Research Papers / Essay on the Causes of Stress for College Students [2]

Greetings!

I think you've written a great essay! You do a good job of transitioning from one paragraph to the next and presenting the causes of the problem and some solutions. I have just a few editing suggestions for you:

"Stress is basically defined as an applied force or system of forces that tends to strain or deform a body." - This sounds like you're describing G-forces on an aircraft; see if you can find a definition that fits better with the particular type of stress you're writing about, i.e., emotional stress.

"It can be caused by their doing so badly in college that they give up all hope"

"caused by an individual liking someone a lot and [omit the] finding that feeling is not mutual."

"Peer pressure can be broken down into two areas: good peer pressure and bad peer pressure."

"NO". - Put the period inside the quotation mark (unless you're British): "NO."

Great work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Cause and effect - 'one day can change your whole outlook on life' [6]

Greetings!

Goodness, you had a scary time! I'm glad your husband is all right. :-)) It's a good essay and I think you did a good job of demonstrating how your husband's blood pressure scare was the cause of your wanting to go back to school: cause and effect.

I think you could easily pare it down to 800 words by taking out some of the repetition. One thing to remember when writing an essay about a true event is that it is more important to make it flow well than to provide every little detail that actually happened. For example:

"We had just walked onto the grounds area" at the fairgrounds, this area is set with a variety of different venders." - this information is not really relevant to the story you are telling.

"Both of the nurses took our blood pressure manually." - This is repetitive of the previous sentence and not necessary.

"Sure, if you or he thinks that he will live through the weekend and actually live to see Monday!" - This may be ver batim what the doctor said, but it sounds rather stilted. Better might be something simpler, like "Sure, if you think he'll live to see Monday!"

Be sure to check your spelling: "venders" should be "vendors"; "accomplist" should be "accomplice."

Try reading your essay out loud to someone (your husband? :-)) and check for places where it sounds a little awkward or could be smoother. I think you're off to a great start!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Philosophy: Greek Philosophy From 600 BC to 500 AD [6]

Greetings!

I think you're off to a great start! One thing to keep in mind is that you can also paraphrase. You'll still need citations when you paraphrase, if you're presenting someone else's ideas, but it might flow a little smoother in places. For instance: The Pre-Socratic period, which signified the earliest beginnings of philosophy, spanned a period from approximately 600-400 B.C. (J.V. Luce 9). Paraphrasing can also be handy if you need to fill out a word-count requirement--it's usually possible to be even more verbose than the author you're quoting! :-))

For your encyclopedia reference, the in-text citation should be the name of the entry, for example: ("Thales of Miletus"), unless the encyclopedia lists an author. Then, in your Works Cited list, that entry will be the initial part of the reference in your alphabetical list.

Keep at it, you're doing great so far!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / How to get started with my cause and effect essay? [8]

Greetings!

I think you're doing an outstanding job! Your appreciation is very gratifying--but I must say that I know you would do fine on your own. I can give you little suggestions for improvement, but you've got the basic skills!

The essay is coming along really well! The few editing tips I have are minor:

"I never anticipated on returning" - Using "on" this way is fine for casual speech, but for a formal essay, leave out the "on": I never anticipated returning...

"One day while working at the factory, it was announced over the intercom" - The first part of your sentence is referring, impliedly, to you. You're really saying "One day while I was working at the factory..." Therefore, the second part of your sentence must begin with "I": "One day while working at the factory, I heard an announcement..."

"It was going to be my decision on what I wanted to do" - Again, your "on" is not really proper English. Better would be "It was going to be my decision as to what I wanted to do."

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Need help comparing Fear Nothing with Lord of the Flies [3]

Greetings!

While I can't help you with specific themes, not having read the books, I can give you some general advice that should help. When you're stuck and looking for ideas about themes and such, it's helpful to find what others have written about the subject. It's usually a lot easier to find analyses of older works like Lord of the Flies. You'll have no trouble at all finding a lot of information on it. I would suggest you do a little reading to find what themes from LOTF have been discussed, then see which one you can most easily use in your comparison to Koontz's book. I suspect that once you start looking at Koontz's book with a particular theme in mind, you'll be able to lift examples from that book to compare to LOTF.

Give this a try and see if it helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / There is more to teaching than classroom transactions - philosophy [6]

Greetings!

Well, honestly, I think one could make an argument for it fitting either title! I think you will be fine with using the other title.

Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Help with a research paper on Stem Cell Research [4]

Greetings!

You most definitely have strong opinions about the topic, and I think that's good for writing an argumentative paper. The thing you want to watch is putting in a lot of editorializing with an emotional undercurrent, like "oh so benevolent God." Stick to the facts, and your reasonable conclusions drawn from the facts. Your point will come across much more persuasively if it is based on reason rather than emotion.

To answer your question about argumentative papers, yes, it's good to include the arguments against your thesis and then show how those arguments are flawed. Refuting the opposition's stance strengthens your own.

It sounds like you're off to a good start with your research and ideas!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / There is more to teaching than classroom transactions - philosophy [6]

Greetings!

Sorry I had to be away earlier. I'll answer your latter question first; I think the title about "schooling either enslaves or liberates" fits better. The author you quote is talking about students becoming automatons, which strikes me as a type of enslavement.

It seems to me the transactional level, involving communication, would fit in well with the portion about the collaborative process, because that's what collaboration requires: communication between student and teacher. The occupational level, in which is the teacher is an unenthusiastic employee, it seems to me, would fit into the discussion of the banking method; that method does not require any real enthusiasm or creativity on the part of the teacher; he or she can just go through the motions, dictating facts without regard for whether the students become involved in the learning process.

Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Patience in "Murder in the Cathedral" [2]

Greetings!

Sometimes when you are asked to look for answers in the text and you don't see them yourself, you can do an internet search on the text and see what others have written about it. I think you'll find that's the case with this work, and many others that are famous enough to have been written about extensively. You can then use those ideas to craft your own essay.

I'll get you started by pointing out that Becket found peace after being tempted several times; he found his peace of mind by deciding to accept death without striving to be a martyr:

Now is my way clear, now is the meaning plain:
Temptation shall not come in this kind again.
The last temptation is the greatest treason:
To do the right deed for the wrong reason.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / How to get started with my cause and effect essay? [8]

Greetings!

I think your essay is coming along splendidly! The only thing I would question is in this paragraph:

As a dislocated worker, I could attend college while receiving unemployment--which was only half the amount I was presently making working at the factory. Another choice was that I could get a job at another factory. I decided this would be my best choice, since that amount of money would still be more than what I could make working anywhere else. I had always wanted to work with children from three to five years of age and this would give me an opportunity. I decided to attend college and work towards a degree in Interdisciplinary Early Childhood Education.

It's a little confusing--you say that you could attend college or you could work at another factory and you "decided this would be my best choice." In other words, you decided to work at the factory. I think you meant to say you decided "the former would be my best choice."

Other than that, I think you're in great shape!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / There is more to teaching than classroom transactions - philosophy [6]

Greetings!

You've done an outstanding job with your essay! I have very few editing suggestions to make; here they are:

"The teacher not only educates but is also learning at the same time from their students." - Remember that "teacher" is singular and "their" is plural; they need to match. Either say "teachers not only educate" or use "teacher" and say "his or her students." The same advice goes for this sentence: "Thus, a teacher not only teaches but also learns at the same time from their students."

"Although [remove comma] I disagree with Freire at some point regarding the banking concept, "

Great job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / How to get started with my cause and effect essay? [8]

Greetings!

I think you've done a great job with making your essay more involving. Good work! I'll give you a few editing pointers just to polish it up a little:

"One day, over the intercom, [add comma] we were told"

"was going to be shut down." [If used as a noun, it would be one word, e.g., "there was a shutdown"; however, as you used it, it's two words.]

"Then it was going to be that we were going to lose most of our income; [use semicolon or period here; you have two independent clauses.]without this income we would not be able to afford our current way of living." - It might sound better just to leave off "Then it was going to be that"; it's a little awkward and you don't need it.

"satellite dish was going to have to be shut off" - Again, as a verb/adverb, make it two words; if it were a noun/adjective, e.g., "where's the shutoff on this thing?" or "where's the shutoff valve?" it would be one.

"With being a dislocated worker," - Better would be "As a dislocated worker..."

"go to college and receive unemployment--which was only half the amount..." - You need some kind of punctuation between "unemployment" and "which"; I like the emdash here.

Really good work! I'll look forward to reading your conclusion, if you'd like to post it!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "Location of schools" - my compare and contrast essay [2]

Greetings!

I think you make some good points in your essay and have some good information! One thing you might want to consider doing is defining what you mean by "schools." Are you writing only about universities? In English, "schools" can refer to anything from kindergarten for 5-year-olds to professional school, like law school. You might want to narrow it down a little by specifically saying which type you mean.

It's challenging to write in a foreign language. Although I understand that you need to keep it fairly simple because you are not completely fluent in English, you still need to be careful about being overly simplistic--that is, about saying things that are too obvious. For example, "All schools have their own addresses and locations such as countryside, a center of city, or a suburb." It might be better to say, "When choosing a school, it is important to consider the location. Whether a school is located in the countryside, the center of a city, or a suburb will have an effect on how well that school works for you."

Go through your essay carefully to make sure you include articles (a, an, the) where needed. For instance, "If you live in the countryside..."

While I can't edit the whole thing for you, I will give you some tips on the ending: "When you choose your school, you have to consider many things about your school's location, including tuition fees, transportation, access to housing and your job. I like to walk and use public transportation. I am an international student; I will go back to my country after graduation, so I don't need to buy a car. Therefore, a school in the city center would work best for me."

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Scholarship / The world will get more riddled with war - scholarship essay [6]

Greetings!

I think you have a good start here! You've begun by pointing out some of the problems. But what the question is asking is whether you agree or disagree that the war and violence will get worse. You need to be sure to address this specific question, and not just talk about the causes of violence. If you think the situation will get worse, explain why; if not, explain why not. You might want to address the politics involved and whether other countries, such as the U.S. and E.U. nations, will contribute to a solution (or worsening) of the problem.

A few editing tips:

"the poverty level in undeveloped nations, such as Iraq, Columbia, and Kosovo." - It's "Colombia"; and Kosovo is a province of Serbia, not a country. You could say "regions."

Terrorist groups [no apostrophe], such as Al-Qaeda, breed [not bread] in war constricted countries,

You make it sound as though most al-Qaeda attacks are carried out by small children, which is not the case. Be wary of making overly broad statements.

I think you've got a good opening; just concentrate on answering the specific question asked and you'll be fine!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / How to get started with my cause and effect essay? [8]

Greetings!

I think you're off to a good start! One thing I can suggest to make your writing have more impact is to not try to cram too much into one sentence, especially the opening sentence. Consider changing it slightly, something like this:

I never planned on returning to school at the age of twenty-five. I was married, with a two year old son, and working in a factory making good money. One day, the boss told us the factory was going to close. After that day, everything in my life changed.

I haven't changed any of the information you gave; I merely changed the way you said it a little, for greater impact. If you avoid passive voice, it will bring your reader into the story more. You could create even more impact by using dialogue, like this: One day, my supervisor, Frank, came up to me and said, "We're closing the factory. You'll be getting a pink slip tomorrow." I just stood there, staring, as Frank turned and walked away.

Even though it's a cause-and-effect essay, rather than a short story, you can give it some detail to make it more dramatic. Then, after your opening, concentrate on showing exactly how this event impacted your life--what changed, and why?

I hope this gives you some ideas!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / sociology-emotions of teaching [9]

Greetings!

I think you've done an excellent job smoothing out the rough places. I have just a couple more spots to point out and you'll be on your way!

This experience was in my secondary school days; [change comma to semicolon] this was the teacher who took us for Mathematics every day. - Also, you still sometimes say "Math" and sometimes "Math's". I'm not sure whether it should be capitalized in British English, but I do know that if you make it plural--which, as I understand it, it always should be in British English--you do not use an apostrophe. Say "maths."

By distancing myself away from my pupils has a negative effect on their success rate to learn. - I'd change this to "Distancing myself from my pupils would have a negative effect on their ability to learn."

'Emotion is integral to all teaching' (Hargreaves, page 4) - I'd put this in the previous paragraph.

Best of luck with your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Scholarship / List and describe the 5 factors that shaped who you are [4]

Greetings!

What a great essay! I absolutely love your opening paragraph! I have just a few small editing suggestions:

I did not give much thought to the reason why certain words in certain languages carried a different weight in them; [use semicolon instead of comma to avoid run-on sentence] it was not until I was a teenager

They translated based on the weight of the words used, what was meant to be conveyed,

Language was a barrier of vowels and consonants that had the ability to annihilate but also had the power to create. - Love this metaphor!!

I believe the arts, [add comma] especially the art of communication,

Well, if it were up to me, I'd want to get you enrolled in my college before some other school snatched you away! :-)) Excellent writing!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / sociology-emotions of teaching [9]

Greetings!

Here are some more editing tips for you:

To be able to see a child in the class progress year after year, or if a child in the class could not read or write when they started and by the end of the year can now read books and write stories/is a powerful experience/ is a great satisfaction. - Here's how I'd recommend doing this one: To be able to see a child in the class progress year after year is a great satisfaction. If a child in the class could not read or write when the year began, and by the end of the year the child could read books and write stories--that would be a powerful experience.

the fear of the unknown, of doing the wrong thing, or that simply I'm not making enough of a difference. [add commas]

The darker sides of emotion are ones of great concern to teaching. [I think you mean "to teachers."]

The guilt, shame jealousy and envy are ones to name a few but also co-exist in some schools. - This sentence does not make sense.

The latter being the more for concern as an adult now - I'd take this out; it is not grammatically correct and you don't need it.

a teacher can choose to distance themselves - "a teacher" is singular; "themselves" is plural. Say "teachers can..." or use "herself".

By distancing myself from my pupils, distances myself away from my pupil's success rate to learn. - This is rather garbled; I think you may have lost something when you were editing.

Hargreaves mentions how students that have to deal with emotional problems in school are dealt with to prevent from interfering with the child's learning. Bereavement or bullying can cause distress and total disgust towards school thus infringing upon their learning potential. - This paragraph seems to be just stuck in, not really connected to anything else. Consider putting it someplace else or taking it out.

You've been working hard! Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Scholarship / List and describe the 5 factors that shaped who you are [4]

Greetings!

They are very good! Just a few quick editing suggestions:

Until my nanny passed [not past] away

I learned much about computers, [add comma] becoming

absolute reliance on [not to] grown-ups.

he can foresee [delete upon] things

I waste a total of 3 hours every day [not everyday]

Parents' [not Parent's]

become better than they are [not them], to live better than they do [not them.]

My happiness will [not with] not come

In high school I realized that I wanted to share my ideas, that I wanted to say something-- but I was afraid.

Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / sociology-emotions of teaching [9]

Greetings!

I think you have a very good essay here. I have just a few editing suggestions.

the utmost positive emotion a teacher can feel

To be able to see a child in the class progress year after year or if a child in the class could not read or write when they started and by the end of the year can now read books and write stories. - Despite its length, this is a sentence fragment; it needs an ending like "is a powerful experience."

As a teacher, the emotions that I will go through in just one day will be truly incredible: joy and happiness when teaching a child something new that they didn't know yesterday and also frustration when something goes wrong or a problem with a student or even administration. - Your second sentence was a fragment, so I changed the period to a colon.

Be aware that contractions are normally frowned on in formal writing. You have a few, like "couldn't."

The classroom environment was strict; [change to semicolon to avoid run-on sentence] she was well able to control the class but also let us enjoy learning through creativity and innovation.

She never helped anybody in the class to do the maths she was teaching. - Don't capitalize "maths" and don't use an apostrophe to make something plural. American students note: "math" is plural in British English. :-))

The thoughts and odour still of red nail varnish, makes me cringe and feel nauseous. - This construction is a bit awkward. How about: "To this day, the odour of red nail varnish--or even the thought of it--makes me nauseous."

the purpose of this teacher's experience

All you need is a sentence or two summing up the essay. Something like: "Teaching calls up memories of my own school days, the good with the bad. The emotions of those experiences will be with me whenever I step into a classroom, but I believe all my past school experiences will make me a better teacher."

Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / sociology-emotions of teaching [9]

Greetings!

I find when I have to write something like this that the easiest way to get started is to break it down into pieces. Let's see what those pieces might be.

1) The "emotions of teaching" - What are the emotions that teaching engenders? What causes them? They might include the joy of improving children's lives; frustration when you have a problem with a student or with administration; fear--of the unknown, when you first begin to teach; of doing the wrong thing; or, that you are simply not making enough of a difference.

2) Memories of teachers - Which teachers stand out in your memory and why?

3) Memories of your classroom experiences and schools - Did you like school? If so, did this prompt you to want to become a teacher? Did you hate school, and this made you want to be a better teacher than the ones you had?

You might want to start with #3 or #2, and then see how those memories tie in with and create the emotions you have/will have when teaching.

I hope this gives you some ideas!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Should women stay at home or go to work? - research topic [5]

Greetings!

Yes, I'd be happy to give you some ideas. This is a topic on which much has been written over the last 30 years, and the debate continues today. Both sides of the issue have valid points. Research has shown that the first three years of children's lives are very important for their future development. Some people interpret this to mean that the mother should stay home with her children, to have more involvement. On the other hand, some children do very well in a good daycare program, and the mother's happiness, if she prefers to pursue a career, has an effect on her family.

If you are doing a research paper on this subject, you should have no trouble finding many articles about it which have been published in scholarly journals. Try using search terms like "working mothers" or "stay-at-home moms" to see what you can find.

Good luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Student Talk / Is it necessary to learn English? [38]

Greetings!

If I understand your question correctly, you are wanting some ideas about why it is necessary to learn English. Here are some thoughts on that:

English is fast becoming a "universal language." It is used in business across the globe; it's used in entertainment, sports, and politics. People who live in non-English-speaking countries will have a definite career advantage if they become fluent in English, and will also have the opportunity to communicate with more people from other countries who also speak English. Learning English opens the door to a wider world.

I hope this helps give you some ideas for your essay!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / 'generous and kindness with everyone' - Describing a person I admire [4]

You're very welcome! Keep at it, you'll be great! :-))

Sarah

Writing Feedback / Vocabulary Composition [2]

Greetings!

Wow! I love it! Yes, definitely an interesting storyline. You had my attention from "He was perfect"; I was hooked after "It was so difficult to find someone so willing, so docile...so malleable."

It's darn near perfect as is, but I do have a couple of suggestions. I thought all your words in bold were fine except for "squeamish." It means excessively fastidious or easily nauseated. It holds an implication of being overly delicate. I don't think that's quite what you meant. Probably "revolted us" instead of "made us squeamish" would be better.

This is probably a typo:
"The idea of having no control over our nation [delete "was"] shook us sick to our very cores."

I thought this line was fantastic: "It was an ambitious plan; it promised salvation to those in despair and despair to those who believed themselves promising." However, I think you weaken its impact by using "promising" in the following sentence. Consider changing it to "as brilliant as our plan seemed" or something similar.

I like that you repeat "spoiled" when describing Henry, but put a comma between them: "spoiled, spoiled Henry the VII."

Great job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / [political paper] To what extent should government be formed..... [2]

Greetings!

I think by "to what extent" the question means how much competition amoung political parties is a good thing. One way to look at it would be, "what's the alternative?" If there were not competition among political parties to have their own agendas enacted, then there would essentially be just one view, one opinion. Even if there were more than one party, it would basically be a one-party system. Most people who believe in democratic government believe that a certain amount of competition is healthy. Only when the competition reaches destructive levels does it become bad. A recent example is the "outing" of the CIA agent by someone who wanted to get revenge on her husband for political reasons. When it goes that far, competition--or strife--has gone too far. So, you could argue that competition is good, but does have its limits.

I hope this gives you some ideas to get started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Report on Current Affairs written after reading our English book [3]

Greetings!

I'd be happy to help!

Report on Current Affairs and their Effect on the Human Experience [When used as a noun, it's "effect"; you use it correctly throughout the essay as a verb: "continue to affect the real world..."]

Barry Commoner, [delete "and"] Robert A. Weinberg, and Emily Martin.

his essay: "Unraveling the DNA Myth: [check this, but it's probably a colon:]

is now broken (Commoner 695).

So far, we have revealed two ways that scientists can legally endanger human health, but there is one new technology that may benefit human health--except it is illegal!

scientists, not "clowns."

Because scientists are mostly male ... because they are sexist [In formal writing, do not use "since" to mean "because"; "since" refers to time, e.g., "I have been confused about that since high school."]

the social implications make woman feel inferior

The Flavorists' work

Your report is very interesting (and a little frightening!). I would suggest not ending with a question, however. You might add a sentence like "The future holds the answer--and science holds the key."

Excellent work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Scholarship / "Why furthering your education is important to you" - scholarship [2]

Greetings!

You have written a very persuasive essay! I have just a few editing suggestions:

"But why should the recipient be the only one that receives a gift." - This is a rhetorical question which does not really fit here. I would take it out; you do a better job of making this point elsewhere in the essay. In fact, I would move this part into its place (with a slight rewording):

"If awarded this scholarship, I can not only fulfill my own aspirations, but this scholarship will literally be the gift that keeps on giving." Then you can go on to talk about "My future aspirations..."

"Math is everywhere around us, we use Math ..." - A run-on sentence; instead of a comma, use a colon ("us: we use Math...") or just put a period and make it two sentences.

"the children of today have the potential to achieve the unthinkable. " - Generally, the term "unthinkable" refers to something which is so horrific it doesn't bear thinking about. How about saying "have the potential to achieve their dreams" or something to that effect?

Typo: "if math was not incorporated into our lives."

Add commas: "teach Mathematics, the most versatile subject, so that"

You ending will be stronger if you reword it like this: "In order to give this gift back to the community, I must first ask for a gift myself by asking you to award me this scholarship. With it, we can help our community improve and flourish."

Best of luck with your scholarship!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Who should be responsible for bringing children up? Fatherhood & motherhood [3]

Greetings!

I'm happy to assist you with editing your well-reasoned essay!

In my country, while men are often working outside the home, women are responsible for bringing the children up. However, in today's society women's role is changing, with the large number of women working outside the home. This essay will discuss who should be responsible for bringing their children up.

I definitely agree with this idea. Fathers should be responsible for bringing the children up the same as mothers. Both father and mother are the most important people in their youngsters' lives and they are the first and the best teachers for their children.

Bringing the children up is the most important task for both father and mother. They should do this important duty together. Besides, in the extended family, the kin should participate in these hard tasks, too. Everybody in the family has their own important role which affects the children. I strongly believe that the more time you spend together and the more activities you do together--watching TV, cooking and playing games and so on--the more you will encourage the family's attachment and binding. Moreover, the strong family relationship could reduce many problems such as family problems, learning problems and social problems. From my experience, when I was young my father often worked outside the home and had only a little time to stay with me. Sometimes I felt sad and melancholy. I wanted much more time to be with him and talk with him. In fact, money cannot buy something like love and happiness in your family.

Both fathers and mothers have strengths and skills that are important for their children's psychological, emotional, and social growth. Fatherhood should be emphasised in child-rearing as much as motherhood.

I changed the ending a little so that it restated your thesis statement. I hope this is helpful for you!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Human rights law Essay help with title [8]

Greetings!

Yes, I think you have the right idea. In order to determine the extent to which the security council has performed its role, you will need to give specific examples of how it handled particular cases, and then draw a conclusion as to how well, overall, it has fulfilled its responsibility. The specific instances you give will be your "evidence" as to how well the UNSC has performed.

Let me know if I can help you further!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "Smoking Weed" essay [2]

Greetings!

I'd be happy to help you edit your very persuasive essay. :-)

Sometimes a slight change in the way words are used changes the implication. For instance, most native English speakers would interpret "they tried to smoke weed" to mean that they tried and failed; we would be more likely to say "they decided to try weed" if we meant they hadn't done it before and decided to see what it was like.

"We have a lot of celebrating for women in the world. It's enough. Let's breakup." - This doesn't really make sense, except for "Let's break up" ("break up" is two words, not one, when used this way).

"She accepted my advice."

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Evaluation on a lesson in the Alive-03 religious education book [2]

Greetings!

I'd be glad to give you my impressions, although it's a little difficult to know how well your analysis follows the lesson without having read the lesson.

You present the theme clearly, relate the content of the lesson, and state the methodology as being essentially the same thing as the theme. I would have thought "methodology" would refer more to methods of teaching than what the substance of the lesson was.

Here are some editing tips:
"Within the content of this lesson it includes the song 'Peter Remembers', the lesson reflects the choices we make regarding people." - A run-on sentence; also, instead of "within the content of the lesson it includes" just say "The lesson includes the song 'Peter Remembers'."

"This story shows Jesus' call to Peter; how goodness..."

Be sure to run your essay through spell-checker; you have some typos.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / Using semicolon (;) versus hyphen (-)? [3]

Greetings!

Semicolons are very confusing for most people! Here are some guidelines:

Use semicolons to join independent clauses that do not have coordinating conjunctions like and, or, but, nor, for, so, yet. These sentences may or may not contain words like "however," "moreover," "thus," and "therefore," as connectors. For example:

With a connector:
Students are often confused about how to use semicolons; however, they usually find it is not as difficult as they thought at first. (Notice you put a comma after the connector, "however.")

Without a connector:
Students are often confused about how to use semicolons; this means they tend to avoid using them at all.
As you can see by the above example, you could just as easily make it into two sentences by using a period instead of a semicolon. Usually, a period works just as well, if not better.

Semicolons can also be used to separate long or complicated items in a series which already includes commas:

The students were Carrie Wilson, music major; Peter Moss, IT wizard; Sheryl Flanders, Greek history; and Victor Charleson, graduate in psychology.

I have recommended you study punctuation because it will help you communicate with other students, faculty, and employers; allow you to write better essays, research papers, and articles; and ultimately, to make better grades.

Less often, you may see it used when using a comma would be confusing in joining two long or complex independent clauses containing a coordinating conjunction:

By the end of the semester, students will have learned how to use puntuation, to spell-check all their work, and to get their papers in on time; and, if they complete all the assignments, they will have earned a good grade.

The hyphen is used in some compound words and is also used to connect prefixes and suffixes to main words:
Forty-seven; pro-life; father-in-law
I suspect, however, that what you are really asking about is the em-dash. It can be made by typing two hyphens--like this--and in most word processor programs these days, it will automatically be converted into one longer dash. It is used to put a strong break--such as this one--in the middle of a sentence, to provide addtional explanation or emphasis.

If you have more questions about these, there are many online sites that explain punctuation marks. Please let me know if I can be of more help!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / You must select your subordinate to train a new employee. How? [3]

Greetings!

I'd be happy to help you with some editing! Since it's not too long, I'll show you what changes I would make:

If I have my own business and I have to choose my subordinates to train a new employees, I will choose them from many reasons and criteria. I will show you the important criteria for choosing someone for the essential task in training a new hire.

Criteria for selecting that person are endurance or patience, experience, skill in teaching, behaviors and empathy. Firstly, I will pick the people who can restrain or control their temper in high-pressure situations. Sometimes teaching someone is hard and needs some extra time and patience. Secondly, the people I choose should have experience in their field at least 1-2 years. In addition, they must have good behaviors to be a good example for new employees.

To be a precedent is one of the best methods in teaching people because of looking and imitating anyone is easiness. - I am not sure what you are saying here; perhaps that a person with experience makes a good teacher because the others can follow her/his example?

New employees may have problems, questions and doubts; the man I choose must answer these questions in an appropriate way and can explain more information clearly. Next, teaching skills are very important because it does not help if somebody has more experiences and knowledge but cannot pass the knowledge to other people. The last criterion that I would consider is empathy or the ability to imagine how another person is feeling and so understand his mood. Furthermore, although the subordinates may have all these criteria, they should be trained particularly for this responsibility.

All of the criteria shown in this essay will help me to be sure that I will select right person for this duty. However, the criteria may be different in another field. The suitable criteria will depend on the business and its needs.

I hope this is helpful to you!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Descriptive essay on my backyard [6]

Greetings!

I think you have a great start here! The easiest way I know to make an essay longer is to expand on something you've already said, rather than try to think up something completely new. For instance, the last sentence about your great-uncle and aunt came as a bit of a surprise because you had not mentioned them previously. This gives you a perfect opportunity to relate a little story about how those arguments come about. You could even throw in some dialogue between the two. The best place to put it would probably be in the paragraph about how everyone gathers to socialize and munch on the barbequed food.

Here are a few editing tips:

The backyard is not any ordinary backyard; [semicolon] it's a place to take it easy by the pool

like sitting down in a big cozy chair after a long, exhausting hike.

Our pool has a stunning view; under the baking hot sun, it twinkles like a crystal.

Every time for a family gathering, everyone wants to have it in our backyard. - You could say, "Every time it is time for a family gathering," or "Whenever it is time" or "Every time we have a family gathering" but "Every time for a..." is not correct.

socialize and [typo] munch

smell the barbeque's smoke

If my suggestion still doesn't make it long enough, you could expand on other things like what you can see in the "stunning view" or what else is in the back yard, like flowers, trees, your pet, etc.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / Works Cited help using MLA format? [3]

Greetings!

Those pesky electronic sources are always a bit tricky. For one thing, it depends on the type of database you are using. Subscription databases include the subscribing library in the citation. Databases available to the public provide only the publisher.

For example:

Medicine Today. Nat. Lib. of Medicine. Access date <nlm.nih.gov/medicinetoday>.

Yours, since it is a datebase provided by your school, which I assume means you need an ID and password to access it, would look like this:

Contemporary Authors Online.. Thomson Gale (2005). Your University Lib., Town. Access date <url>.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForm.com

Writing Feedback / Essay on children to grow up in the countryside versus big city [2]

Greetings!

I think your English is coming along nicely! Your essay has some well-thought-out points. Here are some editing suggestions:

From my point of view, I do not agree with this statement because living in the big cities is more advantageous than living in the countryside. I will show you the reasons why living in the big cities is better in the following paragraphs.

Children may have no chance for learning new technologies if they live in the countryside.

The fact that the countryside has fewer shops

Living in big cities makes it easy to connect to services such as hospitals, filling stations, cinemas, restaurants and department stores

If people living in the countryside want to connect to these services, they have to travel a long distance.

extracurricular activities

and many more.

Choose the appropriate place for your life styles. - Since the assignment is for you to take a position on the topic, you should end with a restatement of your thesis; something like: "While people should ultimately choose to live in the place which is most appropriate to their lifestyles, I believe the advantages of living in a big city make it the best choice for raising children."

I hope this is helpful to you!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / 'generous and kindness with everyone' - Describing a person I admire [4]

Greetings!

I'll be happy to help you. It's quite a challenge to write an essay in a language that you are still learning, and I think you do a good job of sharing how much you admire and respect this person. I will do some editing for you, to help you with your English:

I would like to tell you about a man I talk about with my friends.
He is generous and kind with everyone. He always likes to help someone, and doesn't expect anything in return. [The rest of that sentence didn't make sense, so I took it out.]

He is in charge of a private charity association in his home town which helps many families. It assists with habitat, education for poor children, and health.

He is my relative, and is living far away from my home town. Whenever I see him I like to sit with him and have a talk. He is the kind of person you admire, the way he talks, and the topics he discusses. He [convenience you -- not sure what you meant here], and never talks about nonsense topics.

Sometimes, if I have a problem, I like him to share with me and advise me what to do to solve that problem. He is always telling me to be honest with myself and respect others' opinions.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssyForum.com

Writing Feedback / Research Paper on Perfumery and Chemistry [3]

Greetings!

What an interesting and informative essay! It can be difficult to make such fact-dense prose flow well and I think you've done a good job. I do agree with you that some of the parts you have concerns about could perhaps be made a little smoother.

"Research has shown that many animal species secrete through their mucus small, water-soluble proteins called Odorant Binding Proteins..." - What about saying "Research has shown that many animal species produce small, water-soluble proteins called Odorant Binding Proteins (OBPs, see Fig. 2). These proteins, which are secreted through the mucus, occur in ..."

"...occur in monomers or dimers and are theorized to have three possible intermediary roles between the binding of odorant molecules to olfactory receptors." - Would it be just as accurate to say "three possible intermediary roles binding odorant molecules to olfactory receptors"? Sometimes simpler is better.

In the paragraph with all the semicolons, I'd just use periods. Any time you're in doubt, leave semicolons out. ;-)

Some traditionalists in the perfume industry connote "synthetic" with "impure" and thus "inferior". Despite their zeitgeist rebuff of synthetics, the production of artificial fragrance compounds is the current focus of the fragrance industry." - I think "equate" would be more appropriate than "connote" here. I don't think "zeitgeist" is the proper word. It means "the spirit of the times" and what you are saying is that synthetics are the current thing, the "zeitgeist" if you will; therefore, the rebuff is more of an anti-zeitgeist.

I don't see a problem with your last line; I rather like it. :-)

Hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Essay topic -Colonization,Conquest, Commerce,Civilization,Christianity [4]

Greetings!

If you look back through European history, you see one wave of conquerors coming in, say, to Britain, and changing the language, followed by another, and another. This succession of conquests allowed the English language to evolve, so that gives you an opportunity to write about its emergence through history. You would essentially do the same thing with colonization. Certainly, the U.S. owes its English to both conquest and colonization. (We could've ended up speaking French or Spanish.) Commerce is perhaps most responsible for its worldwise expansion across the globe. Places that never saw Vikings or the British fleet nonetheless use English a lot these days to conduct business -- not exclusively, of course, but companies need to have that capability in order to thrive in a global marketplace.

I hope this gives you some ideas.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com