Posts by mayfl0wer [Suspended]

mayfl0wer

Dec 30, 2012

Undergraduate / Dream School; Boston University Supp- Why applied? [9]

Well written, but try to be a little more specific.

Name some facilities, clubs, etc.

:)

mayfl0wer

Dec 30, 2012

Undergraduate / NYU economics program; NYU sup/ Academic Interests [10]

This is awesome! Loved the description of Beijing in the beginning.

I thirst for more understanding.
^ I was never a fan of words like 'thirst' when it comes to uni apps - seemed a little too over the top. But it does work! Personal preference.

Very nice. : )

mayfl0wer

Dec 29, 2012

Undergraduate / Every student and alumni love Rice; Rice Supplement- Why Rice? [8]

The word literally takes away from it. Taking it out would still have the same affect. : )

mayfl0wer

Dec 29, 2012

Undergraduate / Changing Schools; Stanford Supplement - Intellectual vitality [4]

I attended a small k-12 private boarding school of about 200 students in Oregon that IS known for it' s unique culture and rigorous curriculum.

but DIFFICULT.

Changing schools taught me that students who primarily rely on lectures and explanations to learn and students who learn strictly from books and materials do not have the complete picture that they could have if both ways of learning were combined.

^awkward long sentence.

I liked your essay. Shows the contrast between two learning environments and how they both helped you.

Help me out? : )

mayfl0wer

Dec 29, 2012

Undergraduate / ICS program is one of a kind / Duke Sup/ Duke attractions [13]

Oh man, I did say 'and' a lot.

Correcting now!

Thanks a lot. : )

mayfl0wer

Dec 29, 2012

Undergraduate / "Zealous, Athletic, Cool..." ; Yale Supp [3]

Super awesome!

Your essays are very original and creative.

And you turned such a simple thing into something with a lot of thought.

Check mine out? : )

mayfl0wer

Dec 29, 2012

Undergraduate / "silence remains, inescapably, a form of speech" ; UCHICAGO SILENCE ESSAY [7]

Very nice!

Personal and truthful.

Keep me intrigued.

Help me out?

mayfl0wer

Dec 29, 2012

Undergraduate / Carmelo Anthony/ alumni & fans of SU/ Choice of Academic fields; Syracuse Supplement [6]

AN interview.

"This experience helped me in substantial ways as it improved my interacting skills in the regard of a consumer seller relations."
^ What?

This experience helped me improve my customer interaction skills.

mayfl0wer

Dec 29, 2012

Undergraduate / Every student and alumni love Rice; Rice Supplement- Why Rice? [8]

Take out the I guess. It just sounds like you're not really sure.

Quite simply, I've been interacting with Rice students and alumni my entire life, and nearly every single one has told me that they love Rice.

^ Exaggeration. Did you begin interacting with them at birth? A little bit cliche too.

Literally? As opposed to figuratively?

mayfl0wer

Dec 29, 2012

Undergraduate / EGO & SELF ESTEEM; "DESCRIBE YOURSELF" essay for UNC Chapel Hill application [2]

CAPITALIZE ALL YOUR I s!!!

AVOID CONTRACTIONS!

In order to adequately describe myself, i must highlight the fact that my large ego and self-esteem make me overly proud of who i am as an individual, although i can recognize my flaws.

^awkward

I've always been of outspoken and candid character before I moved ~~from the United States~~ to Spain

The idea of your essay is great but the ideas do not flow. Try to make your ideas connect a little bit more.

mayfl0wer

Dec 29, 2012

Undergraduate / i'M HOMESCHOOLED; Common App Supplement: World you come from ? [3]

I was the author in the next most significant decision that has come to shape who I am

Author does not connect with decision. Maybe say 'in the writing of the next chapter of my life?'

Despite being shy at first, I began to unfold.
^A little awkward.

'At school, although I was shy at first, I quickly ________.'

Before graduating middle school, I was brave enough to perform a duet on stage ~~even with my unfortunate voice.~~ and ____.

'the unparalleled world I come from can be divided in two'???

In a sense, the unparalleled world I come from can be divided in two, with the restraints of the first world producing a deep desire to discover everything I had been missing in the later one.

^ Very awkward sentence. I get what youre trying to say, but it can be better.

Last paragraph is a bit irrelevant and suddenly abstract. Try to relate it back to how although your experiences were polar opposite, both were beneficial and crucial to the person you are today.

mayfl0wer

Dec 29, 2012

Undergraduate / ICS program is one of a kind / Duke Sup/ Duke attractions [13]

(For Arts and Sciences Applicants Only) If you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs.

As someone who aspires to pursue a career in international diplomacy, I hope to enroll in Duke's International Comparative Studies (ICS) program and pursue a minor in economics. The ICS program is one of a kind and would allow me to develop a strong foundation in global studies, which is crucial in understanding the ever -changing state of our world and economy. Having travelled across Europe and Asia at a young age, I have experienced first-hand the cultural and political differences that exist between borders and with my experience, drawing from my travels, I hope to share my experiences with those I meet at Duke and actively contribute and engage in course discussions. Duke's multi-faceted FOCUS program enables me to explore unconventional disciplines not offered at other universities and I am particularly interested in the Ethics, Leadership & Global Citizenship and Modeling in Economic & Social Sciences courses. In addition, I am particularly interested in Duke's EDUCO Study Abroad in Paris because of its immersive French environment and diverse curriculum. Having studied French for nine years, I am eager to build upon my language skills as well as develop a holistic understanding of the cultural, historical, and political aspects of Europe covered in class.

Socially, I love Duke's 'work hard, play hard' environment. A school's sense of pride and community plays a crucial part in one's undergraduate experience and Duke is no short of school spirit with its superior academics and incredible athletics. Specifically, I am interested in Duke's Greek life. In a sorority, I can not only experience fun and excitement, but develop a close knit support system of like-minded students and alumni as well. From academic support and community service to leadership opportunities and life-long friendships, if accepted, Greek life will be a highlight of my undergraduate experience at Duke. Overall, Duke is the one institution where I can learn under the best minds of the country and flourish with students who are equally passionate about making an impact with their education. By exposing myself to a full spectrum of available resources, the Duke undergraduate program will prepare me for a career in international studies through an intellectual and dynamic environment.

mayfl0wer

Dec 29, 2012

Undergraduate / No other place like New York City; NYU Supplemental: Why NYU New York [8]

I LOVE the last sentence, although it was a bit abrupt.

The imagery is great and I know the character limit is terrible, but try to be a LITTLE bit more specific in your description of New York City. If I replace certain NYC with Tokyo in some sentences, it would still make sense.

Otherwise, excellent! : )

mayfl0wer

Dec 29, 2012

Undergraduate / Key to lion's den or to blessings; Common App - Topic Of My Choice [6]

Our labors create not the mold of our own souls but the mold of a key.
^ I don't really understand that.

Someday, I hope to help people those people as a doctor.
^Hmmm ..

Although this is well written, I'm not entirely sure what you are trying to convey in your essay.