Research Papers /
The Psychological, Physiological, and Neurological effects of Marijuana and Cocaine Use in Humans. [34]
Well, there's plenty you can cut. Most if not all of the first paragraph, for instance, can go. It rambles on without really saying anything either pertinent or interesting.
Pretty much all of the amplifiers and qualifiers that you've scattered haphazardly throughout your body paragraphs can also be removed without detriment to the essay. For instance:
"It has been shown that after
mere minutes smoking marijuana . . ." Not only is the amplifier here unnecessary, it's probably misplaced. I suspect you planned to put it before the "after."
"Some people report being detached and
to some extent cognizant of experiencing a dissolution in deed and perception known as depersonalization"
You could also eliminate many of the redundant phrases you seem so fond of:
"The user will also, often times experience a
shiftincrease in appetite
and a ravenous urge to eat or drink " The last phrase merely repeats, in a wordier way, the information contained in the key phrase "an increase in appetite," mentioned earlier.
"Performance is adversely affected as there may be difficulty concentrating, remembering, or coordinating and balancing one's movements; this is consistent with an overall decline in motor skills" Or "Smoking weed impairs motor skills." Not only is the latter version far more concise, it is more accurate, too. You can't say that "performance" is adversely affected without specifying, what, exactly, is being performed, and without showing that the motor skill impairment isn't balanced out by other factors, say more confidence and relaxation.
And, of course, the digressions that wander completely off-topic should be cut, too. For instance:
"People who use marijuana may not be aware of it," So? Most people aren't aware of the chemical process that go on inside their bodies when they put stuff into it, unless they are trained biologists.
"Marijuana has attained a good bit of notoriety in schools across the United States, partly because it is the most widely used illegal drug among teenagers, but also because its widespread use permeates into the classroom during school, and on the football field and other sports arenas after school. These areas have come to be emblematic of some of the most troublesome effects and shortcomings of marijuana use. Instructors and school officials may become suspicious of marijuana or drug use in the case of a student whose grades have declined considerably in conjunction with unusual behavior such as sleeping in class, displaying inattention, or missing homework assignments and being inconsistent." None of this has anything whatsoever to with the neurological effects of marijuana.
"If someone smokes cigarettes for a week and never again, we can conclude with reasonable certainty that it won't affect their long term health prognosis. However, if the same person smokes for 30 years, bravely assuming that they are not already suffering from, most likely they are at an increased risk for lung cancer, heart disease, and other ailments that only develop over long term use." This is a bit more relevant, since you go on to make a comparison, but you could just state the facts about marijuana directly, without losing your main points.
Finally, you get rid of the phrases that you have included merely because they use vocabulary that you think makes you look intelligent, but that really only make you seem pretentious. So, for example:
"While a psychologist might be interested in and have something to add to that discussion, in lieu of any forthright answer, in the immediate term, there is a scholarly consensus based in decades of research, that illegal psychoactive drugs such as marijuana and cocaine, exact a toll on your health." How about the more straightforward: "Medical researchers agree that smoking marijuana is bad for you."
"which might hasten the imminence of their death." This really isn't necessary at all. It's implicit in the concept of aging, so this could also fall under the category of redundant phrases, too.
"but
ostensibly could still persuade some to discontinue cannabis use" "Ostensibly" just isn't the right word to use here.