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Posts by ore4thebetter
Joined: Aug 12, 2009
Last Post: Dec 20, 2009
Threads: 5
Posts: 11  
From: Nigeria

Displayed posts: 16
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ore4thebetter   
Dec 18, 2009
Undergraduate / My love for music....Stanford Short essay 2 [6]

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate - and us - know you better

I am my music. More appropriately, my music represents my eclectic and eccentric nature. My love for country music even though I am black illustrates my 'weirdness' - not that I do not listen to hip hop and rap which are fairly customary for a black boy. I suppose you can say I am a fan of good music whether it's Taylor Swift, Paramore, Jay Z or Luther Vandross, if it is good music I do not bother about the 'brand name'.

Good Music. In my opinion, good music is that song which has the capability to create strong feelings. Whether it stimulates excitement, melancholy, ecstasy or nostalgia, it is one which triggers an emotion. As far back as I can remember I have always loved good music and my ipod has always been my most faithful companion. I have a playlist for almost everything ranging from excitement to melancholy, work to play. Music is my way of liberating my mind and soul, my antidote to a hot and strenuous day. I have not only learnt to appreciate it but to use it effectively. The eclectic nature of my kind of music has taught me to never judge people superficially but view them in depth.

I cannot describe myself in a little over 350 words but what I can enlighten you on is my passion for music and hope that it helps paint a near vivid image of me as a person. I cannot wait to meet you and equally exciting, I cannot wait to meet your ipod - Ok, may be not equally exciting - . I would like to try and define you by your type of music whether you're the 'romantic' or the 'realist'. I would like to know if we like similar songs or have conflicting opinions on some and if you are not into music, I could maybe teach you to love and appreciate it and maybe we could stay up late some night with some food trying to rate and enjoy good music.
ore4thebetter   
Dec 18, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell Engineering Essay--My City [5]

Wow...It is a good essay but since you are applying to Cornell which I am also applying to.It is a little bland. Grammar is near perfect but it does not evoke any strong feeling.Also, the essay is potraying you intrest in engineering is short termed; I mean you want to study engineeering to solve your community's problem. THEN WHAT?

I havent written this essy myself because I think its rather difficult but I think cornell wants to see passion for engineering and how CORNELL can help.
ore4thebetter   
Dec 17, 2009
Undergraduate / An Intellectual Experience:Stanford Short Essay [8]

Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

My keen eyes stayed glued to the television as it stimulated such ceaseless exhilaration. The perpetual hysteria it stirred within me accrued over time as my favorite dance-show reached its' climaxing conclusion. Intensifying the excitement further, my favorite dancer took the stage. She danced with such grace and adeptness that I was certain she would emerge winner. Beneath the exquisite display of adroitness, I suddenly caught a glimpse of one of natures beautiful properties as she pirouetted across the stage. For the first time, I began to question how such skill was achieved. Why does she begin to retract her hands as she pirouettes? Does her periodical oscillation help her spin longer? While my mind wondered I didn't realize she had been crowned winner. In my opinion she deserved it for stimulating my then seven year old mind.

A vast majority of these questions I have been able to answer from my high school physics class and personal researches. In answering them and observing other natural phenomenon other questions begin to arise. It is to this questions I owe my never relinquishing desire to learn. Allowing my mind to inquire is a justly deserved sacrifice for the sense of fulfillment I derive in answering these questions. There is nothing more exciting than watching Newton's laws play out or understanding the principles of electricity that we all enjoy but never question.

Science has always brought me a sense of fulfillment, a certain satisfaction that can only be ascribed to her. My genuine fascination in understanding nature's wonders and using it to create beauties serves as a pointer that perhaps Electrical-Engineering is my predestined career - maybe electric cars may just be it since it encompasses my love for both electricity and mechanics.
ore4thebetter   
Dec 17, 2009
Undergraduate / media group, artists - Application Essay [4]

I have been wishing to become an entertainer when I grow up

Sounds choppy...I have always wanted sounds much better

Therefore, I always played with media workers rather than children my own age

Consequently instead of therefore would do

my desire of wanting to become a celebrity grew stronger.

my desire of wanting equally sounds chopppy....rewrite!!
ore4thebetter   
Nov 25, 2009
Undergraduate / personal essay. uc. a move changed everything or almost. [15]

It is a good story with almost no grammatical errors but I cannot see where you headed at especially with the last paragraph. Try and bring out your point with the story in the last paragraph so it becomes a clearer essay. Tell us explicitly how your move as shaped your aspirations rather than stating it.

P.s I think we should share contacts so we could discuss more on our essays.
ore4thebetter   
Nov 25, 2009
Undergraduate / "my parents have always pushed me to the limit" - the world i come from [2]

Please be very strict with your reviews.I appreciate criticism.
P.s if u think some examples or statements are rather pointless please let me know,

Because they come from a less-than-average background and had to earn everything they own, my parents have always pushed me to the limit. My parents often view my life as one easier than theirs. They believe I have an assortment of opportunities beckoning at the door and if I choose to embrace these opportunities, I would be catapulted to startling platforms.

Right from elementary school, my parents had always stressed the importance of hard work - especially in my academics. I was encouraged to excel in all endeavors, persevere, and have a positive influence on others by setting a good example. I remember falling off the top five, (I was sixth in my class to be precise) and being harangued by my parents to work harder.

At first, I viewed their relentless push as overzealous and excessive but I thought they were just being parents. So, I tried to please them by getting high grades, working hard, and setting a worthy example for my siblings. As I grew older and more in touch with reality, I continued conforming to their wishes till I realized my parents' constant reverberations were for my own good. I had just attained nine distinctions and a credit in my NECO examinations (a national exam taking by students in Year Nine). It suddenly dawned on me that it was my name and not my parents' that was written on my certificate. They got nothing for their encouragement or criticism towards my success. At most, all they felt was pride in their motivation towards it.

I then realized I needed to work hard in school not for them but so I could have a sparkling future. I realized that their haranguing every time I fell short of expectations was to enable me embrace the virtues of perseverance and hard work so when I fail I don't give up but attack the problem from a different perspective. I realized that setting a worthy example for my siblings and having a positive influence on them would aid me in changing lives and communities for the better. I now work with increased zeal in my academic work, take challenging classes and try to incorporate values that may be of use in the future with the hope of having a bright future and positively affecting my family, community, and world at large.

My parents' initial 'stressing' has now become my own guide; it has encompassed my very essence and is constantly shaping every action I undertake, and in the long run, my dreams and aspirations. Through their overzealous and excessive expectations, I now have a vision as an Electrical Engineer, one who would change the world with his work and service to humanity. Though my parents and I view life from different standpoints, our separate worlds have converged and thus helped me develop values and attributes essential for success in the world.
ore4thebetter   
Nov 25, 2009
Undergraduate / How one views the challenge -a significant experienece and its importance to you [3]

Please be very strict with your analysis as I am applying to Uc berkley.I appreciate criticism
Thank you

I never met someone who made my eyes literally seem so unimportant; in all probability, she was perhaps insinuating that she was equal or better than I was. I wanted to share in her supposed pain but she certainly did not need the pity. Mrs. Tijani was blind but she definitely did not depict the picture I had of a blind woman.

I had just completed my penultimate year in school and I finally had time to take part in community service as I go to a boarding school. Luckily, my mother's place of work was organizing a fund raiser and needed volunteers and so I cheerfully agreed to take part in this experience. After raising money, the community service program was to end with the 'Walk for Sight' - a ten kilometer walk with the blind to raise awareness. It was during this walk that I met probably one of the most awe-inspiring people in my life till date. I started the walk with the hope of giving her hope, but as she narrated her story I ended up getting it.

Mrs. Tijani became blind at an early age of two due to ignorance on the part of her parents on the dangers of polio. According to her, she did not realize her lack of sight during her early years; "I would hear people playing around me and would run towards them falling so many times before getting to them; I thought I was alright and falling was pretty normal", she said. At this point, I thought I should be comforting but as I tried to comfort her she stopped me abruptly; she did not want any of it. "Do not feel an iota of pity for me", she retorted. I was taken aback by her reply. Why did she not want any consoling I asked myself? She must have read my mind as she then said, "I do not want you to feel bad for me; I may be challenged but so is everyone." She said. "As we go through life we all meet challenges, physical or not. What matters most is how we deal with this challenges; it is when we let them get to us that we are truly challenged." She exclaimed. Mrs. Tijani went on giving me shocking examples that proved to me that one is not disabled until one gives in to challenges. She said, "I am happily married with three children; I have a university degree and work. So how am I disabled? I am only challenged." Those words struck me; they reminded me of my parents' endless counsel on the need for perseverance and determination (a lesson they need not teach anymore). She inspired me; she made me to realize the pride one earns from determination. As the end of the walk came into view, I realized that she had given me hope and a new perspective to life.

From this experience, I learned how life would certainly pose challenges but what is of utmost importance is not the challenge but how one views the challenge. One does not loose with challenge but the moment one gives in to it. Success only comes through challenges and confrontations. For only when one gathers the courage to face them does one truly have a shot at satisfaction.
ore4thebetter   
Nov 24, 2009
Undergraduate / tiresome research presentations - CALTECH [5]

This is a very go essay ,a few suggestions
'So two friends and I decided ' ...I would suggest So I and my two friends, (This is more progressive)...
Also 'a smiling lift operator' should be changed..it seems the smiling is qualifying the lift and not the operator
using 'beckoned us for our tickets'...sounds to bombastic...im not sure thats the appropriate use
Other than that I like the fact you were honest.In my opinion,it is a valid ethical dilemma
ore4thebetter   
Nov 24, 2009
Undergraduate / decision to become a pharmacist - Essay Prompt #1 [4]

Its a very good essay but I think you should dwell on one world, your family or your love for chemistry.You started the essay with your family influence and the moved to love for chemistry and back to family influence.I think you should stick to one to have a stronger and more convincing essay.
ore4thebetter   
Aug 12, 2009
Undergraduate / "little incidents" - tell us about someone who has made an impact on thinking [3]

It is rather amazing how little incidents can change once way of thinking. As I grew up, I had always heard the word diversity, wondering what it really meant. I asked my mum what it meant and she told me it meant strength in differences. I was perplexed; how could people with different behaviors, Ideologies, principles and cultures work together successfully. It did not make sense to me but I thought to myself why care? Diversity as a concept never crossed my mind until an incident occurred in my penultimate year at high school.

I had just achieved one of my personal goals I had set since I was in year 8. I was just elected school prefect, a post only eight boys in the school could hold. I was happy I was entrusted which such responsibility. In summary I was ecstatic. Even with the ecstatic feeling I could not help but wonder why a couple of the other prefects were elected. My opinion was only "good" boys whom had achieved a high level of academic excellence and displayed high level of responsibility and leadership skills should be chosen but to my utmost surprise this was not the case. Some of the prefects chosen were the cliché "bad boys"; they were responsible but a little wild. How could we work together was my worry. We were not alike in any way. To my utmost surprise, the incidents that occurred later in the day removed all forms of doubts from my mind.

At night that day, we had our end of year party. It was a big rave with so much to do. Little wonder everyone did not want to leave when we were asked to. But as we were the newly elected prefects, we had to be exemplary leaders. So we decided to instruct everyone to leave. Due to the respect we had students though agitated left for their respective hostels. Everyone left but for a few 'bad boys' who were angry that we were sending them back. I asked them to leave but they grumbled and did not listen. I and one other prefect warned that they would be reported to the school authorities if they did not comply. Before I knew it this little issue turned in a big fight. We argued for such a while until one of the "bad boy" prefects talked to them for a while and they suddenly complied. I was shocked; I did not believe they, the "bad boy" prefects could be of any use but I was so wrong. Not only did they help us, they strengthened our voice and together we ran a successful high school year touching different areas of the school. We were different but stronger and all that came to my mind was the day I asked my mum what diversity meant. I had seen what it really meant.

Diversity encompasses acceptance and respect for each other. It involves respecting the concept of individuality. It could be race, socio-economic status, age, abilities, religious beliefs, political beliefs or Ideologies. It entails more than just mere tolerance; it involves exploring individuality to create a stronger and more effective force.

My only question is who made this impact? Was it my mum for creating the initial interest in the concept or my school for choosing a diverse set of prefects or the prefect who talked to the bad boys? Well, I cannot give the credibility to any one alone. It was the combination that highlighted the concept. All I can say is thank you to all cause they all did teach me a great concept.
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