Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - LINE GRAPH - VEGETARIAN DIET IN UK FROM 1960 TO 2020 [4]

Uk adolescents following the vegetarian diet

I cannot upload the image of the graph directly so i will leave its link here: drive.google.com/file/d/1AUahgUJI4kbVyrtQJSZHmJipOdD6JlBZ/view?usp=sharing

I'm aiming for band 7.5 in writing. I hope you can help me evaluate my essay whether it is qualified enough for that band and which part i should practice more.

Thank you in advance!

The line graph illustrates how the percentage of teenagers who followed a vegetarian diet had changed over the period from 1960 to 2019 and predict its trend in 2020. The investigation was conducted in the UK.

Overall, vegetarian diet was more popular among adolescents in 2019 than in the first year of the shown period. Moreover, it is assumed that in 2020, this trend will continue to increase, however, slightly, from over 10% to nearly 15%.

Looking at the details, the period from 1960 to 1980 witnessed a dramatic increase in the prevalence of green diet with its peak at approximately 17%. However, after that peak, it decreased significantly to only 7% in the next 10 years before fluctuating until falling to 5% in 2000.

Consequently, in the first 10 years of the 21th century, the tendency of consuming a green meal among young adults seemed to rise noticeably, with its figure being 12%, which nearly doubled the record in the last 10 years. After that, the trend remained quite stable and is predicted to have a moderate rise in the last year of the period.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - MAPS (roads to the city hospital) [3]

changes observed in the period of three years

Please evaluate my writing and give it a band score if possible. I'm aiming for band 8.0. Thank you in advance!

The maps illustrate how the road leading to the city hospital changed after a 3-year period from 2007 to 2010.

Overall, it can be observed from the maps that after only 3 years, the city hospital became more approachable than it was in the past since more facilitators including a bus station, two roundabouts and separate car parks were placed there. The Ring Road circling the hospital was the only infrastructure that remained unchanged over the investigated period.

In 2007, citizens who commuted to the hospital by public means of transport could use six different bus stops standing along the Hospital Road which led straight to the hospital. Meanwhile, people travelling by private vehicles could make use of the car park on the East side of the Hospital Road.

After 3 years, two roundabouts were constructed to connect the City Road, the Hospital Road and the Ring Road. The old bus stops were relocated to the West side of the Hospital Road and can be accessed via both roundabouts. In addition, instead of parking at a same site with other citizens, hospital laborers had their own parking lot, which took place on the right side of the Ring Road and right next to the hospital, while others still took advantage of the old one.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: SOLUTIONS TO MAINTAIN BIODIVERSITY [2]

Please evaluate and give a band score to my essay. Thank you in advance.

The importance of biodiversity is being more widely recognised as increasing numbers of species come under threat.
What can be done to maintain biodiversity?

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As the disappearance of numerous species has become quite alarming, many people are being aware of the current imbalanced biodiversity. The causes are many: overgrazing, logging, intensive farming and even strip mining. This leads to a serious question: what people should do to maintain a functioning ecosystem as it used to be? This essay will discuss possible solution to this problem.

To begin with, one of the key factors that contributes to the biodiversity is the various of species themselves. By preserving their genetic diversity, people could study their attributes in order to design proper habitats and to protect them from predators or other impacts caused by climate change. In fact, many scientists and governments have implemented such projects namingly captive breeding and introducing endangered species to the wild. Many wildlife animals and plants have been saved from the edge of extinction thanks to this method. However, it requires modern technology, which could be a burden to under-developing and even developing countries.

Another practical approach to this problem is that governments should pay proper attention to protecting wildlife species. Governments should enact policies regulating the exploitation and manufacturing process of companies that are making use of natural resources. In addition, restraining rules on the use of non-renewable should also be enforced so that degradation of natural resources could be preventable. Take the mangrove swamp in some tropical climate regions as an example. If it had not been for the governments' effort in stopping indiscriminate logging, these species could have been seriously damaged, which could lead to a serial consequence relating to both land and forest quantity and quality.

To conclude, possible solutions suggested in this essay are preservation and protection and, above all, the latter seems to be more beneficial.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: provide almost all young adults with access to tertiary education [2]

It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Thanks to the rapid development of the economy, attending higher education in most countries seems to be quite popular. However, some people remain skeptical about the possibility and practical benefits of arranging adequate university institutions for the use of numerous students. In my perspective, I strongly disagree with that idea and will discuss all reasons in this essay.

To begin with, it is practical to provide almost all young adults with access to tertiary education. It is sensible that some people believe that the more educational institutes built, the more financial burden will be put on citizens. However, this problem could be tackled by properly and economically locating schools. For example, in Vietnam, instead of gathering all universities in some big cities, the Vietnamese government has encouraged several schools to implement their branches in some smaller cities. Thanks to this, the number of students attending these local educational places has increased noticeably. This also reduces financial burden on learners since they are able to cut expenditure on renting accommodation, food, and utilities.

Looking on the other side of the problem, the idea that the availability of universities is unhelpful is completely disagreed because of the fact that formal qualifications have a vital role in the future of young people. Therefore, if a student opts for pursuing tertiary education, he will be likelier to not only have opportunities to broaden his theoretical knowledge but also expand his social network and acquire practical skills by participating in extracurricular activities. This will be in his favour and differentiate him from other peers who choose to opt out higher education when both being considered by employers.

In conclusion, perceiving that giving access to higher education for a large number of young adults is not entirely impossible or worthless for two major reasons which are the sensible of schools' locations and the significance of pursuing university to students, I strongly believe that people should pay attention to this matter more carefully.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: OPINION - SPORT as a controversial matter in school curriculum [4]

Sport at schools

Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinions.

Sport is considered as a controversial matter in school curriculum as well as the sport industry itself. When discussing over this aspect, many people believe that sport should only be allowed to serve as an optional subject in school while others support the idea that it is vital to school students. In this essay, I will consider both opinions.

On the one hand, sport is felt as a waste of time to students who have no special interest in it. Hence, when being required to attend physical lessons, they will be abysmally irritated and eventually lose their enthusiasm in other sports activities as well. In addition, the expenditure on sport facilities in schools uses up a large amount of schools' budget which is mostly contributed by students tuition fees. As a consequence, if sport is compulsory in every school, this charge will definitely be raised to meet this demand. However, not every family, especially the underprivileged, could afford a subject that is not considered as providing academic purpose.

On the other hand, the advocates of sport believe that the benefits brought by it outweigh those mentioned drawbacks. First and foremost, it can be seen that children who spend time on doing sport have a tendency of being both physically and mentally healthier than those who opt out thanks to the appropriate combination between muscles and neurons. To be more specific, they are not only in good shape but also seem to perform better in academic training with positive behavior such as excellent concentration. Furthermore, the majority of people argue that participating in physical activities, especially those require team-players, gives children lessons about cooperation and communication in addition to making fresh cycle of friends.

Overall, I feel that sport should serve as a compulsory subject in school since the positive effects it brings to the young surpass the negatives. This is as long as the children are provided with a wide range to choose from, to ensure their interest is high, and that the schools invest an acceptable spending on sport facilities.