Letters / A motivation letter for European Commisson Traineeship programme. [3]

Welcome to the club, Adem! I am happy to see more members joining the EssayForum. Our mission is to give accurate and constructive feedbacks to all members of this forum. I hope that you can actively participate in this forum by helping the other members enhance their writing.

With regards to your problem about the limitation of the characters, you may consider the following input:
"I believe a traineeship at EC will give an insight into the future.." (Just say it directly if you sure about it, I got this from reading one of the EF contributors, thanks for the tips EF Kevin :D. Also, this will help you to reach the maximum characters limit).

That's all from me. Good luck with your application!

Student Talk / What's the biggest writing fail in your writing? [26]

Almost similar to other people, dealing with grammars, mother-tongue intervention, and of course, my mood, are several writing problems I am facing. Sometimes, the rules of punctuation make me confuse a little bit. Composing an essay with mixed structure and lots of sophisticated words is quite intricate as well, especially if you are asked to write under time limits.

But I think all of the above issues are not the obstacle for us to write. We made a mistake and we can learn something from it. This encourages me to get closer to the world of writing, for instance, joining the EssayForum.

Writing Feedback / Some people think that holding parties, wedding parties, birthday parties are waste of money [3]

Hi bestjery! The following are several takes on your essay.

1st paragraph
".., (please give a space after a comma or other punctuation marks)but others oppsiteare the oppositethis for itThey said that such a celebration may causes some unnecessary overconsuming."

"..even some celabrationscelebrations are neccesarynecessary ,but hosting parties without .."
"..could generatesnagativenegative .."
"..both for for both individuals and the societies .

2nd paragraph
"Those people who belivedbelieved .."
"..that more people and more funthe more the merrier .."
"..and encourgeencourage people.."
You may consider the re-phrase of the second paragraph as follows:
People who believed that parties are the best way to celebrate would cause unnecessary cost.They follow the view that the more the merrier. To illustrate, many people bring food and lots of beverage to the party may not eat up but throw it as trash.We certainly can celebrate those in an economical way.

3rd paragraph
"..or commitingcommitting.."
"..oppisiteopposite .."

4th paragraph
"..some nagativenegative influences.."
"..memtionmention.."

Actually, I like the way you present the ideas which are simple and to the point. Still, be careful with mispellings, the use of punctuations, and grammar. I suggest you do self-correction prior to posting the essay to the EF. This will help you gaining awareness about the aspects of writing and enhance your writing as well. Keep writing and stay positive! Regards :D

Writing Feedback / Should the media report ordinary people lives more than celebrities' lives? IELTS WRITING TASK 1 [2]

Hello, Eka. It's nice to read your essay. To enhance your writing better, you may consider my contributions as follows:

Your introductory part is quite interesting. I do enjoy read it and find the ideas of each sentence are smoothly transmitted. However, there are a few things you need to pay attention; for example:

"..that the lives of ordinary personspeople.."

For the second paragraph, I appreciate that you try your best to use transition signals/phrases to connect the ideas better. This is good to add more words to your essay as well. I suggest you to use the words appropriately because I found that you put the signals in every sentence in this paragraph. You can alter one or two sentences to make it appealing to the reader, for example:

"Undoubtedly, itThis ultimately has caused a n increase of information ...

And here's the rest of my notes:
"..to report benefitbeneficial/valuable information.."
"The reason is there is There are more important values inside of themin their stories ."

Best regards.

Writing Feedback / In the educational system of Japan, individual work has always had a higher value when learning [2]

Hello Yuya, welcome to the EssayForum. We aim to give constructive feedbacks to all people with their writing. I hope you will also be active in this forum by sharing your insights to the other members of EF. Now let's have a look on your essay.

I agree that you are good in writing. The strengths of your essay are the simplicity of all sentences you wrote. Although it is simple, however, the messages of your essay are understandable. In other words, readers will not find it difficult to understand your writing because of it is readable. In addition, the use of varied vocabularies and a good control in grammar makes this essay better as well.

My suggestion is to replace the word "So" in the sentence: "So individual work may go smoothly without any conflicts." with another transitional phrase such as "therefore". This is because you need to use formal and academic language in writing test. Hope this help and good luck with your practice. Regards.

Writing Feedback / Deforestation is the consequence of both population growth and unlimited logging. [4]

Hi, and welcome to the EssayForum (EF), Yen! We are here to help all members to enhance their writing. Without further ado, let's have a look on your essay.

Firstly, the above essay looks simple and readable. I like the way of how the ideas connected from one sentence to each other by using some transitional words. Be careful with using transitional words because improper and overly used the words impact to one's essay. To improve your writing further, you may consider the following notes:

- "...trees and plants are fellcut down in order to..."
- "ThatW ood industries like paper or furniture..." (It is inappropriate to start the sentence with word "That")

Hope this helps! Good luck with your practice!

Undergraduate / Being biracial is like fighting a war within yourself - COMMON APP ESSAY REVIEW [12]

Pritchett, I do really love your story. I agree that being biracial has some advantages and, you know, a little bit disadvantage. Some people in my area, who was born from parents with different races, often find it difficult to live with this status. For example, they have a problem to speak their parents' native languages. This is because their parents are seldom to use their native language in a daily conversation. The reasons are varied; they do not want to make their children confused due to the languages used. Well, that is only my story, now let's go back to your essay.

I think the essay would be great if you put some details why becoming biracial is important. You can share your experience relating to this before the last paragraph (because the last paragraph above is really a good wrap-up!). This will emphasize the reader that having such uniqueness can lead someone to be a better person.

Hope this help! I am looking forward to reading your essay. Kindly regards.

Undergraduate / I ruffled my hair in frustration - Common app essay on background, identity, interest, or talent [3]

Cindy, if this is your first draft, then I suggest you write some of the dialogues in a paragraph. Putting whole dialogues in writing an application can obstruct you to tell your story. There might be some details in the conversation, but you can put it in a form of explanation instead. This will give more chance for your essay to be a memorable one to those who read it. Also, you will have extra spaces to add something unique to improve your essay and make it as an insteresting story.

I think you have potential to develop your essay. It is an interesting story, you know, and it will be better if you modify some parts prior to submitting it. I am looking forward to reading your revision. Keep writing!