping me to develop my problem solving skills early while exposing me to a wide variety of sectors in the medical field.

My desire to go into the medical field developed from the volunteer work I have done with my church's child care program. I started volunteering because I loved teaching kids, but when I started working in the nursery department, I did not expect to love caring for them even more. Each time a baby cries, it becomes my mission to find the source of his troubles and fix it. One of the most rewarding feelings is to see that a toddler is happy to see me again the next week, not because of anything I was able to teach them about God, but simply because of the care I showed them. I am rewarded by helping the children find solutions to their day to day problems and want to find solutions to the more serious problems they face. Their skin rashes, as I have come to learn, sometimes indicate a deeper health issue. My hope is to treat this problem and others like it in the future by working as a pediatrician. The passion I have developed for caring for children has made me certain that it is something I want to continue to pursue in the future.

I should be considered for this scholarship because I am a student who goes above and beyond and I am determined to reach my goals. I am different from others because I am willing to do anything to be the best at whatever I do. What I may lack in innate ability, I make up through hard work. By being willing to stay up all night to finish a project or taking the extra initiative to spend hours after school with my teacher to discuss concepts I may be having difficulty with, I have gone from an average B student to an A honor roll student who has gradually worked her way to the top of her class. This dedication to be the best has applied to all aspects of my life. In orchestra, for example, I initially struggled to match the musical ability of my peers. However, through hard work, daily practicing, and a strong desire to be the best, I have worked my way up to the leading position of concert master in my school's top orchestra and have received many awards. I know that success in life comes from the hard work I am willing to put in, and the work ethic that I have developed early will follow me as a hardworking student in college and as a hardworking doctor who can make many contributions in real world.

I see a future where I use the knowledge I gain to make a dramatic difference on the lives of children around me, and this scholarship brings me one step closer to accomplishing this goal. I plan to get a job this summer in order to help pay for tuition, and my mom will also attempt to contribute as much as she can. However, her salary is low, and a summer job simply cannot cover the total expense of college. Therefore, I am hoping that this scholarship will help to fill the budget deficit, and give me just what I need to continue on the track to accomplishing my goals.
CollegeMe   
Jan 30, 2016
Scholarship / College/Career Goals and Reason I Should be Chosen for a Scholarship [5]

My college goal is to enter the BioSciences department of the Wiess School of Natural Sciences at Rice University and, during my first year, conduct at least two research projects at the Texas Medical Center nearby. My desire to go into the medical field developed from the volunteer work I have done with my church's child care program. Each time a baby cries, it becomes my mission to find the source of his troubles and fix it, and I feel a sense of accomplishment when I do. I have grown to love caring for kids and am certain that it is what I want to continue to do by working as a pediatrician. As a pediatrician, I will have the opportunity to find solutions to the more serious problems faced by children, and by studying biology and conducting undergraduate research in college, I will quickly earn the skills needed to do so.

I should be considered for this scholarship because I have proven to have good grades, I am determined to reach my goals, and will pay the deed forward by contributing to society as a doctor. I see a future where I use the knowledge I gain to a dramatic difference on the lives of children around me, and this scholarship brings me one step closer to accomplishing this goal. I plan to get a job this summer in order to help pay for tuition, and my mom will also attempt to contribute as much as she can. However, her salary is low, and a summer job simply cannot cover the total expense of college. Therefore, I am hoping that this scholarship will help to fill the budget deficit, and give me just what I need to continue on the track to accomplishing my goals.
CollegeMe   
Jan 27, 2016
Scholarship / College/Career Goals and Reason I Should be Chosen for a Scholarship [5]

Write a one-page essay on your college and career goals and rationale for TCBSBM choosing you to receive this scholarship.

The future begins with today. In my future, I see myself working as a pediatrician. Through volunteering at my church's nursery, I have grown to love caring for kids and am certain that it is what I want to continue to do. I have already successfully completed the initial steps to reaching this goal by excelling among my classmates in high school. The next, and probably most important step, is for me to attend college.

Up until this point, I have been able to complete the steps towards my goal through hard work and dedication. My next step, however, requires additional input: money. Coming from a single parent, low income household, the money required to complete my next step could act as a hindrance. I wish to attain the best learning environment and be pushed in an advanced college and do not want to have to settle for financial reasons. This scholarship would help relieve some of the burden of student loans and allow me to spend less time working at a job and more time working on school work which will provide me with the knowledge I need to become a successful doctor.

I would make the most out of the resources others generously provide for me and pay it forward in the future by contributing to society as a doctor. I have always used my resources wisely. Even without sat tutors or extra help I have able to excel above my peers. Education is not something I take for granted. I make the best use of my resources to get to wherever I need to be.

In orchestra, for example, I was able to excel without private lessons and become our school's concert master. The founder of the orchestra program in my district was so impressed by this that she began sponsoring my private lessons. She told me that that because I was able to excel with the few recourses I had, there was no telling how much more I could excel if I was given more resources. I appreciate what she has done for me and make the most out of the opportunity she has allowed for me and have grown as a violinist. I hope the TCBSBM scholarship will provide me with the same sort of opportunity academically which I will also treat with appreciation and desire to make those who see my potential and wish to help me grow proud.
CollegeMe   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Archaeology essay for my cousework [2]

Archaeological studies can objectively reveal and explain the stages of culture in a particular region Trowulan and contiguity and acculturation with the surrounding region s. Not sure what you mean

Try rephrasing this. Other than that, it's decent
CollegeMe   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some claims that planting the idea of competition in children's life is an obligation [3]

Just a few more thngs

However, those who think that the feeling of cooperation ...
... cooperation could create a new generation who have thewhich has a sense of togetherness and helping each other.

... because this could make children to become superior rather thanover his or her colleagues.
CollegeMe   
Jan 3, 2016
Undergraduate / 'FOCUS' program - Is there something particular about Duke that attracts you? [5]

Thanks for the advice. I made changes in the body as well. Tell me what you think.

I like making connections. I find it mentally stimulating when I am able to make connections between the economics class I currently take and the business math class I took last year. I want to continue making similar connections in college and like how Duke's Focus program sets it up to where these connections are easily made by providing clusters of related, yet distinct courses.

Secondly, I like belonging to small, closely knit groups. I am attracted by the fact that the Focus program will make that possible for me through small classes made up of the same people I will also live near.

I also want to be able to have the same close relationship I have with my teachers in high school with my professors in college. Duke's weekly Focus dinners in addition to the Duke flunches and FINvites will help me create the relationships I desire.
CollegeMe   
Jan 3, 2016
Undergraduate / 'FOCUS' program - Is there something particular about Duke that attracts you? [5]

If you are applying to the Trinity College of Arts and Sciences as a first year applicant, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something particular about Duke that attracts you? (Please limit your response to no more than 150 words)

One of the things that attracts me to Duke is the FOCUS program.
I like making connections. I find it mentally stimulating when I am able to make connections between the economics class I currently take and the business math class I took last year. I want to continue making similar connections in college and like how Duke's FOCUS program sets it up to where these connections are easily made through the course clusters.

The FOCUS program will also allow me to build a strong relationship with my classmates and my professors. I like belonging to small, closely knit groups and like how the FOCUS program provides that. I also want to be as close to my college professors as I am to my high school teachers, and the FOCUS discussion seminars over dinner in addition to the Duke flunches will help me create the relationships I desire.
CollegeMe   
Dec 31, 2015
Undergraduate / Common App Essay: Special Interest- 'Wide eyes and Dropped Chins' [8]

How's this? I had to shorten it to stay within the word limit.
...Immediately after I did, the entire class turned to face me with wide eyes and dropped chins, and one student uttered the words, "She spoke."

Six years later, I smile as I recall this once humiliating incident. I have come a very long way since the day I exclaimed the answer to the equation in Math class. I thought that I would be limiting my voice to certain discussions or forced circumstances for a very long time. Then I was introduced to the beauty of spoken poetry and, quite unexpectedly, I had found a way to use my voice to make myself heard by those around me in a way that I felt comfortable doing.

I was first introduced to this type of poetry through an English class assignment in which I wrote and performed a poem for my classmates. At first, I was a bit unhappy to have to speak publically, but when I dove in, I fell in love with the art form. In this special way of articulating my thoughts, I am gifted with the ability to bring to life every emotion I feel, without shame for feeling the way I feel. The positive feedback I received from my class performance empowered me to feel free to express myself. No one was laughing or whispering into each other's ear as I performed. It showed me that I could feel comfortable speaking out publically and that no one would judge me for doing so...
CollegeMe   
Dec 31, 2015
Undergraduate / Common App Essay: Special Interest- 'Wide eyes and Dropped Chins' [8]

Thank you. Please tell me your opinion about this.

I grew up without a voice because I feared using it. I was never sure how people would respond to me and my thoughts, so in the face of uncertainty, I always opted to be the quiet one, be it in a social setting or in class. When a teacher asked a question I knew the answer to, I feared to answer. Sometimes no one would answer, and as seconds rolled by she would be met with only blank stares from my classmates. I would twiddle my thumbs in an effort to suppress the urge to reveal the answer as if it were locked up in a safe to which only I had the key. One day, however, my anxiety became too great to fight back my tongue. The answer had to be revealed! I could no longer hold it in, and I finally exclaimed the answer.

....
CollegeMe   
Dec 31, 2015
Undergraduate / Common App Essay: Special Interest- 'Wide eyes and Dropped Chins' [8]

Thankyou. This is a rough revision. I am not sure if this is good.
"What is the circumference of this circle?" Mrs. Ryan asked a fairly simple math question, but as seconds rolled by she was met with only blank stares from my classmates. I wondered why no one jumped to answer a question that only required the use of simple arithmetic. Nonetheless, I also remained silent because I was too shy to speak up. I sat, twiddling my thumbs in an effort to suppress the urge to reveal the answer as if it were locked up in a safe to which only I had the key, but my anxiety grew as the silence became increasingly unbearable. I wanted to answer question but feared that my voice would crack or that I would do something to embarrass myself if I did. But the answer had to be revealed! I could no longer hold it in, and I finally exclaimed, "Two pie!"

At once, the entire class turned to face me, the girl who never spoke unless directly spoken to, with wide eyes and dropped chins, and one student uttered the words, "She spoke."

...
CollegeMe   
Dec 31, 2015
Undergraduate / Common App Essay: Special Interest- 'Wide eyes and Dropped Chins' [8]

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Wide Eyes and Dropped Chins

"What is the circumference of this circle?" Mrs. Ryan asked a fairly simple math question, but as seconds rolled by she was met with only blank stares from my classmates. I wondered why no one jumped to answer a question that only required the use of simple arithmetic. Nonetheless, I also remained silent. I sat, twiddling my thumbs in an effort to suppress the urge to reveal the answer as if it were locked up in a safe to which only I had the key, but my anxiety grew as the silence became increasingly unbearable. The answer had to be revealed! I could no longer hold it in, and I finally exclaimed, "Two pie!"

At once, the entire class turned to face me with wide eyes and dropped chins, and one student uttered the words, "She spoke."

Six years later, I smile as I recall this once humiliating incident. Little did anyone know that speaking, through the form of spoken word poetry, would become one of my greatest interests. I was first introduced to this type of poetry through an English class assignment in which I wrote and performed a poem for my classmates. My performance was a success. However, the success of my first poem came not from my skill as a poet, but from what was sparked by the experience itself.

The positive feedback I received from my class performance empowered me to feel free to express myself. However, this freedom was not free. The cost was stepping outside of my comfort zone. In my first poem, I spoke about my differences, sharing what I would not have otherwise been given the opportunity to share publicly, and the applause that followed encouraged me to want to continue speaking about similar topics. In this special way of articulating my thoughts, I am gifted with the ability to bring to life every emotion I feel, without shame for feeling the way I feel. Much like the music I create with a violin in my hands, the poetry created with my words and mouth has a meditative quality. In it, I find comfort in expressing myself.

Even better than knowing that I have the freedom to speak is knowing that people are also willing to listen. I was pleasantly surprised when one of my classmates came up to me after my performance to tell me that my poem was inspiring. Her receptiveness to my poem showed me that even though she could not relate to the differences I spoke about, she could relate to the way I was confident in those differences. The smile that became frozen on my face after my first performance came from realizing that I could impact others through the words that I spoke. By not being afraid to get my voice out there, I could impact people both inside and outside of my classroom.

In the course of attending local open mic poetry nights, I have opened myself to new ideas, while also reacquainting myself with familiar ones spoken in a new light by poets of different cultures and backgrounds. The information transmitted through an eclectic array of poets is hard to find anywhere else, and I am eager to both learn from and contribute to the diverse teachings. I feel at one with my community when I hear their stories, relate, and can tell my own.

As my voice is strengthened through poetry, I can use this power to not only speak poetically but to also speak confidently in everyday life. Poetry has replaced my fear with a love for speaking. Now when I speak through poetry, I actually want people to react the way my sixth grade classmates once did: with wide eyes and dropped chins, only now not because of the act of speaking, but instead because of the content spoken.
CollegeMe   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / 'I love teaching kids' Why are you apply to a particular school of study? Rice Supplement [8]

My experiences in a research class that I currently take have made me certain that biological research is something I want to pursue at the Wiess school of Natural Sciences. I am currently researching the potential of the Rabies vaccine to fight the Ebola virus and enjoy researching possible solutions to complex problems through science and want to go even further. My knowledge in biosciences could lift the veil of mystery on the Ebola virus and others like it, giving me a deeper understanding of how they work and how they can be stopped.

Outside of school, my care for children at my church's Sunday School has also influenced my decision. Their skin rashes, as I have come to learn, sometimes indicate a deeper health issue. My hope is to prevent problems like these in the future through the knowledge I will gain from courses taught in the Biosciences department.

I'm wondering if I should just leave out the second paragraph
CollegeMe   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Playing the violin in a small ensemble/ The senior valedictorian who I had admired; Rice Supplements [3]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (150 word limit) paying less attention to the details and focusing more on the big picture

My favorite setting to play the violin is in a small ensemble. In these small groups, there is no conductor, and as the head violinist, it is my job to lead. However, this does not mean that I can act independently. The success of our performances depends on everyone's willingness to work together. If one person speeds up, the rest of us follow, willing to temporarily give up or own desired tempo for the sake of staying together until I lead us back to a normal speed. The greater need to depend on one another is what makes playing in a small ensemble different. This dependence forces us to connect with each other and the music, and the result is a more passionate performance. Small ensembles have showed me the positive effects of working cooperatively with others, knowledge I can use both on and off of the stage.

How did you first learn about Rice University and what motivated you to apply? (250 word limit) Supplement

When I was a sophomore, the senior valedictorian, Sara, announced that she would be attending Rice in the fall. My admiration for her as well as my curiosity led me to start researching Rice. I was attracted by things like the flexibility provided by the honor system and the ability to conduct research at the Texas Medical Center Laboratories, and wanted to know even more. So the next year, I tracked down Sara's information and sent her a text asking her to tell me everything about her experiences at Rice. She responded with a long, passionate text proclaiming her love for Rice. This love was contagious. As she raved about Rice's friendly atmosphere, I became hooked. When she explained that the friendships she made during O-week extended throughout the entire year through weekly O-week lunches and O-week group activities, I felt assured knowing that the friendships I made during orientation would continue throughout what could otherwise be a lonely freshman year because of effort Rice puts into maintaining friendships. I grew even more excited when she explained that Rice had a culture of care which meant that everyone watched out for each other socially and academically. Colleges, especially highly ranked institutions like Rice, can be extremely competitive, but knowing that Rice has a collaborative environment would ease a lot of the sense of competition. I knew I liked Rice after researching it, but I fell in love with Rice after my conversation with Sara.

I want to make sure everything's perfect before I submit!
CollegeMe   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / 'highly accomplished staff' - Why does Yale appeal to you? Yale Supplement [7]

Thanks Vangiespen. I was able to do it with 100 words. Tell me how this is.

One of the things that attracts me to Yale is the STARS Program. I like that Yale puts extra effort into caring for its underrepresented students. With the special opportunities I could receive under this program, I would be able to excel in the field of Biology.

The Yale African Students Association also attracts me because of its strong involvement in African culture. I would like to stay in contact with my African culture in college and am glad that there is an African Association so devoted to African culture that they have even created an Africa Week at Yale.
CollegeMe   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Share a perspective you bring or experiences you've had, Duke Short Answer [8]

Thanks vangiespen, I have added your suggested revisions
I can only imagine what the sales associate at Dillards was thinking when my seven year old cousin called her auntie. The two of them had only known each other for a few minutes, and the chances of the white sales associate being related to my dark skinned cousin were slim. However, my cousin my had just come from Nigeria, where all older women are referred to as auntie and all older men referred to as uncle, and she did not know that Americans did not refer to each other in this way . It was clear that the sales associate felt uncomfortable when she was called auntie and more uncomfortable when my cousin and I gave her a hug and a handshake. She was not used to being treated that way. To us, however, this was normal behavior because Nigerians do not see unknown people as strangers, we see them as family members who have not yet been introduced to us and demonstrate this through what we call each other and how we treat each other. This mentality that I have gained through my upbringing is what I hope to bring to Duke. By treating my classmates the way I would treat my own family, I hope to spread the idea that we do not have to be blood related to act like a family. If this perspective was shared by all Duke students, it would add to the feeling of community at Duke.
CollegeMe   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / 'I love teaching kids' Why are you apply to a particular school of study? Rice Supplement [8]

Thank you vangiespen. How's this? (148 words)
My experiences in my current research class have made me certain that biological research is something I want to pursue at the Wiess school of Natural Sciences. In the research class, I have been researching the potential of the Rabies vaccine to fight the Ebola virus. I enjoy researching possible solutions to complex problems through science and want to go further. My knowledge in Biosciences could lift the veil of mystery on the Ebola virus and others like it, giving me a deeper understanding of how it works and how it can be stopped.

Furthermore, I enjoy treating kids when I volunteer at church's s Sunday school. The joy I feel when I help them with small things like a rash that needs ointment has made me to want to help people with more serious problems, and the knowledge I gain though Biosciences can help me do that.
CollegeMe   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Share a perspective you bring or experiences you've had, Duke Short Answer [8]

Thanks for your input
There was a time my cousin was visiting from Nigeria and called an American lady working at a store auntie because she did not know that it was only a Nigerian thing and was acting really friendly and the other lady was weirded about by her calling her auntie. Could I talk about that?
CollegeMe   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / 'highly accomplished staff' - Why does Yale appeal to you? Yale Supplement [7]

Thanks vangiespen
I thought it was cool how they have the Yale African students' Association (YASA) that is really involved with African cultural stuff and even created an Africa Week at Yale to raise awareness about Africa and celebrate culture.

But should I focus on an academic reason instead?
CollegeMe   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / 'I love teaching kids' Why are you apply to a particular school of study? Rice Supplement [8]

Thanks vangiespen
So I should not mention things specific to the school and only talk about why I like Biosciences?
Sunday school nursery is really the only experience I have. I can't write about a time a baby cried for a long time and how I searched for the solution to his problems and found that it was a rash and how I took care of it , or something along those lines? Could I would explain that I enjoyed finding the solution to the kid's problems and how that made me want to help kids with more serious problems through the knowledge I gain through Biosciences?

I take a research and design class. A group of me and other people did research for the Exploravision Contest over vaccines for Ebola. Would that be better to talk about?
CollegeMe   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Share a perspective you bring or experiences you've had, Duke Short Answer [8]

Duke University seeks a talented, engaged student body that embodies the wide range of human experience; we believe that the diversity of our students makes our community stronger. If you'd like to share a perspective you bring or experiences you've had to help us understand you better-perhaps related to a community you belong to, your sexual orientation or gender identity, or your family or cultural background-we encourage you to do so. Real people are reading your application, and we want to do our best to understand and appreciate the real people applying to Duke. (250 word limit)

In Nigeria, all people refer to older women as auntie and older men as uncle. Nigerians do not see unknown people as strangers, we see them as family members who have not yet been introduced to us and demonstrate this by calling others what we would call our own family members and treating them like we would treat or own family. Because I have grown up calling all Nigerians auntie and uncle, I have developed the mentality that every person I meet is part of my extended family. I do not have to be blood related or even know a person well before there is a degree kinship between us.

The Nigerian perspective that we are all a part of a large extended family is what I hope to bring to Duke. This way of thinking should not be limited to the Nigerian community. By treating my classmates the way I would treat my own family, I hope to spread the idea that we do not have to be blood related to act like a family. This perspective would foster a community of brothers and sisters all proud to be a part of the Duke family.
CollegeMe   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / My relationship with UW Madison started when joined College for Kids in 5th grade; College Admission [5]

My relationship with UW Madison started when joiningI joined the College for Kids in 5th grade.
... each one of them making me compelledcompelling to become a future Badger.
... experiencing campus life and takeing classes at the UW ...
There I began to dream of hopefully being an attendee of the University. Along with thisrephrase, my brother graduated from UW.

Along with my long relationship with the UW Madison, it is becoming a master at creating a niche for every student. Do'nt understand what you are trying to say

In high school, I've had own leadership positions involving these issues...

Instead, it is the smooth interaction between facilities that allows each department, from the arts to programming, to create a learning facility that reflects the real world. Coming from a place where there is tolerance between different race, religion and political views. doesn't sound personal enough

UW Madison provides the setting I desire to be educated in .

University of Wisconsin-Madison excels at convincing students to achieve great success as they transition into their new surroundings. With numerous programs ranked as one of the best in the nation, Wisconsin never fails to help bring motivation and success to many of its students and alumni.impersonal
CollegeMe   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Past Shaped World View/ Plans at AU expand it [4]

The last second paragraph is good, but I think for the first paragraph it would be beneficial to use a specific example of how you were stereotyped. It would add more substance to the short answer rather than giving a generalization.
CollegeMe   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / 'highly accomplished staff' - Why does Yale appeal to you? Yale Supplement [7]

Why does Yale appeal to you? (100 words or less)

I am attracted by the highly accomplished staff at Yale. Highly renowned teachers like Professor Micheal Donoghue, a member of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences, who I hope to take the Ecology and Evolutionary Biology coarse from, will provide me with the best guide in my journey for knowledge. I was even more attracted when I read that professors from the Yale school of medicine are also active at teaching the Yale College. The chance that I may get to learn from the very people I look up to like Nobel Prize winner, James Rothman, is what appeals to me.
CollegeMe   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / 'I love teaching kids' Why are you apply to a particular school of study? Rice Supplement [8]

With the understanding that the choice of academic school you indicated is not binding, explain why you are applying to that particular school of study. (150 word limit) Why do these areas appeal to you?

I volunteer to teach Sunday school at my church because I love teaching kids, but when I moved to the nursery department, I did not expect to love caring for them even more. Each time a baby cries, it becomes my mission to find the source of his troubles and fix it, and I feel a sense of accomplishment when I do. The biochemistry and cell biology program in the Biosciences department of the Wiess School of Natural Sciences will provide me with the opportunity to expand my knowledge so that I can later solve the more serious problems children face. I am attracted by the BIOC 310 course because it will direct me to research opportunities and take the stress out of searching for them. I am also attracted to the quality of the research opportunities provided through the renowned Texas Medical Center Laboratories in addition to labs in the Biosciences department.
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