Posts by Neha

Neha_b123

Apr 30, 2018

Letters / Write a letter to a person in charge and ask for detailed information related the seminar abroad [3]

You would like to participate in a work-related seminar in another country.

Write a letter to the person in charge of the seminar and ask for detailed information regarding the dates, program, accommodation and cost.

My name is Nancy Roy and I would like to participate in the next upcoming "QA Methodologies" seminar, which is happening in the UK this year.

Since you are in charge of this event, I would like to know exact date, so I can book my flight in advance. Additionally, I have attended this seminar last year and I really like their practice session as well as one-on-one interaction with Guest speaker. Do you know who is the Guest speaker this year? Also, is the format of seminar same as last year or have they included any new events? Furthermore, can you please provide information about exact venue and closest accommodation I can find. I am looking for a hotel room with kitchenette., so I can cook myself. Lastly, what is the cost of attending full seminar for a week?

I am looking forward to meeting you and attending seminar.

Sincerely,
N

Neha_b123

May 2, 2018

Writing Feedback / Human activity has had a negative impact on our planet [2]

If you are writing for IELTS, please avoid sentences like "Although I am more favor ... his essay will discuss both views" as it is thesis statement but doesn't have any useful information. Also, please take care of spelling mistake - like Flavor should be Favor. ". Grammar should be "I am in favor of latter/later opinion" Hope it helps.

Neha_b123

May 2, 2018

Writing Feedback / The luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life prevent people from developing into truly strong [2]

@zandu, your essay has good vocabulary and examples, but Introduction is too long. If you can break it down to another paragraph , it makes essay more organized. Also some of the points in the introduction, are repeated in the paragraph. Try to use better sentence structure, and avoid repetition. Hope this helps.

Neha_b123

May 10, 2018

Writing Feedback / Computers are becoming an essential part of education. Discuss Advantages, Disadvantages & opinion. [4]

Hi reviewers, thank you in advance for reviewing my essay. I am preparing for IELTS GT exam and the following essay is for Writing task 2. I have 3 weeks to prepare, and if you can provide a review as per TA ( Task Achievement), CC ( Coherence and Cohesion ), Lexical Resources/ Vocabulary (LR) and Grammer (GR), that will help me to focus on the weakest area. If not, any suggestions/ comments are welcome.

Essay Topic - Computers are becoming an essential part of education. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.

As part of the school assignment, computers are becoming the requirement. In my opinion, it is beneficial to children as today the average person's work-life resolves around computers and exposing younger people to the computer early in school prepares them for the future. The most prominent advantage is children get access to the Global school, which help them in understanding and learning better. On other hands, sometimes they get distracted easily by social media and computer gaming.

Using the computer at schools, children can access Global libraries like the online video tutorial, FAQ forums, free e-books and they can grasp on fundamental concepts easily. Without the computer, students have to rely only on books and tutorials given in the classroom, and if they have any other doubts or if they don't understand material easily, they get only limited help. But Internet has truly opened up the whole world to them, and they get the infinite amount of information. For instance, for any single math or science problem, they can find many different ways to solve it. In addition to that, using forum they can interact with people having same issues and learn from each other.

To contrary, using the computer also brings distractions, for examples, computer gaming, and social media, which hinders their progress on studies. While using the computer, it is very easy to get off track as it offers many other functionalities. When using study with paper and pen, focus comes easily. One of the examples of this is, when using the computer for doing an assignment, children end up checking their emails, playing a bit of game and checking their social media, as these functionalities are readily available. If the same assignment is done using Paper- pen, it gets done correctly.

Although there are some disadvantages to using too much computer at school, they outweigh advantages as computer skills are helpful in selecting good career options and maintaining high profile jobs. Today, around 80% - 90% job requires more or less of computer work, therefore learning computer skills at school level is really beneficial.

To summarize, using the computer at school may cause the distraction to study, but in later like having good computer skills are undeniable to any career options.

Neha_b123

May 10, 2018

Writing Feedback / Explain some possible reasons and solutions for the issue of obesity - IELTS writing task 2 [3]

@David Please refer below comments.

In Introduction, try to use more complex sentence and the sentence like "There are several causes of this problem, but there are also solutions" is simple rephrasing question, and doesn't provide any new information. Instead of that you can write like "There are several causes of this problem, and one of them is people having a poor diet. If people can consume healthier meals and do regular exercise, then it solves health issue"

Also, try to elaborate solution for lack of exercise, like "if a workplace provides fitness center facility, or if Government creates awareness among people about physical fitness, then people gets more motivated to do workouts. In many cities, Government organizes fundraising events like Biking, Half Marathons, and it benefits to gathering fund, as well as people, get encouraged to do physical activities. "

Furthermore, if you can improve the structure of the essay, then it helps the reader. For example, you can do follow -> Para 1 - Intro, Para 2 - Problems, Para 3 - Solution, Para 4- Conclusion.

Overall the essay has the minimum to none grammar and spelling mistakes, and to the point.

If you can provide feedback on my essay, that would be great.

Neha_b123

May 10, 2018

Writing Feedback / People tend to live alone which may have both beneficial and detrimental effects [3]

@Toantranchauquoc please refer below comments.

First of all, essay topic is asking you for your opinion and you are stating advantages and disadvantages. You will lose your point on Task Achievement as you are not answering the question. You can recognize Opinion question by keywords "Do you think this is a positive or negative development?" In this case, you need to clearly state your opinion and provide supporting examples of your view. Please stay away from the partial opinion as it confuses the reader. ( at least in the case of IELTS Writing task 2)

Following feedback is assuming this is Advantage and Disadvantage essay. This example question for this will like below;
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In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Discuss advantages and disadvantages for people staying alone.

In Introduction, try to state what is advantage and disadvantage? Statement - "this trend could give rise to both disadvantages and advantages" doesn't provide any new information. Instead, you can write like "One of the advantages of living alone is, it assists with personal growth, and a person can become more mature and financially independent" Similarly, you should state disadvantage in the Introduction as well. This will provide a reader an idea of what you are going to talk in this essay and makes reading smooth. You can try introduction structure like Paraphrase Question, State advantage, State Disadvantage.

Similarly, sentences like "On the one hand, if there are more people chose to live individually, this trend can gain some benefits" and "On the other hand, there are several disadvantages for this tendency" do not supply any new information and boring. Try to state paragraph first sentence like "On the other hand, staying alone means you have to manage through even in the case of the emergency like sickness or theft and you are on your own." You can also utilize following structure for Paragraphs 2 and 3 State advantage, Explanation, and Examples.

Also, try to use more complex sentence structure by combing one or more sentences and using various vocabularies. Hope this help.

If you can provide feedback on my essay that will help.

Neha_b123

May 10, 2018

Writing Feedback / Computers are becoming an essential part of education. Discuss Advantages, Disadvantages & opinion. [4]

Merged:

Discuss computer usage in education | IELTS Writing Task 2

Usage of the computers is becoming more prevalent day by day in the traditional education. Many people believe that this is a good sign, while others think that it is approaching bad consequences. In my opinion, Information technology has transformed education and it has the positive impact. This essay will first discuss, how the computers have provided infinite information and set up an uplifting trend. Later, it will look into people's concern about why too much utilization of the computers has caused negligible personal interaction.

Firstly, the computers have supplied unlimited resources for learning and made education more flexible and easy. Students nowadays can gain knowledge not only from classroom assignments and libraries but also from readily available online resources, like free or paid e-books, abundant numbers of tutorials, and several forums with likewise people. In my opinion, this had made education readily available to everyone and provided facilities so that people can learn anything at their convenience. For instance, using the online courses and tutorials, people are gaining their graduate degrees and certification courses. As per one survey, 50% of people are educating themselves using online universities and websites like Udemy academy, Pheniox university and so on.

Secondly, apart from above advantages, computers' usage has influenced students' personal interaction with their mentors and classmates. As every assignments and course can be done online, there is no need to do the traditional presentation using the whiteboard and interact with peers. In my opinion, using Internet communication has developed abruptly. For example, people can communicate and provide the presentation to not only their classmates but globally can update and interact using Skype, Zoom, Slack and What's up. Although computer usage affected real personal conversation, it has provided the alternative and advanced way of interaction.

In conclusion, Information technology has revolutionized education and it is leading to the bright future.

Neha_b123

May 22, 2018

Writing Feedback / Computers are becoming an essential part of education. Discuss Advantages, Disadvantages & opinion. [4]

@Holt, thank you for providing detailed feedback. I do not have a tutor, but I follow an online blog and came up with above Essay structure. But I understand your suggestion as having three paragraphs makes more sense.

The score of 5 seems scary, as I have only two weeks to practice and I need at least 7, but I will put my best effort to improve, thanks again.

Neha_b123

May 22, 2018

Writing Feedback / IELTS GT Essay - The use of cellular phones has negatively impacted person to person communication [2]

Hi reviewers, thank you in advance for reviewing my essay. I am preparing for IELTS GT exam and the following essay is for Writing task 2. I have 3 weeks to prepare, and if you can provide a review as per TA ( Task Achievement), CC ( Coherence and Cohesion ), Lexical Resources/ Vocabulary (LR) and Grammer (GR), that will help me to focus on the weakest area. If not, any suggestions/ comments are welcome.

Subject - The use of cell phones has grown rapidly in the past few years. People use them for both business and personal reasons. What are the advantages and disadvantages of the widespread use of cell phones? Give your reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones

The use of cellular phones has grown exponentially in the recent years, and people utilize mobile phones for work and personal reasons. One of the biggest advantages of the mobile phone is communication has become easier and people are always reachable by their phones. Although too much of usage of the phone has affected in-person communication and traditional conversation.

Mobile phones have changed communication drastically, now people are always connected, therefore they can interact with another person at any time and anywhere. In the era of landlines, people have to be at one location to interact with a person who is not physically available at same location. But using the cellular phone, you can go around the globe and as long as if you get the network, you can talk to your distant families, friends, and colleagues at any time. For instance, working remotely or working offshore has become more common in the IT field. This allows people to stay focus at home and take care of household chores as well as getting touch with work colleague whenever they are needed.

In person communication and traditional conversation have been affected due to mobile usage. With aid of technology, using the mobile phone you can communicate as well as do many things like reading newspaper, listen to the audiobook, chat on the internet, browse social media, shop online and so on. Since mobile phone offers so many features, people are always occupied with their phones. For illustration, if you go to any party or big family get together, half of the visitors are checking their phones and they have forgotten the traditional in-person conversation.

In conclusion, the mobile phone has taken communication to the next level but it has negatively impacted person to person communication.

Neha_b123

May 22, 2018

Writing Feedback / Solution for traffic - providing free public transport 24 hours per day, and seven days a week [3]

Your sentence structures are confusing and overly complicated in my view. First body graph statement "It leaves no doubt that there are several reasons.." is overly complicated, you can write like "there are several reasons". Similarly statement "This is because when buses or trains...." can be rewritten as "Since buses or trains are more affordable and convenient, people will prefer public transportation rather than their own automobiles, and traffic congestion will reduce significantly".

Furthermore, for linking words, try to use varieties like "First of all, To begin, Furthermore, Additionally" instead of repeating the same one.

Lastly, the essay is asking "should the government provide free ..." Remember this is opinion essay, not a "problem and solution essay". The ideal response should be

Opinion - "Yes, the government should provide free public transportation 24X7, as traffic congestion is becoming huge issue day by day"
Supporting idea 1 - since it is free of charge, people will be more motivated to use it and they will not use their own automobiles. example - bus services in the national parks

Supporting idea 2 - it will be available for 24 hours and 7 days, therefore, frequency and interval of buses will be great and people will more rely on them. Eventually, they will solely depend on public transportation.

You can expands these supporting ideas into two paragraphs. Hopefully, this helps.