Writing Feedback / How can I play into the hands of my Maker - Sunday Morning [51]

I like what you are doing here, exploring ideas in dialogue. As with your meditation, this is writing as process rather than writing as product. I'm glad to see you "thinking on paper." Putting your thoughts into words forces one to clarify them. Putting them into words for a real reader forces your to be even more precise and clear. When your writer writes back, s/he challenges you even further.

Undergraduate / short answer on extracurricular activities (need to reduce the word count) [3]

To make this a real learning experience, compare Gautama and Notoman's versions -- which stay close to your own but omit unneeded sentences and words -- to your original. You can see that they have cut empty words, like "really," and sentences where you repeat yourself. With care, you can learn to edit yourself in the same way, learning to write more concisely and, therefore, more powerfully.

Undergraduate / Statement of Purpose to Edinburgh University (logical extention of my academics) [5]

Going through that article and understanding its principals took the major part of my day. At that moment, I realised I would really need to come back to University to expand on my knowledge and, more importantly, to finish what I started.

My less than stellar academic achievements in years two and three were partly due to falling ill on my second year. Nonetheless, I am more mature, focused, and goal-oriented than I was at the time.

Almost all of your sentences actually contain the elements of two or more sentences.

Grammar, Usage / Simple ways of improving my writing and structure. [8]

The Elements of Style or, really, just about any writer's handbook will walk you through the different sentence structures.

The most important thing in the use of metaphor or simile is for your images to be fresh and unique. So, when you are thinking of describing or comparing someone or something, let your mind drift and see what images appear before your mind's eye. Or, you can ask yourself questions. If you are describing a very quiet scene and would like to use a metaphor or simile, ask yourself, "what is the most quiet place I can imagine?"

Undergraduate / Statement of Purpose to Edinburgh University (logical extention of my academics) [5]

Yes, it makes sense. You tend to leave out punctuation marks, though, and that interferes with comprehension.

One Thursday, I came to work and found out that a PIG was stocked in the Gas Transportation Pipeline, and as a result I was given an article about computational Rheology, which was very useful in helping to understand the releasing procedure of clogged up underwater/ subsurface objects.

Going through that article and understanding its principals took the major part of my day;and at that moment I realised I would really need to come back to University to expand on my knowledge and, more importantly, to finish what I started.

In addition, this without a doubt would require an unwavering dedication; having said that I can assure you that I will live up to the challenge and hence would greatly appreciate that you consider me for admission to this course.

Furthermore, these and other sentences stretch the limits of what is permissible within a single sentence. Try breaking these and other long sentences into more concise sentences.

Essays / Essay on myself, how to write it? [35]

For what purpose do you have to write this essay? What do you want to say about yourself?

Prewriting -- what you do before you write -- is the most important phase of writing. Identify your purpose, message, and audience; think about what that means for the tone and content of what you will write. Then brainstorm the things you want to say. Once you have a complete list of the things you want to say, you can create an outline in which you put those things in a logical order. Only after doing all of that are you ready to write. But, because you have done all of that, the actual writing will be easy.

Writing Feedback / Essay on the Types of Germs - bacteria [22]

In your conclusion, you will want to summarize the kinds of germs you have discussed and perhaps restate the importance of protecting oneself.

Writing Feedback / Essay about: what would you change of your former high school? [12]

This is improved, but you will have to keep working on it if you want it to be good enough to be considered for admission. As it stands now, you still have words that distort the meanings of your sentences.

Henry David Thoreau said, "Simplify, simplify, simplify," and this is what you must do.

First, you must simplify your words, using only words that you are absolutely certain are correct in the way that you are using them.

For example: "consequently of their timidity" should be, simply, "because of their timidity."

Next, you must simplify your sentence structures, going straight to the point.

For example, your first sentence is unduly ornate, starting with a contrary statement and therefore making the reader work hard to figure out what you mean.

In the contrary of the words sports or social events, every time I hear phrases like exams, presentations, essays, textbooks, or dictations, I immediately visualize a school environment.

It's OK if readers have to work hard to understand complex thoughts, but not something as simple as you are expressing here. I think what you mean to say is:

When I imagine a school environment, I envision exams, presentations, essays, textbooks, and dictations rather than sports or social events.

Writing Feedback / A paragraph to persuade someone not to smoke [3]

This will fix an error and increase variety of structures:

F ive million people died last year from lung cancer due to the deadly smoking habit of somking,y et sales of cigarettes increased by ten percent this year as compared to last year.

I like your use of questions! But, be sure to place the question mark right next to the word it follows, as follows:

Is smoking not a waste of time and money?

Again, the overall quality of your writing is quite good.

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay : Nowadays majority of people are trying to live in the cities [6]

In my opinion, your overall writing level is good.

Writing Feedback / How can I play into the hands of my Maker - Sunday Morning [51]


These questions are so genuine, that I feel honor-bound to reply in kind. Many years ago, when I was just 17, I took a university course in philosophy in which I was introduced to existentialism. The more that I read of that philosophy, the more I realized that it reflected what I believed. In short: You are what you do. You create your meaning through your choices. Because your choices help to create the social and material world in which others live, you are ethically obligated to choose mindfully, assuming full responsibility for the impact of your actions (or inactions).

What I've found in the years since is that, no matter how often I reflect, no matter from what direction, I come back to that same position. It truly is what I believe.

There are theistic existentialists and atheistic existentialists. Me, I don't believe in a maker who stands (or floats) outside of the world, but I do accept something like the Gaia hypothesis, which holds that the biosphere is something like an organism that is greater than the sum of its parts; similarly, I know that ecosystems are greater than the sum of their parts. Those are my version of a higher power, I guess. They doesn't stand outside of me; I participate in them, trying to do so as mindfully as I can.

As to questions about awareness, perception, consciousness, etc., I do enjoy thinking about those things, especially as new findings emerge. There's an interesting new(ish) book called Philosophy in the Flesh: The Embodied Mind and Its Challenge to Western Thought by Lakoff and Johnson that you might enjoy.

Essays / Relationship between commerce and culture in Early Modern Europe [5]

Good! There are plenty of commonalities between those places at that time, although they took very different paths thereafter. What will be your thesis? Do you believe that commerce stimulated Renaissance in both cases? If so, how? Can we see the influence of commerce in the cultural productions of those times? And did culture then circle around and influence commerce? Why or why not?

Essays / Relationship between commerce and culture in Early Modern Europe [5]

That's a very interesting question. What sort of help are you seeking? Have you settled in on which areas you will focus? Either way, you can use a compare-contrast style of organization. Or, you could use both places as case examples of the same over-arching theme. But you can't do anything until you choose the places and then do some brainstorming (or research, depending on how much you already know) to answer the question for each and then see how the two relate to one another.

Writing Feedback / How can I play into the hands of my Maker - Sunday Morning [51]

Rajiv, not believing in a "maker," I hesitate to comment on the content of the religious reflections of those who do. So, I will confine my comments to style.

This reads to me more like a meditation than an essay. An essay has an introduction and conclusion, in between which some points are argued. It has to be well structured in order to be effective. In a meditation, the writer is more free to follow his or her thoughts, wherever they may lead, even if they lead in unexpected directions that are not consistent with previous paragraphs.

Sometimes, religious writers polish meditations to publish. At other times, the meditation serves as raw material for a more structured piece.

Book Reports / Macbeth Thesis - help with choosing the right quote [8]

You've gotten ahead of yourself, choosing a thesis before analyzing the passage. The thesis must flow from the analysis of the passage, not vice versa. Again, I say, Follow your teacher's instructions. Underline all of the important words in the passage. Do some brainstorming based on those words and phrases... what ideas or images do they evoke. Next, jot down the speaker, purpose, context, and tone of the passage. Finally, look at everything you've written down to find your thesis about the quote.

Book Reports / Hamlet Theme Paper - appearance vs reality [6]

Well, what do you want to say?

Writing Feedback / Essay on the Types of Germs - bacteria [22]

Do not cry! Just take it step by step, and your writing will improve.

I notice that not much time elapsed between when you got the feedback and when you reposted the essay. That was not enough time to review your English learning materials for the rules about articles and plurals and then go sentence by sentence carefully.

So, I am continuing to think that one problem is that you are in too much of a hurry!

What you need to do -- just on the problem of plurals -- is to go through each sentence, looking at each noun and asking whether you have properly used the singular or plural form. If the noun is the subject of a sentence, then you must also check to make sure that the verb matches the noun -- singular noun with singular verb, plural noun with plural verb.

After doing that, you can start to think about punctuation, again reviewing your learning materials before going through your essay sentence by sentence.

So, for example, if you did that and then considered this sentence:
It is, consist of single cell and its tiny usually cannot see it without using a microscope.
you would see that the verb does not match the noun -- "it" is singular, "consist" is plural -- and you also have an extra verb in there. Is "it" proper? Yes, if it refers to a single protozoan parasite. Hmm... just to be sure your reader does not misunderstand, why not say "protozoan parasite" instead of "it"?

So, then you would have:
A protozoan parasiteis consists of single cell and its tiny usually cannot see it without using a microscope.

It is not correct yet! I said you should review articles. Just as we needed an "a" before "protozoan parasite," we need an "a" before "single cell."

So, then you would have:
A protozoan parasite consists of a single cell and its tiny usually cannot see it without using a microscope.

It's still not correct! Now we have to turn to punctuation. You have written "its" when you mean "it is." It's fine to use the contraction, but you must remember the apostrophe or the word has a different meaning. Also, you have combined two sentences into one, leaving out the subject of the second sentence.

Fixing all of those things, you would have
A protozoan parasite consists of a single cell, and it' s tiny; you usually cannot see it without using a microscope.

As you can see, that took a lot of time. This is why I would like to see you take a lot of time going over your sentences carefully, looking first at noun and their articles, then at verbs, and finally at punctuation, before posting the essay as revised.

Writing Feedback / Essay on the Types of Germs - bacteria [22]

There is an error in almost every sentence. This is why I asked you to go back and proofread, so that I could tell which errors were due to lack of knowledge and which due to carelessness.

First paragraph:

The first type of germ is bacteria, which are defined as "organisms, microscopic in nature; they are unicellular and reproduce asexually." They also are an ancient form of life, and most of them have spores that are resistant to dryness. Bacteria consist of s ingle celled organisms that what bacteria consist of . However, theS cientists found a lot of facts after discovering the bacteria. First, different kinds of bacteria can live in high temperatures , icy places and trashes . Second, from 500 to 1000 kinds of bacteria live in human bodies; some make disease and others give the benefits. Third, there are countries that use bacteria in making cheese, yoghurt and sour dough bread. Fourth, 50% of bacteria produce oxygen. Finally, bacteria can help in cleaning up oil spills.

Refresh your memory on articles and plurals. Then go back through your other paragraphs and see what errors you can find.

Writing Feedback / Essay about: what would you change of your former high school? [12]

Oh -- I meant to say that. You were right about "Colombia." The user who corrected you was perhaps thinking about the U.S. university or U.S. cities called Columbus.

And, you are right about writing in a manner that feels familiar to you until you feel more comfortable thinking in English.

Also, strong verbs just means active and precise verbs -- they don't have to be elaborate or obscure. Some of the strongest verbs are the most simple. "Ran" is stronger than "went quickly." "Shouted" is stronger than "said loudly."

Undergraduate / "To Understand and Be Understood" - Why do you want to pursue a career in the medical field? [14]

Sean makes a thought-provoking suggestion. So often, people write what are essentially empty conclusions, just because they feel they should. In so doing, they end up weakening rather than strengthening their work. What I like about this conclusion is that it does make explicit one point that was implicit in the story: The importance of health care providers being compassionate and empathic in addition to being competent. So, if you can find a way to say that more strongly, do so. If not, Sean's suggestion to cut the conclusion may be the way to go.

Book Reports / Macbeth Thesis - help with choosing the right quote [8]

Only you know how familiar the play is to you and which scenes make the most sense to you. Of the quotes, choose the one that you understand best.

Then -- and this is most important: Follow your teacher's instructions. Do exactly as s/he says in the order you were directed to do those things:

a. underline all important words (evidence)
b. brainstorm ideas/impressions derived from those words
c. locate speakers, purpose, occasion, and tone
d. write a short interpretation of the quote
The teacher has a method that s/he believes will work best for you to do this assignment. And it is a good method. Most importantly, if you fall short in any way and did not complete the assignment by the method directed, your teacher will be much less forgiving.

So, choose the quote. Underline all of the important words. Brainstorm on the basis of those words -- what images or ideas come to mind when you think of them? Identify the speakers, purpose, occasion, and tone. Then organize all of the data from those steps into an outline and then an essay.

Undergraduate / Personal Essay/Personal Statement, "connection between me and science" [10]

I think you mean "next" semester. But I would not claim that you are going to make the Dean's list right away. That sounds unrealistic, if you have been doing poorly up until now. Instead, state a reasonable goal and, most importantly, say what specific changes you have made or will make to achieve that goal.

Writing Feedback / Essay about: what would you change of your former high school? [12]

I agree with Sean about language. Sometimes, in reaching for a complex word, you distort your meaning.

For example, when you say "they disregard social and sport activities not cogitating that this type of pursuits are vital for life," you are not making sense, because cogitate means to think hard or meditate on something. If you had used the simpler "thinking" or "considering," then the sentence would have made sense.

This is a common error when using a thesaurus. The thesaurus lists several words, each of which has its own associations and precise meaning. What you must do when choosing a word from a thesaurus is look up that word in a dictionary to make sure that its precise meaning is consistent with what you want to say. Otherwise, in trying to sound especially well educated, you may sound the opposite.

Sometimes you use so many thesaurus words that your meaning is lost altogether, as when you say "sometimes they befall expunged consequently of not becoming notorious." I'm not even sure what you mean to say, so I cannot suggest an alternative.

Some of the words you are using -- such as "ludic" -- are so obscure that even most native English speakers do not know them.

Fancy words sound especially odd when they are used in sentences with grammatical errors. So, in addition to stretching your vocabulary, keep on working on basic grammar, such as verb tense.

For example:
At my School, a public institution with superior academic background, the emphasis on our testsis fairly ceaseless.
This is tricky, because there are so many words between the subject and the verb. But the subject is "emphasis," which is singular, so the verb must be singular.

Also, you write:
this type of pursuits are vital for life
"This" is singular, "type" is singular, "pursuits" is plural, and "are" is plural. So, to keep your tense consistent, you would need to say either:

these types of pursuits are vital for life
or:
this type of pursuit is vital for life

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing - "clean learning environment" [3]

This essay is weaker than the other that you posted. I have to work hard to understand what you are saying. I understand your overall thesis -- that a clean learning environment is helpful, but that other factors such as sense of self are more important -- but the structure of your sentences is such that individual sentences are sometimes confusing.

I'd like to see you go back through this essay and, for each individual sentence, ask yourself: What am I trying to say? Then, express the thought as simply as possible, perhaps using two sentences. I think that the problem sometimes is that you are saying two things in one sentence.

For example, you write:
In fact, good learn condition is not enough due to many factors effect.
Here, I think you are meaning to say two things:
In fact, good learning conditions are not enough. Many other factors also affect the educational experience.

Writing Feedback / Making life better [5]

In general, your English is good, although sometimes awkward, as is to be expected at this stage of your learning process. There is only one sentence that I do not understand at all: "Someboby is pull folow material so they work hard to buy things."

As I understand your essay, you are arguing that materialism makes people neglect important cultural values and practices. People focus on earning money to buy more and more things. While these things do make life easier in some ways, materialism itself impoverishes people and their communities culturally.

Editing your first sentence with that thesis in mind:
Nowadays, people demand of people more material goods with every passing day.

Editing your second paragraph with that thesis in mind:
In modern lifestyles,what the people think is that material goods are so important. However they forget to balance spiritual values. If everybody just works hard to earn money day by day and nobody cares about traditional values or customs,it is synonymous with their lives become nonsensical.

(I'm glad that you know what "is synonymous with" means, but that phrase was awkward in that sentence.)

I'll let others jump in with suggestions or corrections for subsequent paragraphs.

Undergraduate / "To Understand and Be Understood" - Why do you want to pursue a career in the medical field? [14]

Lisa -- Don't forget to return the favor by helping other forum users with their essays!

Notoman -- Your critiques are always so thorough and useful! Have you thought about becoming an EF contributor?

Speeches / Need pointers for a persuasive speech in getting a patron for life [6]

What an interesting premise for a speech!

First, I think, you will need to engage the audience's sympathy, perhaps by means of the story of a child similar to those you would like to help. Next, you will need to demonstrate, by means of some credibly sourced facts, that this is not an uncommon condition and that there are ways that a therapist can be useful. Only after doing those things should you put yourself forward as someone who is apt for that job, explaining why.

Writing Feedback / Essay on the Types of Germs - bacteria [22]

Keep your pronouns consistent with your nouns. For example, "bacteria" is plural. So, "Finally, they can help in cleaning up oil spills."

This is a run on sentence:
"The second type of germ is viruses this type cannot survive and grow."
You need some form of punctuation, either a period or a semi-colon, between "viruses" and "this." Since the two phrases are not part of the same thought, I would choose a period and then capitalize "This."

"According to the scientists, one to three people die each year due to fungi."

And, again, don't forget to cite your sources. Every time you quote, you must say where the quote comes from. The only exception to this is if all of your quotes and facts come from the same source. Then you can explicitly state that you will be sharing information gleaned from that source, and that citation will carry through the essay.

Undergraduate / "To Understand and Be Understood" - Why do you want to pursue a career in the medical field? [14]

Verb tense: Beautiful. Very skillful.

Not sure about spending so much time with Jane Marie... so many sentences devoted to someone who does not reappear in the narrative feels like a distracting detour to me. If you want to note that you paused to chat with her, find a way to do it in a single sentence. I'm assuming you've included her in order to set up what you say later about the attentiveness of doctors. That's great. Just do it in a sentence.

My concern about the last paragraph is that it is so weak following such strong writing. Why say that medicine is a highly-regarded field? Surely your readers know that. Are you saying that you want to be a doctor because the field is highly-regarded? I don't think so. So, find some stronger phrase to start that last paragraph: "Doctors [action verb] ..."

Similarly, your last sentence is a weak way to close such a strong essay, "I have learned to value that statement very much." Really? You value the statement? And you want the last thing your reader learns about you to be that you value a particular sentence? I think not. Keep the quote but go on to say something substantial, such as that this is something you'll always remember as you pursue your medical career.

Research Papers / Research paper on Mormons! [20]

That's what's nice about forums -- so much can be resolved by dialogue. Islam in prison has often been responsible for profound transformations of irresponsible young men into thoughtful adults. As I mentioned above, The Autobiography of Malcolm X details his transformation from a careless hoodlum, then known as Detroit Red, into an introspective and politically aware man. He continued that process after prison, eventually breaking from the Nation of Islam (also known as the Black Moslems) after his own sojourn to Mecca and around Africa led him to embrace a more multi-racial vision of social justice.

And so it can go either way. Regardless of the religion in question, conversion in prison can lead to genuine self-reflective change but can also lead to extremism. For example, there is an explicitly racist version of Christianity, known as the Christian Identity movement, that is popular among some white inmates.

I would question the assumption that everyone in prison is there because he or she has done wrong. As the Innocence Project has demonstrated via DNA, many people have been unjustly convicted of even the most extreme crimes (where one might think that especial care would be taken to convict the correct person, since failing to do so leaves the real criminal free to commit further mayhem). Given the demonstrated instability of eye-witness testimony, one has to assume that the rate of false convictions for minor crimes is at least as high. In cases of unjust conviction, religion serves not to turn a criminal's life around but, rather, to help the unjustly imprisoned survive and make sense of such a traumatic experience.

Essays / Comment on a Henry David Thoreau quote [8]

Yes, that is much stronger! In general, we tend to say "it" when we are being vague. Taking the time to specify what "it" is often leads to much more effective prose.

Graduate / Conflict resolution and peace study - Statement of Purpose for PhD in IR [4]

Given that you have such a strong background and are such a good match for the program to which you are applying, I assume that what you want from us are style editing tips.

I'm ambivalent about your first sentence. I understand why you wrote it as you did, but I feel that it weakens rather than paves the way for what follows. Perhaps that's because "am" is not an action verb. I'd encourage you to either come up with a more vivid first sentence or just start with "For the past 21 years..."

One statement I think needs clarification: "I began my study of peace by joining the profession of arms in the United States Military Academy." Few people set out to study peace by joining the army. Why not tell the reader by what reasoning you determined that path of action?

In so doing, you would begin to address my one overriding critique of this statement, which is that, while it describes your experience very thoroughly, it gives the reader no sense of you as a person who did and lived through all of these things. I'm not suggesting you bleed on the page, just that you allow the reader a glimpse of the unique, breathing, thinking person who made all of these choices and now wants to take the step of getting a PhD. Remember, admissions committees for graduate programs generally include the scholars who will be working with the students. They like to have a sense of the person behind the CV, if you know what I mean.

Writing Feedback / descriptive essay-The heart of the Matter. [6]


Your sentence and paragraph structures are generally sound, but you make minor word errors that, in accumulation, diminish the effectiveness of your prose. You sometimes omit words or commas, as follows:

She is currently attending Heald college, and because of all her hard work in school she will be graduating with her medical assistant degree this coming October.

Despite of her challenges in life, she continues to aim for the best.

It is a blessing to have her as my sister because then I can brag to everyone how lucky I am to have a sister like her.

One way to catch missing words and commas is to read your essay out loud to yourself. You will notice any extra or missing words more easily than by reading silently. Similarly, commas signal pauses, so you will know that you need to add a comma if you feel like pausing but there is no comma to tell you to do so. If a comma tells you to pause when it feels odd to pause, maybe that comma is unnecessary or misplaced.

Essays / Comment on a Henry David Thoreau quote [8]

I like this but am confused by the last sentence. What is the "it" that we can only see in hindsight? (In general, when using a pronoun such as "it," the noun or noun phrase for which the pronoun stands ought to be in a preceding sentence.)

Writing Feedback / Essay on the Types of Germs - bacteria [22]

Again, "an ancient from life" should be "an ancient form of life.

I see that, while your information is comprehensive and your organization is fine, you are struggling with verbs and plurals. So, in your study, focus on those areas. For this essay, here are a few correction you can make.

TheB acteria are the most common way of getting diseases.

When a person is exposed to an infected animal, he/she gets this type of disease . In addition, there are many ways to become infected

There are several ways people can keep themselves away from viral diseases.

The fungi kingdom includemany kinds such as the yeasts, molds, smuts and mushrooms.

The little child had his own dog, who was named Dopy.

The father went with his son to the doctor to diagnose his situation.

Also, I notice that you like to count when making your points. That's fine to do in moderation, but you should work on learning other ways of moving through lists of facts.

Research Papers / Research paper on Mormons! [20]

Well, if that was what Notoman was talking about, the fact is well known and there is no need for a citation. As documented in Malcolm X's best-selling autobiography and a host of books and movies, the Nation of Islam has very successfully and deliberately encouraged conversion to Islam among imprisoned African Americans for decades.

Undergraduate / If you were refrained one year from going to college, what would you do? [3]

I like your distinction between stubborn tenacity and determined tenacity!

But I worry that this narrative is not quite what the school would like to read. The focus on obtaining residency in order to lower your tuition is practical for you but will not make you look like an especially desirable student to the school. I'm guessing that what they would like to see is whether you would do something of substance in that year. While your answer does demonstrate tenacity -- all that it seems you would do is focus on getting into that school -- I'm suspecting that they would like to see some spark of individuality, some sign of a wide range of interests, some sense that you truly would improve yourself over that year.

So, think about it: What could you do other than continuing to try out for football and obtaining residency? After moving, could you involve yourself in the community, perhaps by volunteering? Could you take a community college course to improve your academic skills? Is there some particular subject that you could study on your own in order to be better prepared when you do enter college?

Research Papers / Research paper on Mormons! [20]


If the data support that conclusion, it is not biased to state it. Sometimes people feel like it is never acceptable to refer to race or ethnicity. But, actually, it is perfectly acceptable to reference race accurately. I believe that the Mormon church has specifically targeted prisoners in its conversion efforts. If it has had particular success among African American prisoners, it is perfectly acceptable to state that fact, provided you back up the assertion with a citation.

Research Papers / Research paper on Mormons! [20]

Notoman, your close reading and careful comments leave me very little to add!

I would say that I like the comparison with other religions insofar as they have all faced persecution. This makes the paper more than a rote recitation of the history of the religion, which is a relatively well known story. I'd like to see you keep that part, but omit your personal opinion and strengthen the transition from the history to the comparison. You might also want to make reference to the comparison to come in your introduction so that it will not feel so jarring to the reader when it arrives.

Writing Feedback / Essay on the Types of Germs - bacteria [22]

When quoting, be sure to cite the source of the quotation, either by naming the author in the sentence or by placing citation information in parentheses after the quote. Always, you will give the author's last name and the page number on which the quote appears. Some citation styles also require you to provide the year of publication. At the end of the essay, you provide more complete citation information, as required by the citation style that your instructor prefers.

So:
The first type of germ is bacteria, which are defined as "they are organisms, microscopes in nature; they are unicellular and reproduce asexually" (citation information).

Also, be very careful to reproduce the quotation accurately. I suspect that the quote uses the word "microscopic" rather than "microscopes."

Also, double-check your facts. 80% of all bacteria live in human bodies? That doesn't sound right to me.

In general, I'd like to see you take more care. Over and over I see errors such as "an ancient from life" when you mean "an ancient form of life" and "takes his sin to the doctor" when you mean "takes his son to the doctor." There are so many errors like this that I can't tell which are due to lack of knowledge -- in which case I want to help -- and which are due to sloppy proofreading, in which case all you need to do to correct the problem is to be more mindful. So, what I would like you to do is to proofread your piece very carefully and then post a cleaned-up version for us to critique.