Writing Feedback /
Tattoos essay: Our Newest Problem? [4]
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A tremendously harmful feature about tattoos is that they are known to cause health problems.(This isn't a thesis statement, it is a supporting fact. Make sure you include an opening so that your readers know exactly what it is you are going to write about.) The most obvious and probably most dangerous
problem as well are the needles with which tattoos are imprinted on the skin. These needles must be cleaned after every use, and disposed of immediately when broken or worn down.
(Where is your reference for this information? What about tattooists that use brand new needles for each client? AIDS,
(Citation? AIDS does not exist long enough in the environment to pose a nominal threat on tattoo needles.)t uberculosis, and other diseases that can be gained from the transaction of blood can all be generated just because
you(Refrain from using "you" in formal academic writing. Instead, try using "I" or "one".) wanted a painting on skin.
I would (Stay away from contractions in formal academic writing because they are inappropriate and you'll probably get counted off for them.) gladly miss out on a tattoo if it meant saving my life in the long run.
(Is this an opinion piece or research paper?)Many federal governments insist that anyone that receives a tattoo must wait a minimum of 6 months before they are allowed to donate blood showing just how uncertain governments are when it comes to tattoo safety.(Says who? Where's your source for this statement?) Another problem that is not as well known but almost equally as dangerous is the chance of an allergic reaction. What a tattooist is really doing when making a tattoo is inserting a pigment in a pattern of the tattoo the person desires. These pigments all contain a type of metal, whether it be iron, nickel or lead. Many people are completely unaware of this content of the pigment and
don't realize about their allergic reaction until they are done the process. This could be very serious, as the implanted pigment cannot be extracted without surgery at the very least.
(Sources?) A person who is trying to remove a tattoo is in equal distress as well; some treatments to remove it may also trigger an allergic reaction. One should think about what else other than ink they are inserting
into their body.
Secondly, tattoos are difficult to remove if
you ever choose that
you want or need to remove it. When people have a large change in circumstance (the death of a loved one, or are seeking employment) they feel that the time is right to remove their tattoo. Many people also see that their tattoos have begun to fade after an extended period of time, or that they think that the tattoo was a stupid mistake. "The most common problem that occurs from tattoos is the desire to remove
them" (Dr. Toombs)
.(What type of citation style are you to be using? Check its guidelines for citations.) Removing a tattoo can be both expensive, painful, and time consuming. Most people with tattoos look to remove it through laser
treatment or surgery . Laser surgery is said to be the most popular and effective way of removing a tattoo.
(By who? Where's your research?) However, it is very common to have more than one laser treatment before the treatment completely does away with the tattoo. At best, doctors say that using the laser, only up to 95% of a tattoo can be removed at once.
(What "doctors"? Where is your research?) This treatment while yielding the best results is not without cons. The practice usually is very costly - from a minimum of $480 to $3800 depending on the size and if the tattoo was professionally applied or not.
(Citation?) Imagine what a waste of money paying to get a tattoo and then paying to remove it would be.
The laser is also somewhat painful, and leaves the patient with sensitivity in the operated area for a few weeks. Excision (or surgery) does completely remove the tattoo - but the negative views outweigh the positive. This method can be extremely painful as the area around the removed tattoo will be sore for up to a year. As with all surgeries, there is the risk of complications and something going wrong, and of course the scar that results is inevitable.(Says who? Where's your research?)Finally, the people around them disapprove people who wear tattoos. Many people are hesitant in befriending people with tattoos because they assume that they are a negative influence.
(Where's the research to support this statement?) I remember as a child I was actually scared of the people who had them. Bikers, gangs
, and social outcasts are stereotypically connected to tattoos. Tattoos are known to symbolize gang activity and past crimes.
Some countries even go as far as persecuting people with tattoos on the basis that the tattoo is the evidence of the crime. In Japan, full body tattoos are considered a gang symbol because of their connecting a criminal syndicate called the Yakuza. This group is comprised of over 86,000 members and completely feared within the country. Most stores in Japan deny entry if a person enters with a full body tattoo, so people with large tattoos can tick Japan off their 'visiting list'. Also, visible tattoos make employers skeptical when hiring anyone for a job. If an industry wants you to come in contact with potential customers, they may not want to hire you on the pretext that you are not suitable for the job. Many employers have an 'public appearance' that they would like to maintain so they would like their employees to reflect that belief. Finding employment in an area where customer relations is major may be hard if the customer staring at a skull and bones tattoo on your arm!(Where is your support to all of this?)In the Guinness Book of World Records, many gaze in wonderment at the world's most tattooed person; but I just shake my head in disgust. People need to understand that they would be a lot better without tattoos, and that freedom of expression should come second to decent exposure. Tattoos have lost the once innocent expression of art, and now have become the new item of invidious consumption - getting one just to flaunt it to others.
(Where did this come from? You haven't discussed this in your essay at all, therefore it should not be brought up in your conclusion.) I can only hope that the
once respected form of art(Where previously in this essay have you discussed tattooing as a respected art form? It has not been discussed previously in this essay so it should not be brought up in your conclusion.) will one day regain its former glory."
The problem with this essay is that it is very weak due to very strong accusations with no supporting information or sources. Even if it is an opinion piece you still need research to support your opinions, otherwise your readers won't think the piece credible at all.