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Posts by silverystars
Joined: Aug 24, 2007
Last Post: May 30, 2011
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Posts: 105  

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silverystars   
Jan 26, 2009
Book Reports / Self-Fulfilling Prophecy in "The Blue Hotel" [19]

Hello,

I'm trying to prepare in advance for an essay about Stephen Crane's 1898 short story "The Blue Hotel". Here is a quick summary of the story.

Scully, owner of the [. . .] role in the tragedy.

I've only gotten so far in my essay and have realized that I need some help in terms of brainstorming, ideas, etc. Which is complicated, seeing that the subject is a short story that may require a reading or two to better understand its complexities. The full-text version of "The Blue Hotel" is available online here:

etext.virginia.edu/etcbin/toccer-new2?id=CraBlue.sgm&images= images/modeng&data=/texts/english/modeng/parsed&tag=public&p art=all

Anyway, this is what I have written so far:

The Growth and Change of the Swede in Stephen Crane's "The Blue Hotel"

In the epilogue of his short story The Blue Hotel, Stephen Crane poses an interesting moral conclusion. The Easterner, Mr. Blanc, believes that he, along with the cowboy, the hotel proprietor, Pat Scully, his son, Johnnie, and the gambler - the one directly to blame for the murder - each contributed to the Swede's death. Mr. Blanc even goes so far as to state that "every sin is the result of collaboration" (577). While it is true that the reactions from those around the Swede guide him toward his death, it's clear that the Swede is the most accountable of all the contributors. The Swede's perception of his environment, even as it changes and evolves, steers him almost irredeemably toward his demise. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, the prediction of being killed causes the events leading up to his death. The Swede's vulnerability, his decision to drink and his resulting sense of false superiority are what ultimately make his death inevitable.

The belief that something bad would happen causes the Swede to act in a strange manner, attracting unwanted attention from the other men at the hotel. He is first noticed by the other men in the hotel when he laughs "childish[ly]" (562) at an old farmer who walks away "with fabulous dignity" from a quarrel with Johnnie over a card game. His curious laughter comes not from anything genuinely humorous, but rather from his own nervousness and fear. Later, the Swede's assertion that many people must have been killed in the hotel compels Johnnie to confront him. Feeling threatened, the Swede attempts to exalts himself: "Oh, maybe you think I have been to nowheres. Maybe you think I'm a tenderfoot?" (563). These rhetorical questions underscore his own amateurishness, and result only in bafflement from the other men. Feeling "formidably menaced" (563), and afraid to withstand confrontation, the Swede becomes dramatic and tries to withdraw, stating, "I will leave this house. I will go 'way because . . . because I do not want to be killed" (564). Rather than resolve the matter, the Swede's instinctive reaction is to flee the scene out of fear. His perceived susceptibility to injury in the hotel, however, is merely the first major step on a path toward his terrible fate.

The Swede eventually has a change in his attitude that is brought to pass by consumption of alcohol. As he is readying to leave the hotel, Pat Scully attempts to calm him down and keep him from leaving by plying him with the contents of a "large yellow-brown whiskey-bottle" (566), which has been kept hidden by Scully. The Swede at first refuses to drink, believing that it is kept hidden because it is poisoned. Once he is convinced that the whiskey is not poisoned and decides to drink, the transition of the Swede's perception is made apparent. As the Swede drinks Scully's whiskey, he keeps "his glance burning with hatred upon the old man's face" (566). Not only is he no longer afraid, the Swede now wishes to make others fearful. The Swede's return downstairs is marked by this newfound aggression as "he talk arrogantly, profanely, angrily" (567) to the other men. He becomes so bold that he accuses Johnnie of cheating in a game of cards, while holding "a huge fist in front of Johnnie's face" (569). Unlike the old farmer, the Swede brings himself ever closer to his own death because he, being under the influence of the whiskey, cannot bring himself to walk away from the game.

The Swede's revised belief that nothing bad could possibly happen causes him to act in a reckless and ultimately self-destructive manner. After defeating Johnnie in a fist fight over the card game, he ridicules the men by "giving one derisive glance backward at the still group" (573), as he leaves the hotel. He then enters a saloon, which, unlike the hotel, is an environment most suitable for acknowledging how vulnerable he truly is. Rather, the Swede feels confident in the thought that he is among men like himself, as he "smil[es] fraternally upon the barkeeper" (574). However, he is met by indifference when bragging to the barkeeper and the four men at a nearby table about having beaten up Johnnie. The four men, among whom is a professional gambler, distance themselves but secretly take notice of the Swede. Such reaction works upon his swelled ego, and causes him to "snarl" and "explode" (576) when the men refuse to drink with him. The Swede, now unafraid and confident in his ability to handle confrontation after his experience at the hotel with Johnnie, tries to attack the gambler. When the gambler stabs him, the Swede's ego and entire existence is mortally deflated. The Swede's resulting "cry of supreme astonishment" (576) highlights his failure to understand what he was bringing upon himself. The thought of being killed did not cross his mind until it was too late. The legend on the cash-machine, "This registers the amount of your purchase" (576), further emphasizes the Swede's purchase of his own doom, and the reality of the situation registers in his mind only as he is dying.

With attention being drawn to the smallest of details, the events unfold in a way that hints at what is to come, but the Swede is thoroughly unaware. The light blue color of the Palace Hotel makes it stand out like "the legs of a kind of heron" (561), a harmless bird, while the red light outside the saloon is "indomitable" (574), or impossible to defeat, and turns the falling snow the color of blood. However, these indicative colors have no influence upon the Swede's actions; the man in the game is blind to what the men looking on clearly see. The Swede fails to realize what he causes to happen as he veers from baseless fear to baseless fearlessness. By believing that something bad would happen, the Swede elicits reactions from the other men that play upon his fears. By choosing to drink, the Swede is affected to the point of beating up Johnnie in a fight over a card game. By believing that nothing bad would happen, he risks his life and loses it in a fight with a gambler. Epiphany comes too late for the Swede. He dies because his limited perception of events cause him to fear for his life in a safe place and to be careless with it in a dangerous place.

WORK CITED

Crane, Stephen. "The Blue Hotel." Literature: An Introduction to Reading and Writing. Edgar V. Roberts; Henry E. Jacobs. Upper Saddle River: Pearson Prentice Hall, 2007.

Thanks in advance!
silverystars   
Feb 10, 2009
Book Reports / Self-Fulfilling Prophecy in "The Blue Hotel" [19]

I began free-writing and came up with this as an outline, albeit a rambling outline. Once again I've reached a mental impasse, and am in need of another point of view!
silverystars   
Feb 11, 2009
Book Reports / Self-Fulfilling Prophecy in "The Blue Hotel" [19]

In the story Crane spelled whiskey without an "e". Would this call for maintaining the same spelling, or placing a [sic] after it?

Thanks for your help!
silverystars   
Feb 14, 2009
Book Reports / Self-Fulfilling Prophecy in "The Blue Hotel" [19]

Also, how might you suggest that I can better tie the details from the story back to your thesis directly, without becoming redundant?
silverystars   
Feb 15, 2009
Book Reports / Self-Fulfilling Prophecy in "The Blue Hotel" [19]

Thanks for your help, Kevin! No, no copying. I just hope that my teacher understands that I have sweet bracketing skills. I went to work with what you suggested and came up with this. It is 1,123 words.
silverystars   
Feb 18, 2009
Book Reports / Self-Fulfilling Prophecy in "The Blue Hotel" [19]

I thought I would go ahead and post some of the criticism I've received so far on this.

1. Some parts are a little confusing. You use "the Swede" too much; you should use mostly pronouns to refer to him.

I want to be sure that it is clear who I am talking about, but I don't want to hit people over the head with it, either. What is a good rule of thumb regarding this?

2. You need to include more personal input so that the idea seems more like yours.

It seems hard to strike this kind of balance in this type of essay.

3. Why are you retelling the story? Make your points more overt.

This one seems most critical of all, I feel. I'm not sure of the best way to go about making my "points more overt". Any suggestions?

Thanks again for your assistance!
silverystars   
Feb 22, 2009
Book Reports / Self-Fulfilling Prophecy in "The Blue Hotel" [19]

I finally decided to edit the essay based on the above criticisms I received. I have decided that this will be the final version!
silverystars   
Mar 1, 2009
Undergraduate / 'unexplainable bond' - Burnett Honor College Essay for Entrance [4]

This is good. The only thing I suggest involves personalizing your points. For example, the introduction to the second paragraph: "There is love in truth and truth is in love." It's a good sentiment. But at the same time that you attempt to make your experience universal, you distance yourself from the assigned prompt. I should note, though, that the introduction to the fourth paragraph ("Plain is boring...") draws the reader in and works very well at making your essay personal, which, in the long run, makes it more universal. Since your essay is about you, your relationship with your mother, and your future, less generalization will help to give your essay more impact. I hope this helps!
silverystars   
Apr 3, 2009
Writing Feedback / Pan's Labyrinth vs. The Fountain essay [4]

I agree with the Eliot quote. Tennessee Williams said it best: "I give you truth in the pleasant disguise of illusion."
silverystars   
Apr 3, 2009
Writing Feedback / Something That Changed Me - Becoming a Bully [13]

It's funny how we write in an informal manner in order to seem "normal," for lack of a better word. When I write letters that are articulate and receive blurted, misspelled replies, I feel like I've just worn a tuxedo at a nude beach.
silverystars   
Apr 3, 2009
Book Reports / The Crashing Symbols of The Glass Menagerie and My Little Town [27]

This is what I have written so far, off the top of my head. I'm just not sure if I'm on the right track. It has to be 2,000 words, and I've barely half that! Thanks in advance!

The Crashing Symbols of "The Glass Menagerie" and "My Little Town"

At the beginning of Tennessee Williams' "The Glass Menagerie," Tom Wingfield makes it clear in his narration that the story about to be seen is true, though certainly not in a purely realistic sense. What the audience is about to see is most true to Tom himself, for it is a heartfelt, if artfully composed, recollection of a pivotal time in his life. Through remembrance and imagination, he concocts a moving monument that allows him to deal with his past in a highly creative manner, to turn psychological discord into something harmonious. As Tom states about his method of delivery in his opening soliloquy, "I give you truth in the pleasant disguise of illusion" (1729), a description which can easily apply to either a stage play or a four-minute hit single. Like a songwriter, the playwright expounds his past in a powerful, lyrical piece. If ever there was a pop song equivalent of "The Glass Menagerie," it is "My Little Town," a song composed by Paul Simon and released in 1975 by Simon and Garfunkel. Through interpretation and analysis, the story of "My Little Town" can be seen as being strikingly similar to that of "The Glass Menagerie." The characters of the play can be seen in the song's lyrics in both a literal and symbolic sense. Both the song and play share the same basic theme: no matter how far someone goes, it is impossible to truly escape his or her past.

Tennessee Williams and Paul Simon both share similarities not only in writing style but also in biography. Williams "is considered one of the best playwrights" of the post-WWII era, and "wrote powerful and involved dramas that mainly deal sensitively with emotionally damaged people trying to survive in a hostile environment" (Asiado), an apt description of "The Glass Menagerie." In a similar manner, Simon is generally regarded as "one of the most accomplished and sophisticated songwriters, able to condense, in a few verses, simple but universal emotions," creating songs that are "delicate urban introspection . . . humble but profound vignettes of daily life . . . [with] an intense sense of compassion for the personal and public tragedies of humanity" (Scaruffi). To summarize their respective styles, each writer places emotionally injured characters in a sympathetic light.

On a lighter note, coincidentally, at one time in their lives, both Williams and Simon worked in the shoe industry. Tennessee's father, Cornelius, who was a traveling shoe salesman, forced him to withdraw from college and work as a clerk at the International Shoe Company in St. Louis, Missouri. In an interview with Katherine Lanpher on the Barnes & Noble interview series "One on One," Simon described his first job: "I worked at Kitty Kelly Shoes, which was at 34th Street then [near Broadway in New York City.] It's gone now, and not lamented. I was fifteen, and I was a stock clerk. My job was to go get the shoes that the salespeople requested. My nickname was Lightning. In my mind, I was not really planning on having a career in the shoe business" (Lanpher). It is fitting that, in Williams' play, Tom, like Williams and Simon in their youths, is an aspiring poet who works at a shoe warehouse, frustrated by the routine of his job: "Whenever I pick up a shoe, I shudder a little thinking how short life is and what I am doing! Whatever that means, I know it doesn' t mean shoes-except as something to wear on a traveler's feet!" (1756). The same longing for escape, along with its consequences, is also the major theme of Simon's song "My Little Town."

In the song, the character of Tom's father, Mr. Wingfield, can be interpreted in a symbolic sense as having a Godlike influence on Tom. The first half of the first verse can be seen simply as a description by the singer of growing up believing in God and reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, showing that religion and patriotism are a strong influence in his hometown: "In my little town/I grew up believing/God keeps His eye on us all/And He used to lean upon me/As I pledged allegiance to the wall/Lord I recall/My little town" (Simon). When contrasted with the play, however, it can be seen as having another dimension. In the play, Mr. Wingfield has abandoned the family and, therefore, is never seen, save for a large photo of him that hangs in the Wingfields' living room. The only contact established by him to his family is a brusquely written postcard from Mexico. In the song, God "lean upon" the singer while pledging "allegiance to the wall," which, when coupled with the line, "Lord, I recall," paints a picture of a man holding his hand over a heavy heart, mourning the loss of his past. In the play, Tom's father is still with him in memory, though it is purely in the spirit of abandonment: "I'm like my father. The bastard son of a bastard! Did you notice how he's grinning in his picture in there?" (1756). Mr. Wingfield exerts an almost omnipresent power over Tom, which is emphasized by the photo kept on display. This analogy is further coalesced by Laura's likening of their mother Amanda's disappointed face to that of a "picture of Jesus' mother" (1735), a reference to Mary, who is described in Christianity as a virgin who conceived Jesus by means of the spirit of God. At the beginning of Scene Four, as a church bell rings, a drunken Tom "shakes a little noisemaker . . . as to express the tiny spasm of man in contrast to the sustained power . . . of the Almighty" (1739). This, combined with like symbols, show both how insignificant Tom feels in his small-town existence and how worshiping he is of his father's lasting example of self-empowerment through escape.

The song can also be interpreted as describing the character of Tom's mother, Amanda Wingfield, who is portrayed in an unsophisticated manner that belies her genteel upbringing. In the second half of the first verse of "My Little Town," the protagonist reveals more of what is on his mind with arduous images of factories and doing laundry, which show that a strong work ethic is deeply embedded in his memories, though in a bitter tone: "Coming home after school/Flying my bike past the gates/Of the factories/My mom doing the laundry/Hanging our shirts/In the dirty breeze" (Simon). Amanda is a faded Southern Belle, as she was raised aristocratically in her oft-reminisced Blue Mountain. However, once she married Mr. Wingfield and was subsequently abandoned, she was forced into single-motherhood and her life was drastically changed. This reversal of fortune, which finds Amanda and her family living in a tenement in Depression era-St. Louis, can be visualized through the song as the protagonist's mother does the tedious work of a servant, washing and drying the family clothes.

Tom's memory of Amanda can also be seen as being accompanied by contemptuousness, as the shirts are hung "in the dirty breeze," most likely caused by the churning of factory smokestacks. The image of traveling through the city can be symbolic of Tom longing to take flight from Amanda and her dominance over his actions: "More and more you remind me of your father! He was out all hours without explanation!-Then left! Goodbye! And me with the bag to hold (1744) . . . What right have you got to . . . jeopardize the security of us all?" (1738). Amanda's reprehensible nagging is not so much out of a desire to control Tom, but rather to keep him from becoming like the negligent Mr. Wingfield. But it is to no avail, as her concern for him is executed without sophistication and, therefore, is poorly received by Tom, as if it were nothing more than mechanized smog. In other words, Amanda's good intentions are what pave the road for Tom's escape.

The characters of Tom's painfully shy sister, Laura Wingfield, and Jim O'Connor, Tom's goal-oriented co-worker at the shoe warehouse and Laura's secret high-school crush, can be interpreted in the second verse of the song as being represented by conflicting symbols of escape into fantasy and the contrary threat posed to it by reality: "And after it rains/There's a rainbow/And all of the colors are black/It's not that the colors aren't there/It's just imagination they lack/Everything's the same/Back in my little town" (Simon). Laura attempts to be a calming force amid the dysfunctional dynamic between Tom and Amanda. Therefore, she can be seen as a the proverbial rainbow after the rain of the family's stormy domestic life. At the same time, Laura is also the owner of the titular menagerie-a collection of tiny glass animal figurines that, if seen in the right light, become prisms displaying "delicate colors, like bits of a shattered rainbow" (1773). The same characterization can be applied to Laura. She tends to withdraw into shyness and speak very few words when faced with pressures from the outside world. In the right situation, though, she can display a bright and colorful side of herself, as seen when she shows off her collection: "Little articles of it, they're ornaments mostly! Most of them are little animals made out of glass, the tiniest little animals in the world . . . Here's an example of one, if you'd like to see it!" (1766). Such is how she is able to be sociable with Jim in a chance reunion in the Wingfield apartment.

Jim stands in stark, logical contrast to Laura's fantasizing nature. He is referred to as "being an emissary from a world of reality that we were somehow set apart from" (1730) by Tom in his opening soliloquy to the audience. Jim is the embodiment of the world and the "imagination they lack," in terms of being ignorant of the true suffering of others, coupled with misguided attempts to relieve it. During their encounter, Jim states outright regarding one of the figurines, "I'd better not take it. I'm pretty clumsy with things" (1766). When he does accidentally break the horn off of Laura's glass unicorn, it is an act that is indicative of his unthinking nature and a foreshadowing of how he accidentally breaks her heart. For even when they kiss, it is merely an effort on Jim's part to "build [her] confidence up and make [her] proud instead of shy and turning away" (1769). After their kiss, Jim tells Laura that he is engaged to someone else. Like the imaginary unicorn that, once its horn is broken, is reduced to a horse, Laura's heart is broken by Jim, causing her dreams of love, when confronted by the reality of the situation, to be reduced to nothing. As reflected in the song, because of Jim's insensitivity, Laura's unique, rainbow-like qualities are turned black as she is locked in a cell of loneliness from which there is no escape. This crippling event is the turning point in Tom's desire to break away from the responsibilities that have been thrust upon him.

The final verse and chorus of the song can be construed as very much like Tom's relationship with Amanda, which parallels that of Laura and Jim, in that her severity toward the excitement-seeking Tom causes him to finally walk out, though doing so means upsetting the lives of his mother and sister: "In my little town/I never meant nothin'/I was just my father's son/Saving my money/Dreaming of glory/Twitching like a finger/On the trigger of a gun/Leaving nothing but the dead and dying/Back in my little town" (Simon). The seemingly sentimental images of the song are now rendered empty and meaningless, as the protagonist wants nothing more than to escape the drudgery of his little town, no matter the cost. The image of saving his money can be seen as a good thing, but, in Tom's situation, it is done in a way that hurts his family. Instead of paying their light bill, he purchases a membership with the Union of Merchant Seamen, which serves as an outlet for his pursuit of dreams of glory. Tom, being the pleasure-centered person he is, is fed up: he has become both frustrated with being harassed by Amanda's constant criticism and bored with the limited level of fun he can have. The picture produced by the analogy of the protagonist "twitching like a finger" pulling "the trigger of a gun" strikes with impact. It implies that his exit is akin to committing a crime that leaves "nothing but the dead and dying," a line that repeats over and over again as the song ends. In Tom's situation, the dead and dying can be seen as Amanda and Laura, with no one to support them. The haunting memories and persistent guilt of his decision to leave them confirms that, even though he is far from his little town, he is nothing but a fugitive, one who will never outrun his past.

Placing "The Glass Menagerie" and "My Little Town" in a side-by-side analysis serves to emphasize the creative aspect, as both the song and the play are ambiguous and open to the audience to decide the effects and the effectiveness of Tom's actions. At the end of the play, Tom Wingfield makes it clear that he could never really escape his past, for it continued to haunt him over and over again, even through the power of song: "It always came upon me unawares . . . Perhaps it was a familiar piece of music. Perhaps it was only a piece of transparent glass. . ." (1773). Therefore, the only true escape was for him to confront it as best he could: by handling it in some form of artistic expression, "truth in the pleasant disguise of illusion" (1729). Both song and play capture the same themes. The song, like the play, like Tom's depiction of Mr. Wingfield, shows both the emptiness and presence left by a missing family member. The song, like Tom's depiction of Amanda, uses urban images fraught with feelings of escape and contempt. The song, like the play, conveys Laura's dreamy and potentially colorful nature and the shattering of it by Jim's logical manner and lack of thoughtfulness. Ultimately, both play and song feature an almost violent desire to escape the confinement of family and small-town life. Even without interpretation and analysis of these details, it is clear that both are well-crafted, emotionally resonant works with much in the way of artistic value. Their very existence show that, while true escape from one's own past is impossible, one can turn those same regretful memories and experiences into powerful art that can be inspiring to others.

Works Cited

Williams, Tennessee. "The Glass Menagerie." Literature: An Introduction to Reading and Writing. Edgar V. Roberts; Henry E. Jacobs. Upper Saddle River: Pearson Prentice Hall, 2007. 1727-73.

Simon, Paul. "My Little Town | Paul Simon." Paul Simon.

Asiado, Tel. "Tennessee Williams Biography: American Playwright, Novelist, Poet, famous for The Glass Menagerie." Great Writers @ Suite101.

Scaruffi, Piero. "The History of Rock Music. Paul Simon: biography, discography, reviews, links." Piero Scaruffi's knowledge base.

Lanpher, Katherine. "Paul Simon | Book Videos, Interviews & Podcasts from B&N Studio." Book Videos, Interviews & Podcasts from B&N Studio.
silverystars   
Apr 8, 2009
Writing Feedback / Something That Changed Me - Becoming a Bully [13]

Your comments tend to be brief and unhelpful, but I have to give you some credit for this one -- good job.

The reason for that is because I needed to post a thread, which required me to arbitrarily reply to six other threads. I'm sure you would be much more consistent than I under that kind of circumstance!
silverystars   
Apr 8, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay: movies - serious or amusing? [11]

Hello,

First, I want to say that you have a grip on your subject. What needs work is the way it is presented. First, I would revise it so that it sounds natural to you. One method I've found that makes this easy is to write as if you are speaking. In other words, if someone came up to you and asked you, "Which type of movie do you prefer, serious or funny?" Your instinctual response to them would sound inherently fresh and clear. Likewise, the same approach applied to your essay will give it the same freshness and clarity.

Here is a quick rewrite of the first paragraph:

There is an argument that has persisted since the time of movies began: which do you prefer, serious movies or entertaining movies? Some people say they prefer to watch serious movies because they assume that those contain the most meaning in terms of philosophy and understanding the meaning of life. However, others think that entertaining movies are better because they are a source of enjoyment and an outlet for releasing the pressure of their daily lives. Though entertaining movies have some advantages, I'm convinced we can get more benefits from the serious movies.

Again, imagine that you are talking about the subject, and your writing will follow. Good luck!
silverystars   
Apr 9, 2009
Writing Feedback / Something That Changed Me - Becoming a Bully [13]

A variation of a well known golden rule.

I do respect that, and think it is a great thing to have...to a certain degree. In addition to the golden rule, however, I also appreciate a little something called the "honor system," something that is sadly frowned upon by many because it leaves a crack in the door for bad behavior. To that I say this: when one is forced to be helpful to others, it can actually work against what is trying to be promoted. If I knew they were asking because they were forced, as only a way to be able to ask a pressing question, then I wouldn't fault them for that! Perhaps we could lessen the required number of replies from six to something more manageable, like one or two, perhaps? Again, I agree that everyone should participate and help one another as they would want to be helped!
silverystars   
Apr 9, 2009
Book Reports / The Crashing Symbols of The Glass Menagerie and My Little Town [27]

Thanks for your feedback. My teacher wondered if there was anything already written to support a connection between Williams and Simon. Not that I know of, but I would love it if someone could post a link if there is something like that in existence: it would make writing this essay a lot easier!

Here is where I am at so far. Again, this is an incomplete work-in-progress:

The Crashing Symbols of "The Glass Menagerie" and "My Little Town"
...
silverystars   
Apr 9, 2009
Writing Feedback / 'Schools are nestles of education' - Essay on Violence in schools. [13]

I mean, students mustn't know what is hurting others ... Not that teachers hide it from them but as an instinct. I tried to use ignorance in this way.. Not possible?

Thank you...

Perhaps instead of ignorance, you mean innocence? In other words, instead of students being uneducated or lacking knowledge, they should pursue good ethics or moral values, which might imply lacking knowledge of evil, to a degree? When I am unsure of a word that I need to describe something, I will try to think of a simple word that is close to what I need and use a thesaurus to branch out into other words. It could help you in this case because ignorance is probably not what you're talking about. I hope this helps.

silverystars
silverystars   
Apr 9, 2009
Writing Feedback / Apprenticeship Program Aplication [5]

When Toy Story and Jurassic Park first came out, I knew in my heart that I needed to create computer-animated productions like that.

I love and challenge and am willing to work as hard as necessary to establish my career as an animator.

I thrive on diversity and; since your company creates animation for games, TV, commercials, and video games, I know that I could learn a lot at your company and beabout what all is involved in multimedia.

These are just a few examples. What I tend to do is write and create, then take a break, however long that might be. When I come back to it, I will see with "new eyes," meaning that I tend to notice tiny mistakes that I overlooked before --- because I couldn't see them right in front of my face! Hopefully, this approach will help you in your editing, as you have a great basis for an application. You have put a lot of yourself into it, which is great.

Hope this helps!

silverystars
silverystars   
Apr 10, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay: movies - serious or amusing? [11]

Compare Blackadder to Mr. Bean. I've never met anyone who likes both, even though they feature the same actor. The first is the epitome of the British approach (at least after the first season), whereas the second is wholly American.

Mr. Bean, while it does have more of an appeal to American audiences than Blackadder, is certainly not "wholly American"! Sad to say, I would lend that distinction to much crasser films. For me, it's hard to imagine any other character with such international comedic appeal. Rowan Atkinson says this about this about his character:

Mr. Bean is essentially a child trapped in the body of a man. All cultures identify with children in a similar way, so he has this bizarre global outreach. And 10-year-old boys from different cultures have more in common than 30-year-olds. As we grow up, we acquire this sensibility that divides us.

In my opinion, I wouldn't lump Mr. Bean with all the American Pies of the U.S. film industry because it is witty in the sense of its use of mime artistry, sort of akin to the stars of the silent film era.

My two cents!
silverystars   
Apr 10, 2009
Essays / Creating an introduction and thesis - genetic engineering hazards essay [9]

Hello Riana,

When I get stumped about how to organize an essay, I say to myself: "What is the point I want to make? What am I saying?" Once I settle on that, I write and create the main body. In the first part of your main body is where you probably want to put a description of genetic engineering. What you should write in your introduction boils down to a similar thought on your main body: "What is the point I am about to make? What am I about to say?" Then you write your introduction with, for example, a quote, a statistic, a thought --- anything that will draw the reader's attention. So here is the order I would use: 1. Say what you're going to say. 2. Say it. 3. Say what you've just said. If you focus your attention on step 2, 1 and 3 will follow easier than if you wrote it all as a linear piece.

Hope this helps!

silverystars
silverystars   
Apr 10, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay: movies - serious or amusing? [11]

I don't know what Mr. bean is

Mr. Bean and Blackadder are played by the same actor, Rowan Atkinson. Below is a video of Atkinson as Mr. Bean doing some laundry. You might find this surprisingly funny!

youtube.com/watch?v=rw2rZ2HZ_x8
silverystars   
Apr 10, 2009
Book Reports / The Crashing Symbols of The Glass Menagerie and My Little Town [27]

Thanks for responding. I wrote, at the last minute, a poetry exposition (pasted below) on the song after I began working on the essay itself. I was thinking of focusing on the idea of "the impossibility of true escape," since they both have that in common, but is that really unique?

Again, thanks for all of your help!
silverystars   
Apr 10, 2009
Writing Feedback / Something That Changed Me - Becoming a Bully [13]

Is it six? I thought it was only two per thread? If it is six, I concede your point -- a student who needs feedback within a few hours isn't going to take the time to make six thoughtful comments (though it would be nice if he did) before getting his draft available for viewing. Even a student in a rush should be able to manage two relatively constructive posts, though.

Yes, six! (Picture me with an amiable yet incredulous expression.) At least, that was my experience. I'm all for encouraging or even coaxing people out of their shells to help others! But the energy and thought put into one or two responses is much more effective than the same energy and thought spread thin across six.

Now that you made me think of the fact that people do not necessarily like to have help that the helper is "forced" to give, it gives me an even deeper understanding.

How cool. Think about it: it's the golden rule all over again...
silverystars   
Apr 11, 2009
Writing Feedback / Holocaust Essay (genocide subject) [5]

Hello,

In my experience, the hardest part of an essay is the main body. Once that section takes shape, the introduction and conclusion can be written almost by osmosis.

Animosity, disgust, and unadulterated, genuine barbarism: these are the primary components of the psychopathic foundation on which the Holocaust and its' perpetrators werewas based on.

I would detail in your introduction even more specifically what the Holocaust was in terms of who, what, where, why and how. If you have a specific aspect of the Holocaust that you want to focus your essay on, use your introduction to hone in on that.

Hope this helps!
silverystars   
Apr 12, 2009
Scholarship / Scholarship Essay - Effect of Presidential Election [4]

Hi,

A good place to start is to answer the question: how has the presidential election affected you? Until then, here is something that might inspire you in finding your voice. Bob Dylan recently made a comment about how televised presidential debates, which began with Nixon and Kennedy in 1960, changed the way voters voted:

"Imagine if 'American Idol' was on the radio instead of on TV. We'd have a very different set of winners."

In other words, image can be everything. You can use that quote or thought, or any of thousands that exist, to analyze what effect it has on you. That can serve as a springboard for your essay. I hope this helps!
silverystars   
Apr 12, 2009
Poetry / "Parting Gift" poem [9]

So long
All the world has come and gone
And the rain is speaking spells
On the roof above the born
Trying on what never ever fits
And she sits all overthrown
Well defined by someone else
And the words are all too kind
So precise and quantified
Killing time to keep her occupied
Inside with all the tired toys
In the machinated comfort zone
The window opens silently
And the world inside is gone
So long
silverystars   
Apr 13, 2009
Poetry / "Parting Gift" poem [9]

Thanks for the feedback! Perhaps it should be "borne "?

I was inspired to write this because of my writing about Paul Simon. So there you go.

It was intended to be about a person who has grown up pampered, encouraged and indulged by everyone around her (for "so long,") which results in feelings of hatred and discontent toward everyone and everything around her. The window could be interpreted either as a hopeful or morbid symbol of escape ("So long.")

I prefer hopeful!
silverystars   
Apr 14, 2009
Book Reports / The Crashing Symbols of The Glass Menagerie and My Little Town [27]

Thanks. I also found this abridged passage in a book that is a favorite of mine, "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People":

The pleasure-centered person, too soon bored with each succeeding level of "fun," constantly cries for more and more. ...[REMOVED]...Where is the security, the guidance, the wisdom, and the power? At the low end of the continuum, in the pleasure of a fleeting moment.

Perhaps I could apply it to this essay in some way? My rough draft is due today, so I'm frantic for a fit of inspiration.
silverystars   
Apr 14, 2009
Poetry / "Parting Gift" poem [9]

Honestly, I simply liked the sounds. I wanted to vaguely contrast "organic" structures or systems ("world," "rain," "roof," "born," and "window" ) and "robotic" feelings and emotions (her sense of defeat comes from being "well defined," words toward her are "precise and quantified," she exists with "machinated comfort.")

In other words, I have no idea what it is about, or what the point is. What I like is that you have actually found a point in it!

If I were to edit it to make clear how I would read it, I would do so this way:

So long---
All the world has come and gone!
The rain is speaking spells
On the roof above the borne.
Trying on what never ever fits,
She sits all overthrown,
Well defined by someone else.
The words are all too kind,
So precise and quantified,
Killing time to keep her occupied
Inside with all the tired toys
In the machinated comfort zone.
The window opens silently---
And the world inside is gone!
---So long
silverystars   
Apr 14, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay - Parents are the best teachers (Devotion and penetration) [8]

I love the idea that you are presenting. Sometimes, teachers don't have enough of an individual interest nor as strong a personal connection to the success of a child as does the parent.

One thing I noticed was the use of the word "penetration." I assume you mean how a teacher has the power to plant seeds of thought into the mind and heart of a student...? If so, I would reword it to reflect that thought. Perhaps "influence," "effectiveness," "having a strong impact," etc.

"What are the most important factors of a good teacher? Different people will have different responses depending on their own characteristics or educational backgrounds. I strongly believe that the most important factors are [something other than "penetration" ] and outstanding devotion to the learner . For these reasons, I assert that our parents are the best teachers."

I suggest including more of your own experience with specific anecdotes or situations. That way, you will have more of a stake in what your story is. :)

Hope this helps!
silverystars   
Apr 14, 2009
Book Reports / The Crashing Symbols of The Glass Menagerie and My Little Town [27]

Thanks for all the feedback! Yes, I do need to make the distinction that it is only an interpretation, and that any similarities boil down to my point of view.

Here is another coat of paint...:)

Thanks so much for all of your help, Kevin and Sean!

The Crashing Symbols of "The Glass Menagerie" and "My Little Town"
...
silverystars   
Apr 16, 2009
Essays / "Ambition" essay - how to start it? [14]

Hello,

Welcome! Something that always helps me in starting on any topic is to read what other people have to say about it. I'll always find things to agree or disagree with, but that is the thing: it helps you to think and analyze, actions which are at the very foundation of a good essay! Here are some quotes:

"Ambition is a dream with a V8 engine." - Elvis Presley

"Ambitious people climb, but faithful people build." - Julia Ward Howe

"It takes people a long time to learn the difference between talent and genius, especially ambitious young men and women." - Louisa May Alcott

"Ambition has one heel nailed in well, though she stretch her fingers to touch the heavens." - Lao Tzu

Perhaps at least one of these quotes will help to kick-start your critical thinking!

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