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Posts by Lansium
Name: KJ LI
Joined: Jun 10, 2016
Last Post: Aug 24, 2016
Threads: 4
Posts: 9  
Likes: 2
From: China

Displayed posts: 13
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Lansium   
Aug 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Hi-Tech epoch; Life today is better than it was when your grandparents were children [2]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Any feedback to the content, grammar, vocabulary about my writhing will be taken into careful consideration. I will really appriciate all your help. Below is my thread on the topic.

Nowadays we are living in the epoch of high technology, relatively high developed society. Compared with the time of around seventy years ago in which my grandparents led life of scarcely sufficed food, you will find how happy our life is today. Therefore, my opinion to the statement is apparently positive.

My grandparents lived in a time of war when they were children. Seventy years ago, it was 1940s during which world war two was lasting and had great impact on common people's life. My grandparents endured in poor living conditions of without enough food, no a complete hygiene system and even the dearth of education. According to the conditions mentioned above can we imagine how hard the life my grandparents led in that age. They suffered from hunger every day. They could scarcely have a meal with meat so that they grew much shorter and thinner than people today. Without a complete hygiene system, they were threatened from diseases even though they just had a light fever. What's more, they might regret not taking compulsory education which would give them wider horizon as it caused them to miss a lot of chances to improve themselves. Briefly, the conditions of my grandparents' life in childhood were scarcely satisfied.

However, the tough age has already gone as people of several generations continue striving to build our country to a better place and people today do their best to avoid taking place of wars even though there are conflicts between one and another country worldwide. In this peaceful age, we no longer worry about lack of food and lack of clothes owning to the high productivity in most factories today. We can enjoy the convenience derives from high technology such as surfing on the internet whenever and wherever you are as well as traveling to a distant place in a short time. Also good education allows us to chase our dreams so as to be what we want to be.

Consequently, we can conclude that we live a much better life today than it was when my grandparents were in childhood. The average level of our life will elevate consecutively and our society will head further with people do their endeavor to build our world.
Lansium   
Aug 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ted talk 7 the way we think about work broken. [5]

Hi Nur,

I read the first paragraph of your writing and I make some revises as below. The last sentence may not be properly expressed, therefor I amend it to a new sentence according to my understanding to the original one. Hope this help.

This essay is a summary of a video posted byon Tedtalk.com and the ...
Barry gives a question forto the audience "why do we work".
..., we work because of challenging, engaging, and meaningfulof life . But according to what Barry says, the answer oftowhy do we workthe question is technology. It isdoes not only mean technology of something, but the idea of technology. Sciences find the idea or a way, and the social science find the way to understand ourselves.The mission of science is to find the truth of nature and what the scientists that research in social science aim at is to establish a system of knowledge to help understand ourselves further.
Lansium   
Aug 22, 2016
Scholarship / Chavening essay regarding to leadership and networking skills. [2]

Hi Jordan,

As for my comprehension to the charactors that a good leader should own, the foremost is the abilities to put together the staff that follows you and to maximize the working efficiency of them, just like Steve Jobs.

It seems better to start with the abilities above and relate how you have met them.

Hope you can get help from this piece of advice.
Lansium   
Aug 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing----should TV advertising directed towards young children be allowed? [2]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Any feedback to the content, grammar, vocabulary about my writhing will be taken into careful consideration. I will really appriciate all your help. Below is my thread on the topic.

There is a common debate over whether television advertising directed towards young children should be allowed. The speaker put forward a firm statement that that no advertising directed towards young children of age ranging from tow to five. I uphold the speaker with the same opinion according to the following argument.

It has been widely acknowledged that advertising has been a quiet effective method to promote the amounts of sale of products since last century televisions went into every house worldwide. A various assortments of companies ventured on the advertising for more profit and higher reputation of their products regardless how much it cost. Most of them achieved their objectives as they did advertise. But it seems that advertising directed towards young children has little effect on the promotion of sale of products targeted at young children, and it is of betterment that no that kind of advertising.

One reason for the statement is that children at low age barely have sufficient comprehension towards objects, let alone television advertising. Few of them can understand what is talking about in the advertising. Thus, they would get little from the advertising and companies that intend to advertise to young children may get into the situation of no return from the advertising. Briefly, this suggests that television advertising directed towards young children should not be allowed due to low effectiveness in promoting sale of products.

In addition, advertising may mislead young children since they possess little knowledge so that they cannot figure out what is right to follow and what is wrong. In general, as an advertising usually contain imaginary information, young children may take improper action because they don't have complete intelligence. This is the foremost should be taken into consideration. Therefore, television advertising ditected towards young children should not be allowed concerning their incomplete intelligence.

Consequently, we can safely conclude that there should be no television advertising directed towards young children. We can save more resource and give a better environment for growing up to children as so we quit advertising to young children.
Lansium   
Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / It's debated whether an individual should always tell the truth at any time [4]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Always telling the truth is the most necessary in any relationship between people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Any feedback to the content, grammar, vocaburary about my thread will be taken into careful consideration. I will really appriciate all your help. Below is my thread on the topic.

It is vastly debated whether an individual should always tell the truth at any time getting along with people. The speaker put a positive statement on this topic. Having meditated this topic, however, I find there is defects in the speaker's statement and I hold a different view towards the topic.

It is a truth widely acknowledged that cheating when engaging in social activities is harmful to relationship between people. For example, there is an old story telling that a boy, who consecutively lied three times to the people living with him at the same village, eventually was eaten by a wolf. What we can learn from the story is how important honest is in our daily life. One without honest will get no help from the people surrounded him and finally hurt himself/herself. Briefly, it is essential for one to be honest to other people.

However, to be honest does not mean to tell the truth all the time as they are of different concepts. Also sometimes in some situations it is not appropriate to tell the truth. We need to tell a white lie when come across some events like we meet someone hospitalized at a hospital. At that time, a white lie may strengthen the illness man and offer him the hope to prevail the disease though it is a lie. This is what doctors often do to save more lives.

There is a point should never be ignored that telling the truth to ones that have evil ideas to you can put yourself into danger. It is easily recalled that every year there are a multitude of crimes worldwide committed by criminals who take in ignorant people. The people who are oblivious of the danger of telling the truth all the time and targeted by the criminals may suffer from losing their wealth, even their health and lives.

Consequently, we can safely conclude that one should be honest to kindhearted people as well as learn when one can tell the truth and when cannot tell it instead of telling it always. Only by this way can we be welcomed and guarantee the security of our health and wealth.
Lansium   
Aug 14, 2016
Letters / A letter to friend with information, that one of your relatives is traveling to his/her country [3]

Dear Yon Choy,

I revise some words in the first paragraph. I think the revised one is more readable. You can take up my suggestions if you think they are helpful to your writing.

It has been a long time since our last meet in 2009we met since my graduation trip in 2009 . I am really appreciated it that you would like to offer a roomfor your accommodation offer to my cousin, Jerry, who is recently graduated from SchoolBachelor of Music atin the University of ABC. This is his first long-term waiting traveltrip to Europe.

He is so surprised that you allowoffer him to live in your house in Vienna fromduring 3rd March to 30th March.
... I will punch him whenafter he arrives home.
Lansium   
Aug 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Independent Writing:Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with help from one's family [4]

Hi joetuanlt,

As for the second paragraph, I get your idea that families can help someone by giving him/her a hand to network people. But I don't think it is logical to infer from less discrimination today that families' help can do a big favor to someone.

Why don't you write about the other aspects of families' support like emotional support and learning support?

Hope this can be helpful to you.
Lansium   
Aug 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / An essay about the argument of whether people spend too much time on enjoying themselves [3]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today spend too much time on enjoying themselves rather than working. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My opinion to this statement is negative though it seems that people spend more time on enjoying themselves and less time on the things they should do such as their work or study, because we can see most people today wherever they go they often pick out their mobile phones and read interesting news on it. I have totally different views to that according to the following argument.

People must struggle to improve their competence to elevate the levels of their livelihood in the high-speed developing world, or they will just live in the circumstance of surviving. It is all known that we are now living in an information world pursuing efficiency of production. In most condition people who have the relatively higher level of education as well as are with special skills can get a fairly good job. To the best of my knowledge, there are few job requiring worktime less than eight hours per day, normally from 9am to 5pm. Particularly for the jobs such as researcher and doctors, they often take over ten-hour work a day. I don't believe the normal worktime in the past time can exceed that in today.

What's more, the statement fails to take into account that students spend more time today than ever on studying diversity of subjects. We can learn from the history of science that the amount of the current knowledge of human beings is immense to that of ancient time as ocean is to pond. Students have to exert themselves to handle what they learn as to get into reality what they have in mind. Consequently, it will not be strange to see students study more than ten hours a day.

In conclusion, people today spend as much time as or even more than before. We cannot simply come into a conclusion by the appearance that people create and take part in a lot more manners of entertainments.
Lansium   
Aug 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The things that has affected me the most were how my mom helped me overcome difficulties. [4]

Hi Chenqui,

I find some mistakes in the first and second paragraph of your essay. Below are the notes I take. Hope that they can help you. I would like to give you a piece of advice that you had better revise your gramma book again. You will feel easier to read and write if you do so.

My mom is the most influential people (person) in my life. The things that has affected me the most were how(what she did to)my mom helped me overcome difficulties and how(to) she supported my career in my life.

I thought it would be an easy job for me. However, it was difficult for me to follow(working in) the fast-paced working environment.
... telling me for the past 20 years of she had devoted herself in the same ...
"This(it) is not only a job." she said "It is (but also) your responsibility and commitment to your boss."
... The mistakes I made will(would) eventually help me be aware of ...\
Working in a challenge place (full of challenge) will be a great help to grow up and (who?) become a more competitive person.
Lansium   
Aug 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / First thing every newborn becomes familiar with is family. Are parents the best teachers? TOEFL [3]

Hi Ashkan123, I read the first paragraph of your thread and below are a few notes I take. Hope you practice more and make good progress.

First thing every newborn is get (getting) familiar with is (its) Family. For everybody, mothers and fathers are the most important person. Newborn try (tries) to follow parent's behavior since ...

For all kids, parents are the best guy (persons) to be followed (follow).
Lansium   
Jul 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Is it the only effective way to reduce crime that increasing the number of police officers? [2]

Hi Kantijiang,

You have done a good job in this essay. It is almost flawless. I point out a few mistakes I found and offer you a piece of advice. You may see them below.

1. ... officers on the street is an effective way to stop some violent crime (crimes) on the street . (It is better for you to avoid the repitition of the same phrase to make your sentence brief.)

2. I don't konw whether it is OK to use the word "root" to refer to the main reasons of committing crimes, but I think "essence" can be more accurate.

3. the most effective ways are developing economics and popularizing education (It seems better by replacing this phrase by "improving citizens' level of education")

4. many people are still in poverty and starvation so that they may want to survival (survive) by committing crimes like robbery or thieving (thievery)

5. In addition, I suggest that improving our judicial system and punishment mechanism are also significant to reduce crime . (I suggest that government should improve our judicial system and punishment mechanism as they both are significant to reduce crime)
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