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Posts by doyin1
Joined: Oct 25, 2010		 Last Post: Jan 14, 2011
Threads: 8
Posts: 18  
From: Nigeria

Displayed posts: 26
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doyin1   
Oct 25, 2010
Undergraduate / "My father: my friend and advisor" - a person who had a significant influence on you [5]

Indicate a person who had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

There are many people who effected my life, such as teachers, friends, celebrities and so on. However, these people always inspired me for only short terms. A person who has really influenced the most in my life, is my father. His influence on me cannot be compared to that of any others.

Firstly, my father and I are just like best friends. All of my friends get surprised when they hear our conversation. They always say that they envy me because they haven't seen any other father and daughter this close. Since I trust my father so much and since we talk a lot, I noticed that I was taking over my father's behavior. My mother died when I was a very little girl and since then my father has being taking care of me.

...
doyin1   
Oct 25, 2010
Scholarship / "A stranger that changed my life" - first draft for my scholarship essay [6]

the story line is wonderful, its very touching. lovely essay

although this line needs a bit of correction ''I never see Roy again after that day, not until later that I found out he passed away from terminal illness.''

it should be ''i never saw Roy again after that day,not until a few days later i found out that he had passd away from a terminal illness''.
doyin1   
Oct 26, 2010
Writing Feedback / "It's more than a cup of coffee" - ENG grammar [5]

since I have first experienced the tasty of coffee.
it should be ''since i first hd my taste of coffee.''
i agree with the moderator
try to persoalise the essay.
doyin1   
Oct 26, 2010
Undergraduate / "care & compassion for people" -CommonApp: Significant experience/ Topic of my choice [7]

i think t the end u should put-
because like albert eintein once said ''Only a life lived for others is worth living" and i believe we as humans are supposed to help others with the skils and abiity that we are privileged to have.

your essay is brilliant
it fits into the ''Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you''.
best of luck!!!!
doyin1   
Oct 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "My father, being a minority - Influential Person" Essay [3]

wonderful essay
i think you should elaborate more on how your father influenced you.you have a very good story line but u need to have more suffisticated words.And alot of people will be writing about how thier parents inluenced them but if you want to stand out you need to be able to think differently from other people.

GOOD LUCK.
doyin1   
Oct 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "Soccer is my favorite sport" - extracurricular activity, common app [2]

pls help proofread my essay

the topic is: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).

I love to play soccer; it is one of my favorite sports. It refreshes me, when I play I feel free and happy. Soccer is a sport I can play all day without getting bored. Every time I step on the field it feels like home to me and I feel like can do whatever I want to do and be free. Being the sports prefect helps even more because I can relate to my job more and it's like breathing in freash air and forgetting about all my problems and concentrating on my responsibility. I feel as if I am not constricted to one place. On the pitch am a totally different person, I am a more friendly person and life is less unbearable and easier because the only thing on my mind right then is to have fun and live my life the way I want to.
doyin1   
Oct 28, 2010
Undergraduate / Blank Canvas - COMMON APP EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITY [11]

i feel like you need to focus more on describing the extracurricular activity.
the person reading wants to know about the activity.your imagination is wonderful but just focus that imagination on the extracurricular activity.
GOOD LUCK!!!!
doyin1   
Dec 15, 2010
Undergraduate / Intellectual engagement, Common Good, Connection to Place - Bowdoin [4]

pls i just need someone to give ideas on what to write and what exactlly i should write about.i was thinking of writing the 3rd one but any other ideas would be good.

Bowdoin students and alumni often cite world-class faculty and opportunities for intellectual engagement, the College's commitment to the Common Good, and the special quality of life on the coast of Maine as important aspects of the Bowdoin experience. Reflecting on your own interests and experiences, please comment on one of the following:

1. Intellectual engagement
2. The Common Good
3. Connection to place

thank you in advance
doyin1   
Dec 15, 2010
Undergraduate / Stereotyped beliefs or Foreshadow defeat - the amherst college supplement [4]

i want to write on either one of these essays but i have no ideas on what to write and how to write it,any ideas would be very helpful.

Stereotyped beliefs have the power to become self-fulfilling prophesies for behavior."
Elizabeth Aries, Professor of Psychology, Amherst College
From her book Men and Women in Interaction, Reconsidering the Differences

5."Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted."
Attributed to William Hastie, Amherst Class of 1925, first African-American to serve as a judge for the United States Court of Appeals
doyin1   
Dec 27, 2010
Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [414]

hey everyone am doyin
am from nigeria wow never knew thier were so many countries in the forum i think i will keep to this website till i gradute so it can help with all my college assignment and even when i get a job.
doyin1   
Dec 27, 2010
Faq, Help / Why is my topic / thread deleted? [78]

same happened to me sometime ago but i noticed that if you put a proper topic it will not be deleted like keng said its true.
doyin1   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "my history class my teacher said" - BOWDOIN ESSAY INTELLECTUAL ENGAGEMENT [2]

PLS THIS MY ESSAY PLS PROOF READ IT FOR ME

TOPIC: INTELLECTUAL ENGAGEMENT

Once in my history class my teacher said there is more than one way to answer a question in history. Then I got to my math class the next day my teacher said there are more than one way to solve an equation. All this got me thinking it the same with life there is always two ways to look at things the positive way and the negative way, two choices to pick from even when we think we have a million choices we have just two and that is to pick one of the choices or not pick any at all. Although it is hard to move through life without having to make choices everyday that will change our lives in a good or bad way. But the one thing I had to know was how to pick one of this choices and which one is the right one to pick. Then it hit me looking back on what I said all those years ago all the hopes and dreams I had I have come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is a measure of a successful life then some people would say that I am a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments learn to let go of the past and recognize that everyday will not be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair remember that there are always two choices in life one is to give up and the other is to remember those victory days and fight till you get to the top.
doyin1   
Dec 28, 2010
Student Talk / International students - where are you applying? [11]

hey my name is doyin am applying to schools in the us (swarthmore,williams,pomona,davidson.carleton etc) they all good schools although in totally different states
doyin1   
Dec 28, 2010
Student Talk / Do SAT scores really count? [63]

SAT are probably the most important thing most schools are lookin for although bowdoin doesnt require it they want only TOEFL which is great.
doyin1   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "an empty street with cars parked at the side" - looking out the window -williams [2]

pls help me proofread,edit,add,remove anything from my essay to make it better

Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

On a rainy day I sat by my window staring out and all I could see was an empty
street with cars parked at the side of the street, that is when I see a bird
trying to protect it family from the pouring rain outside. Then I begin dreaming
of what could be if I would end up happy and safe from all the wickedness of the
world I would pray. Trying hard to reach out but when I tried to speak out it
felt like no one could hear me. Wanted to belong here but something felt so
wrong so I prayed I could break away and go somewhere I could be happy. I will
do what it takes till I touch the sky and I will make a wish, take a chance,
make a change and breakaway out of the darkness and into the sun. But I will
never forget all the ones that I love; I will take the risk for them. Want to
feel the warm breeze sleep under a palm tree feel the rush of the ocean get
onboard a fast train, travel on a jet plane, far away I will one day I will and
I know it. Buildings with a hundred floors, swinging around revolving doors
maybe I do not know where they will take me but I have got to keep moving on. I
will spread my wings and I will learn how to fly though it will not be easy to
tell the people I love goodbye but I have to so I can find out what the world
holds for me. Although I know it will be tough and there will be disappointments
but I hope to get through it and make the best of my experience in life.
doyin1   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "Common good; poverty issue" - Bowdoin Supplement [4]

your essay does not say how the place relates to you try to relate it to you that what they want you to do with the essay.

goodluck with ur essay am applying to the same college
doyin1   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "working as a newspaper deliverer" - one of your extracurricular activities [5]

What they didn't found out > should be what they did find out....
Every delivery day I need to insert flyers into newspapers for 200 times > every delivery day i needed to insert flyers into newspapers 200 times
which allow me to immerse into the new environment > which allowed me to immerse myself into my new environment.

there lots of gramatical errors re-read your essay and correct urself.
i dont think this is an extracurricular activity isnt it like your part time job write on something you do after school thats part of school.

hope this helped goodluck!!!!!
doyin1   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Stereotyped beliefs or Foreshadow defeat - the amherst college supplement [4]

from all the advice you guys gave me i have written my essay pls review it and make any corrections any other suggestions will be help full

topic:Stereotyped beliefs have the power to become self-fulfilling prophesies for behavior."
Elizabeth Aries, Professor of Psychology, Amherst College
From her book Men and Women in Interaction, Reconsidering the Difference

In my opinion stereotyped beliefs have the power to become self-fulfilling prophesies for behavior. People sometimes think minorities of people with bad records are less trustworthy, so they turn down their applications for jobs, and then these dejected members of minority cultures sometimes turn to crime as a result. This is what I see that causes so much unemployment in the country because when these people come out of the darkness of despair and are ready to start life over again we are the ones that put them down. After they apply for job and they are turned down they start to look for how they are going to provide for their family. This puts more pressure on the person and life is made harder for them. This people are supposed to be helped in order to get their life together even the ones that are not bad but situation put them in the position they are in being rejected. And then we say we have been good to people but what of these kids who are living on the street who have done nothing wrong but because they live on the street they are not considered smart or capable to handle a job made for a college graduate. well maybe if all just think twice about this people and try to believe in them, that they can be better people and that's when we can all stop stereotyping people and being judgmental. Regardless of their race, records, tradition we should al try to give people a second chance because everyone deserve one.
doyin1   
Jan 7, 2011
Undergraduate / "the boarding house" - haverford supplement experience freedom essay [2]

pls i need someone to help me proofread my essay any suggestions will be great!!!!

Topic: Write about an experience in which you encountered a tension between personal freedom and community standards. Discuss the experience and the underlying issues, how you dealt with the tension, and whether or not there was a satisfactory resolution.

In my junior school I was never in the boarding house because I was too young to be all alone by myself, but I would always see the hostel students after school wearing hostel wear and I knew from that moment that I wanted to go to a school were the hostel student were not told what to wear and were not made to look like prisoners. Then I finally got to high school and we were allowed to wear our own clothes as long as they were decent enough.

When I got to my final year we were told that were gong to be wearing hostel wear for the rest of the year and I felt I had lost all the freedom I had like I was going to become like one of those hostel students from my junior school it felt sad. I was very strong minded and I decided that I was not going to buy the hostel wear. I told my dad and he said that the school had not informed him of any changes in the hostel wear he said he was not going to pay for it. It went on for weeks, of course none of the students at school liked the idea nobody wanted to be dictated to what to wear in hostel for the rest of their school year. The principal said that we all had to wear it and their was nothing we could do about it. Most parents did not like the idea and the rest felt that it was sensible so they could stop wasting money on so many clothes for their children each year. It just happens that majority of the parents who did not like the idea of hostel wear had no time to come down to the school and protest for us the student, even my parents were not in the country. Majority of the student body protested in the school silently saying they were not going to buy it but the principal said if we did not buy the hostel wear we were going to be suspended many student decided they did not want any bad records on their resume so they bought the hostel wear. After a few week some of us got used to the idea, most of the final year students decided that they could do it since it was their last year that we could all do it that it wasn't such a bad Idea for our last year in school. The rest of the student body could not do anything if we the final year students could not. Now everyone has gotten used to the idea although if we were given the chance we would not want to wear it but what can you do we are just taking everyday as it comes and going to school hoping they will change this rule and give us back our freedom as students.
doyin1   
Jan 13, 2011
Essays / About the importance of joy - dont know how to write my bard essay [6]

can someone help explain this promt

The Roman philosopher Seneca, writing in the first century, wrote a set of letters of advice to a young friend. In the 23rd letter he wrote, "Make this your business: learn how to feel joy...true joy, believe me, is a serious thing." Write a short response
doyin1   
Jan 14, 2011
Faq, Help / Why is my topic / thread deleted? [78]

hey everyone i agree with mindy
you are supposed to write your essay by yourself but someone has to help you to correct the essay pasting the essay on this website is the same thing as asking your english teacher to review it. i think the website is safe and very helpful
doyin1   
Jan 14, 2011
Student Talk / Do SAT scores really count? [63]

me too i didnt do so well in some terms in high school but i think SAT scores count although some schools say they dont need your SAT scores
doyin1   
Jan 14, 2011
Essays / About the importance of joy - dont know how to write my bard essay [6]

bard college supplement essay about the importance of joy

pls can someone help me proof read my essay for bard
any other suggestion would be really helpful.

prompt: The Roman philosopher Seneca, writing in the first century, wrote a set of letters of advice to a young friend. In the 23rd letter he wrote, "Make this your business: learn how to feel joy...true joy, believe me, is a serious thing." Write a short response to these thoughts, indicating if you wish, the extent to which you may have come to realize that Seneca was right.

A woman called oprah winfrey once said "joy is a sustained sense of well-being and internal peace -a connection to what matters". Some days I wake up and I remember something and it just brings a smile to my face without me even knowing it and then I feel contented with my life and just that day I feel like nothing can stop me. I have come to know that joy springs from within us no one makes you joyous; you choose to be joyfull. Even sometimes when I feel like I have failed in something, a memory from the past just brings a smile to my face it might be the memory of me and my friends having fun or me listening to my favorite song and in that moment I feel that sense of well-being and peace and realise what really matters to me. Joy is our destiny it is not a thing that we can buy with our wealth or worldly thngs it is very deep within us and sometimes we dont even realise we are the only ones who can make ourselves feel real and true joy and that no human is the source to our joy but we ourselves. As we strain to grasp the things we desire the things we think will make us feel better like money, popularity, and fame we ignore the simple things that truly matters like joy, love, friendship, family the things we propably already had but never knew. You might think your happy and joyfull because you have all the money and fame but real and true joy comes not from ease or riches or from the praise of men, but from doing something worthwhile that makes you feel like you have achieved something worthwhile and great that no man has achieved in a life time. I remember when my dad and I travelled and we would go out to a resturant and we would sit and eat and he would tell me jokes that made me laugh on till my ribs hurt and I could not breath. In that moment I realised that it wasnt only because he was telling me jokes it was the sense of being with him in that moment and seeing his face and that important feeling of togetherness I felt that really made me joyfull because when I look back to that moment I still smile up till today. And sometimes when I feel sad or like its just me against the world I rememer that memory and feel so joyfull like I would bust out of happiness. Sometimes I wish we could all take a look in the mirror and ask ourselves who do you see is it the person you want to be or is there someone else you were ment to be the person you should have been but fell short of. Is someone making you feel as if you can not or you wont because you can. Believe that their is something out there for you. Believe that dreams come true everyday because they do and you can and will feel joy. Sometimes joy does not come from money or fame or power sometimes joy comes from friends and family and mostly from the quiet nobility of leading a good life and knowing what really matters. So take a look in that mirrior and remind yourself that the only true measure of your success is the amount of joy you feel and joy is not found from satisfaying others but from doing what makes you feel joy because you deserve to be joyous every single day of your life. Joy is a necessity of life, a very important thing in life that we all need to feel and believe like it is part of our way of life.
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