engdetective
Oct 17, 2010
Undergraduate / "I became the promotional designer" - extracurricular eloboration Essay. [10]
Hello there,
I think generally the idea is a good one. Not only it emphasizes part of your character as a responsible and hard worker, but also gives the portrait of you as an artist.
Yet, there is some inconsistencies with your structure : Why do you ask yourself "why"? After that thing start to become a little bit confusing for the reader.
As for grammar, there are some mistakes :
In my junior year,iI won a design competition and became the promotional designer of the "_____" Short Movie Contest (a movie contest among high schools with itsa nationwide knownrenown jury).The initial bliss of the winning success turned quickly into the a bane of the responsibilities that started filling my To-Do lists and I soon became obliged was obligated to work with an inflexible deadline,a bossy organizator and the responsibility duty of designing all the posters,billboards,t-shirts,tickets and awards. AsAnd i started asking myself Why? The answer came fromwhen an acquaintance callingcalled me to ask about the designs that she had seen all over the city with my name on them. With fastly a fast spreading posters and billboards, the calls and praise continued and I was peeked with the offers of small design jobs. Now after understanding the value of appreciation, with a wide grin instead of my initial frustrated look, I enjoy the occasional joy of spending my trivial paychecksAfter my initial frustrated look, I came to understand the value of appreciation and I enjoy the occasional joy of spending my trivial paychecks with a grin on my face .
Hope I have helped you, even though just a little bit :)
Hello there,
I think generally the idea is a good one. Not only it emphasizes part of your character as a responsible and hard worker, but also gives the portrait of you as an artist.
Yet, there is some inconsistencies with your structure : Why do you ask yourself "why"? After that thing start to become a little bit confusing for the reader.
As for grammar, there are some mistakes :
In my junior year,
Hope I have helped you, even though just a little bit :)