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Posts by Gian16 [Suspended]
Name: Giansy Ndu Ufi
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Sep 13, 2016
Threads: 2
Posts: 6  
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From: Indonesia
School: English Studio

Displayed posts: 8
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Gian16   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Dinner makes a difference - summary [3]

Hi Bung Ilham,
overall you have a good writing, but lemme give some advises for you.
Not include = exclude
This(these) lead to no family gathering anymore that could be found. (Because of the object before)
Gian16   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / The range of nationality of people, who has journeyed to New Zealand [2]

International visitors to New Zealand : Country of Origin (ielts task 1)

The pie chart illustrates the range nationality of people, who has journey to New Zealand.

First of all, Australia be the biggest percent of countries, where its citizen come to New Zealand, at 40 percent. The second number is United Kingdom at 12 percent. From two of these countries, the different percent around 28. Meanwhile, United States becomes the last of top three big countries, such as Australia and United Kingdom.

On the other hand, China, Japan, are the number third and fourth on the league of holiday maker, send 5 percent, 4 percent each. South of Korea be the smallest country about the tourist, at 3 percent. it is clearly that Australia has peak different visitors than South of Korea ( 37 percent). Finally, the amount of range countries, which exclude 6 countries above, at 27 percent.

Overall, there are two big distinct, come from the amount of visitors numbers, fist is the large percentage such as Australia, United Kingdom and United State, and second is small percentage, such as China, Japan, and South of Korea.

174 Words




Gian16   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / This Teenager Just Came Out to Her Family at Disneyland in the Most Amazing Way - Summary Article [5]

Gina as an adolescent from California who ... ( Gina is adolescent, who comes from California spending he vacation in Disneyland)
She was confused with the kind of the surprise ... ( She wanted to surprise, but she still confused about the present, that she wants to give)

She prepares this impulse by the long time, because ... ( She prepares the planning well, because she does not know, how to impress her families)
She is the kind of woman that has uncommon habit, so to show up ... ( Gina is always frightening moment, when she wants to show her love to her family)
Gian16   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Oceans Given Boost as Nations Agree to Protect a Third Worldwide - Summary Article [4]

In the modern life there are so many things ... (on the present time, there are a lot of things that people should protect, such as environment, ocean, and climate) many things = plural .

This program will be continue until ... ( This program will be continuing gradually until 2030)
Development the ocean for [...] not agree with that idea ( Even though development ocean for creating new feature, but there are some nationalities do not support this idea.)

... they want to focus not just in the area but also for resources ( Not only..... But also)
... potential from ocean side can be explore. ( can be explored)
There are many aspect to focus such as climate... (many aspects ; many = plural)
Other aspect like make a new things ... ( Another aspect is making a new coral island)
Gian16   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / "Trauma Still Fresh for Rwandan Genocide Survivors" Summary [3]

The unforgettable memory, raised in Kinyanya 20 years ago, still give the serious wound to the victims. Every April be the dumps moment, because it reminds the genocide, where people are haunting to kill.

The Interahamwe ( murderers) forced mothers and children to be viewers while to shoot the people. Almost people lose their families, and hope. They prefer to die, rather than still alive without their treasure.

Above 40 thousand were killed every 3 days at the Murambi. The killers said " those we have killed, will serve as a mattress for our dead president, you will be the blanket".

Cecile and her younger sister survived from those dangerous situation, even though she ever give up and prefer killed by murderers, she has no choice to live.

On this present time, she and her sister take care of five children victim's of genocide in her own house

145 words
Gian16   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary: More Young Americans Live with Parents Than With Lovers [4]

... young people prefer(to live)with their close family.

Interestingly, Living with mom and dad(have) has increased every year. This is owing to numerous factors (for instance) people choose to get ...

Such as, n+ n+n
For example/instance : s+v
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