Writing Feedback / [IELTS Writing Task 2] - Some people propose that smoking should be banned completely [6]

Please check and score my essay. I'd be really thankful!

Some people propose that smoking should be banned completely. What's your opinion?
Give reasons to your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.


Here is my essay

people's attitude toward smoking

Recently, people's attitude toward smoking has significantly altered. The habit once considered elegant of high-end people is now regarded as a bad habit. I completely side with people who suggest that smoking should be strictly prohibited.

First of all, smoking is proved to have links with lung cancer and other cardiac diseases. WHO has released a report indicating that smokers have noticeable shorter life span than those who do not smoke, approximately up to ten years, as they are more likely to experience fatal illness. Moreover, people who smoke get more chances of giving birth to children with deficiencies. It should also be noticed that not only smoking affects people who smoke, passive smokers, those inhale secondhand smoke suffer as well. It is evident that the rate of non-smokers suffering from smoking-related diseases is even higher than that of smokers.

Secondly, strict prohibition of smoking can save up a large amount of money for the government and related authorities. Many people argue that tobacco industry is one of the key contributors to the national economy, as the taxes imposed on such industry is extremely high. However, the cost that the government has to pay to proceed medical research and to address problems arising from smoking is much greater than those collected.

In conclusion, I advocate the opinion opposing of smoking and convinced that the government should completely ban smoking due to the hazardous consequences it might bring to human's well-being, as well as the fact it would gradually hurt the national economy.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS Writing Task 2] - TV alienates family members [4]

Some people hold that it is the television that alienates the relationship of family members. To what extend to you agree or disagree?

Here is my essay:

TV screen can strengthen the bonds among family members

With the blooming of many inventions over past decades, TV has find its way to become an important part of our daily life as it is very convenient for recreational and news spreading purposes. However, some people are convinced that television has taken up too much time and it is the cause that distances the relationships within family. I am only partially in agreement with such statement for the following reasons.

First of all, I agree that nowadays, as TV is a very convenient and available ways to destress, many people are spending too much time screening it instead of talking to their family members. However, I believe that it is not the TV to blame, but the lack of communication within the family itself that creates such behavior. If family members are more actively engaged in communicating with each other, such as asking about their working day, talking more about mutual interests, the time individuals spend on just watching TV should be reduced significantly.

Secondly, the fact that television gives people more mutual grounds cannot be denied. As family is a group of people of different range of ages and interests, it is hard to find a mutual concern for everyone to talk about. However, TV provides people with handy daily news both domestically and internationally, music programs, or series of movies, and so on, which everyone can talk about while enjoying their family's meals. For instance, in my family, both young and elder generations enjoy watching Big Bang theory, MasterChef, and we discuss and share our opinions about the show. Watching TV together can be considered an adhesive device that connects family members as well as helps each one rewind after such hardworking day. What is more, through discussion over a TV show, family members may have more chances to get to understand each other better.

In conclusion, I am convinced that TV does not taint or alienate the relationships within a family, and if the time devoted to watching TV is proper, such small screen can strengthen the bonds among members.

Writing Feedback / [WRITING IELTS TASK 2] - Mass Media controls people's mind. What can be done? [7]

Whoever controls the media also controls opinions and attitudes of the people and there is little can be done to rectify this.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

MASS MEDIA CONTROLS PEOPLE'S MIND

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It is a common belief that anyone who controls mass media has the power to influence the belief and attitude of the mass and this fact can hardly be altered. I am entirely in agreement with the statement that people's mind and lifestyles can be influenced by the media; however, I am convinced that there are solutions to this matter.

On the one hand, mass media, which is controlled by a group of people and the government, is an ultimately effective tool to spread news, information and cultivate targeted beliefs, etc. in the mass. It is evident that the more exposure an individual has to something; the more likely they will unconsciously believe it. Mass media has made its appearance in every corner of today's life, such as on social network, television, newspapers, and so on, therefore it is unavoidable that people's belief and attitude is navigated and oriented in accordance with the will of those who control the media.

It is hard to be unaffected by the propaganda of the media; however, the situation can be rectified by means of carefully selecting and researching the information source. As the opinion and belief of an individual is determined by themselves, they can decide to believe in pieces of information broadcasted or published on the media after doing research about them. For instance, a constant advertisement that fast-food is good for health cannot defy the scientific evidence proving otherwise.

In conclusion, I am convinced that the media has tight grip and great influences on people's belief and behaviors as they gradually ingrain an intentioned message in their minds. However, it is the individual that decides whether his mind to be led by the media or not.

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