Research Papers / English research paper on medicine [4]

Greetings!

I think that, in order to start the introduction, you will need to know which direction your paper will go in. For example, if your preliminary research indicates that the nutrition training for medical students is inadequate, your introductory paragraph will indicate that. Your thesis will take a position such as "Although there has been improvement in recent years, the emphasis medical universities give to the study of nutrition remains inadequate."

You will want to find articles in professional nutrition journals, such as the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition and Nutrition Journal. You might also want to search medical journals such as the Journal of the American Medical Association. Finally, you could also look at the curriculum for medical students at some major medical universities to see just how many courses in nutrition they require/offer.

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Essay on requiring employees to dress formally.. [4]

Greetings!

The best way to make sure you do well on timed writings is to have a pretty good idea what you are going to say before you start writing. It is helpful to make a rough outline, or at least a list of points you want to make, before you begin. That way, the words will flow much more easily when you start to write.

Here are some editing pointers for you on the essay you have written:

There are several reasons why I believe this.

There is not relevant regulation by a law whatsoever. Thus companies should respect a personal choice of what they wear in their workplace. - Actually, this is not exactly true; companies have a legal right to make company policy about this sort of thing, and require their workers to comply.

If they are forced to dress formally everyday, they may feel very uncomfortable in their clothes

They should feel free to wear the clothes that make them feel better at work. In other words, their work-efficiency will be boosted if they choose to wear the clothes that are the most suitable for them.

To sum up, the advantages in giving workers a choice of what to wear outweigh those requiring them to dress professionally.

what a parson is wearing has nothing to do with a company's profits. Therefore, the requirement of dressing formally in the workplace should be withdrawn.

Remember that most of the time, nouns require an article (a, an, the). Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay on multiple intelligences and learning styles [14]

Greetings!

Well, first off, I think it's coming along very well! I do think you should make a whole new paragraph for the characteristics of an effective learner. If it is a separate section in the instructions, I'd make it separate in the essay by starting a new paragraph.

I note that you used first person when writing about your responses to the surveys. Did you receive clarification from your instructor that it was all right to do so?

As far as the smoothness of the essay, I think you have done about as well as you can, considering the questions on which it is based. There is bound to be a bit of a jump from writing about the multiples intelligences to giving the results of the surveys.

One sentence that could use a little reworking: "I have always been a learner in which likes learning facts and details and apply established methods to solve problems and decipher new information." I'd rewrite it to say "I have always been a learner who enjoys learning facts and details, and applying established methods to solve problems and decipher new information."

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / MLA format: interview with an employer [2]

Greetings!

I'm not sure I understand the distinction you are making. You say you know how to cite interviews in MLA; how is this different from that? Let me give you an example of how to cite an interview, and you can tell me if your situation is different for some reason:

Ms. Employer had this to say about the matter: "Mr. Smith is always the first to arrive and the last to go home." (Employer, Rita. Personal interview. 12 March 2008.)

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Literary essay on Langston Hughes' "Dinner Guest: Me", I'm so stuck! :( [2]

Greetings!

The "Negro problem" can be viewed as the problems faced by African-Americans as they attempted to fully integrate and participate in American (white) society. I think your observations are right on target. I might to lean toward "solutions to the problem, of course, can wait" referring to the attitudes of whites, who perhaps assuage their guilt by inviting a guest such as the author to dinner, rather than coming up with a way to allow African-Americans to participate equally in society.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / "Six sigma" research paper - the thesis statement question [16]

Greetings!

Yes, I think you could structure it in pretty much the same way. A report is essentially just a way of providing information on a topic. You might not necessarily want to give the history of six sigma in a report; then again, it might be relevant. It really depends on the purpose of the report. Unless you have a tight word limit, additional information like that might garner you extra points.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Help with analytical paper for Children's Literature class [4]

Greetings!

You have written a very good essay! Here are some editing suggestions:

Marry Poppins - should be "Mary"; the first of the series was written in the 1930s. Did it "reflect the Victorian era"? Perhaps so, but you might want to be sure.

For example, the book and Tango Makes Three, published in 2005, tells the story about two male penguins that like to cuddle together in the zoo who decide they want to have a baby penguin like all the other penguin couples, so they adopt one.

Very good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Need help on a literary research paper - (Chopin's, "Story of an Hour") [6]

Greetings!

What strikes me upon reading the story is the word choices the author uses to convey the sense of freedom/repression in the story. It is not the physical aspect of her life that deprives her of freedom. In fact, it seems her life was a relatively "easy" one in that sense, one which contains "a comfortable, roomy armchair" for her to sink into. And yet, her emotional state is more like a prison. She is "pressed down by a physical exhaustion that haunted her body and seemed to reach into her soul." Her body is not in jail, but her soul, it seems, is.

By contrast, outside the house (and life) that imprisons her, the world is filled with signs of freedom: "trees that were all aquiver with the new spring life ... The delicious breath of rain..."

in the air. Even the peddler in the street below was freer than Mrs. Mallard. But she could hear freedom: "The notes of a distant song which some one was singing reached her faintly, and countless sparrows were twittering in the eaves." One gets the sense that she wishes she could join them.

Her lack of freedom shows in her "fair, calm face, whose lines bespoke repression." She is weighed down by her life, until she realizes that she now faces "a long procession of years to come that would belong to her absolutely."

She seems to have been well acquainted with the "powerful will bending hers in that blind persistence with which men and women believe they have a right to impose a private will upon a fellow-creature." It is that will which steals her freedom, and the loss of the embodiment of that will--her husband--which gives her back that freedom (if, indeed, she has ever really experienced freedom before).

All of these phrases convey the strong impression of the emotional prison which stifles her, and the tantalizing new life which she sees unfolding before her, at the death of her husband.

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Could you give me the idea of thesis statement about Othello? [4]

Greetings!

Okay, I think I get it now! In order for the jay birds to sit on the hill, you must first erect the hill. It makes me think of that famous line from the movie, "Field of Dreams": "If you build it, they will come." It refers to a type of cause and effect.

Thanks for the explanation!

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "Pattern's of Medieval Life" - about the presentation in class [2]

Greetings!

It sounds like you learned a lot from the presentation! Here are a few tips for you:

One does not "take" a presentation; one "gives" a presentation.

someone who can speak Native American. - someone who can speak Native American would be speaking Cherokee, or Navaho, or the language of another Indian tribe. I think you meant "a native English speaker" or you could say "someone who speaks American English."

Do not use an apostrophe + s to make something plural. For example, it is "Patterns" not "Pattern's" and "sources" instead of "source's."

Check carefully to make sure it says what you meant it to say. For instance, this sentence really does not make sense: "After Charlemagne's death, known as feudalism was originated in medieval society because of no one could lead to the empire like him." Your last sentence is also a little hard to decipher. "It could little step of my life." I think I know what you were trying to say; perhaps something like "It is a small step, but one which will help me in the future."

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Paper on sex and violence on TV commercials. Trouble with main points.. [2]

Greetings, abbie_rose14!

There are a number of approaches you could take in your essay on sex and violence in television adverstisments. You could argue that they have little effect on viewers; you could argue the opposite. You could say that the data is not clear and that regardless, the advertisers have a First Amendment right to sell their products in the way they see fit. It might be best if you tell me which direction you think your essay is going to go; then, I can help you better with a thesis statement.

You might want to include a history of sex and violence on T.V., showing that the incidences of both have increased greatly in recent years. You could draw a correlation between this and the incidence of sex and violence in "real life."

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Essay on Strategy and Information Technology Management [7]

Greetings!

You'll want to begin by deciding what your thesis statement should be, after reading the article. If you disagree with the author that IT doesn't matter, your thesis will reflect this: "Although M. Carr, in his article, "IT doesn't matter," makes some salient points, the weakness of his position can be clearly seen." (Yours will not be this simplistic, but I don't have enough information to be more specific.) Use your secondary sources to either support or poke holes in Carr's argument. At the conclusion, summarize the main points of the secondary sources and state the conclusion which can be drawn from them. Your conclusion will essentially mirror the thesis you began with.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Essay on Strategy and Information Technology Management [7]

Greetings!

Goodness, that's a mouthful! While it's not a topic I'm familiar with, I can give you general guidelines about writing the essay. Your opening paragraph will, of course, be the introduction, and will contain your thesis statement. In your thesis, you should probably adopt a position as to the relevance of resource-based perspectives--are they, or are they not, relevant? This paragraph will essentially set out what the essay is about and which arguments you are going to make. Then, the following paragraphs will discuss these points, providing the evidence which supports your thesis. The body should contain at least three paragraphs. Finally, your concluding paragraph will summarize the points you have made and reach a conclusion which roughly mirrors your thesis statement.

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Could you give me the idea of thesis statement about Othello? [4]

Greetings, BBgirl!

Unfortunately, I think the proverbs lost quite a bit in the translation; the second one is particularly difficult to understand. However, I think we can do some good with the first one. I might rewrite your thesis this way:

As a Mongolian proverb says, "if you will follow someone who is good-natured, you will be the light of the moon; if you will follow someone who is bad, you will be the poison of the snake." Othello followed and trusted Iago who is an evil man, and in so doing, he brought ruin on his own life.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Research paper: social inequality as a root of all social problems [3]

Greetings!

Because this is a narrowly defined topic, you might want to look at its parts separately, to begin with. For instance, in order to argue that social inequality is the root of all social problems, you might want first to define what "social inequality" means. What makes people socially unequal? What effect does this have on them? Then, you could go on to the next part and discuss what kinds of social problems arise from this inequality. Certainly, class, gender, and probably ethnicity could figure into this discussion.

Also, any time you are writing a research paper which requires citing sources, it's a good idea to do a bit of preliminary research first, before you begin writing, so that you do not set off on a course for which is difficult to find sources. Do some internet searches with terms like "social inequality" and "causes of social problems" in order to get an idea of which way you're heading.

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Need help on a literary research paper - (Chopin's, "Story of an Hour") [6]

Greetings!

Yes, that's no fun, not having library access! Regarding Hicks' analysis, it seems to me that the theme of female self-assertion is intricately tied to the theme of freedom, because women did not really have anything approaching "freedom" until the latter half of the 20th century (as you can see by the "Compare and Contrast" list at the end of the essay).

Since it seems you at least have internet access, you might have a look at this page, which seems to have a lot of links to useful material: falcon.jmu.edu/~ramseyil/chopin.htm

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'Hard to make' - the admission essay about good friendship [4]

Greetings!

You're very welcome! I don't think you should think of yourself as having a "problem." You are still learning, and it takes time to become fluent in a new language. Also, remember that some of the suggestions I make are not because what you wrote was strictly "wrong"; sometimes I make suggestions to make your writing clearer, or to sound more natural, as a native English speaker would say it. These are things that will become easier for you as time goes on.

Keep up the good work! :-)

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Feature article, Casino in Singapore - response to a government's decision [5]

Greetings!

Yes, I think that would be a good approach. I don't mean to say that a feature article never has a particular slant; it can. However, the last two sentences of your article expressed a stronger opinion than a feature article normally does. I think if you do it as you outlined above, it will have the right balance.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Need help on a literary research paper - (Chopin's, "Story of an Hour") [6]

Greetings!

If you do not have access to the library itself, do you at least have online access to your school's library? You should have a user ID and password which will get you into the library's databases of scholarly journals. Failing that, I did find an article by Jennifer Hicks, director of the Academic Support and Writing Assessment program at Massachusetts Bay Community College, who discusses the theme of female self-assertion in "The Story of an Hour." It was published in Short Stories for Students, Gale Research, 1997. This is a book, of course, rather than a scholarly journal, but you can find the critique here:

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Feature article, Casino in Singapore - response to a government's decision [5]

Greetings!

I think your article is very good! Here are some editing tips:

Mr. Eugene Wee (25), an executive with a high salary, approves of the government's decision. "

foreign businessmen may find Singapore more attractive, thus encouraging the economic growth of our nation."

opening a casino in Singapore is a wise move by the government.

tourists are attracted to us because of our infrastructure and facilities

Singapore tourism will thrive with this decision by the government."

"Hundreds of husbands have spent their family's last dime

I think you may have gone a little off-course with the conclusion. You end it like an editorial opinion, but if it is supposed to be a feature article, you want to adopt a more detached viewpoint. Instead of an ending that criticizes the casino, it would be better to summarize the pros and cons.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / 'Degree of happiness' with a job is more important than having a high salary [2]

Greetings!

You've written a good essay! Here are some editing suggestions:

the most contributing factor differs from one person to another.

others may decide to get a certain job

the longer he/she will remain in his/her job position.

Accordingly, satisfaction derived from work itself makes a person stay with the job longer.

planning to cut down workers' salaries.

money is not an important matter for him/her.

Finally, there would be much less chance of getting stressed

work efficiency remains constant regardless of changes like reduction of wages.

One last thought: all those "his/her" and "him/her" references are a bit distracting. There is usually a way to write a sentence without using those terms. For example: "a person is less stressed out when the job is more interesting."

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "Road to Perdition" movie review essay (grammar help) [3]

Greetings!

I'm happy to help! I've done some editing and made some suggestions:

It's always fun to go to the theater and check out the newest movies, or even head out to the local rental store for a new, interesting movie or an all time favorite. For me, it's different; I'm actually not your average movie fanatic. I actually dislike most movies. To me they all seem to have shallow plot lines, minimal character development, and a distasteful ending most of the time. So it is not usual at all for me to recommend a movie; in fact it's rather rare, but there are movies that I do enjoy and will recommend to another individual. Road to Perdition is one of those few. Tom Hanks, the starring role in this film, is one the actors I don't like at all, though I will admit he did do a good job in this film. Tom Hanks' face is kept half-shadowed by the brim of his fedora, and he is a silent and benign deity of knowledge and wisdom (New York Times.) I'm not one to criticize actors and acting. I honestly can't tell a good actor from a bad one, except if the script is horribly amiss. Some aspects of a movie that I do pay attention to are whether or not it's an action flick, certain themes in the movie, and the setting of the movie.

This movie is not well known for being an action flick. That makes it even more surprising for me to actually like it, and recommend it to someone. Taking place in the early 1930s, Road to Perdition is an early mob/mafia movie. It has got its fair share of bloodshed along with intense moments that seemingly pull you off the edge of your seat. Jude Law plays Maguire, a hired hit man sent to eliminate Michael Sullivan (Tom Hanks) and his son, Michael Jr. (Tyler Hoechlin.) At one point in the movie, Michael and Maguire are talking in a friendly with each other at a diner. Maguire pulls out a camera and loads the film in it. Michael begins to ask, "Is that uh, your profession? Or pleasure?" Maguire finishes loading the film in the camera, while explaining that he does it for both business and pleasure. He places the camera on the table facing directly towards Michael. Maguire then inquires, "Yourself?" to ask what Michael does for a living. Michael makes a hasty lie that he machines parts for a living. Michael proceeds to question Maguire further as to what his profession is. "I'm press..." Maguire says. "I'm somewhat of a rarity. I shoot the dead!" This is when Michael begins to sweat. He now knows he is face to face with a man set out to kill him. Maguire is a photographer that takes pictures of dead people, and now his camera is facing Michael. Michael then bluffs that the food doesn't agree with him and heads to the bathroom. Once inside he jumps out the window, slashes the tires on Maguire's car, then finally make a break for it driving off into the night. (The Road to Perdition) - I wondered if he just left his son there, then realized that the son wasn't in the scene. You might want to make this clearer, or just not mention the son at this point.

Within this movie there is plenty of death. Being a movie about a conflict between mob members, it is hit men killing hit men. Along with this constant killing the director plays with the mood to soften the intensity of having someone just die either on screen or off screen. That mood softener is water. "He creates a limbo of darkness, shadow, night, fearful faces half-seen, cold and snow," expertly states Roger Ebert. This movie does contain a feel of dark times and a constant foreboding of death. The second theme many fathers can relate to is the ties between father and son. "It's a natural law," Kenneth Turan, movie reviewer for the Los Angeles Times, highlights. "Sons are put on this earth to trouble their fathers." Whether it is a relationship between biological or surrogate, Michael Sr. was taken in by John Rooney (Paul Newman) a mobster kingpin and close associate to Al Capone. Rooney keeps Michael under his wing and teaches his ways and life style to Michael. This comes to an abrupt end when Michael Jr. hides and is found when Michael Sr. is on the job during a bloody murder. This then causes a rift between Rooney and Michael Sr. leaving a lack of trust. Michael and his son are forced to flee for their lives because of Michael Jr. having knowledge of what his dad does for a living.

Road to Perdition takes place during the early 1930s, a time in American history that I find fascinating. Now I know this is more of a personal thing to enjoy the scenes of the 1930s. This is something unique I believe, even to me. My interests are usually Medieval Europe or Feudal Japan, also mixed together with magic and fantasy. - This part does not belong here; it takes you off track.

The 1930s were a much simpler time. There was not all this technology to complicate things. There wasn't any internet, video games, or, dare I say it, television. People were happy with gas prices and accepted the wages they got from their work, except when Black Thursday hit with the stock market crash in 1929. In the few following years after that catastrophic event money was scarce. So Michael Sr. and Jr. made an even harsher impact to the mob when they took their exploits and robbed various banks in the country. - "they took their exploits"? Not sure who all the "they"s are in this phrase, or really what it means.

Even though I appreciate those times, you wouldn't catch me dead wearing the clothes they wore during that time; striped suits, fedoras, and those gaudy shoes, but hey added points to the Tommy Guns those were pretty awesome guns. - Your casual style is getting a little overdone here.

Even though Road to Perdition is the title it pretty much explains the final outcome of the movie, at least for those that know the definition of perdition. The story on getting there is a grasping drama that pulls you in, even if you're not a movie lover. This movie is an excellent adaptation towards the bonds of father and son and homage to a Shakespearian Tragedy. Road to Perdition won an Academy Award for Best Cinematography as well as 17 other awards and 47 nominations. So it goes without me saying, "This is a movie you must watch!" You wouldn't be disappointed if you went out to Blockbuster and rented this movie to watch on a boring Thursday night.

I would suggest that you avoid using semicolons; they can be tricky. They only divide two complete phrases, not fragments that can't stand on their own.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay on Novel Character - Esther from the novel "The Endless Steppe" [17]

Greetings!

You could add a sentence like "She overcame [list the things she overcame] to find her own inner strength and become a stronger, better person." You might want to put in your own adjectives (maybe something more specific than "better." I haven't read it, but since you have, you know her character better than I.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'Hard to make' - the admission essay about good friendship [4]

Greetings!

I'm happy to help! Here are some editing suggestions:

Evaluating myself, I believe that I'm a good friend; I'm always willing to help friends who are in trouble. As an international student, I really need friends so we can help each other in case we meet with difficulties. However, after a year in America, I changed my mind. I met two kinds of friends, and both of them taught me a lesson: to make friends with somebody is easy, but it's too hard to get close to them.

I remember the day I came to the U.S. to study; it was September 14, 2006. I didn't depart alone. I met many Vietnamese students on the same flight who also studied at Highline.

We lived in the dormitory, helped newcomers like me to adapt to the new life because they used to be exchange students, and had dinner together. - This is confusing; who used to be exchange students?

I thought I was lucky at the beginning of my studying. They became my magnetic needle and I depended a lot on them.

I thought that living with friends was not easy because everybody has his or her own personality.

At first, we were similar to a close- knit family.

In contrast, the more I tried to heal all sorrows, the more they opposed me. They usually spoke against me behind my back, irritated and played unfairly with me. I began to feel isolated in the house and to be very upset at that time.

When I moved out to live with a host family, the old friends seemed to be happy.

I want to send them a thank you message.

When I look back on my last year, I realize that I grew up after this experience." A true friend will support you even if the whole world opposes you" ( Friendship- Mohatta). In my opinion, I couldn't agree with this statement any more. Friendships need time to determine who is a good friend or a bad friend.- But isn't that what the quotation means? A bad friend would not be a "true" friend; so, a true friend will support you because he is a good friend; you are basically agreeing with the statement.

Doing something by myself makes me confident and gives me self control. That is also the reason why my parents allowed me to study abroad.

Although I felt hurt by this experience, I'm glad that now I'm a mature woman. I can do what I need and don't care much about other people's opinions.

Just do the things I think are right bravely. - This sentence structure is difficult to understand. Better would be "I just do bravely those things I think are right."

"We are all travelers in the wilderness of the world, and the best that we can find in our travels is an honest friend", Robert Louis Stevenson. Friends will be a part of our life, so we should be careful to choose them wisely!

I think you should eliminate the last sentence, as the last one above is stronger.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay on Novel Character - Esther from the novel "The Endless Steppe" [17]

Greetings!

It's coming along well. I just have a few editing suggestions for you:

Her skin is pale and her deep-set, light brown eyes seem too big for her narrow face. She is neither very tall nor short, just about perfect for an eleven-year-old girl. The way she talks is very gentle. She presents herself to people in a very normal, balanced way.

Childhood is one of the most precious times of life, in which one plays freely, eats enormously, and goes to school. This was all stolen from Esther, but she still tries to make herself happy with what she has. Overall, Esther is a very strong and brave girl.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay on multiple intelligences and learning styles [14]

Greetings!

Speaking for myself, I generally prefer to write the introduction first, so that I know the direction my paper is going; however, if you are very clear on that, and would rather wait, there's no rule against that. Do what works best for you.

As far as linking the two, it depends how they relate to one another. How do the surveys tie into Gardiner's theory of Multiple Intelligences? Think about that and see if you see an opening. Failing that, go ahead and write the next part, and I'll try to help you with a segue.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Opinion to defend, in conflict with the majority - admission essay [4]

Here are some editing suggestions:

I need to widen my view to build up my value system to be more critical and open.

Also, through the talk with many of my senior alumni doing research in the U.S., I learnt that they often found themselves falling behind foreign students

counselors here still carefully feed knowledge to the "babies in the cradles",

Out of instinct, they were simply used to the present methodsand were reluctant to examine them carefully.

life is not all about success, but the taste of various kinds of chocolate - If this is meant to be a sort of Forrest Gump reference, I might say instead "life is not all about success, but about tasting all the chocolates in the box."

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay on multiple intelligences and learning styles [14]

Greetings!

I think you're off to a great start! It's very well-written. To answer your question about using an introduction and conclusion, I think that since your instructor specified you should write it "in essay form" that you should probably include those elements.

Here's an editing suggestion:

Further, Gardner maintained that intelligence is comprised of multiple, separate intelligences,

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Integrated writing task: the growth of tourism [3]

Greetings!

I'd be happy to give you some editing tips:

The passage and the lecture share the same point about traveling. Humans throughout history have usually traveled for certain reasons such as: existence, natural resourses, hunting, trading, colonization, and cultural enrichment. Since the seventeenth century, people have taken trips for education, scientific research and exploration purposes.

However, the passage said that Ernest Hemingway, one of the travel heroes, exposed the possibilities for people to journey to faraway lands for adventure. The author of the lecture emphasized Hemingway was not only an adventurer but also had great influence on tourism, especially sports that require people know how to control and conquer nature, like fishing and hunting.

Moreover, the lectures described two new kinds of traveling. One is ethnic tourism, the other is environmental tourism. With ethnic tourism, people may improve their knowledge through trips to traditional villages, visiting people's homes, observing social customs, seeing native artisan crafts, or watching local ceremonies. We should preserve aboriginal cultures which are in danger of assimilation into the larger society. Nowadays, people love to spend their free time to observe, to learn more and more about new lands, others' culture (costumes, dance, song) in order to enjoy environmental tourism with interesting journeys in pure wilderness areas where few people have gone before.

Generally, people like to travel to open their minds. Don't take anything besides beautiful photographs and don't leave anything except your footprints along the way, is the message we need to keep in mind.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / Thesis statements about feminism in 'The Piano' movie [2]

Greetings!

It has been many years since I saw that movie, but I'll try to get you started. "In a time in which women were little more than the possessions of their fathers and husbands, one woman found her strength and asserted her independence with her fingers on a piano keyboard, pouring out the depths of her soul through music." That may be a little over the top, but perhaps it will give you some ideas. I wasn't really sure how the target advertisement was supposed to fit in.

I'll be happy to help you with some editing once you start your rough draft.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Qi-gong -research Paper Help for a health class [4]

Greetings!

You might want, at the end, to suggest ways people could fit Qi Gong into their daily life. You have made it sound like something that would be good for everyone, but, as you say, many people would probably have difficulty incorporating it into their routines. Perhaps you could suggest ways to do this: for students, during study breaks; for office workers, on the lunch hour; for anyone who relaxes at home at night, could it be done while watching T.V.? Maybe you can think of some better suggestions.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay on multiple intelligences and learning styles [14]

Greetings!

Essay writing can seem a little daunting at first, but you'll get the hang of it! It's a bit more daunting when your instructor gives you contradictory instructions! The instructions clearly refer to "you" as a person, so telling you not to write in first person is counter-intuitive. However, since you must do it, you might try something like this:

"The results gathered indicate a learning style of XYZ. The surveys employed, however, arrive at a conclusion which runs counter to the expected result. The validity of the surveys is thus called into question.

A self-evaluation by the researcher indicates the presence of effective learning skills, however room for improvement exists and information gleaned from the learning surveys will provide a basis for realizing optimum gains in learning this semester."

Whether or not to use headings usually depends on the type of essay. It appears to me that this type of project lends itself well to headings.

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Global Warming research and summarize, 7-9 pages [4]

Greetings!

If you are doing a "research essay" then you will need scholarly sources from peer-reviewed journals and books on the subject. When you are using the computer at school, you can log into your school library's online databases and find the information you need, using such databases as Academic Search Premiere, JSTOR, and others. It is the same information that appears in the print versions of those sources, so it's unlikely that your teacher meant you not to use them. You can find what you need, print the information and take it home with you.

We cannot do your research for you, but I can give you some ideas for the issues to look at. You might want to explore such topics as the history of climate change, the change in scientific opinion about global warming over the past three decades, what governments are doing to address the issue, how strong the evidence is for a need for immediate action, and what can be done to address the problem both now and in the future.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Letters / In search of a business mentor. Cover letter to prospective employers [2]

Greetings!

Your letter, as per all your work, is very well-written. I do have some suggestions, as it is designed for an American audience.

Americans can be, by European standards, rather puritanical. I would avoid using descriptors such as "cohabitation" and "common law wife." It is really no one's business whether your marriage has been solemnized, and, believe it or not, it could actually hurt your chances. Common law marriage has a slightly negative connotation here and there are, in fact, only a couple of states which recognize these unions as marriages.

The phrase "made redundant" is a British one; I would not know what it meant if I did not watch British shows on public television, and many Americans might not recognize the phrase. A better choice might be "laid off" or "downsized," or even "the position was phased out."

I really do necessitate landing a job to support our couple. - An American would say "support my family" even if your family is only you and your wife. However, the "necessity" of your landing a job will not be a plus.

As far as the degree of "aggressiveness" in the tone of your letter, it is all right as-is, but you could make it a bit more aggressive if you wanted. My biggest concern is the length and amount of detail. A stranger is unlikely to spend the requisite amount of time necessary to read all the way through it. I'd advise making it short, succinct, and to the point; otherwise, it's liable to end up in the trash, no matter how informative and well-written it is. The American mantra is "Time is money."

I'm a little unclear as to the purpose of the letter. Are you merely asking for advice, or for a job? If it is, as the title suggests, a "cover letter to prospective employers" I think you need to be more specific about why you are writing. The best approach would be to tell, in a paragraph or two, why that company needs you--how can you benefit them? The reader may find himself asking, "What's in it for me?"

It is not my intention to paint American business in a negative light; I'm just trying to present the facts realistically. A total stranger is unlikely to spend much time giving you free advice; a potential employer is unlikely to offer a job to someone who does not really know exactly what job he is looking for. America is a country of both great opportunity and cutthroat capitalism. C'est la vie. :-))

Best of luck in your endeavors!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Narrative Essay>.> Random moments [2]

Greetings!

I will try to lay it out for you so you can see where the paragraphs should go. However, do be aware that the rules are not carved in stone, especially as far as when one character speaks, then there is some action or explanation (such as "Following my random sentence, I preceded onto another."), then the same character continues speaking again. You could write it as all the same paragraph or make it into two. I would do it like this:

We hopped out of the car and walked into the room that was filled with the smell of fries and burgers. Inside, there was a small line up which we had to wait in. The wait was not that long and we ended up ordering our meals at a fairly fast pace. Right after we ordered the meals, and waited at the counter, I began to blurt out some random thoughts from my head.

"I have a feeling the burgers are going to be fresh," I said.

Following my random sentence, I preceded onto another. "I have a feeling Vicky is going to dump me," I said in an awkward tone.

Once we received our meals, we walked over to a table so we could sit down and eat. After taking a bite into his giant Whopper, Ahmad looked at me in confusion and wonder.

"The burgers are fresh, which means that Vicky dumping you will be true as well," he said as he laughed.

I continued to laugh with him, but I knew he had something else on his mind as well.

"How do you break up with someone?" he pondered.

I gave him an odd look, before replying to his question. "Well, it would be something like this..." After pausing for a brief moment, as I was distracted by an elderly man, who was standing by our table, waiting to make an order, I continued to explain.

"I don't think we should see each other anymore," my friend wondered. - This is confusing. Who is "we"? And the sentence does not sound like "wondering."

"Why not?" I questioned my friend.

The elderly man was staring at the both of us in an odd way while ignoring his order. Then he abruptly exited Burger King. Ahmad and I began to laugh at the misunderstanding that just occurred. After all that, we finished our meals then left the Burger King.

me, Ahmad and David - say "Ahmad, David and I"

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Thesis from a paragraph of "King Lear" [5]

Greetings!

Are you asking if that is the thesis of that paragraph, or the thesis of the entire essay? I might be more inclined to go with the sentence which begins "Only when he chose to call attention to the magical..." as the thesis, if only because it is a little more specific than the one you cited; the meaning is similar.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay on Novel Character - Esther from the novel "The Endless Steppe" [17]

Greetings!

You could start a new paragraph here: "Even in times when her parents broke down..."; also, here: "Esther's strength is her family."

Eather is a very skinny girl, she has long braided hair. Her skin colour is white. - You could say "Esther is a skinny girl with long, dark (blonde, red, whatever) hair she wears tightly braided, tied with old bits of yarn. Her skin is pale and her deep green eyes seem to big for her narrow face."

Just think about little details like that which you can add to make your writing more interesting.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / News report on March revolution [3]

Greetings!

If I understand the assignment correctly, you are to essentially turn the information in the article into a news story? I was a little confused by this sentence: "The government declared that the pollution will get what it wanted." Did you mean "population"? Remember that news reports are fact-based and often use interviews with people on the scene. You might want to start off with something like "In the wake of mass riots and strikes, the duma has appointed a provisional government to quell social unrest. 'It was chaos,' reported one worker, who declined to be identified. 'I thought I would not escape with my life.' Tsar Nicholas abdicated immediately following the appointment of the provisional government, and many who had protested government inaction were hopeful that things would improve. However, it now appears that those hopes will not be realized, as the government has failed to act. 'What's the point of having a new government if it won't do anything?' asked one woman, who said her family had not had bread in a week. 'If they won't do anything, the revolutionaries will!' she said.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Essay on saving land for endangerous animals [4]

Greetings!

Yes, the singular/plural conundrum is confusing in English. Most people these days say "they" when referring to one person, especially if they don't know the gender of the person they are referring to. For example, "If a student attends class, they make a better grade." This is incorrect in formal English. We really need a word that means "he or she"--maybe it's time to invent one! :-)

One thing I didn't notice before: it's "endangered animals," not "endangerous."

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Global Warming research and summarize, 7-9 pages [4]

Greetings!

I'm afraid that doing research for you is a little beyond the scope of this free site. Would it be correct to assume that when you say your teacher doesn't want you using the internet, that this means websites, and not your school library's online databases of scholarly journals and books? Because otherwise, you're going to be spending a lot of time pouring through books at the library, which seems a little silly when the same things are available online. There is a lot of reliable scholarly information available online. I hope you can use it!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com