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Posts by EF_Sean
Name: Writer
Joined: Dec 9, 2008
Last Post: Oct 30, 2009
Threads: 6
Posts: 3459  
From: Canada

Displayed posts: 3465 / page 55 of 87
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EF_Sean   
Apr 26, 2009
Book Reports / Oedipus The King - a directors statement about the play [5]

Um, last I checked, Oedipus was an ancient Greek play. I assume you are reading it in translation. If you find the translation you are reading confusing, find one that you are more comfortable with, one that you would think of as "contemporary" English. Even if you have been assigned a particular translation, you can switch between them to make sense of it. Good luck.
EF_Sean   
Apr 25, 2009
Writing Feedback / We can know something about a person by the way he dresses. [18]

Hmmm . . . Definitely getting better. You are misusing a key word, though:

"Dresses also reflect the society they belong to.

. . . Some people will not care about the clothes they wear or some may wear high end dresses beyond their means. However, majority of the rich people wear expensive dresses and poor people wear less expensive dresses ."

The word dresses doesn't work here. You need to use either "dress" and make the verbs singular, or "clothing." Dresses refers to a specific item of clothing that is generally limited to women, whereas you are talking about people of both genders (inasmuch as you are talking about people in general).
EF_Sean   
Apr 25, 2009
Writing Feedback / University students should be required to take history classes - essay [6]

Some points to consider:

When summarizing the case against learning history in your first body paragraph, you might want to include the notion that the study of history is the study of dates, names, and facts that can be easily looked up online should they ever be needed.

For example, how can we evaluate war if the nation is at peace, how can we understand genius, the influence of technology innovation, or the role that beliefs play in shaping family life, if we do not use what we know about experience in the past? The case is not rare, It is typical of dozens I have had concerned

This needs work. Why should a knowledge of history be helpful for any of this? One's own personal experiences and family history could serve for most of it. The first example is your strongest. Evaluating war is perhaps easier to do if you have studied the history of other military conflicts. Perhaps you could expand on this. Also, talk more about the importance of "active participation in civic life." You can turn this into a general case for a liberal arts education (including history) making for good citizens.

As a previous commenter pointed out, your second to last paragraph sort of gets off-topic. The idea of history acting as cultural literacy is interesting, but you need to elaborate on it and tie your other points back to the idea more clearly.
EF_Sean   
Apr 25, 2009
Undergraduate / People face a dilemma where do they get the best suggestion from? [10]

I'd revise your second-to-last essay to focus more on the importance of experience. Here, for instance:

"By taking suggestion from older friends, the one has an excellent opportunity to learn about solv[ing] the problems in a sophisticated way. He will find out how to refuse others' unreasonable demands [from others] without offending them, such as, refusing to help a friend cheated on a test, [or] keep one from lying to his parents. "

There is no reason why an older person would necessarily be more likely to advise honesty than a younger person. In fact, the opposite might well be the case, as younger people are more likely to believe in a simple unquestioned morality. However, your point about experience is really good, and you do a great job of expanding on that in the last paragraph. So, perhaps you could refine this paragraph to make a similar point, only with different examples.
EF_Sean   
Apr 25, 2009
Graduate / Statement of Purpose "An Award for Drawing" [25]

Rewrite your essay, making an effort to vary your sentence structures and lengths. At the moment, your sentences are pretty much the same in their overall construction and length, creating a monotonous style that lulls the reader to sleep. Also, add in some transitions. You jump from one idea to the next -- art, engineering, animation, back ache, volunteering with kids, becoming a designer. While the ideas are sort of related (for the most part) you never make any of the connections explicit, which makes your essay a bit difficult to follow.
EF_Sean   
Apr 25, 2009
Writing Feedback / Aboriginal Rights in the Twentieth Century-My term essay for History [7]

You need a more focused thesis. For most of the essay, you seem to be arguing that the aboriginals were a privileged group, something their current conditions compared to the rest of

Canada does not seem to bear out. Then, you mention one policy that did harm them, and conclude that the policies the government adopted both benefited and harmed them. This is confusing and shallow. Decide whether you think the policies mostly benefited or mostly harmed the Natives, and argue one or the other. If you argue the former, explain why, in spite of these benefits, Natives still seem so much worse off than other Canadians. If you argue the latter, explain how the wrongs they have suffered should be redressed.
EF_Sean   
Apr 25, 2009
Essays / my first professional Autobiography writing [5]

Well, an autobiography is your own history. So, start by deciding what about your life is interesting enough that other people would want to read about it. Then figure out what you could use that interesting material to say that would be worthwhile. If you post more details about what you need help with exactly, I can try to offer more specific suggestions.
EF_Sean   
Apr 25, 2009
Writing Feedback / English Comp. CLEP- literary decline [3]

Your grammar and style are solid as usual. The content is okay. I suspect for this sort of essay, written under time pressure, it is actually very good.

I would point out, though, that you do a much better job of demonstrating that there has been a decline in the interest in older literature than in defending the notion that this decline is lamentable. Your first paragraph almost reads as an argument against taking an interest in old literature, unless you believe that 'wifely obedience' is a moral virtue that should be resurrected. Your second paragraph seems out of place. It references the short attention span that you don't get around to talking about until your next paragraph. Plus, it argues more that literature itself has declined over time, rather than interest in it. If in fact old literature is better written than new literature, then that could be a good reason why people should still read the classics, I suppose. Your third paragraph shows that modern technology has had negative side effects, in as much as a limited attention-span is a bad thing in general. This does not mean that, even if today's kids had a good attention span, they should use it to engage in old literature.

So, well written enough for your purposes, but if you want advice for improving generally, I'd say to be careful when arguing a two-part thesis to make sure you cover both parts fully.
EF_Sean   
Apr 24, 2009
Research Papers / Six Characteristics of Life [8]

Try Google Books. You can find limited previews of texts on almost any subject there, and once you have read a bit about your topic, you may find it easier to come up with a thesis.
EF_Sean   
Apr 24, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay - Convenience food can not improve the way we live. [15]

You might have to leave some of the material out because of time limitations, but you should at least acknowledge that the topic is broader than canned foods and frozen dinners. The prompt specifically asks about the fact that food has become "easier to prepare," whereas the things you talk about are more ways of avoiding preparation rather than speeding it up.
EF_Sean   
Apr 24, 2009
Faq, Help / Question about EssayForum - How does this site work? [105]

Depends on the languages involved, I should think. A lot of people struggle with meter in poetry, even if they are native speakers of the language they are writing in. Rhythm in prose can be even more difficult, because in addition to the flow of sounds, you have the flow of grammar, which requires knowledge of how to manipulate clauses. Still, this just makes collaboration and revision even more important.
EF_Sean   
Apr 24, 2009
Writing Feedback / Locke and Rousseau [3]

"Democratic government works for us because we have some type of control over a government and that is one of the main reasons why I believe that Rousseau's ideas are better, moderate, and superior than Locke's." Um, no. That is, Locke was also a believer in democracy. It is his ideas, far more than Rousseau's, that underlie the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution. You can argue that Rousseau's philosophy is better than Locke's if you want, but you can't do so on the grounds only Rousseau was democratic. Also, at the moment, you don't even argue that. You give an overview of Locke's ideas, followed by another of Rousseau's. These are fairly well-written, but you have no particular thesis, nor do you evaluate the arguments to determine which set are better. You just sort of assert a preference for Rousseau at the end. So, write up your opinion in the intro as a thesis, then add some analysis to your summaries to make a case for that thesis, and you will end up with a much stronger essay.
EF_Sean   
Apr 24, 2009
Writing Feedback / Austen's satire of society; Pride and Prejudice essay - Check [3]

Um, didn't Jane Austen die in 1817? And didn't the Victorian period begin in 1837? And wouldn't that make "Jane Austen citizens her society during the Victorian age" a rather odd statement to make, even if we changed the word "citizens" to "criticizes" in order to make it something other than utter nonsense?

Beyond that, you jump about too much, trying to cover too much material. Focus more narrowly on either what Austen has to say about marriage, or about class structures, or about the need for social change. If you try to cover all of them, your essay will lack depth and fail to say anything meaningful about the novel.
EF_Sean   
Apr 24, 2009
Writing Feedback / English Comp. CLEP - practice essay "Impossible Goals" [9]

Overall this is a strong essay, especially for one written in 40minutes. You might want to talk a bit more about how and why we set goals for ourselves, and what it is about that process that might make the goals difficult, impossible, or unrealistic (I like your fine distinctions, btw) as compared to goals set by circumstance or by other people. At the moment, you focus more on the first half of the statement, the "difficult and impossible" part, while tending to neglect the "as those we set for ourselves," part.
EF_Sean   
Apr 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Essay for FSU (From Belgium to New Jersey) [6]

You're on the right track. I would point out, however, that you probably don't mean this: "The Vires and Artes values reflect my life as I am intellectual and crafty ." The primary meaning of crafty today is "skillful in underhand or evil schemes." What you really mean is that you are skilled at crafts (which, by the way, is an old meaning of crafty that is no longer really current). So, I'd revise that sentence to match what you actually talk about in the body of your essay. Good luck.
EF_Sean   
Apr 24, 2009
Research Papers / HUMAN RESOURCE MANAGEMENT: ethics, hiring process; Research paper [57]

Research the topic. Start with the Internet, Google Books being a particularly good site to search for sources. Then try tracking down some hard copy sources from your local library that discuss your topic or relevant aspects thereof. Once you have a good idea of what the experts have to say about reward management and achieving business goals, you can decide which experts you agree with and which ones you disagree with. In so doing, you will pretty much automatically formulate at least a rudimentary thesis statement, which will point the way to a more detailed outline. Good luck.
EF_Sean   
Apr 24, 2009
Dissertations / Securing eCommerce transactions in Southern Africa [3]

Start with the research, of course. Search the Internet for articles on data protection mechanisms, computer security in South Africa, and so on. Also, check any and all libraries you have access to for sources on the same topics. Then, write up what you learn, anything that seems interesting or relevant to what you plan to do. Ideally, as you write, common themes and elements will begin to emerge from your research that will point you in a clear direction, allowing you to continue your essay.
EF_Sean   
Apr 24, 2009
Essays / Help on thesis statement Subject: Greek heroism [13]

I assume you have to pick characters from texts you've covered in your course, yes? That's what your initial post seems to indicate. If you aren't limited to ancient heroes, though, you could always pick a more contemporary mythical hero, and maybe replace one of your others with a medieval-era hero, say Arthur. That way, you could trace the development of the hero across time as well as cultures. But again, I'm guessing your course focuses on ancient heroes specifically, so if you let us know who you've been studying, that would make it easier for us to make relevant suggestions.
EF_Sean   
Apr 24, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay - Convenience food can not improve the way we live. [15]

You might want to add a bit more to your essay. Really, you have only touched on a small portion of your topic. Okay, some canned and frozen foods are not as good for us as fresh food. But what about food cooked in a microwave? Microwaving really speeds up cooking, and is in some cases healthier. For instance, bacon is much better for you if cooked in a microwave than if cooked in a frying pan. The microwave really needs to be considered in your essay, because it is such a time-saver -- you can cook something in a microwave in half the time it would take to preheat an oven. And what about non-stick frying pans, electric food processors, blenders, etc? Not to mention the convenience of fridges and freezers, even for non-frozen dinners.

Also, this sort of essay sort of calls out for a cost benefit analysis. So, if you cook up a three course dinner using conventional means, and a regular meal using modern tools and equipment, what are the trade-offs? How much time do you save in the latter case? What, if anything, do you sacrifice in the way of healthiness? How much difference in quality is there? How do you judge whether the trade-offs make one approach to cooking better overall than another?
EF_Sean   
Apr 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / What discovery in the last century has been most beneficial for your country? [4]

Okay, it's not so much that you have too much history as that you don't tie the idea of the Internet into the history soon enough. You need to expand on your introduction so that the connection between Romania's communist past and the importance of the Internet is obvious from the beginning.
EF_Sean   
Apr 23, 2009
Essays / Help on thesis statement Subject: Greek heroism [13]

When writing on a topic like this, where you aren't that familiar with the material, the best way to start is to do your research and start writing. Don't worry about the order of your ideas, or even if your ideas are right. Just get something down so that you have something to work with. That way, you won't feel the paralysis of staring at blank screen like an animal caught in the glare of someone's high beams. The important part of this approach is remembering afterward that it is okay to move stuff about, and even to delete entire paragraphs, if you decide they don't fit into the outline you develop.
EF_Sean   
Apr 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / " Rising divorce rate"- Cause and effect essay [9]

the effect of media => idealized love => disappointment => divorce.

That seems about right.

The effects part of your essay seems to be fairly solid. You might want to consider the effects on different types of family, though. At the moment, you discuss the effects as if every family consisted of husband, wife, and 2.23 kids. What about people who divorce after the first year, before ever having children? What about couples that break up because they cannot have children, for that matter? I imagine divorce is way easier if there are no kids. That eliminates custody battles, and means that both people are probably sill working, and so not financially reliant on each other, but that's just a guess. What does your research say? Also, what about cultural backgrounds. Devout Catholics would find a divorce much worse than a secular couple, because the Catholics would find little understanding from family and friends (assuming they too were Catholic). Again, try to think about the diversity of families, even when limiting yourself to families that involve marriage, when looking at the effects of divorce.
EF_Sean   
Apr 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / Religion is good for the people - does it touch on the line of poetry? [4]

There is always a certain amount of fun in engaging with a new language. What's your first one? English is one of the most difficult languages to learn, because it is a mixture of Germanic and Romance. That's why it has so many words (three times more than most others) and so many grammatical exceptions! On the bright side, if you already know a Romance or a Germanic language, then English becomes much easier to pick up. In any event, you have some interesting ideas, so try writing them up into a true essay, a piece of writing meant to convey a single coherent point.
EF_Sean   
Apr 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / [Essay]The Best and Worst aspects of being a Teenager. [3]

There was no drug scene thirty years ago!?! That is, there was no drug scene in the 1980s? And no alcoholics apart from the town drunk? Try typing "1980s drugs" into Google.

Beyond your odd view of history, your essay needs specifics. So, for your first body paragraph, you say you can now go to amusement parks by yourself or with your friends. Why is this a good thing? For that matter, why not try a more in depth look at the benefits and drawbacks of being more independent? Likewise, for your second paragraph, teenagers see alcohol and drugs at least once a day? How so, exactly? And, if this is a bad thing, as you state, what specifically is bad about it?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that your essay needs more depth. Being a teenager is, as you correctly point out, a transition period. A teenager is no longer a child. He has more independence, which means he can go out and have fun, but he also is expected to take on more responsibility. He is old enough to be interested in adult activities, such as sex and drinking, but not considered old enough to be allowed to engage in them. At the same time, a teenager's brain is essentially part mush, as it reconfigures itself to handle new roles. This is why teenagers have such notoriously poor judgment -- the part of their brain responsible for calculating risks isn't really working correctly, and so it requires a lot more risk to make something exciting for a teenager than it would for an adult, or even a child. There is so much you could talk about, and you talk about so little. Add more, and your essay will certainly improve.
EF_Sean   
Apr 23, 2009
Letters / letter of concern (human cells) - investigate the facts [2]

Well, libraries are great places to conduct research. If you don't have time to wait until the library opens, you will have to rely on the Internet. Google Books is a great source. Try typing in "stem cell research" into the search engine, and you will find a ton of material you can reference. Just click on the titles of any of the books that have a "limited preview." Good luck.
EF_Sean   
Apr 22, 2009
Writing Feedback / 'Some empires refused to learn from history' - English Comp. CLEP - practice essay [3]

I'd cut this "But this is a phenomenon that is far from occurring. The best that you and I can do is to have personal responsibility and learn from other's mistakes, thereby cutting off the vicious cycle. So, what have you learned from history lately?" Having a conclusion that meanders off to a new topic isn't necessarily a great idea for this sort of essay, which you are essentially writing to a formula. Apart from that, you really seem to have mastered this essay type. You have clearly written paragraphs that give specific examples that back up a well-explained thesis. Great job.
EF_Sean   
Apr 22, 2009
Writing Feedback / Religion is good for the people - does it touch on the line of poetry? [4]

Hooray! An interesting collection of semi-random thoughts! It is definitely prose and not poetry. It is also not really an essay, as it lacks a clear thesis and essay structure. You could probably turn it into the basis of a strong essay, though -- freewrites can be an excellent way to start thinking about topics for more formal writing. So, try picking the idea that matters most to you, and think of ways that you could support and develop that single idea into a coherent argument for your position. Good luck.
EF_Sean   
Apr 22, 2009
Essays / otto von bismarck and adolf hitler - essay on nationalism [3]

Start by doing some research on the two people in question. Make a point form list of their ideas on nationalism.

If you were just evaluating them from your own perspective, then you would simply ask yourself if you agree or disagree with those ideas. If you agreed, you would jot down the reasons why you agreed. If you disagreed, you would write down your reasons for thinking they were wrong. If you agreed with some ideas but not others, you might end up with two separate lists. These lists would be the beginning of your evaluation.

In this case, though, you have to go one step further. You need to read up on Christ's teachings, and decide whether someone who followed those teachings would agree with those or ideas or not, and then explain why or why not. So, same process as outlined above, only pretend, when creating your lists, that you are a devout Christian who sees the world through the lens of Bible's teachings. That's the approach part.

Good luck.
EF_Sean   
Apr 22, 2009
Writing Feedback / Growing housing bubble ignored by ecomomists [3]

An excellent first draft. Now, add in some citations. Who makes these claims? How valid are they? On what basis do you make this judgment? This will lend more credibility to your case, which is very well-constructed already.
EF_Sean   
Apr 22, 2009
Writing Feedback / English Comp. CLEP essay - "guns outnumber the population" [4]

Decent grammar and solid style. Content-wise your arguments could use a bit of strengthening:

"even if you're a cop, you have no legal right to take them from their owners, unless you can prove they have them illegally." Couldn't this same argument be made for ammunition? The police would have no legal right to confiscate ammunition, even under the proposed law, unless they could prove it had been purchased without a license.

"Those licensed to buy ammo would be free to carry small arms, so that when necessary, they can defend themselves, or assist police." Again, you could substitute guns for ammo in this sentence, and have an equally valid point.

"Perhaps if ammo had been harder for the two killers to get, they would not have killed 12 people and injured so many others. " And again, the same problem.

Essentially, this reads like a pro-gun control essay, only with "ammo" substituted for guns throughout. Whereas, the point of the essay is to argue that ammo control would be more effective than gun control.

So, you might point out that ammunition is something that gets used up, in a way that guns don't. Trying to limit access to guns in a country where so many exist is a Herculean task; even if it could be done, it would take decades. Ammunition control could start working after a year or so (or so you can claim -- I'm guessing there is already a lot of ammo floating about, too, and, for people who are sports shooters, it rarely gets used up, since most people, even criminals, don't actually fire their guns that often.)

I'm not sure what other arguments you could make -- this seems like a fairly foolish proposal to me, a way to attempt to get around the second amendment by those who are vehemently opposed to gun ownership -- but I'm sure if you did some research on ammunition types, sales' rates, etc, you could figure out a couple of additional points to include.
EF_Sean   
Apr 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Transfering from UTD to UT Austin - Statement of Purpose [11]

Looking good. What are you planning to study at UT Austin? It might be a good idea to tie in your choice of subject matter to the main narrative. So, if you are studying biology, you can talk about how your experience made you interested in medicine. If you are studying philosophy or literature, you can talk about how your experience inspired you to want to learn more about what exactly makes a life worth living. And so on. Some subjects would be more difficult to tie in than others, obviously, but with a bit of ingenuity, you can link back any of them with some effort.
EF_Sean   
Apr 22, 2009
Poetry / Poetry project, 8 different types of poetry [9]

You seem to have an excellent grasp of what poetry requires, so you have no reason to be anxious. Are you going to have to write any metrical poems (sonnets, ballads, the like?)
EF_Sean   
Apr 22, 2009
Essays / Basic Introductory Structures of Academic Essays [NEW]

Introductions generally consist of four main elements:

- A hook

- Background information, including definitions of your key terms

- A thesis statement

- A summary of the points you plan to make

Only the last two of these elements are strictly necessary, and it is entirely possible to have an introduction that consists of only a thesis statement followed by a list of points, especially in essays where there is a fairly strict maximum word count and a lot of information that needs including in the body.

A hook can be any statement that catches the reader's interest. A shocking image, a line of dialogue, or a challenging question can all act as hooks. In most academic essays, this is actually the least important part of the introduction, and is often omitted. After all, if someone sits down to read an essay entitled "Anti-heroes triumphant: Iago as the real protagonist of Othello," he probably already has some interest in the topic to begin with. In application essays and in creative pieces, though, hooks become much more important. The author has to catch the readers' interest right away, or their work may be put aside by the reader, who will move on to some other, more promising text.

Background information is important if the reader needs to know certain facts before the thesis makes sense. For example, if the essay is a three page piece on the thesis "God exists," the author will first have to explain what he means by "God," and whether he has a specific God in mind or is merely referring to a generic deity. Defining key terms is especially important in academic essays, because many disagreements that seem to be about important issues are really only disagreements about definitions. For example, proponents of gay marriage and opponents of gay marriage who support the idea of civil unions don't really disagree about anything except the meaning of the word "marriage." To the former, it refers to a legal union that carries with it certain financial benefits and symbolic social approval. To the latter, it refers to a sacrament bestowed by God. In such cases, defining your key terms can prevent a lot of confusion.

A thesis statement is the heart and soul of an essay. For some reason, constructing a good thesis statement gives a lot of students a lot of trouble, but in fact thesis statements aren't too difficult to come up with if you know what characteristics they have.

A thesis statement must be debatable.

This means that following sentences wouldn't work well as thesis statements:

Water freezes at zero degrees Celsius.
Ants live in colonies composed of many thousands of ants.
Oliver Twist is about the struggles of an orphan to survive in a cruel world.
Carbon dioxide is a greenhouse gas.
The above sentences are all perfectly true, but they make horrible thesis statements because no one would ever bother disagreeing with them. There is no point in arguing something that everyone already accepts.

A thesis statement must be specific.

Life can only exist in the presence of water.
Ants are fascinating creatures.
Oliver Twist is a condemnation of industrial society.
Global warming is a threat.The above sentences meet the criterion of being debatable, but they are too vague and general to be good thesis statements. They do, however, make good starting points for finding a thesis. It just requires some questioning. In what way are ants fascinating? To whom is global warming a threat? What sort of threat is it?

A thesis statement must be focused enough for the scope of your paper.

Refining the global warming statement given above a bit more yields:

Global warming is a man-made phenomenon that will lead to environmental disaster.
This is debatable, and relatively specific. It might make a very good thesis for, say, a 300 page dissertation. It is unlikely to be a good thesis for a 3 page essay, though, because the author won't have enough room to make a solid case. Proving that global warming is a man-made phenomenon in 3 pages would be hard. Proving that it will lead to disaster would be next to impossible in such a short space. Trying to do both at once is doomed to fail. Again, the existing sentence can provide a starting point for finding a more suitable thesis. What is one way in which global warming could cause trouble for humans, regardless of what is causing it? Any answer to this question will lead to a more specific topic suitable for a smaller essay.

A thesis statement often includes, or is immediately followed by, a list or summary of the points you plan to make in support of it.

A summary of your points usually follows your thesis. Each point should prove your thesis or some element of it. In some cases, your teacher may want you to make them part of thesis, including the list in the same sentence. Normally, though, this is not necessary, and may in fact be impossible if some or all of the points are too complex to be summarized in a single, short clause.

Where do I put my thesis statement?

The answer depends on your teacher or professor, who may have a specific formula he or she wants you to use for your introduction. If you have a choice, the beginning or the end of the introduction both make excellent locations. Putting it at the end allows you to start with a hook, introduce any background information you need, and then move from the general to the specific. If the thesis is about a particularly controversial issue, though, it may act as its own hook. In which case, if you don't have any background information that you need to introduce, you might want to leap right in and make your thesis statement the first sentence in your essay. This is also useful if you have particularly complex points supporting your thesis, since you can use the rest of the introduction to outline those points fully.
EF_Sean   
Apr 22, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay - PR: from-books knowledge and experiential knowledge [6]

You might want to deal a bit more in specifics. So, you could point out that reading is good for learning about things it would be difficult or impossible to experience. So, black holes, the surface of Mars, the inside of an active volcano, etc., are all things best learned about by reading, since it would be very difficult and dangerous to to experience them directly. Reading is also useful for preparing to try a new activity. Reading a book can't teach you as much about hiking as actually walking through the woods, but it can tell you that you need, say, a compass to avoid getting lost before you have to learn that the hard way.

Experience, however, is better at building good judgment, and for mastering practical skills. Pretty much anything that requires knowledge to be deeply internalized has to be learned through experience. You can't learn typing by reading about how to type. You can improve your chess game by studying books, but the only way to become a grandmaster is to play around 10000 games or so, preferably while you are relatively young (this will work for pretty much anyone, though. Grandmasters aren't smarter than regular people; they've just played more chess).

Note the specific examples I've included above (black holes, hiking, typing, chess). You want similar examples in your own essay. As for which you find more important, that is entirely up to you, though I tend to agree with Kevin. Writing is the one thing, possibly the only thing, that only humans do. Ants wage war, lions practice infanticide, cats play, chimps use tools, dolphins communicate using rudimentary language, but only humans record information in inert media.
EF_Sean   
Apr 22, 2009
Writing Feedback / Description Essay: The Rider [7]

"a sweltering cattle lot, an angry skunk, or the pungent odor of fresh road kill."

Your grammar is solid, apart from the one missing comma in the sentence above. Mostly you need to work on adding a bit of depth to the content, and you'll be good to go.
EF_Sean   
Apr 21, 2009
Writing Feedback / What is the right stuff essay [5]

Instead of "arrogance," you could just say that they needed a robust ego, and let the reader decide for themselves if the pilots lapsed into arrogance or not. That would solve one of the problems mentioned by a previous poster.
EF_Sean   
Apr 21, 2009
Writing Feedback / The Concept of Courage as Illustrated by Different Characters [3]

Good job overall. Some minor fixes:

According to Atticus Finch, an honest lawyer in Harper Lee's novel "To Kill a Mockingbird" teaches the children that courage can be portrayed as both physical bravery and strength, but that fighting for what is right regardless of whether you win or lose takes more strength in character, and is ultimately more courageous.

"And thus, she died clean, and unbeholden to anything. "

"a generally prejudiced town"

"forgive him for believing in a black man's word rather than a white wo man's."

"at his life trial because he is accused by Mayella of taking advantage of her."
EF_Sean   
Apr 21, 2009
Writing Feedback / Description Essay: The Rider [7]

You are on the right track. To be even more descriptive, try describing the scents you list in your first paragraph. You can smell lilies, daisies, and trees, but what is that like? How would you describe these smells to a person who had never experienced them? Your second paragraph is really good, but then again, you're dealing with sight, the easiest sense to describe. Your third paragraph is probably the weakest. Yes, the air has a feel to it, as do the bumps in the road. So, describe those feelings. What does the wind feel like as it rushes past you on the bike? How do you feel when you hit an unexpected bump? Etc.

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